


Thunder Clouds

by K_Lionheart



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, F/M, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Multi, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Plot Twists, Some Humor, Suggestive Themes, Suspense, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-22 02:43:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 94,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1573175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_Lionheart/pseuds/K_Lionheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humanity survived and the Titans have been wiped out. All that remains is to help repopulate. The Military has issued out a series of surveys to all factions of which each member must complete in order to ensure maximum compatibility. That is not to say the results will be agreeable, however. (Levimika, Eruhan--Multiple Ships) Rated M for some language and sexual themes.<br/>(COMPLETE)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. By Order

**Author's Note:**

> Due to Popular Demand, Thunder Clouds and Nimbus are being posted here on AO3. More projects will be posted soon. Kudos and Comments are highly appreciated.

**-: I :-  
By Order**

* * *

One century of recorded Titan dominion (and possibly more) and Humanity finally succeeded in wiping out the dreaded race. And yet…

This was not a time to celebrate. This was not a time to rejoice.

A strange thought, considering that humanity was finally freed from the terror and the cage of being under _their_ thumbs and cruelty. After a century, maybe more, of being treated like nothing more than cattle sent to the slaughter, Humanity finally survived and _won._

Yet no war is won without a cost. And it seems like the debt keeps rising…

Commander Erwin stared at the document in his hands with a heavy heart and a pain in the marrow of his bones. It was of no surprise to him. In a way, he had expected this to happen.

While Humanity managed to finally destroy the threat that oppressed them countless lives had been lost. Their numbers having gone up through the hundred years of peace now dwindled, now only fifteen percent of the population remained. This meant that repopulating was no longer a necessary option but an absolute mandate.

“Erwin…”

The Commander sighed before setting the document down on his desk, lifting a hand to rub at the bridge of his nose and letting his blue eyes shut.

“There is no choice, Hanji.” He replied and he heard the officer sigh.

“…Maybe this is a good thing,” She spoke, yet he could hear how the optimism in her voice broke just slightly. “Humanity can now trust the future generations will be capable of surviving…”

Erwin opened his eyes to look at the woman sitting across from him, something in his chest pinched at her false smile. A tense moment of silence passed between them as a cloud in the sky cast a shadow in his office briefly.

“We made it this far…” She muttered, glasses flashing as the sunlight intensified in the room.

“We did.” He agreed, but there was no joy in his voice. “But there are still sacrifices that need to be made to ensure Humanity’s success.”

Hanji nodded, and her eyes turned to look at him directly. Erwin wanted nothing more than to grab her hands, hold her to him, anything. Yet they both knew that could never happen, _should_ never happen. The document was clear in that, the mandate made it crystal and undeniable. All men and women of the military capable of procreating were to take part of this new law. How funny it was… that a simple detail like that would take her that much farther away from him.

“I’ll call Levi.” She said, her voice reverting back to its usual happy-go-lucky timbre. Standing, Hanji tore her gaze away from Erwin’s and with a small smile she turned and made her way to his door. “I will promise you one thing, Erwin.”

“What’s that?” The man replied, feeling whatever emotion he had in his chest die.

“Levi is not going to like this.”

And with that she shut the door behind her and left him to stare at the documents on his desk. _It was for the best._ He sighed again before grabbing them and rising from his chair to follow her.

“Wait, Hanji,” Erwin called. “I’ll go with you…”

It may be for the best… but until then, Erwin was going to at least stay at her side. If only for a while. Finding Levi had been a simple enough affair. Having lived and surviving on each other made it easy to anticipate such things, Erwin realized this throughout the years. It definitely made some things easier. Like anticipating Levi’s reaction to the order. When Hanji and Erwin found the captain, the exchanged a short glance of mental preparation. It took exactly five minutes to tell Levi the news and exactly five minutes and three seconds for them to deal with his displeasure.

If you could even call it that…

* * *

"No." 

"Captain—"

"No."

"For goodness’ sake. Hanji, just tell him to—"

"I said  _no._ " 

"It’s not that bad, Levi!" Hanji encouraged behind him. Levi could hear his teeth grinding as he stomped his way down the hallway. Wanting nothing more than to be alone.

"Come on, just hear us out,” Hanji sighed as they rounded the corner that led to Levi’s room. Levi felt a muscle in his jaw twitch before he grabbed the knob of his door.

“Fuck you,” Levi snapped before throwing the door shut behind him. He could hear Erwin’s grunt of pain when the door met his nose quite violently. 

"Dammit, Levi." He swore, and Hanji chuckled. Levi exhaled roughly before heading to the window of his quarters and sitting in front of it, nearly ripping the chair’s legs off when the short man swung it against a place by the wall.

It was not much, the view outside his window. But it had grown to become his place of calm and relaxation. And he needed it now more than ever.

A moment of silence followed and Levi let his shoulder slump, thinking he was finally alone. Yet his relief was short lived as the sliding of papers being pressed under the door met his ears. He turned a sharp glare at the documents Erwin slid under the wood, wishing they would burst into flames and probably burn the tips of his fingers.

"Would you please just consider it?" Erwin’s exasperated sigh reached Levi through the door. Levi made no move to respond.

"Everyone is mandated to participate, Levi." He continued, repeating the same argument he had started off with. An irritated twitch began under the Captain’s eye, Levi crossed his arms and focused on the scenery outside, breathing hard and slow.

"Look, take it seriously or not, but you have to complete this. Our humanity is at stake here, Levi. Please, it’s your duty to—"

That did it. Thoroughly having enough, Levi rose and marched to the door, ripping it open much to Erwin and Hanji’s flinching surprise.

"Erwin,” Levi said gravely. Carefully keeping his face level and calm yet the metal of the doorknob gave a stressed crack under the tight grip of his fist. “You so much as imply that it’s my duty to replenish humanity’s population again and I swear to you I will rip your fucking throat out."

Erwin frowned, eyes looking down with dismay. Hanji remained strangely quiet as Levi stared them down, livid.

After a tense breath, Erwin sighed, “Levi, we have worked together for many years. Surviving the Titans had been one thing, and yet since our victory we are faced with the repercussions.” He looked at Levi once more, eyes revealing a worn age and exhausted look that took Levi by surprise. “Humanity is nearly extinct. You are not just Humanity’s strongest, Captain. You are one of its last.” 

The atmosphere surrounding them thickened and Levi could not deny the feel the chilling realization of his truth. Unable to deal with his stare, Levi tore his away.

"I know it is difficult to bear such a burden, Levi. You are not the only one who has loved and lost someone dear to the Titans. To this war.” Erwin reached into the pocket of his jacket to pull out a silver chain. Hanji looked away. “But just because this is over, does not mean our work is finished. We still have a chance… so please, think it over before you completely refuse it."

A snarl curled its way up through Levi’s lips once before disappearing completely. It is then that Levi realizes the way Hanji was firmly planting her gaze anywhere but the chain in Erwin’s hand. And even though Erwin cradled his only memento of the woman he lost, Levi did not fail to notice how his blue eyes flickered over to Hanji’s still form. It took a moment for Levi to feel his own anger deflate, recognizing silently the turmoil of the people in front of him with something akin to shame.

This feeling brought back memories. Memories of the men and women lost to the brutality of Annie’s Titan form.

The memories burned sour and Levi is unable to stop the reminder of the insignia he had ripped from the corpse of his own beloved one and having to give it away to aide the broken heart of another. Has it really only been four years…? It feels like it’s been millennia. 

"Just leave me the hell alone, Erwin." Levi muttered, tiredly. Erwin gave a short sigh before nodding and Levi shut the door once more. Placing his forehead against the wood of the door, Levi sighed as he listened to their footsteps disappear.

Against his will, Levi is unable to stop his gaze to glide from his feet to the strewn documents off to the side, having been spread around from when he had thrown the door open. Jaw tightening, Levi glared hatefully at the words on the papers, at their sense of finality.

_Survey of Compatibility.  
All single soldiers and officers of His Majesty’s Military (retired or not) are hereby mandated to answer these questions to the truest of the soldiers’ intentions. By Order of the King, all compatible soldiers must turn in their results to become assigned for mating with their assigned partner._

_Question 1…_

The sound of flesh striking stone is the only sound that echoes in the room as Levi brutally slams his fist against the wall. He hated this, hating what it meant and what it continued to cause. He remembered having fought for freedom from the oppression from the Titans… but now there was a new one he did not know how to fight against and Levi wished, not for the first time, that he had died alongside his comrades and the woman he had once called his lover before everything changed and he fell in love with a red scarf and a pair of onyx black eyes.

* * *

"… _assigned for mating_ — what are we,” Connie growled, papers crinkling in his tight fist. “Cattle? Dogs? The King’s prized cockapoo?”

"It’s cockatoo…" Krista corrected, half-heartedly stirring the soup in front of her. The entire table was silent save for Connie as he read the document out loud. No one touched their lunch, feeling their appetite die as Connie continued to go over the mandate and list off the questions.

"Question fifteen: Would you rather a) Kill more titans, b) follow orders c) grow a shrubbery—is this a fucking _joke_?”

"Knock it off, Connie." Jean sighed, leaning his bandaged head against his cold drink. He winced once before letting his face melt in mild relief. "We all hate this."

"Maybe it’s not such a bad idea," Armin spoke suddenly, his once bright eyes stared off dimly into the clearing outside the mess hall. The doors had been open to let in what breeze would respite them of the hot day, and the air that did burst in proceeded to cool them gently. Many of the soldiers inside chorused in relieved sighs. 

Fists clench under the table as onyx eyes stared at the curling print of the document laying innocently next to a soup bowl. A cool breeze made Mikasa’s dark hair tickle her bare neck and the sensation caused her to tighten her hands a bit harder, fighting the impulse to search for the red scarf she left with Eren in the infirmary. 

"Shut up, Armin." Jean barked, brows furrowed into a deep scowl under the bandage wrapped round his forehead. 

"God, Jean," Connie groaned, "You wanna not act like a dick right now?"

 ”The two of you shut it,” Sasha snapped, surprising the two boys at the table. She looked away, blush staining her cheeks as she looked back down at the paper crinkling in her hands, her eyes dim with melancholy as she muttered, “What’s your point, Armin…?”

"Think about it…" Armin continued, still staring off. "We are Humanity’s last. We are all that remains. We succeeded in freeing us all from being caged… but with the chaos of the Monarchy being tossed about and people leaving from the walls… doesn’t it fall on us to make sure the next generations are strong enough to survive?"

"This is a burden none of us deserve," the words slipped from Mikasa’s mouth suddenly and Armin turned to look at her, surprised for a moment before the emotion fell.  _Please, don’t look at me like that._  She begged silently in her mind, before looking back down at the survey in front of her.

“We saved humanity once, we shouldn’t be responsible for saving it again. Let that be someone else’s problem for once.” She grunted, ending on a fierce tone without really meaning to. Too late now. Mikasa could feel her fists trembling now, the jacket around her body suddenly feeling tight and constricting. The insignia on her back suddenly felt heavy. Like the burning of a brand upon skin. 

 _The wings of liberty._ Memories flash back to the end. To the battle. To Eren’s green eyes gazing at her desperately before biting into his hand. To  _his_ eyes looking at her own with so much emotion, no words could do them justice. 

The legs of her chair scrape harshly against the stone floor as Mikasa stands up. Snatching the papers from the table, she gave Armin one last glance before marching away, unable to stand being there anymore. 

"…Shame… this wasn’t how I planned on getting hitched," was the last thing Mikasa heard Connie sigh as she walked silently toward the infirmary. 

* * *

Footsteps echoing in her ears, Mikasa tried to keep her mind blank. Trying to focus on the way the sunlight brightened the hallways but not the atmosphere. Everywhere around her soldiers kept their gazes off one another, no doubt caught up in their own whirlwinds that this new mandate forced upon them.

Every face her eyes fell upon bore the same look of exhaustion and sadness, of souls being stretched too thin for too long. Had rebuilding cities and regaining territory and losing friends and family not been enough? Had risking their own lives to fight and defend and claim their right to survive – to _live_ – not gotten them the break they all wanted, needed?

 _The world is cruel_.

She knew that. With every breath and step she took, Mikasa knew that to be a fact that made every day boil the heritage and the memories in her blood stronger. But now… she felt worn.

She was only nineteen and Mikasa felt as if she had aged decades since the moment she joined the Survey Corp along with Eren and Armin.

All the lives they had already given up. All the sacrifices they had made already…

Reiner… Bertholdt… Ymir… Annie.

They had once been her friends until so much had gotten screwed up. She considered them friends, people she could count to do the right thing, to help her protect Eren and fight. But things had changed and now they were dead.

How could so much go wrong in so short a time?

Mikasa remembered seeing Armin, holding onto Krista as the girl sobbed, her legs had been broken along with her heart, powerless and unable to stop Ymir’s death. She remembered how Eren had collapsed to his knees after seeing so many bodies and so much blood stain such a great piece of green land red.

And then… Mikasa remembered the way Levi flicked the swords in his hands and how his eyes searched for hers through the battle around them.

Heart squeezing, Mikasa stopped herself from remembering anymore. Every thought of Levi was like a hot poison in her veins. It burned her and left her dealing with such painful memories and painful reminders and broken promises.

A part of her laughed darkly, fighting the part that wanted to weep for dominance.

She was so foolish. So very, very foolish.

“Mikasa?”

The girl stopped, blinking wide and confused before realizing she had walked inside an office and was staring openly at the face of Commander Erwin. When… how?

Erwin watched her curiously from his place by his window, waiting for her to speak. Mikasa could not find the words, still reeling from the confusion of where her feet and emotions had led her.

“Commander…” She finally greeted, lamely. Erwin’s curious glance softened before he lifted a hand, offering her a seat on the couch by the window.

“Would you like a cup of tea?”

The offer only added to her surprise for a brief moment. Mikasa glanced away from his invitation to the other hand clenched behind his back, seeing a thin silver chain dangling from his fingers.

_“You are not the only one who has lost someone dear to you, Mikasa.” Levi sighed, and Mikasa felt her eyes fall to the ground, somewhat ashamed. “Everyone has been affected, one way or another.”_

_“Even the Commander?” Mikasa had asked, sheathing her swords in their respective place. She glanced up, meeting Levi’s saddened eyes and the sight made every thought scramble from her mind._

_“Everyone,” Levi repeated, before swinging his cloak back on his shoulders and walking away._

Mikasa swallowed, throat tight with backed up emotions and too many words she could not settle coherently in her mind. Instead, she settled for nodding and walking further inside the office, accepting his invitation.

* * *

It took him the better part of an hour to decide against ripping the documents into tiny little shreds. Settling, instead, to grabbing his cloak and throwing it over his shoulders, Levi marched out of his room and headed straight to the stables, needing to clear his head and his mind.

The walk down the halls and out the doors went uneventfully, only blinking when soldiers and staff greeted him and giving curt nods to people who opened doors for him. Dirt crunched under his boots as he stepped outside, surveying the sunny day with a curl of his lip.

The smell of horse manure and hay assaulted his nose, serving at his proximity to the stables. As he arrived he noticed the familiar blonde head of one of Mikasa’s teammates. The boy was busy scrubbing down the backside of one of the horses, humming a little tune to himself as he labored by the large beast. Just his luck.

“Oi, Arlert,” Levi called. The boy stopped and turned, facing bright blue eyes curiously at him.

“Ah, Corporal!” He exclaimed before dropping the brush and quickly placing his fist on his chest. Levi waved a flippant hand at the boy, he dropped his hand and his face took the usual determined face of a soldier ready to complete orders.

“Get a couple of horses prepared, I’m going out for a ride.”

Armin nodded, eyebrows furrowing. “Two horses, sir?”

“Yes, Arlert.” Levi confirmed. “You are coming with me.”

“I am…?” Armin asked, eyebrows shooting up to hide behind his bangs. Levi only needed to fix the boy with an irritated stare before Armin nodded and took off inside the stables.

Levi sighed, shaking his head before lifting a hand toward the horse Armin had been scrubbing earlier. The large beast sniffed at his hand once before wiggling its large lips over his fingers. After a short moment, Levi grabbed the brush from the bucket and began to softly glide it over the horse’s coat. The animal let out a soft knicker, knocking its large head against Levi’s shoulder before playfully nibbling his coat.

“Don’t do that.” Levi chided, but let his hand caress the animal’s head. The horse blinked at him before turning away and letting Levi finish the brushing.

By the time Armin came out with two horses, Levi had dropped the brush in the bucket.

“Took you long enough, Arlert.” Levi sighed, walking towards the blond. “Did you stop to take a shit while you were bringing the horses?”

“Sorry, sir,” Armin apologized, averting his blue gaze sheepishly.

“Nevermind that, get on the horse.” Levi ordered before swinging his body over the saddle of the large black and white beast.

“Yes, sir… I…uh, what about my chores? I still have to finish brushing the horse…” Armin asked, approaching the saddle with some hesitancy.

“I took care of it.” Levi grunted before gripping the reigns to lead his horse down to the main gate of the castle. After a short moment, he could hear Armin’s horse trot to catch up before matching speed with the horse next to his.

“Ah, sir?” Armin began, leaning forward curiously.

“Corporal is fine, Arlert.” Levi corrected, lifting a hand to command one of the guards at the post to open the gate.

“Right…Corporal, where are we going?”

“Somewhere private,” Levi elaborated, spurring his horse to burst into a light gallop after the gates had been open. “I need to discuss something with you.”

* * *

The soft clink of china was a welcome noise in the tense silence. Erwin sat, pushing the fine porcelain towards the young dark haired and sullen woman. Steam rose gently from the warm amber liquid in the cup, she made no motion to reach for it despite the delightful smell.

“What can I do for you, Mikasa?” Erwin spoke after setting his own tea cup down. Her hands on her lap squeezed once before falling limp. He didn’t have to ask what was wrong. He already knew.

Not everyone was going to take this new turn of events with a smile. In fact, if Erwin did ever meet the people who came up with this idea, he made a personal note to punch them in the mouth.

“Commander…I…” Mikasa began, looking up to meet his gaze before tearing her gaze away. Letting out a shuddered breath, Mikasa swallowed.

“How is your brother doing?” Erwin asked after she failed to speak after another tense silence. He winced upon seeing her face fall at the reminder. Not good.

“He’s still sleeping…” Mikasa muttered, lips tightening.

“I see…” Erwin sighed, grabbing on to his cup and reaching over to the sugar bowl. Mikasa watched as he spooned a couple of teaspoons into his tea. For another long moment, silence spread between them and to avoid further awkwardness Mikasa reached over to her teacup. With an inquisitive glance, Erwin offered her sugar. She accepted and watched the white grains fall into her cup with a bitter smile.

She had always heard of it, wondered what it was like. It was a luxury, one that most people were not privy too save those who had the means and the power. Now, things that were once expensive were beginning to appear in regular people’s lives. Salt, Butter, Sugar…

When Mikasa raised her cup to her lips she allowed herself a small sip. Her eyebrows rose at the strange sweet taste.

“It’s good, right?” Erwin asked with a smile. Mikasa pursed her lips.

“Yes…” She replied and took another sip, trying to decide if she liked the taste or not.

“Commander…” She spoke finally, seemingly gathering her thoughts. Erwin set his cup down, giving her his full attention. “This mandate…why would the King order something like this? It’s true that we are no longer at the same numbers as it was when the first attack occurred…but the Titans have been wiped out. The threat is gone, isn’t it?”

Erwin sighed, “It is true that humanity’s greatest predator has been wiped out, Mikasa. However,” He took a glance out the window, the sun’s bright rays slowly scorched the glass turning it gold. “We cannot say the threat is gone.”

“I don’t understand,” Mikasa shook her head.

“Ah, but you do.” Erwin countered, fixing her with a scrutinous stare. “You experienced that same threat in your youth when your parents were killed.”

The memory of seeing her mother collapse in a pool of her own blood flashed through Mikasa’s mind, making the girl lift a hand to hide her face behind her red scarf. Obviously uncomfortable, Mikasa said nothing.

“Humanity is now safe from the Titans, yes,” Erwin said once more, and Mikasa watched as he ran his fingers over the silver chain. “But it is still not safe from itself. That is why this mandate is so necessary, miss Ackerman. That is why we, of the Survey Corp, must continue fighting. Must continue sacrificing.”

The reality of his statement made any other question and argument die on her lips. He was right. Mikasa knew he was. Lifting her cup, heart heavy and chest feeling hollow, Mikasa pressed her lips against the warm china as her mind took in the Commander’s words. Suddenly, the tea didn’t taste so sweet anymore.

* * *

 

TBC


	2. Heat Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mandate is absolute. There can’t be a way to fight it and the soldiers find themselves faced with a new grim reminder. Freedom is the price for Humanity’s Victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's inspired track(s): Via Purifico, by Nobuo Uematsu  
> (8tracks playlist for Thunder Clouds is up--should be under name of darkhanyouremix. If you have trouble locating it let me know)

** -:  II : - ** ****   
Heat Wave

* * *

 

The sound of horse hooves striking the ground in a repetitive rhythm, accompanied by t he deep bursts of air from great nostrils was the only thing keeping the silence from becoming tense. Wind rushing in his ears, Armin would throw the occasional glance at the back of the Captain riding just a bit ahead. It was not unusual for the Captain to take a horse and burst out of the castle every now and then and while Armin was certainly on good terms with the short  (yet superior) officer, he didn’t think their relations hip was one that granted accompanying him. 

Nevertheless, Armin tried to keep himself as unaffected by the Captain’s sudden command to accompany him and he kept whatever confusion completely to himself. 

Or, so he thought. 

Moments later, as they pulled toward a small stream that no doubt led to the river that supplied the nearest town, Levi lifted his hand in a stopping signal. Armin nodded and gently eased his horse’s reigns toward the direction of the stream. 

“Go ahead and tie the horses, Arlert,” Captain Levi ordered, swinging his leg off the horse and landing to the ground with a soft thud. 

“Ah, yes sir.” Armin called before scrambling off the horse and taking the reigns out of the Captain’s hands before leading the beasts to a nearby sapling. 

“Then meet me at the stream.” And with that the Captain walked off in another directions. Armin stared off after him for a moment, frowning. Shrugging to himself, Armin went ahead and tied the horses, gently petting their faces and long necks as they grazed around the tree. 

Upon reaching the stream, Armin felt his curiosity rise but remained silent when he saw the Captain stand by the bank, staring off at the water. 

“You are wondering why I asked you to join me.” It was no question. 

“Yes, sir…” Armin confirmed, swinging his arms uneasily. He wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that. 

“ Tell me, Arlert,” Captain Levi said after a short silence. “How long have you known Eren?” 

“Since we were children, sir.” Armin replied, frowning more openly now. It was an odd question seeing as the answer was common knowledge amongts the leaders of the Survey Corp. 

“And Ackerman?” 

“…I’ve known Mikasa a little less,” Armin confessed. “I didn’t know her until Doctor Grisha brought her to live with their family…” He trailed off, not knowing what else to say and the Captain was not making any moves to face him. 

“Still, you know her intimately.” 

“W-well… not as much as Eren,” Armin couldn’t help but notice how the Captain’s fists clenched shortly after his comment. It definitely made him raise an eyebrow. 

“I see,” Levi’s face pulled away from the river to gaze at the sky, Armin followed the man’s gaze to see a small flock of geese flying overhead. A cool breeze blew at their hair and cloaks, it was nice under the hot sun. Yet despite the pleasing sensation, Armin could not quell the uncertainty in his stomach. Something was off, that much was obvious. But given the circumstances, and other slight details Armin had picked off over the passed few months… it gave the boy an inkling suspicion to what may have spurred this conversation.

“Has Ackerman expressed to you any feelings she has concerning the future?” 

“Does this have to do with the survey of compatibility, sir?” Armin asked before biting his tongue, wincing. Captain Levi’s shoulders tensed under the cloak and Armin couldn’t help but scramble to apologize. 

“F-forgive me, sir. That was very forward of me…” Armin stammered but was silenced by a single lift of Levi’s hand. T he Captain turned to face the young soldier with a strange expression, it only further served to confuse the blond… and yet… 

“It was,” Levi said, voice hard and slightly aggravated, yet he made no other statement to correct him. Somehow that lack of denial only made new questions and assumptions spin in Armin’s mind. Yet, this time, he kept all of those thoughts to himself. 

“Since you’re obviously bursting to talk about about the damn thing, why don’t we?” Levi’s eyes flashed, yet his face remained composed. “What are your thoughts on it?” 

“You… are asking for my opinion… sir?” Armin asked, slowly and hesitant with surprise. 

“I was being pretty clear, was I not?” Levi drawled, eyebrow twitching. Armin ducked his chin, embarrassed before nodding sheepishly. 

“Y-yes, sir…Uh…” Armin cleared his throat, unsure how to string his thoughts coherently with the Captain staring at him so narrowly. 

“Spit it out, Arlert,” Levi grunted.

“Right, sir. Sorry, sir…” Armin apologized again, straightening his cloak nervously. Yet at his second insistence, Armin seemed to gather his thoughts quickly as he turned to face the gurgling stream – at least to avoid the Captain’s stern and growing impatient glare. 

“I believe this survey is a necessary evil, Captain.” Armin spoke, feeling his earlier anxiety give way to the familiar feeling of begrudging acceptance. 

“Oh?” Levi hummed. Glancing at him quickly, Armin noticed the impatience having gone, replaced by curious interest. “Go on,” the officer encouraged. 

“ While it may be something so many will reject, I can see why the mandate has been passed.” Armin paused, unsure if he should give more. 

“Enlighten me, Arlert.” 

Armin gulped before nodding once more, moving on. “While it is true that the titans are no longer a problem, sir, Humanity is in shambles. For as long as everybody can remember we have lived inside the walls… even after nearly a year of the Titans being eliminated people are afraid of leaving the walls, while others are practically dropping everything here to escape them. The shift of order has changed so much since then… the Wallists have bee n abolished and even parts of the walls in the territories have lost their integrity. In a way, this mandate is just a way to control the population, to keep it from spreading so far apart that the government can’t keep track of them anymore. We have very little knowledge of the outside world anyway, so those dangers will only place Humanity under a new threat.”

Armin paused before looking into the surprised blue gaze of the officer before him. “Given this sudden freedom from becoming creatures of prey… Humanity would tear itself apart. This mandate will prevent that. By removing those freedoms… it will ensure the survival of the next generations and humanity as a whole.” 

Another breeze curled around them in a pensive silence. Captain Levi let out a soft snort before looking away, a bitter smile gracing his lips. 

“Commander Erwin was right to judge you, Armin Arlert.” The Captain said softly. Armin bowed his head, flattered and confused by the comment. 

“Am I correct in this, sir?” 

“Who knows,” Levi sighed, turning away to face the river again. After another short pause, Levi spoke, “I agree with you. Given the circumstances, this mandate  would increase the chances of Humanity’s expansion and  survival, as shit as it sounds.”

Armin chewed on the inside of his lip, eyeing the Captain curiously. “However,” Levi added, “All you did was inform me of something I already knew, even if it was in different words. You still have yet to tell me your thoughts on the mandate.” 

This confused him further, Armin scowled, “Sir?”

“You’re personal thoughts, Armin.” Armin flinched in surprise, more because the Captain had addressed him by his first name than anything. But the more the question mulled in his mind the more the initial  shock ebbed, making way to a train of thought Armin hadn’t really focused on. He had been so preoccupied with understand the reasoning behind the order that he didn’t give much thought to how he felt about the meaning of how it would affect him personally. 

This time, Levi gave the youth more time to think over the question as it was much needed. 

Cloak twirling around his waist and legs, Armin wracked his brain for an answer. He didn’t think it would be so difficult to try to piece together how he felt. How curious. 

A pair of light blue eyes, warm golden hair and a soft smile pulled to the front of Armin’s mind, making the air in his throat stop with a soft  grunt.  How could he forget her? The memory of an afternoon in the infermary lit through Armin’s mind, then. 

“Thank you, Armin.” Her blue eyes did not lift to meet his, yet a small smile played on them sadly. It made his chest ache. She was strewn over white blankets, legs casted to allow the broken bones to heal. He didn’t think he could ever see something as beautifully miserable as he saw her then. 

“You are a good person,” She murmured. 

“Krista…” Armin shook his head. She looked back at him. 

“It’s like you told me once,” her fists clenched around white sheets, trembling. “Like you told Annie once… a person is only as good as other people suppose them to be. I do not know much, but…” Her blue eyes glistened with a fresh wave of tears. “You’re good enough for me, Armin.” 

He never realized… 

Suddenly, the mandate didn’t seem so rightfully placed and the new implications startled him when he felt a burning bitterness rise in his throat. 

“I have nothing to say. ” Armin ground out, unable to stop the hollowness in his chest to leak into his voice. 

“Tch,” Armin glanced up to see the Captain’s bitter smirk. Yet, there was something else behind Levi’s blue eyes, something Armin couldn’t quite understand. 

“I have heard a lot about you over the years,” Levi said, cold and distant. “About your brilliance and unmatched powers of deduction… but for all your brains, Arlert, you’re shit at lying.” Armin’s eyes widened, mouth falling open at Levi’s brash statement. 

“Let’s head back, brat. We’ve been out here long enough.” 

With a swift turn of his heels, Levi walked past Armin, shoulder just barely brushing against his coldly before he made his way to the horse s . It hit him then, the emotion behind the Captain’s eyes… the realization making Armin’s fists clench tight at his sides. 

It was disgust. 

 

* * *

Night fell with no promise of relief from the heat of the day. Whilst the burning rays of the summer sun bled into darkness, the scorched earth seemed to radiate the heat it swallowed, perhaps in its own way  to satisfy itself. After having feasted on such hot titan blood, it was reacting. Trying to purge the vile heat from its soil. Yet, in the process, its inhabitants baked in their rooms and any amount of way to quell the heat fell away in vain. 

Worse was the way the breeze would pick up and give in short respite from the heat, but each blow of wind was becoming few and far in between. 

In his office, Levi went through inspection reports. Windows were open to let in those rare gusts of wind, even at the expense of some scattered papers. No amount of documentation, no matter its importance, would be more important than the desire to cool down. Even as he sat, scribbling away, he made quick work of discarding unnecessary layers of clothing. 

Sitting with just his undershirt, trousers, and maneuver gear (even though there was no cause for threats anymore, years as a fighting soldier made it a hard habit to break) Levi tried to keep focused on the papers in his hands. Drops of sweat dripped from his skin to slap against the white documents, Levi stared at the perspiration with disdain. 

Filthy. 

Pushing himself off the desk, Levi leaned against his chair with a heavy sigh. It was so unbelievably hot. 

Levi closed his eyes, sleepy under the constant pressure of heat. 

For a moment, he allowed himself to doze, to remember cooler nights and simpler days. Was it wrong for him to wish that things hadn’t changed so quickly? Maybe so. When Titans still roamed the earth, life had been comprised of strict, cruel, yet simple routines. 

Endgames were clearer, goals and duties painted in white and red. Levi knew what the next step was and every night he would sleep knowing exactly what to do the next day. And the next. And the next. 

Now…

Now Levi felt as if he was being strangled by the same hands he had been fighting to protect. 

I believe this survey is a necessary evil, Captain . 

A short snort of bitter amusement pressed through Levi’s throat and out his nose. Necessary evil, indeed. There were truly no better words to describe this new menace, and it angered him and deflated him all at once. 

He was a soldier. 

Obeying orders had become an instinct necessary for survival; a code in his skin, veins, and blood. Obeying  laws on the other hand wasn’t. How many years had he been able to survive by living outside of those same laws that whispered pretty promises of gold and life into your ear yet pushed the plate of plenty and survival further from your grasp? 

Even after he joined the Military, purely under Erwin’s influence, Levi had made his disdain for the monarchy viciously clear. Everyone knew that. 

Now, said disdain had grown into a steady and indestructable loathing. 

First, they force him to watch his friends and family die (stuffing the lie of “free choice” down his throat) at the hands of the monsters that kept them caged. Then they expect his silence when the same people he had bled and killed and sacrificed to protect slandered and spat in his face. And he had done so. Oh how he had done so. 

Yet now,  now after  helping to pass the Liberation of Humanity… they expect more. They demand more. 

They slap him on the face with another order that commands him to submit the rest of his (damn well earned) years of peace tied to a woman he couldn’t even choose, and then expected to bear children with this enigma who would most likely end up being a woman he would never be able to love. 

“The world is cruel.”

Levi’s eyes blinked open, staring into the ceiling of his office with a growing pressure in his chest. 

Those had been her words. She had spoken them softly as they worked together, when his team had been charged with cleanup duty and they had to pick up the bodies of torn civilians to burn. 

She had spoken them in his ear when Levi had to lift her from a bloodstained ground, her ankle bent at an awkard angle and tears staining those onyx eyes of hers black. 

“Levi… ” 

A soft knock at his door derailed his train of thought.  Perfect timing , Levi thought bitterly. He was glad that he would be free of that mental destination for now… Humanity’s strongest soldier could not handle that pain right now. 

“Come in,” Levi called, not bothering to move an inch from the chair. 

The knob gave a squeak as the visitor pushed the door open, the footsteps alone told Levi of his visitor’s identity immediately. 

“Erwin.”

“Levi,” Erwin greeted as he made his way passed the threshold. 

“What brings you here?” Levi asked, lifting a hand to wipe at an irritation trickle of sweat. 

“Evening tea time,” the Aryan replied evenly. Levi chanced him a glance and noticed the pitcher of iced tea and two small glasses. The sight of the ice within the pitcher made Levi straighten in his chair and he could feel his body react positively at the promise of something cold. 

“Isn’t it past five already?” Levi drawled, teasing at Erwin’s  love for scotch. 

“Tonight is not a night of celebration,” Erwin replied, setting the pitcher down. Any other jab died on Levi’s tongue, noting with flat emotion the way Erwin’s eyes lacked their usual determined luster. Silence spread between them as Erwin served the tea and placed the cool glass on Levi’s side of the desk. Levi let out a short sigh of exasperation, lifting the given cup from some documents already stained with the damp. Snatching a couple of coasters from his drawers, Levi set the glasses down accordingly, much to Erwin’s light amusement. 

It didn’t take long for Levi’s neurotic tendencies to fall apart as the weapon to vanquish the evening’s painful heat came clinking within the glasses. Before Erwin could offer a vain toast, Levi had already downed the cold beverage with animated fervor. 

“Cheers,” The commander said wryly, lifting the pitcher to pour more into Levi’s extended glass. 

“How are you still alive,” Levi grunted, glaring at his friend’s choice of layered clothes.  Layered. “ I am this close to strip to my birthday suit and you’re wearing a  fucking jacket.” 

Erwin chuckled, “Some of us are more resistant to heat, Levi.” 

“Is that code for ‘no longer constipated’?” 

“Levi,” 

Levi shrugged before downing another glass of the iced drink, sighing as he relished the strong cold spread its merciful fingers down his throat to spread into a pool in his belly. Extending his cup, Levi waited as Erwin poured him another cup. 

“It’s amazing we still have ice…” Levi muttered. 

“We received a few crates of it just this morning,” Erwin nodded. “It helps having the people’s unending gratitude in ensuring Humanity’s victory.” 

“Having the Merchant’s guild become our bitch is a nice perk,” Levi grunted, taking a slow sip of his cold tea. Erwin gave him a short smile before looking towards Levi’s opened window. The woods outside were dark silhouettes against the black and blue backdrop of the nightsky. It  was harder to see their details, the amber light of Levi’s lamps making shadows dance and take from the night time scenery. 

“She came to my office today,” Erwin spoke. Ice clinked harshly against glass, and with a glance Erwin saw the way Levi’s hand clenched the cup tightly, knuckles burning white. 

“…Who did?” 

“Levi,” Erwin sighed, lifting a hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose. He did not respond. 

“What, do you want a medal, Erwin?” Levi bit out, his blue eyes narrowing as he stared at his drink. “Congratulations, she paid you a visit. A toast to that.” 

“Levi,” Erwin stressed, pressing his glass down on the coaster. Turning his eyes to meet Levi’s, stern and with his classic ‘no-bullshit’ stare. Levi met the Commander’s stare evenly for a tense moment, when a cool breeze pulled through the air. 

Their stare-down broke easily then. It was too hot. 

“What did she want,” Levi murmured, loosening his grip on his glass as he finished his fourth (or was it fifth, he didn’t really bother counting) serving. 

“Answers,” Erwin replied, watching the dark liquid in his glass as he lazily swirled it with a swooping hand. “The same as everyone who wants a way out of the mandate.” 

A pause.

“Is there?”

“Is there what?”

“…A way out.” 

Erwin turned his blue eyes from the cup to see Levi staring flatly at his own drink. 

“No, Captain.” Erwin said, and the words fell like ice cold death over Levi’s head to settle into his heart, freezing his blood in his veins. Even the blistering heat could not thaw it. “There isn’t.”

Levi snorted, lifting the cup back up to his lips and taking another sip of the cold tea, every taste more bitter than the last and leaving acrid hate on his tongue. 

“A toast,” Levi lifted his cup, words dripping with false contentment. 

“For what,” Erwin asked, mimicking Levi’s motion and raised his own glass. 

“For Eren. May he never wake up and find true freedom at last… he’ll be the only one who will taste it now.” With an acid chuckle, Levi downed the rest of the tea. It might as well be scotch.

Erwin watched the liquid disappear in Levi’s mouth before snorting softly through his nose before ta king in his own bitter mouthful and letting the ice burn down his throat. 

 

* * *

The next morning came with no comfort from the heat, only more sun and more reason to walk around naked. Having no desire to venture into his office and attempt to finish addressing reports, Levi chose to pay a visit to a certain comatose soldier and savior. The heat wave proved a victor once again and Levi walked down the halls of the castle with just his gear, shirt and trousers. Yet while the heat forced him to discard his jacket, Levi stubbornly tied a fresh cravat round his neck. 

He’d sooner hang himself with it than admit to yielding to the heat once more. When he reached Hanji’s office he didn’t bother knocking, too irritable to adhere to social norms and niceties.

"How’s he doing?"  the question came out clipped and stripped from any greeting. The scientist shrugged in response to his callousness, unaffected. She, too, had decided to strip of unnecessary clothing and sat back in her undershirt and trousers, leather belts hanging off her hips and brushing the hot stone floor.

"He’s stable enough…" 

"…What the hell do es that even mean," Levi rolled his eyes . He took a moment to glare at a beetle as it struggled to crawl out of a crack in the stone, no doubt searching for a new dark hole to wallow in.  Hanji sighed as she leaned back, fanning herself. This time, e ven with the window open it was broiling in the room, not even the occasional breeze qu elled the heat of the afternoon.

"It means he’s still alive but not  awake, Levi." She replied and Levi tore his  gaze from the insect and to t he sleeping body of the titan shifter. Eren’s hair and clothes clung to sweat soaked skin, yet the serene look of sleep over his face gave no indication he was bothered by the heat. His breathing remained steady and even, deep in sleep.  Standing just by his bed stood a tall metal rod holding on a few transparent bags of liquid. From them two long and clear cables ran to meet into the crook of Eren’s  right arm before digging into his skin. Another set of clear tubes ran from under the boy’s pants to curl under his leg and to a bag under the bed. This one was filled with pale yellow liquid. It didn’t take much for Levi to guess it was the kid’s piss. 

Levi’s nose wrinkled as a bead of sweat rolled down the boy’s temple to join the soaking locks of hair pressed to his face. 

“I hope you’ve been bathing him,” Levi droned, fixing Hanji with a disgusted stare. “He’s filthy enough as it is.”

"It’s been nearly a mon th," Hanji whistled, her eyes on  the ceiling. Caring too much to lounge in nostalgia than to address Levi’s statement. Levi rolled his eyes again before moving toward a chair pressed against a wall, as far from the window and the scorching sunlight as possible. 

 "It’s good we have the means to help him p rocess nutrients, at least." Hanji flicked a finger at the bag holding the clear liquid  above the nineteen-year-old . "Otherwise he’d be dead." 

Levi shift ed his  weight against his chair, the realization of Eren’s current vulnerability shooting uncomfortable needles into his stomach. It’s bo thersome, because the more he tried to understand the le ss he could figure out exactly why it did. God knows he’s seen that kid go through some emotional and physical traumatizing shit these past few years. Sweat fell down Levi’s f orehead to slide down his nose, bringing more irritation to tear into his chest. Hand reaching into his trouser’s pocket, Levi pulled out a moist handkerchief and despite his chagrin, proceeded to wipe down his face and neck. 

"Still," Hanji pushed on, speaking more to herself than her current conscious companion, "I’m amazed we haven’t been forced to hand him over to Hi s Majesty the King," She em bellished the last  part with song of the anthem. That much made Levi’s lips twitch with short-lived amusement.  "Him being the last of the hybri d Titans and all…" 

 Levi remained silent and looked back at the beetle, watching it as it moved lazily across the stone. 

"Hey… Le vi." 

"Hn."

"Why don’t you just forget the survey and marry me instead?"  The question is enough to rip Levi’s gaze from the bug snap onto Hanji’s grinning face, the force of the shock nearly making the shorter man lose balance off the chair. When Levi’s wide eyes met hers, Hanji was pealing with laughter.

"Ha! Oh, that was priceless!" She guffawed, slapping her knee. "If you could see your face!" 

Another long-suffering eyeroll from the Captain , “Hilarious, Hanji. Comedy gold.”

"Thank you, Wall Sina, I will be here all week." She gave a mock bow before leaning back on her chair. It took her nearly all of ten minutes to stop giggling to herself. The shock wearing off, Levi couldn’t help but let his mouth curl into a smirk as he shook his head. The rare expression was taken with much delight by the crazed scientist.

"You know," She spoke again, "The survey is only mandatory to officers who are single."

"And?" Levi said  after a short pause, sniffing in annoyance when mor e trickles of sweat dripped down his nose and cheeks. At this point he might as well  be wiping his face with a soaking mop.  Relenting with defeat, Levi lift ed a hand and began to yank the sopping cravat from around his damp  neck . His surrender was rewarded by a sudden gust of wind from the outside and they shared a joint sigh of relief as their sweat slick skin cooled mercifully.

"And… that’s it." She concluded , cheerily. 

"Stop dicking around, Hanji. Just say it." 

"Come now, Levi. Does it really need saying? " She turned her head towards him , eyes glinting devilishly behind her glasses, lips curling secretly.

It doesn’t.  Catching the implication, Levi said nothing, feeling all shred of mirth bleed into the background. Looking back at t he boy sleeping on the bed, Levi is unable to stop his mind to trace  back to his adoptive sister. 

Dark eyes stare into his ; seeking, wondering, asking,  hoping . Levi  looked away and told her  the only thing he knew he should, effectively ripping her heart to shreds as it did his , “Go to bed, Ackerman.”

Of all  the combinations of four words Levi co uld’ve used, should have used, Levi said the ones that locked the on ly door that ever mattered since Petra .  That night, as Levi saw the hope die from her dark eyes, he found yet another thing he regretted. Another thing he wished he could take back but knew he couldn’t. When she walked out his door and closed it shut, the following silence that echoed from the empty room had become the loudest of his entire life.

A soft set of raps upon the door of Hanji’s office allowed Levi another fit of relief. Grateful of the distractions that pulled  her out of his mind when there was so much more to worry about. Of course, fate would have it, that Levi had outrun his streak of luck and deserved no more relief than he had already. 

“Come in,” Hanji called, stretching over the back of her chair like a cat.  The door swung open and the soft relief in Levi’s chest turned into a vicious s tone that lodged in his throat as in walked in the very plague of his heart, body and soul. Just like that, all manner of logic and sense scattered from Levi’s brain as he watched the girl – no, she’s a woman now – walk in just as easily as she had his life and certainly enough his very peace of mind. 

In a moment her eyes met his, her gaze alone yanking Levi’s heart high into the air like the organ’s very own maneuver gear, making it soar into the air above. And with the same force of gravity, Mikasa yanked her eyes away, and Levi felt his insides crash to the ground beneath as she proceeded to walk into the room toward Hanji, as if it were nothing. 

Her red scarf bouncing  against the white of her shirt (how in the hell could she even wear that thing?), trailing blood red through his vision. The clench in Levi’s  chest was  so physically painful that breathing had become more difficult in achieving than killing an armored Titan. Out of some kind of physical will power Levi managed to take in a slow and unsteady breath, forcing his eyes downwards and away from her to fall to where the beetle had been. Its carcass was now crushed beneath the force of Levi’s leather boot.

"How is he?" Her voice was soft, flowing like silk in the wind. Levi’s stomach dipped, treacherously euphoric at the sound, he clenched his eyes tight.

"He’s dreaming of bears and moons made of cheese." Hanji chuckled. 

"He hasn’t woken yet?"

"…No, Mikasa. Not yet." 

Fully and completely done, Levi ripped himself from the chair. The wooden seat clacking loudly agai nst the stone wall as he stood and made his way toward the door. He did not remember much aside from how the metal knob whined out a creak under his tight grip and the slam of the door behind him, echoing like a mocking laugh in his ears. 

He could not bear being this close to her. 

Not now. 

 

* * *

TBC  



	3. Frogs in the Pot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More light is shed on the Mandate, making it harder to find a way to escape it, and even harder to accept this tax on their liberty. Some try to move on and carry through, attempting to maintain control. Others find solace and comfort in each other. While some are unable to keep fighting back, and giving in seems like the only thing left to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s inspired tracks: Bauklotze, from the Attack on Titan OST \ Any Other Name by Thomas Newman.

**-: III :-  
Frogs in the Pot**

* * *

_One, two, three, four…_

_Plop…_

Jean gave a sigh as he watched the ripples that formed over the surface of the water spread out slowly, upsetting the stillness of the lake and forming small, interspersed waves. The perfect reflection of the sky above now shattered and dipped, shadows and light bouncing off the top of the lake in the shapes of diamonds.

As usual, Jean waited as he stared out into the water, his hands fingering the smooth edges of a slanted rock. Once the ripples relaxed from their initial excitement he brought back his arm and set his fingers in the right angles against the edges of the pebble. With a soft grunt he let his arm shoot forwards before allowing his fingers to snap the rock into a rapid spin.

The spinning rock tore through the cool air before slapping against the surface of the water, skidding against the cold surface once, twice… five more times before disappearing within the depths of the lake, never to be seen again.

Jean resumed waiting, watching the minuscule waves lap at the beach just a few inches away from his feet. The water slapped against sand and pebbles with gentle caresses, teasing the leather of his boots.

It was a beautiful, albeit hot clear day. Trees and bushes were showing tiny signs that came in reds and yellows of the oncoming autumn. Hints of the death of summer were coming in with the way leaves were now falling to the ground and curling against the bank. The sight was soothing, therapeutic even. He had hoped that when the Titans had been wiped out, he would one day be able to build himself a home somewhere outside the walls. Maybe make it with a few bedrooms for a wife and maybe some kids, build in a little dog door for a good hunting hound…

Once upon a time, Jean had even hoped that that wife would be a certain exotic dark haired woman with slanted eyes and pink lips. He had often fantasized about sweeping her off her feet and carrying her through the threshold of a sturdy door her had built himself, kissing her pink lips and making her laugh. And it looked possible when he realized how much she had grown from the absolute possessiveness of keeping Eren safe.

But at one point… at one point that fantasy had bled away; died the moment he saw her fall to the ground and throw her arms around the neck of a certain corporal. Jean knew then that she would never be his. The shorter man had somehow managed to worm his way straight into her heart while Jean was busy looking somewhere else. He had gotten distracted, by a pair of light brown eyes and long red hair.

A twig snapped behind him and Jean tensed, his body coiled as he prepared himself to attack until he heard a soft gasp. It was a sound he had gotten fairly used to hearing over the years. Nevertheless, while the tension in his shoulders faded, the tension in his chest only heightened.

"What do you want, Potato woman?" Jean barked, not in the mood to entertain her. She didn't speak, and Jean wondered for a moment if he had imagined the whole thing. A squirrel had probably snapped that twig and he must have imagined her soft intake of breath because it was the very first thing he had expected (secretly wanted) to happen.

But a series of soft footsteps confirmed that she was, in fact there, and that he hadn't been making it up. She stopped right next to him and something teased his peripheral vision. Giving in, Jean glanced down to see a small bread roll on a soft and gently tanned hand.

"Just wondering if you were hungry…" she muttered. Jean looked up before he could stop himself and felt his own breath hitch in his throat when their eyes met. Sasha looked away quickly, but did not retract her hand, and he could see the soft burn of a blush over her cheeks.

Sighing, Jean relented and took the offered bread roll from her grasp. Hands brushing, Jean felt her flinch and he realized she was behaving like this because of his initial reaction to the mandate. This made a bubble of guilt play under his stomach, making him feel uneasy. He had been so brutally angry when they received the information that the first thing he had done was get his gear and start attacking whatever titan dummies they had. The turmoil of emotions had blinded him that day, making him overload and not see the tree branch as he swooped in the sky. Two days later he woke up in one of the beds of the infirmary and his head bandaged up nice and tight. Commander Erwin had gone there himself to check up on him and praised his thick head for not splitting at a force that would’ve killed a lesser man. The comment had only made Jean feel worse, however. Since then, people have given him a fair distance and an unending concern that made him feel cramped.

Still, he should be grateful he did wake up. Otherwise he’d probably be like Eren right now… The reminder of his comatose comrade made a bitter taste rise in his throat. Jean shook his head softly before throwing a glance at his current companion.

Sasha rocked her weight back and forth on her heels. “How’s your head?” She did that whenever she was nervous. Jean paused in lifting the roll to his mouth, surprising himself with that little knowledge of her quirks.

"It's fine." He shrugged, taking a bite of the dry roll. Chewing, he added, "Better."

"That's good," Sasha replied, settling back down on her feet. An awkward silence passed between them, neither wanting to look at the other but unable to help to throw a couple of side-ways glances.

"Does it look bad?" Jean asked, lifting a self-conscious hand to his forehead and rubbed at his temple.

"It looks better than it did before." She nodded, lips curling into a weak smile. "At least the swelling went down, your head looked like an egg."

"W-wha? No, it didn't!" Jean exclaimed, nearly choking on his bread as he sputtered, indignant. Sasha let out a laugh, and for a moment everything was as it had been. A slow smile adorned his lips as she laughed, watching as her face lit up.

"Why do you have to keep comparing things to food?" he asked, teasing. Sasha grinned at him.

"Life is better with food." She hooked her fingers together behind her back as she kicked at a pebble. It bounced against the ground before landing in a soft splash into the water. "I guess that's my way of making things a bit better."

Jean gazed at her, surprised to see her smile fall into a sad curl of her lips and he could feel a flutter in his chest. It wasn't like the complete flip flop his stomach did the first time he laid eyes on Mikasa, making a heat rise to his cheeks and turned him into a complete bumbling fool. This was like a slow warmth that spread from his chest to the tips of his fingers, gentle and natural.

Sasha glanced up at him curiously, those soft brown eyes gazing back without fear or intimidation. Something in him jolted, and Jean looked way quickly and his heart was beating a little faster in his chest.

"So, w-what, you only brought me a roll?"

"Hm? Oh, no. I already ate mine."

"Where'd you get them anyway? You didn't steal them, did you?"

Sasha chuckled again, and Jean couldn't help but notice how nice it sounded. It was low and slightly raspy, but it was appealing.

"Nah, I asked the cook to get me a couple. We've been getting a lot of supplies and stuff from the merchant's guild lately. Two rolls were nothing if extra food." The red-head kicked another pebble and the two watched as it flew toward the water before plopping right into the lake.

"Here," Jean spoke, "Let me show you something." Handing her the rest of his bread, Jean reached into his pocket and pulled out another smooth stone. This one was a deep gray color and slightly rougher than the one he had previously tossed. Aiming, Jean prepped his arm and settled the stone in the correct position in his hand before flinging his hand forward.

The stone flew into the air with a woosh, splashing a good eight times against the water’s surface before disappearing into the lake with a splash.

"That was really good!" Sasha exclaimed, eyes brightening with wide enthusiasm, ponytail bouncing behind her as she gave an excited hop. The sight made him smile. "Can I try?"

"Sure thing,” Jean nodded. “You've got to pick the right rock you. It can't be too round or too ambiguous in shape," he instructed while Sasha's bright eyes fell to the ground, searching for the right kind of stone. She bent over and snatched a white stone off the ground.

"How's this one?" she asked, lifting it up for him to see. Jean shook his head, it was too small.

"That one will be harder to spin, here." He helped her search the beach for the right kind of rock. It took a moment as they lifted rocks off the sand, when they had a good handful each the duo returned to the shore.

"C'mere." Jean beckoned and Sasha stepped close, paying careful attention. "You wanna grab it like this," he placed his index finger into the longer part of the stone, "So that when you toss it it'll spin. The spinning will help it skip off the water rather than make it just sink."

Sasha nodded and tried to mimic his hold on her own rock. She watched as he did throw a rock into the lake. It bounced four times.

She grinned at him before copying his stance and let her hand loose. The rock splashed a good ways into the water, splashing instead of skipping over the surface of the water. She pouted.

"Here," Jean chuckled and got close to her again, this time he let his hand curl over hers. Dirt and sand spread over her skin from where it dirtied his fingers, but it made the sensation feel all the more real. He was real gentle in helping her set the rock in her hands, but as he instructed Jean could feel Sasha's body tense.

When he let her go, she snapped her wrist forward, the rock shot off toward the lake and it skipped into a rapid progression of uncountable bounces before falling into the water.

"That was really good!" Jean whistled as Sasha let out a little exclamation of success. They tried it a few more times and by the sixth time, she was skipping rocks like a master.

"Where did you learn this?" Her voice was soft and gentle as they searched for more rocks. Jean had already finished his roll by the time they were facing the beach again.

"I grew up by the river in Trost," Jean replied easily. "I had a bunch of friends then. Buddies who had nothing better to do than to skip rocks on the bank and try to piss off this old man who kept trying to fish in it even though there were hardly any fish." He chuckled at the memory.

"It was such a kid thing to do… honestly, I'm surprised I still remember how to do it."

"I grew up in the mountains," Sasha replied after a few moments pause. "Most of the time I spent was hunting and making sure we brought in enough food to feed my family… I didn't really do much fun stuff as a kid."

Jean looked up at her with something akin to unexpected surprise. To be honest, that didn't sound too far-fetched. It would certainly explain why she had been as carefree in their days as trainees, as if using the 3DMG had been her chance to finally have fun and enjoy herself. While some of her story wasn't new, the rest of it Jean hadn't known. He had known this girl for nearly five years, lived with her in a cabin for two and had never really just talked to her…

They had been too busy trying to survive the war, trying to make it through another day. Sure, he had noticed her quirks and recognized that she was very pretty in her own way. He remembered making small chitchat with her before, friendly banter and teasing jokes at her expense… aside from that, Jean didn't really know her as well as he’d like.

For the next while, they spent it skipping rocks and talking about anything that came to mind. Sasha laughed plainly with him and while he still teased her and called her 'Potato Woman' it became less of an insult and more of an affectionate term.

Jean didn't want to let his hopes up, but he could tell that she noticed that too.

At one point, she had removed her boots and socks, letting her feet wade in the coolness of the lake as the sun's light intensified the later it got.

"Come on, Jean," the red-head coaxed. "It feels amazing!"

“No thanks. I do not want sand in my boots when we head back.”

"Baby," Sasha stuck her tongue out at him, but the way she said it made a blush rise in his cheeks. He had heard romantic couples call each other that before, he wasn't sure how he felt when she called him that. "Just try it."

Rolling his eyes, Jean gave in and began to tug his boots off, making sure to remove the straps of his belts off his feet before yanking his socks off. The cool air and moist sand felt nice under his feet, even more so when the water lapped at his toes and finally, his ankles.

"See?” A bright grin spread over Sasha’s mouth, her cheeks rosy with sunburn. He’d never admit it to her but in that moment, she looked endearing… cute even. Jean rolled his eyes.

He scoffed, “No big deal.” Sasha bent over once more and cupped her hands into the water before splashing him. The water was cold against his sun-soaked skin, making him jump in alarm.

"What the—!?" Taking a few steps back, he nearly slipped on the slick sand. Sasha laughed again, boisterous.

"That's what you get," the girl cackled, wiggling her wet hands at him. Jean's eyes flashed, fixing her with his most predatory grin. The girl faltered under his stare, looking quite ready to bolt.

"You're going to get it now, Braus." Jean’s voice was low and threatening, suddenly he was sprinting towards her. Sasha had enough time to shriek and attempt to escape, but she had a late start and he was a fast runner. In mere moments, he’d eaten up the distance in his long strides and had caught up to her, their legs soaked with lake water. Jean quickly threw his arms around her thin waist with a victorious cry.

A bright girlish squeal burst through Sasha's teeth as he lifted her high in the air, arms still around her wriggling mid-drift and kicking legs. "Jean, don't you dare!" She protested vehemently even as she clung to his torso.

“You asked for it, potato woman." Jean hummed, grinning wickedly as he waded deeper into the lake, preparing to dump her into the frigid water. She screamed when he lifted her up higher still before dropping her in with a loud splash. The very wet and soaked senior cadet came up, sputtering water from her mouth, hair sticking to her fave and neck. 

She fixed him with a heated glare as she shivered uncontrollably. "You son of a—!"Jean let out a loud and hearty laugh as she struggled to gain good footing on the slick and slimy lake bed. The laughter died in Jean's throat when he realized his mistake too late.

Sasha had discarded her jacket by her boots earlier, leaving her in nothing but the pale yellow button up of their uniform. Of course, being drenched, the pale yellow became practically transparent and all Jean could see now was the very black bra underneath her shirt and the way the material clung to her firm muscles and tan skin. Her pants, also very white, exposed matching underwear. Jean could feel the blood in his body begin to heat up and boil under his cheeks and burn in his ears.

"Now you're in for it!" Sasha shouted, unaware on her state of appearance, and with a dark grin she tackled the unsuspecting and very distracted Jean. With a yelp, the two fell into the water and twisted and turned against each other's bodies, laughing and spitting out water as if they were teenagers having a day off.

Her arms found themselves wrapped around his body, legs clenching around his waist while he tried to toss her back in the water, his hands sliding over the hard cord of muscle of her thighs and belly. Thoroughly winded, the two took a moment to catch their breath. Sasha was heaving air against his neck, laughing shortly. The sensation made his skin shiver pleasantly, and Jean tilted his head to meet her waterlogged gaze.

The sight made him freeze, he had not expected that. Because in her eyes the innocence had gone, the playfulness hidden under a very ardent and very real desire that bubbled under her brown irises and burned hot butterflies into his stomach. Those same eyes flicked back and forth from his eyes and to his mouth, and despite the water around them Jean felt his mouth dry up.

"We…should probably head back…" Jean said softly, but his hold on her body was not loosening up and it was impossible to ignore the way her chest pressed against his.

"We… should…yeah." Sasha breathed back, her fingers trailing lazy patterns in the back of his neck. A slow and tense moment paused between them and Jean wondered exactly how they got into this situation.

"Sasha, you sh—" He stopped, because suddenly her mouth was pressed against his and her tongue was running sweet tentative circles over his lower lip.

The kiss, while unexpected, was not entirely unwelcome. Jean couldn't help but press back, tightening his hold on her back and leg and adjusting her sliding form a bit closer to his. The movement made her let out a little whimper of delight, and already Jean could feel his body reacting to her. He had no idea where Sasha got to be this good at kissing, but hewas certainly not going to complain.

In that single moment, Jean could feel much more push its way through her tongue. He could taste the passion, the desperation and even the anger hidden behind her lips. He knew that she was just as ticked off over this stupid mandate as much as everyone else, and he let her use him to let out that frustration.

He wasn't going to lie to himself, he knew he was attracted to her. Knew that he had fantasized about her late at night when he was alone and he could hear the soft spoken voices of Levi and Mikasa through the thin cabin walls. When the pain of being rejected (yet again) needed a relief and thinking about Krista made him feel like he was betraying Armin.

He had often imagined how her skin would taste and how she would feel writhing beneath him. The sounds she would make. Yet when the stupid mandate was issued, suddenly everything felt heavier. As if every choice he made needed to be made for the sake of humanity rather than for his own, and it pissed him off. It pissed him off how he wished he had at least a chance to take Sasha out on one stupid date or something, a way to test out this possible chance at something together without the worry of being watched by the government every waking moment.

But that's now how the world works.

He had thought that with avenging Marco's death with wiping out the Titans, he would be freed of having any more burdens on his back. That he would be able to finally live out a life without being told to sacrifice more for humanity.

Instead, now… now he's kissing a beautiful woman in a cold lake in a way that ignited a warmth under his skin. He could taste her own frustrations against his tongue, and he gave in to pushing his own against her, not because he loved her but because he might not even get the chance to find out if that would’ve happened between them.

She sighed his name, her hands clenching around his soaking hair as he pressed hot kisses down her throat and toward the valley of her cold breasts. He could taste the lake water and salt against her skin, and the way she arches her back against him makes him buck his hips against hers.

His toes are numb and his legs are freezing from the frigid temperature, but he can’t bring himself to care. There’s fire in his blood and he wants to use this woman as an excuse to extinguish it.

"Jean…" Sasha gasped a moment later, legs tightening around his waist when he bucked his hips against hers one more time.

"Let's go to my room…" Jean whispered against her ear, nibbling her earlobe. She stiffened at his words, before pulling away, her legs unwrapping from his waist and sinking to set foot on the cold lake floor. Jean pulled away, looking into her eyes heatedly. Yet she did not reciprocate his hot stare, only watching him with uncertainty and was that… _pain_?

"What is it?" His voice is soft, ragged with hard breathing and stained with creeping uncertainty.

“Do you love me?” The question is so sudden and unexpected, a fierce jolt of surprise makes the hairs on his cold skin stand on end. Arms falling at his sides, Jean felt her peel his arms off her body.

"I…what?"

"Do you love me, Jean?" Sasha inquired again, jaw tightening. He gaped at her, mouth flapping open and closed like a fish, his thoughts floundering. He had not expected that. Of all the things. What should he say? _Did_ he love her?

And then, Jean knows he doesn’t. He liked her, yes. He was attracted to her, yes. He cared for her as he would a friend and a comrade, yes. But Love? Just a second ago, Jean had been kissing her in frustration, kissing her and wondering what it would've been like to be with her, really be with her. It would be a lie if he hadn't pictured a happy life with her, but that's all it had been. A picture… a 'what if' that tickled the back of his mind. Yet his heart was pounding from that kiss and Jean found himself really wanting to say whatever she wanted to hear just to taste those lips of hers again, to find out whether or not she scratched, or bit, or screamed in bed.

Yet something pulled him back from doing that. Because he knew that if he did that, if he used her like that for one night of passion… Jean would end up hating himself more than she would hate him.

He couldn't do that to her.

"No…" Jean replied honestly and Sasha's face crumpled and she was staring into the cold surface of the water around them. A dirty and horrible sensation filled Jean's chest, making him feel more fiendish and vile than being drenched in Titan blood had.

"…Then I can't sleep with you." Her hands reached up to grip into her arms tightly, water drips off her elbows to rejoin the water surrounding them. "I'm sorry, Jean. I shouldn't have kissed you… I thought…"

Jean opened his mouth to say something, anything, but his thoughts were too scattered to let something coherent fall from his lips. He watched her shake her head and wade back out onto the shore. He had no choice but to follow, but dared invade her space.

"Sasha," Jean called, unsure why he did. Maybe he needed to tell her, to prove to her he wasn't just using her for stress relief. Sasha didn't bother to stop, her feet sloshed through the cold water before padding wetly against the sand of the beach. She kept her head down, soaked tendrils of hair swinging with each step she made her way toward her things. "Sasha, hold on," Jean insisted.

"Just… leave me alone, Jean," she grumbled coldly, snatching her things and tugging on her jacket, not caring if it got soaked with lake water. Jean stopped short, staring after her as she fled, dumbfounded.

When she disappeared into the trees, Jean threw his head back and let out a frustrated growl. Throwing his hands up, he ran his fingers into his soaked hair, gripping tight against his scalp and trying to remove the sensation from where she had ran her fingers through it. Body thoroughly disappointed and feeling like a dirty and skeevy jerk, Jean fell onto the sand on his rump, feeling colder now than he did when he had been in the lake with her.

Try as he might he couldn't get rid of the sight of her face crumbling before him, obviously hurt by his words. It was then Jean realized that Sasha's feelings for him were far stronger than he had expected and the knowledge only made him feel worse.

At sunset, Jean returned to the castle, shivering and damp and with a terrible cold. He had missed supper when he showered and returned to his room, his stomach growling something fierce. Yet when he entered his room, he felt his jaw fall in astonishment.

On his bed was a small tray, carrying a small bowl of lukewarm soup and a lone bread roll.

* * *

The sound of the door slamming sent a blast of frustration and sadness through Mikasa's chest. The dark haired girl winced as soon as Levi had marched off, but made no move to follow, or even to watch him leave. Now, the echo of the wood having viciously struck against the stone and metal of the door's threshold left her shaken.

"Are you alright?"

The question came unexpectedly. Mikasa tore her gaze from the sleeping form of her adoptive brother to look into the gentle expression of sympathy on Hanji's face.

"I'm fine." She shrugged in an attempt at being nonchalant. The older woman said nothing for a while, but studied her curiously. It was unnerving but Mikasa let her; not wanting to make it apparently worse than it already was.

The moment Mikasa had stepped through the door, she had fully expected to see Hanji at her chair and Eren sleeping peacefully in his cot. Yet when her eyes had trailed to the side of the room, they were met with the surprised gaze of Levi's narrow blue ones. The visual connection had dumped ice down her stomach, forcing it to give a sharp twist before falling to her feet. His gaze having met her own, had immediately softened into the stare she had once thought she would never get enough of. A look Mikasa knew he only reserved for her, but just as quickly as it came it was gone, and Levi's eyes hardened into sharp sapphires. As if remembering…

Throat constricting, Mikasa tore her eyes away from his and moved towards Hanji, speaking softly so as to not gather more attention to herself. Her voice had come out shaky and tense, already the trembling from her voice had spread to the rest of her body. A part of her wanted to come up with some kind of excuse to leave, to flee. Yet another part of her wished nothing more than to be in his presence again, it had been so long. Yet, with everything being so messed up… there was a piece of her that wished he would go.

As if picking up on that, Levi had stood and stormed away. The absence of his attention and presence left an undeniable hole in her heart and Mikasa couldn't stop the wave of self-loathing at that treacherous part of her mind. It pained her. It physically hurt to witness his severe desire to stay away from her. In a way, she knew she deserved it. Only that made it hurt worse.

"Mikasa," Hanji spoke, leaning forward on the chair, eyes on Eren. "You shouldn't let this continue."

"There is nothing to be done, Hanji," Mikasa bit out after a short yet tense silence. The older woman turned, facing her butterscotch gaze on her with a wry and bitter smile.

"Do you truly believe that, Mikasa?"

Mikasa's mouth dried, feeling the new mortification her words had caused, "…H-Hanji. I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"Didn't what," Hanji interrupted, "Think? Seems like that's a problem with the two of you, lately."

Thoroughly chastised, Mikasa bowed her head, lips tightening into a grim line. The other woman was right, Mikasa hadn't thought. It had become hilariously easy to remain focused on her own problems, her own struggle with the acceptance for this new development. She'd read the documents, she wasn't stupid. She knew exactly what this mandate ordered, caught the fine print on the bottom of the mandate.

_Please note: this is a mandate for all soldiers of the capacity for procreation. All other cases are exempt._

Mikasa didn't quite understand why that was so specific, and she had mulled that bit in her mind as she walked to the infirmary, in hopes to check on Eren and take her mind off the whole predicament. When she had arrived, she had stumbled upon Hanji's kneeling form, pressed to the side of Eren's cot. Concerned, she'd moved closer only to overhear the scientist's choked and muffled sobs as she crushed her face to the thin mattress. A small picture of The Commander, Hanji, Levi and Mike was crushed in her hands.

It was then Mikasa figured it out. The mandate only allowed for officers who were capable of breeding to match up. That was the only way they could be successfully matched up.

Hanji was barren.

Erwin was not.

Just like that, their connection would be forever severed. _This world is cruel…_

When Mikasa had made her presence known, Hanji had straightened, wiped her face and turned to her with a huge grin. "Ah, Mikasa! I didn't hear you come in!" The scientist had laughed, as if it was no more trivial than a little rejection to a juvenile love letter. Mikasa couldn't find it in her to smile in return.

The memory of that evening had only served to remind Mikasa how 'free' they truly were. It infuriated her because they were so defeated, so tired of fighting that they could do nothing against it. No one dared to.

A short breeze blew into the room, making Mikasa's short damp hair tickle the side of her face and making the moist scarf feel clammy against her skin. Lifting a hand, she yanked the cloth off before folding it and placing it on Eren's side, making sure to press it close to his hand. It was an infantile wish, that somehow he could feel the softness of the raggedy scarf, and that it would help him stirr out of this sleep that kept him from everyone. Yet, if he woke now… Mikasa didn't want to be the one to tell him that he would have to submit his last freedom to the government. She dared not think of how he would react.

"You can still fix things," Hanji said after another hot silence. Mikasa inhaled, the blistering air burning through her nostrils and lungs before exhaling through her lips, scalding.

"Where's the water basin?" She murmured, easily putting end to the topic. The young woman stood to reach for the warm, wet rag by the foot of Eren's bed. Hanji pointed to its location and Mikasa grabbed it, keeping her gaze firmly away from her conscious companion.

The scientist remained silent and looked on as Mikasa began to dutifully wipe the sweat off Eren's face and neck. Not for the first time, Mikasa half-wished her brother and best friend to wake up now. Or any time soon. If only to take solace in seeing his bright green gaze again… yet now there was a secret part that hoped he didn’t wake.

To remain in blissful and harmless sleep.

* * *

The next couple of weeks were spent similarly to how the past few days had been. Even after the mandate had been solidified over the Military for the last fortnight, soldiers remained in silent contemplation as they had the first day it had been announced. The air was heavy and while the heat was mercifully passing with windy days, the lethargy and exhaustion of such a newly placed burden made small talk seem almost pointless.

Still, that wasn't to say some people didn't try.

"So, how does this thing work, then?" Connie asked, a bewildered annoyance making his eyebrows brush his hairline. Sasha bit off a large piece of her bread, not meeting his eyes decidedly. Across from her sat Jean, the light haired boy glared at his untouched soup. Connie paused from his inquiries, taking a moment to notice a strange tension between the two.

"Hey, you guys here?" Connie leaned forward, placing his survey down on the wooden table.

"Mm?" Sasha hummed, all too innocently as she chewed.

"What do you want, Connie?" Jean sighed, scratching at his bare forehead. He had had the bandages removed from his forehead once the medics had said his injury needed some time to breathe, yet the bruising on his skin seemed to be as angry as ever.

"I just wanna know," the shorter male elaborated, pressing his elbows on the table while mindlessly stirring his cooling soup. "You fill this out and what, that's it? You're paired off with someone? You can't take it back? How does it even work anyway?"

"How the hell would I know?" Jean grunted, lifting his mug of water to his lips before taking a long swig. He winced and lifted a hand to rub gingerly at his temple. Connie grimaced sympathetically but made no motion to ask if he was alright. Last time he'd dared to do so, Jean had tossed his fork at him in annoyance.

Connie shrugged. "I'm just curious, Jean. You don't have to be an ass about it."

"Just leave it alone, will you?" The other boy huffed, slamming his mug down. Sasha flinched at the sound. Connie then noticed how their eyes had jumped to each other's in that moment before the red haired girl ducked her head and Jean scowled miserably.

Thoroughly annoyed, Connie opened his mouth, ready to call the two out on their strange behaviour but was interrupted by Krista sliding down next to Sasha. The short blonde lifted a hand to pull a loose strand of corn yellow hair of her face, lips pursing into a pout.

"Hi, guys…" she muttered.

"Hey, Krista—"

"—it's Historia, Connie."

"—Right, anyway, do you know anything about this whole survey shit we have to fill out?"

The short blonde frowned but nodded shortly, Jean let out a short snort of disgust and Connie sent him a glare. "Yeah…I do."

"You wanna share with the rest of us?" Connie asked, ignoring Jean's noises of displeasure, Sasha just kept eating. Krista blinked those pretty baby blues up at them, glancing back and forth between Sasha and Jean's tense figures with something akin to disappointment and sympathy. _But why??_

Connie narrowed his eyes suspiciously but smartly kept his mouth shut. He would wait to find out more from Sasha later. Jean would just punch him in the face and Krista was as fast as a cat. With a decisive nod to himself, he cleared his throat – earning him Krista's attention.

"R-right, well… I spoke with the Commander just this morning about it." Krista began, lifting her spoon to stir the steaming soup. "He said there were a few conditions to the survey; only those who were not already in a serious relationship were required to fill in their documents to turn in."

"Wait…" Connie grabbed his bread from his plate, waving it at the blonde. "So you mean to say you don't have to fill it in if you're in a relationship?"

"A steady relationship," Krista corrected, mouth set in a thin line. "The couple would have to fill a joint document of engagement to be exempt from the survey. However, people who fill in that document under false pretences to find a way out of the survey would get severely punished."

"So what you're saying is…"

"Unless you know you want to get married with someone, you still have to fill the survey in," Krista nodded. Connie bit his lip, Jean's fists were clenched tight and Sasha was staring at the remaining piece of her bread with a haunted expression. "The only people who don't have to worry about filling out anything are those who have been disabled in anyway, decorated officers of state and… infertile soldiers."

She fell quiet for a moment, lifting a spoonful of soup to her lips before deciding against it with a soft sigh. Connie let his bread fall back to his plate when another thought occurred to him.

"What if you fill in the survey but then meet someone and want to marry them?" Krista blinked in surprise, Sasha glanced up at her suddenly alert and Jean was abruptly leaning a bit closer.

Jean scoffed. "Why, did you meet someone?"

"Did you?" Connie returned, flatly. The taller male narrowed his eyes into a murderous stare, one Connie could easily disregard. He didn't fail to notice how Sasha was suddenly ripping her bread apart with shaky hands.

"W-well, what the Commander told me," Krista interjected, throwing the two boys a cautious look, "He said that once the survey has been turned in there really isn't anything you can do. Once you get paired off you're stuck with that person unless they die or something…"

"So either way, you're stuck," a new voice interjected and Krista tensed, her grip on her spoon tightening. Connie glanced up and saw Armin, sweaty and cloaked in his green cape, standing just a little way behind the short blonde woman. _Freaking kid got so tall._ Connie thought covetously but the thought died when he saw the dark shadow creeping over the other senior cadet’s face.

“Armin,” Connie greeted, eyebrows furrowing.

"What's this?" Jean chuckled darkly. "I thought you were all for this shitty mandate, Armin."

Armin did not look at him, his blue eyes remained trained on the back of Krista's head, a saddened expression dulling his gaze. The expression was similar to the one Connie had seen when the blond had told them of Eren's situation; defeated, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and let the years melt away…

"Ah…" Armin sighed, letting his gaze fall to the floor. Jean's jaw clenched but said no more.

"Say, Krista…" Sasha piped up, her voice cheery despite the false smile over her lips. "Are you going to finish your bread?"

The woman in question glanced at the redhead, eyes wide before they crinkled and she looked back at her bowl of soup. Sliding the whole tray over, Krista murmured, "You can have it all," before getting to her feet and walking away. Armin’s blue eyes followed her as she passed by, watching her with an absolutely agonized expression.

"I'm not hungry," the girl finished before heading over to the main doors. Connie stayed silent as he observed the longing look in Armin's eyes as he saw her leave before looking back at Sasha who was currently staring into the soup bowl Krista had passed over, lips trembling.

“Hey Armin,” Connie muttered, the boy looked at him. “I don’t know what’s going on but… you should go after her.” Armin blinked at him, stunned, but seemed to have snapped out of his frozen daze. With a short and determined nod, Armin turned and marched out.

"Krista," Armin's voice called to her, his footsteps rapidly fading towards the main doors. "Wait!"

Jean seemed to have found that moment as good as any to leave and with a final glare to Connie (and guilty glance at Sasha), stood and left in the opposite direction. Connie remained silent when red-head snapped her gaze up to watch him leave, her expression torn. She made a move toward the retreating back of the pale haired boy and almost stood to follow but stopped when the door that lead to the courtyard slammed behind him. Her butterscotch eyes turned back to stare into Krista's abandoned soup, no longer looking like she could stomach another bite. Something entirely unheard of when it came to her and food.

With a long sigh, Connie shook his head at the drama unfolding before him and dipped his bread into his cold soup before taking a bite of the soggy food. _'Damn it…'_ he thought with a bitter smirk.

_'Why does life have to continuously suck for all of us?'_

* * *

Her footsteps echoed around her as she marched out of the mess hall, blue eyes staring forward to an unseen destination. All she knew was that she needed to get as far away from him as possible.

"Krista!" She heard him call and Krista bit her lips, not bothering to acknowledge him, much less correct him of her real name. She trudged on, blonde hair bouncing against her back in her loose ponytail.

"Krista, wait!"

'No. I'm not going to.' Krista thought determinedly, scowling as she rounded a corner and headed over to the open door that led to the inner gardens. She hoped to lose him there. Ever since the Liberation, the Corps had received all manner of gifts of gratitude from merchants and civilians and politicians alike. The once empty lot they called the gardens was now filled to the point of bursting with blooms and flora and fauna from all over the territories.

_Edelweiss, Enzian, Alpenrose…_ Krista sounded off their types in her head, in a desperate attempt to ignore Armin's callings. _Faltenlillie, Dahlie, Narzisse, Flieder…_

"Krista, hold on! I want to talk to you."

_Arnika, Feuer Lillie, Margerite…_

"Krista!"

_Please, just go away._

"Krista!" a hand on her wrist yanked her back, pulling her from her strut and forcing her to turn to face him. Krista gave a tiny squeak of indignation but felt the sound stop midway in her throat when she met his blue eyes, gazing at her with a pleading gaze.

"Krista, please," he implored.

"Let me go, Armin," she demanded but her voice came out small when she realized just how tall he was as he stood so close to her, how tall he had gotten and how his hair now fell past his shoulders and was held back in a half ponytail. Krista hadn’t realized how his jaw had broadened and his shoulders fell into strong muscular slopes. Gone was the lanky body of the boy she had grown along with, stretching into the slim yet strong muscular form of a man’s.

"Not until you agree to talk to me," He insisted, ( _his voice was deeper too…when did that happen?_ ) yet his grip on her wrist softened when she made no move to recoil from him.

"We have nothing to talk about." Armin shook his head, eyebrows furrowing as he refused to let her go.

"You don't have to say anything." His voice lowered as his grip slid from her wrist to grip at her hand. His fingers were smooth and gentle against her palms. "Just hear me out."

"I don't want to," Krista forced out through tight lips, trying to push away the pleasant feeling his skin ignited on hers. "Just let me go."

Armin pushed on, his thumb caressing over the skin of her hand, sending pleasant tingles up her arm. “I know you’re still hurting. Losing Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie. I know you still cry over losing Ymir. I know she was very dear to you."

_Stop it._  Yet his voice was so gentle and soothing, comforting and pulling her in like a soft flame on a cold night. Krista was torn between falling through the space to press her forehead against his firm chest and tearing her hand away.

"I know I could never replace or even hope to fill the void that her death left," He continued, his blue eyes peered into hers, offering understanding and a (much needed) kindness. His words reminded her of the pain she was constantly trying to shove within, to bury inside and simply forget. The constant stress of breaking down into a million tiny pieces was wearing her thin, running her ragged. "But you told me that I was good enough… you said I was a good person and that I was good enough for you."

He took a step forward and among the scent of all the flowers around her, Krista caught his. It was sharp and masculine, standing out over the softness of the blooms. Enticing, surrounding, and filling her nose with his musk. She could practically feel Armin's warmth through the layers of clothes and she could not push away the memory of waking up in his arms just months ago in the infirmary.

_"Stay," she whispered and his arms tightened around her as tears fell from her eyes._

"All I want is to make things right…" His eyes looked so sincere, his grip on her hand was so warm. Armin glanced down at her lips, as if realizing how much space there was between them and she could plainly see the storm of emotions battling behind those tempestuous eyes of his. He leaned forward, dipping his chin near her mouth as if unable to stop himself, "Krista…"

_"That's my Krista!" Ymir's smiling face beamed at her, as she threw her arm around her neck. "After this is all done marry me!" Her laugh echoed in the tense space, and it was a tender comfort in the midst of the destruction of Trost._

_Stop it._

_"Ymir, don't give up!!" Krista exclaimed, throwing her blades out as she spun in the air. "We've fought this hard, so don't you dare forget who's here for you!"_

_I said, stop._

_"We aren't mindless," Ymir mumbled against her hair, Krista could feel the tired and broken smile over the freckled woman's lips. "We aren't…Krista…"_

_Stop it._

"It's not Krista," she said, her voice came out harder than she had meant to. Armin recoiled, looking stung by the harshness in her tone. "It's Historia. So if you're going to call me something, Armin, call me that."

He didn't respond, only looked at her as if he had been kicked. His grip on her hand went limp and she could feel her arm fall to her side into a closed fist.

"I have to go, Armin." Her chest was aching at how he searched her eyes. She really hoped he wouldn't be able to see the pain she so clearly felt. 'I can't do this, Armin. Please understand… I just can't'.

"Krista, I—" Armin began, but his voice died when she tore her gaze away from him. Krista hated herself for trembling, hated herself for crying even now. 'I'm sorry.' Without daring to say another word, she turned on her heels and began to walk away from him, fists clenched tight at her sides. With every passing step, she tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. That Armin deserved someone better, less broken and more whole. Less fractured from all this weight of Humanity's Liberation and better capable of giving him the life he wanted, the life he deserved. A life Krista couldn't possibly give him.

Yet despite how convincing her arguments were, Krista could not convince herself and so she walked away because it was all she knew how to do. She moved on despite how much her heart begged her to turn back and run into his open arms and just let him ease her suffering… To take away her pain.

Krista didn't know what hurt worse; the fact that she was walking away, or the fact that Armin let her.

* * *

Mikasa stared at the ceiling in the dark, onyx eyes making figures and shapes as the light of the moon strengthened and waned with the passing of clouds. The night was cooler than it had been a week ago, a blessing cast over their heads. Yet regardless of the cool breeze outside, she lay sprawled on top of the covers, hardly concealed even by her own nightgown. 'What time was it?' Who knew… there were moments when Mikasa closed her eyes and thought she was dreaming, finally cast into fleeting sleep… but then her eyes would open again because those thoughts and would-be dreams always morphed into the same face. His face.

"Levi…" The name escaped her mouth, cracking the ever present silence softly. She did not know why she said his name. But Mikasa allowed herself a moment to relish the way it curled from her tongue to tickle past her lips, relished it like a blessing. Yet, it only proved to be a curse. A hidden pressure on her chest suddenly broke toward the back of those onyx eyes and nose. Tears have begun to well, stinging and blurring the dim shapes on the ceiling.

They spilled silently down those eyes to escape into dark hair, tickling the skin behind her ears. Memories come unbidden and uncontrollable, much like the tears flowing freely from her eyes. Memories of flying into trees, spinning past one another in hard learned synchronization, of blades slicing into the skin of the now extinct giants. Of how they'd spend time training together, sitting on a bed staying up until dawn and talking about everything… All those memories slid down dark crinkled obsidian eyes, staining her face more harshly than his gaze ever did.

If someone were to ask her when everything changed, Mikasa would probably not be able to pinpoint an exact time. In all honesty, she didn't know when she'd found she didn't hate the blue eyed corporal ( _maybe it was when he jumped from the mouth of Annie's titan form, carrying in his arms an unconscious Eren, dripping with saliva_ ). Nor the moment she realized how alluring his gaze was and still is.

And yet, Mikasa could pinpoint the exact moment she realized that her feelings for the corporal were certainly not of a simple admiration, or of a solitary respect. It had been the moment she saw Levi nearly get crushed by the hurling frame of a 17 meter Titan. The fear that jumped in her throat, the desperation and the almost violent need to save him had not been enough to shove the heinous shock that paralyzed her in mid-air.

It had been an Aberrant throwing itself to catch an unsuspecting Sasha in its mouth when Jean shot forward and sliced its neck with a terrible cry. Sasha had managed to dodge the dead corpse just barely as it careened through an open space amongst the trees, heading directly towards Levi. The Corporal's gear had malfunctioned in that instant, refusing to respond when he tried to change course from the collision. His eyes widening in horror were enough to zap ice-cold fear into Mikasa's stomach.

"LEVI!!" She had shrieked, fingers tightening around her hilts in a jolt of terrible fright when his blue eyes flashed to hers in that second. The next thing Mikasa saw was the Titan's corpse crash against a set of trees where Levi's body had been. The horror that filled her had not been unlike the moment she had witnessed Annie's Titan form rip Eren out of the skin of his. It nearly consumed her and Mikasa didn't know what she would've done if not for Armin's loud cry, urging her to look again. Thankfully, Eren had acted, swooping in and tackling Levi's shorter frame out of the way from meeting a gruesome end.

Sure enough, she'd found them tangled on the ground and groaning from the sharp landing. Mikasa had never moved faster. The dark haired girl careened toward them before throwing her arms around both their necks, trembling as she could feel her corporal breathing, pained and irritated but so alive.

"Mikasa, get off,” Levi grunted. She did, composing herself quickly before anyone else saw. When they stood, she'd had to fight the urge to throw her arms around him again. Instead she settled on smiling at him in relief, which made him only look at her with a curious and strange expression.

"You alright, Corporal?" Eren had inquired, concerned and breathing heavily.

"Yeah, well done, Eren." Levi nodded shortly yet his eyes did not fall from Mikasa's tight lipped stare. He opened his mouth to say something but hesitated and her eyes fell to his lips, wanting so intensely and so abruptly to press her own mouth against them. When he did speak the spell was broken but it's effect unforgotten. She knew then that her feelings for the corporal had drastically changed from hate, from curiosity and even a small unwilling affection.

Because for one moment Mikasa truly believed he had been lost to her forever.

The relief that had followed the instant soon died, replaced by an unusual paranoia that fed into her nightmares. The image of Levi's bloodied and smeared corpse, slathered against a tree in red and torn green rorchached into her exhausted mind, making her heart give a painful wrench and her breath choke tightly in her throat.

Slamming a fist against the mattress, Mikasa let the motion jerk her mind away from those terrible images, away from Levi all together. She turned on her side, sniffling, and closed her eyes tightly in an attempt to expel those thoughts and let sleep in. But slumber turned into a fleeting hope and after a few long minutes of tossing and turning, she sat up on her bed with an exasperated sigh.

Looking up, she spotted the white papers of her survey, laying innocently against the wood of her desk. Biting her lips tightly, Mikasa pulled her body from the bed, snatched a pencil and a box of matches from her drawer and sat down. Within moments, the dark haired girl had flicked a match and lit her lamp. Before her, the looping and curling letters on the document taunted her mercilessly, and in a desperate lack of judgement, Mikasa began to silence them. The lead of her pencil scratched against the pale surface, filling out every question with an answer that she wished she didn't have.

_"I would never want to be with someone so brutal."_ Her own words slammed against the back of her ears, making her writing become darker with the pressure of her fingers. _"I would never want to be with someone so hateful."_

The tears returned and trailed fire down her cheeks. How could she have said those things? Mikasa tried to focus on the questions of her papers, hands trembling.

_"I would much rather live out my days cold and alone than be with someone who so willingly killed our humanity for the sake of revenge."_

_Blue eyes stared at her, cold and betrayed, distant. "If alone is what you want… then alone is what you'll get."_

Mikasa shoved the papers aside, teeth clenching tightly as the pencil broke in her fist. She couldn’t hold it back any longer. "I'm sorry…" She wept, pathetic and broken. "L-Levi… I'm so sorry."

Sobs racked her body as Mikasa felt all of her frustration, pain, and regret consume her.

* * *

_TBC_


	4. Broken Halves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Levi sees something he was not prepared for and the surge of emotion that follows takes him down a path of memories he did not want to revisit. Meanwhile, the constant stresses of the mandate continue to wear down the revered Commander, and he takes a small respite in a drink and the company of the woman he desires most in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s inspired track(s) are: Reunion, Byzantium, and Enough for One Life – by Jesper Kyd and Lorne Balfe from Assassin’s Creed Revelations, The Assassin’s Creed III Theme by Lorne Balfe, and Counter Attack Mankind by Hiroyuki Sawano from the Attack on Titan official OST.

**-: IV :-**   
**Broken Halves**

* * *

The door to Erwin’s study was slightly ajar when Levi made his way down the hallways, adjusting his cravat with some distaste, a packet of papers held under the crook of his arm. While it was considerably cooler this day than it had been three weeks ago, the heat was making it difficult to keep the white cloth around his neck. Having already nixed his beige jacket, Levi didn’t want to be walking around like a common cadet. The cravat remained on his neck, loose and damp with traces of sweat.

The previous night had been torturous and vacant of restful sleep, making his already irritable attitude all the more sour. The Captain had resigned himself to sitting on his bed, glaring hot daggers at the innocent packet of papers that would promised a ‘fine compatible match’ if he just filled out the questions. What complete horse shit that was.

_“You are a Captain, Levi.” Erwin had sighed, rubbing his temples, looking more exhausted than Levi had seen him. At least he wasn’t giving in to growing that nasty beard that had swallowed half his face once upon a time. “A superior officer. If not by your example, our subordinates will most likely find means to riot against the capital.”_

_“Why the hell shouldn’t they?” Levi asked with a shrewd shrug. “This government has become shit anyway, why shouldn’t they try to fight their way out of this? What’s one more war?”_

_“Humanity cannot afford another war,” Erwin stressed, leaning towards his shorter compatriot with a fierce stare. “We are on the brink, Levi. Hanging by our teeth on the very precipice of chaos and you want these exhausted cadets to push a civil riot against the monarchy? They would destroy themselves… and effectively seal Humanity’s fate.”_

_Levi tore his gaze away to stare out the window of Erwin’s study. A bird flew over the sky to disappear into the trees outside the castle. Oh, if only…_

_“We will worry ourselves with forming a new government later, Levi.” Erwin sat back, letting his head fall against the top of his chair. “For now, I must ask you to sacrifice just a little more…as your commanding officer.”_

_Levi scoffed, “and as my friend?” looking back into the aged gaze of the Aryan before him. Erwin sighed slow and languidly as a tense silence filled the space of the study._

_“When was the last time you spoke to her?” Erwin murmured. Levi clenched his jaw tightly, hands falling to curl into fists at his sides._

_“I have nothing to say to her.” He hissed quietly, feeling the severe irritation of his comrades’ meddling stir hot ire in his chest. Erwin said nothing but look at him with a most piteous stare. Levi almost lunged at the older man – prepared to wipe that stupid look off his face when a soft knock broke from the door._

_“Come in,” Erwin called. The door swung open to reveal the blonde hair and blue eyes of Krista Lenz. The petite girl walked in, throwing the two officers wary glances, as if sensing the tense and almost hostile atmosphere._

_“Commander Erwin, Captain Levi,” Krista nodded to them, placing a fist to her chest in a salute. “Forgive me, was I interrupting something?”_

_“Ah, Historia.” Erwin greeted and Levi straightened from his stance by the wall. “Not at all. I do recall you had some questions for me. Levi, we’ll continue this conversation later.”_

_“No, Erwin. We won’t.” Levi replied, evenly despite the acid burning in the back of his throat. Erwin tossed him a warning glance, one Levi shrugged off as he walked out the room._

_“At ease, brat.” Levi grunted as he passed Krista’s petite form. The girl sputtered a goodbye as Levi’s footsteps faded out the door._

Sacrifice just a little bit more, huh? Where did he get the nerve?

Yet, orders were orders and while he had often wanted nothing more than to brutally kick those stupid words out of Erwin’s mouth, Levi still trusted Erwin. Still owed him a debt.

So, the short captain pushed himself off his bed, grabbed his ink and pen and began to fill out the questions on the survey. The taste of bile on his tongue made the simple task almost laborious, yet Levi managed to complete it just before the sun’s rays broke over the horizon.

Upon reaching the Commander’s study, Levi pushed his way right in without a care for knocking or announcing his appearance. Erwin was waiting for him anyway. Sure enough, the Commander was sitting there, scribbling away on reports and statistics and shit Levi couldn’t honestly bring himself to care about.

"Good morning," Erwin greeted, obviously annoyed by the shorter man’s rude entrance. Moving towards the large desk, Levi tugged the packet from under his arm before slapping it directly in front of the blond man, right over his work. Erwin’s eyebrow twitched and he exhaled, irritated.  _Good._

"It’s done. I hope this satisfies.” Levi said easily, as if he were mentioning something as trivial as the weather.

"Yes," the Commander began slowly, grabbing the questionnaire and glancing through it briefly, "It does.” Levi felt his upper lip twitch at the blatant lie but didn’t bother calling him out on it.

"Good." The Captain grunted before turning on his heels and beginning to walk back out the open door. “Try to make it clear that I will not tolerate being paired off with some idiot brat, Erwin. Otherwise, I will have more than just words.”

"Levi, wait,” Erwin called. His voice came out on a thin and hopeless note, making Levi pause mid step yet he made no move to face his commanding officer. "Hold on, I want to talk."

Setting his jaw, Levi slowly turned to look at the tired expression on Erwin’s face. The Commander’s blue eyes widened in surprise, obviously not expecting what he saw. “God, you look awful. Have you—”

"Slept?" Levi cut in, looking away to skim his narrow steel blue eyes over the desk, not wanting to meet Erwin’s piercing stare. A stack of papers caught his eye and Levi let his eyes fall over the script, "No, I was too busy filling out the King’s goddamn matchmaking…survey…” the words slowly died on Levi’s tongue as he caught the writing on the top of one of the papers, recognizing it as one of the surveys but feeling his stomach clench when his eyes found something worse. Much worse.

"Levi," Erwin said confused, eyebrows narrowing with concern. That tiny shred of interest in what Erwin had to say died a cold and brutal death. Unless his eyes were lying to him, and they weren’t, Levi saw that the survey had been filled out and now sat there, taunting him with familiar handwriting and the only name Levi had been least prepared to see upon it.

_Mikasa Ackerman_

Ice filled the space where Levi’s heart now sat, refusing to beat as it dropped into the tundra that was once his stomach. An emptiness Levi had not anticipated filled him with terrible disbelief, shock and sorrow.

She had signed the document, filled it out and turned it in.

There was no denying it, then. Everything faded to grey around him, staring at that curling and sharp script over such an innocently looking paper.

It only occurred to Levi after a moment of standing there, as if he had just witnessed a Titan swallow his entire heart whole, that Erwin was speaking. His words, while clear, didn’t seem to register in Levi’s mind, filtering through his ears and falling dead to the ground without meaning. Whatever he was saying, Levi didn’t want to hear it. None of it mattered anyway.

"Is this terribly urgent or can I be excused?" Levi interrupted, voice hard and dead of emotion. Erwin paused mid speech, staring at Levi with a perplexed expression. Blinking, Erwin turned his eyes to where Levi had been staring. Erwin’s face paled a stark white, lips pressing into a tight line and he lifted a hand to wipe at his face, frustrated. Heaving a deep sigh, Erwin nodded.  

"Yeah," Erwin relented, taking the packet and flipping it upside down. Not that it would do much good, it was too late already. "We can talk later." 

The dark haired captain needed no further permission, he was out the door before the blond officer could finish his sentence.

In truth, Levi had finished the stupid survey in an hour, hoping that at least finishing that irritating task would grant him passage to a dreamless sleep. It didn’t. In the hours that followed, he remained staring outside the window of his room, hoping to meditate and flush his mind clean of all the what-if’s and should’ve-beens. At one point in the night, Levi had to fight the urge to shoot off from his bed and to march down the hallways, turn straight into her room and bite off that damned woman’s lips off. He never hated her so much as he did then, because even while he wished to make it known to her how much she had grown to mean to him, her words had hammered him in to doing nothing.

The desire to burn his lips over her skin raged inside of him, raged into his flesh, making him clench at the wood of the chair until it splintered against his fingers. Levi wanted nothing more than to grab her and press her against sweat drenched covers and make such love to her that she would forget her own name, and scream his instead. Make her understand that what he did he did for their sake…make her understand with every caress and every feverish touch of his skin. Only…that would be impossible now.

Mikasa had made it abhorrently clear that she would not run into his arms ever again. Her dark eyes had stared into his with obsidian rage, those lips that had uttered such gentle words to him and had once grazed against his flesh tenderly had curled into a vicious snarl, spitting acid needles into his soul. She had turned into a snake before him, body tensing to attack him and bite death into his flesh.

It had startled but not surprised him. He had expected her to react how she did. He knew, even if he had hoped she wouldn’t, act exactly how she did. The memories came, unbidden to play behind his clenched eyes, teeth gritting and fingers squeezing tight despite the wood biting into his calloused palms.

_“Why?” She whispered, tears beginning to well in her eyes. “Why won’t you just tell me? I need to know…please.”_

_The ache in his chest spread everywhere, making him feel numb and empty. Levi tried to look away, tried to offer some excuse to leave but they were in his room. Where would he go?_

_“I can’t,” Levi sighed and her face flashed with anger, tears finally spilling over those dark enticing eyes of hers._

_“Bullshit,” Mikasa snapped, lifting her hands to wipe at the treacherous stains on her cheeks. “You told me you didn’t want anything to happen to me. Not Eren, not anyone else –_ me _.” She leaned forward, pressing a trembling hand on his. The sensation sent a jolt through his skin, Levi nearly pulled way from her._

_“I know I mean more to you now…” Her voice came out tiny, as if she realized that there would be ears listening in through the cabin’s walls. “I’ve tried to deny it for months, Levi. And then you nearly died and I…” her voice broke and the tears come full force, yet she still refused to look away. The ache pulsed in his chest, making it so hard to breathe._

_When had this happened?_

_“Please, just tell me why I shouldn’t.” Mikasa insisted, lips tightening as she tried to hold back her weeping. Seeing her like this… it killed him._

_“Mikasa,” the sound of her name falling from her lips urged her forward, her lips just inches away from his, gripping on to his hand like a lifeline._

_“Levi…” Mikasa breathed and he could feel her hot breath against his lips, making it nearly impossible to resist her. To pull her against him and make her his. For nearly eighteen months he had grown and lived by her side. Eighteen months of working together and slowly building a relationship far stronger than either had anticipated. They had become more than just a Titan killing machine. They had become halves of the same whole. He knew this when he had felt the fear of losing her completely bulldoze through his heart. The surge of blood thirsty anger that made him move forward and kick the gun pointed directly at her face and step between her and anyone who dared get in his way._

_“You so much as touch her,” Levi had spat hot malice at the shocked military pig’s face. “And I will slaughter you and personally toss your pathetic carcass into the mouth of the nearest titan.”_

_Since then, their dynamic had changed. Suddenly, they were exchanging glances that meant more than small in-jokes or respectful wishes. Every time his skin brushed hers it filled him with such life, made him feel as if he could take on the entire world._

_But a flash of light brown eyes and a smooth smile pushed into his mind, making his heart fall with the memory of the last woman he had allowed into his heart._

_Petra was dead._

_And in this world, Levi could just as easily be taken._

_Levi blinked as she waited for him, hand aching from where she was squeezing. Yet, the pain of making her feel the loss he was still suffering through stopped him from giving in. Surviving the loss of his squad, the loss of his lover had been hell itself. It still is. He dared not wished that fate on her, she was still too young to carry so much hell already. He couldn’t possibly wish to add more to that._

_So, Levi did what he knew to be the right thing and it ripped a hole deep into where his heart was beating._

_“Go to sleep, Ackerman.” Levi muttered, pulling his hand away from her and tearing his gaze away. Standing, Levi moved towards the window of his room, refusing to face her. He could hear her choke back a sob, hear her footsteps disappear – crashing on the ground like the sound of shattering hopes. He hated himself the moment she stepped out the door, and hated himself ever more since she shut the door behind her._

He wanted to take it back, take back those wretched words because he feared breaking every inch of her. Levi was not afraid of dying. He was afraid of dying and leaving her to suffer her years without him. So Levi did what he could to protect her, when he should’ve just kissed her instead.

After the end, after everything finally came to a close and he watched her hold on to Eren’s hand, a part of him broke free when they realized the Titans were gone. Truly, completely gone. They had survived. He had survived, and when she looked at him across the bloodied battlefield, he could feel the hope in his chest bring his heart back to life.

He had wanted nothing more than to run to her, cradle her bloodstained face and promise her that he would never cast her away again.

But something in her gaze stopped him. Levi had expected her to look at him with that same hope, that same desire to return to how they had been. Two halves of a whole. Instead, she gazed at him guarded and distrustful. It confused him terribly until it hit him in the stomach that she knew… _she knew_.

She had discovered a secret that he had sworn to keep for the sake of humanity, and because of that she exposed him. Like a nerve.

_Her eyes were flat when they met his across the large courtroom of the Monarch. Onyx eyes staring at him with no love, no affection, but a carefully placed apathy that had been laced with disdain. Levi made no move to approach her, resolving instead to stand by Erwin and giving in his own words when all the facts had to be gathered. That entire time, she stared at him. Piercing her own accusations in silence as he stood in defense of the Survey Corp, of Erwin Smith._

_“Do you admit to seeing Eren Jager’s ability as a means to extort the events of the last three years?” The question came easily from the mouth of the Marquis overseeing the trial._

_“Yes,” Levi replied, catching the hardening of her gaze sharply. “I knew there would be no other way to manipulate him.”_

_“So you knowingly formed the new squad consisting of Eren Jager’s close friends.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“To what end?”_

_“After the events that lead up to the battle with the titan shifters, Eren’s resolve had shaken.” Levi drawled. “With what needed to be done, there was no possible way he would’ve been able to perform in the line of duty if not faced with the present need to protect his comrades. This is something we all have taken upon ourselves.”_

_“So you justify placing the lives of younger cadets in order to establish your control over him?”_

_“This is war,” Levi’s eyes flashed. “I hold no remorse.”_

_“Truly?” The Marquis asked, beady eyes twinkling with disgust. “No remorse that the boy you pushed over the edge now lies in a coma with no evidence he may ever wake up?”_

_Levi’s eyes narrowed, blue irises hardening into ice. “Humanity has been saved.” He looked back into the eyes of the woman who now was glaring at him with more loathing than he had been subject to the first time he saw her. “I have no remorse.”_

Not long after the trial, Levi had been waiting in the room assigned to him. The door opened and shut, he didn’t have to turn to know Mikasa had come to confront him.

_“You used me.” Mikasa hissed, her hands clenched tight at her sides. Levi half turned to face her, his expression as flat as it had been in the courtroom. She was not questioning him. It was a statement._

_“I did.” Levi replied, not bothering to deny anything. She could believe what she wanted to._

_“All those months,” Her voice shook, ferocious. “All that time, I believed you had put me on your team because you honored my skills and so I could protect Eren. But I was only there to make his burden heavier. You used me my presence to make it harder on him.”_

_“I do not deny it.”_

_“Then, why?!” She cried, bearing her teeth tightly at him._

_“I did my duty,” Levi replied._

_“So all that time, all those nights we talked…” Mikasa’s voice broke and Levi fought the urge to reach for her. “You were only trying to understand me so you could continue to use him?” The question shocked him, his breath choking in his throat as Levi stared at her, wide eyed. A burst of anger lit blue flames under his eyes._

_“Is that what you think?” Levi spoke lowly, anger burning through his veins like poison. “You truly believe I would do that to you after all we’ve been through?”_

_“Is that not why you did it?” the raven haired girl stepped forward, eyes flashing with such black, violent emotion that it filled him with dismay. “Is that why you refused to answer me when I came to you? You finally found one shred of human decency not to lead me to believe you loved me so I could only play into your hands?”_

_Levi moved as quickly as lightning, grabbing her around her scarf he slammed her against the door, breathing angry air against her face. Mikasa let out a short yelp when her head collided against the wood, but she did not back down._

_“I sacrificed nearly all of my humanity for Eren,” Levi ground out, squeezing her arm against the door as he crushed her. “I did what I had to not, just for everyone alive but all of my comrades who had died because of those filthy titan shifters. I did it so I would ensure none of their deaths were in vain. But not once, Mikasa,” Levi hissed out her name like a curse, she grimaced. “Not once did I ever lie to you when it came to how I felt for you. I made my choices because I am a soldier and your superior officer. You want to hate me? Then do it, but don’t you ever question my honor or call me a liar to my face, ever again.”_

_“You expect me to believe that?” Mikasa laughed bitterly. “You honestly expect me to believe you after all this? Give me one good reason why I should,_ Captain _,” She mocked. “Just one.”_

_Silence filled their space, broken by their violent breaths and livid stares. Levi had given her all the reasons to believe him, and she had taken none of them. Hand shoving her scarf away, Levi stepped back while he adjusted his cravat, never taking his narrowed gaze from hers._

_“You don’t want to believe me?” Levi asked. “Fine, don’t. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”_

_“I hate you,” Mikasa said under her breath, almost completely inaudible. Her announcement stabbed hot knives viciously at his heart. Sharp pain filled his chest, burning agony through his lungs, even though his face remained impassive. “I would never want to be with someone so brutal. I would never want to be with someone so hateful.” Each word was another knife, pressing into the flesh of his chest, making him bleed._

_“ _I would much rather live out my days cold and alone than be with someone who so willingly killed our humanity for the sake of revenge."__

_Levi could feel his mask falter, just begin to crack under her hateful gaze. The shorter man let out a soft noise of bitter amusement, unable to stop the pain from showing through his eyes for one moment._

_‘You meant more to me than anything in this world…’ He had once thought. Oh, how life was cruel._

_“If alone is what you want,” Levi said darkly, eyes burning into hers like ice and fire and betrayal. “Alone is what you’ll get.”_

_He had walked away, brushing past her like a broken ghost as he left her in the room. The silence that followed was worse than had he heard her break down in the room. He knew then that nothing could ever change between them._

_So why? Why did seeing her name on that survey made him hurt so much worse?_

_“Give it time,” Hanji told him once. “She’ll understand. Just give it time.”_

_Time did pass. Time had passed slow and bitter between them, nearly a year of nothing but time and silence and she still refused to go to him as he had refused to go to her. But there had been a small hope, hope that one day she would begin to look at him as she once did; gaze into his eyes warmly after he made a quip at Jean and his life threatening farts. A hope that they would once again look into each others eyes and share whole conversations without uttering a single word._

_But that hope was dead and its murderer came in the form of this stupid mandate that would forever keep them apart. Now, he had subjected himself to be paired off with some woman who would probably be closer to his age. She would be subservient to him, honor his every word and hold true to being a good mother to his children. Or she would hate him and make a mockery of their marriage whenever he turned his back as she ran into the arms of some other soldier._

The thought burned into the back of his throat, forcing an acid taste that made him grind his teeth. Kicking the main castle doors open, Levi barged through, startling soldiers and staff alike as he stormed down towards the supply shed and began to tie on his gear. For once, Levi wished there were still titans to kill, because he wanted nothing more than to rip something apart – humanity be damned.

Sliding onto a horse, Levi shot vicious glares at anyone who tried to talk to him, bursting into a gallop toward the main gate. The horse let out a loud whiny beneath him before rearing on its hind legs. Levi held on steadfast as the horse sprinted out the gates in a thunderous beat of hooves, the warm wind of the day tearing through his hair and cloak. The thought of ending with the wrong woman made Levi feel sick. The thought of Mikasa being with the wrong man only made everything worse.

And now that her brother was a vegetable, no doubt she would be paired with some moron who would never appreciate her like Levi would,  _did… still do_ , like he knew he could. 

The instant Levi had seen her name… he knew. Levi just knew… she was not waiting for him. All this time had been wasted, all that hope cast to the stars in vain. Mikasa had never been waiting for him and she would not need to now.

It was too late.

* * *

The door of the study slammed harshly for the twelfth time that day, the sound echoing in his ears brutally and a pulsing headache pressed behind blue eyes. Commander Erwin sighed as he sat back in his large chair, pressing his hands against his face as he tried to push past the latest protest to the mandate.

_“You can’t just treat us like we’re cattle!”_ Dieter’s voice had shouted at him, in his hands he clenched the insignia of the Survey Corp. _“We’re human beings! Isn’t that what we fought for?! To be free human beings?! Isn’t it?!”_

The Commander sat back and said nothing as the upset soldier continued to rant, and when he was exhausted Erwin told him what he had told the rest of the soldiers whom had filed their own complaints.

_“Our work is not over yet. There is still much to do for the sake of humanity. The moment you became a soldier was the moment you gave up certain freedoms to protect the people. That is the cost we all must pay to ensure our future.”_

But did he really believe that himself? Of course he did. Erwin knew, more than most, the sacrifices that needed to be made for the purpose of survival, of victory. He had already sacrificed much of his humanity for the cause, sacrificed hundreds of lives for it. However, he had not been entirely prepared to sacrifice his heart in this new predicament. He wasn’t aware he even had heart enough left to sacrifice.

A soft knock alerted the drained leader and he straightened in his seat, trying to compose his ragged appearance into something more suited to receive yet another shouting exclamation or even a demand to be discharged from the military. Erwin already had to sign a few of those when some of the soldiers reacted too violently to the mandate. Even so, it’s not as if it will help them.

The discharge would be dishonorable, despite years served to defend. It was frustrating that that had been one of the conditions Erwin had been instructed to follow by the Brass.

In all honesty, Erwin wasn’t certain how much more he could handle. Humane or not, he was still just a man.

“Come in,” the Commander called, clearing his throat and smoothing his hair against his scalp. The door opened slowly to reveal the sympathetic smile of Hanji Zoe, her shirt and jacket discarded, leaving only the tank top she wore under her clothes and the belts of her gear. The Aryan visibly relaxed upon seeing the redheaded woman and beckoned her forward with an extended hand.

“Hanji,” Erwin sighed, leaning back once she closed the door behind her.

“Not going so well, is it?” The woman whistled, placing her hands on her hips with a sigh.

“Ah, you heard that, then.” The Commander chuckled mirthlessly, Hanji gave a half shrug in response before a slow silence filled the space.

“How many is it now?” Hanji asked, her voice soft as she stared out the window. It was already late afternoon, the sunlight was beginning to burn from its bright vibrance to a burning amber. Erwin let out a slow breath, reaching over to one of his drawers and pulled out a glass bottle of burnt gold and two glasses. He set them on his desk before popping the top open and poured the sharp smelling liquid into the cups.

“Too many to count,” Erwin hummed as he poured the drinks. “Would you like some?”

“What happened to the ice?” Hanji teased, grinning as she took her glass and clinked it gently against his when he lifted it in an insignificant toast. They took a moment to sip at their beverage, Hanji pursed her lips as the sharp sensation bit at her tongue and throat before heating in her belly. Erwin let his lips smack together, obviously enjoying his drink in this short moment of respite.

“I’ve given a good amount of it to the soldiers,” Erwin replied and he served them another half glass of the alcoholic drink. “It’s the least I could do to try to appease them.”

“You’ll end up killing yourself if you keep trying to appease them,” Hanji muttered, grabbing the nearest chair to rest its back against Erwin’s desk. The scientist sat on it, her legs straddling the seat while her arms rested on the desk. One of her hands swirled her drink as she admired the way the sunlight bounced off the glass.

“If they don’t try to kill me first,” Erwin countered with a bitter smile. Hanji did not respond in kind, only threw the rest of the drink down her throat.

“So, tell me,” the blond man hummed curiously, “How is it like to be exempt from the mandate?”

“It’s complete utter shit,” Hanji snorted, extending her glass as Erwin served her another. “What are we drinking? It’s got a smokey flavor.”

“They call it Scotch.” Erwin said with a small smile, “Pixis recommended it to me about six months ago. He said it was better than whiskey.”

“And is it?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Erwin chuckled as he placed the square glass bottle on the center of the desk and the two shared a private grin when they saw rings of moisture build under their glasses and stain the paperwork. If Levi were here he’d been barking at them to use coasters. They settled into a comfortable silence, Hanji swirling her drink in her glass while Erwin contented himself in just watching her. For a moment, it was as if the mandate did not exist and the two could breathe in each other’s presence as much as they wanted. Hanji had always been a curious woman, something Erwin had respected and grown to admire and even enjoy.

He had grown along with her, had seen how brutal she had been in their youth and seen how she had changed. She had been so full of rage in those days, wanting nothing more than to rip titans to shreds with a manic joy. Back then, Erwin had kept his distance. He wouldn’t admit it, but they both knew that the Commander had once been quite intimidated by her rage and bloodlust.

Looking back it was funny, comical even, to see just how different they had been.

Whereas Hanji always looked forward to expeditions outside the wall, Erwin had dreaded them. She would insist on being sent out, if only to slake her thirst for Titan killing. Most people caved into the fear of being killed and eaten by the titans. Not Hanji. The woman flew into the air with laughter where others tried to maintain grim focus. It wasn’t until Erwin had seen first hand how she killed them, that he grew a fascination towards the insane fiery headed woman.

He could easily recall the day when that changed. When Hanji no longer remained obsessed with killing Titans, but grew to investigate them, to study them. He had only been a lieutenant back in those days.

_“Erwin!” Hanji exclaimed, soaked in steaming Titan blood and holding on to the steaming arm of a fallen titan. “Erwin come look!”_

_“What now, Hanji?” Erwin asked, weary and not entirely interested. The rest of their comrades were busy counting their dead, the last thing anyone wanted to do was peer closer at the dead carcasses of the enemy. The last time she had called to him like that she had sliced the Titan’s swollen stomach with her blades, it was at that point that they discovered the undigested corpses of soldiers in its belly. It had been a most gruesome discovery, and they had found out there that Titans had no need for eating humans for sustenance. It was not the sort of thing one forgets._

_“Look here, pick this up.” She extended the immense limb toward the lieutenant. Erwin’s nose curled at the sharp reek of the titan’s sliced limb. Yet it was at Hanji’s insistence that he extended his arms and she dropped the arm on his hands. Erwin felt his hands jerk in surprise, the limb was hot but what surprised him was the fact that it was so unbelievably light._

_“It’s… not heavy.” Erwin muttered in awe. Hanji nodded vigorously at him._

_“It makes no sense,” Hanji gushed, eyebrows scowling behind her spectacles. “The mass of the titan and their destruction to the scenery would infer that their weight would be equal in ratio… but this is far too light for it to make any sense at all…”_

_Erwin glanced up from the steaming limb to glance up at Hanji, her eyes were drawn and focused to the body of the Titan around them. The gleam of bloodlust Erwin had grown accustomed to seeing in her eyes whenever they talked about Titans was gone, replaced by a budding curiosity and confused frustration._

_“Would you say this was some kind of fluke, Erwin?” Hanji mused, tapping her chin pensively. Erwin allowed a small smile to lift his lips._

_“I’d say this is entirely in your field of expertise, Cadet Zoe.” Erwin said as he tossed the impossibly light weight limb to the redhead. She fumbled to catch it before grabbing it with both hands, looking at him with surprise. “I’m sure you can figure it out.”_

Their friendship evolved hand in hand with Hanji’s growth from hatred to curiosity. While most other people tended to avoid her, Erwin was always there to listen to Hanji’s sudden bursting theories concerning the Titans. He knew that her discoveries would bring them closer to finding an answer to their predator and so Erwin made sure the woman got promoted and with more permission to keep investigating.

It had been enough from his part to not have just gained her trust and respect, but her loyalty and devotion. Hanji had never failed to stand by his side throughout all those years. Through each failure and each botched expedition, Hanji met him with a smile and encouraging grip of the shoulder. He knew he cared for her, as did she for him. They had saved each other countless times on the battlefield and off it. When Mike and Levi joined their group and the amount of members of their legion that perished rose, the four held on to each other with tight perseverance. Before long Erwin had been promoted to Commander after the death of his superiors, and not long after Eren Jaeger had been discovered did Erwin soon realized the feelings he had harbored for the crazy scientist were more than trust and simple friendly affection.

He knew that the moment Mike had died in battle, knew the moment he saw Hanji approach the Wallists with a fierce and no-nonsense attitude. The night they had returned, Hanji had snuck into his room and stood by him as they mourned the loss of a good friend and fellow comrade.

_“You have not failed him, Erwin.” Hanji whispered as she placed a comforting hand over Erwin’s shoulder. Erwin met her watery gaze with his own, lifting a hand to grasp on to hers desperately. He dared not let anyone else see him fall apart. Hanji was the only one he trusted well enough with that alone._

_“What do you want me to do?” Hanji murmured, kneeling before him in complete support, brown eyes searching his eagerly. Her hands held on to his rough palms, squeezing firmly. “Anything, I’ll do it.” She swore._

_He couldn’t remember who moved first but the next thing he knew, Erwin was tasting that fiery woman’s lips and pushing her against his mattress. Tasting her flesh and feeling her gasp beneath him as he allowed himself to give in to the oblivion that was her comfort and kiss._

That next morning, he cradled her at his side as he pressed soft kisses to her temple. Hanji’s fingers trailed soft patterns of her his bare skin as they held one another. What followed was a progression of secret meetings and heated glances. Soon enough, he was bearing his entire soul to her, and her in return.

_“What was her name?” Hanji murmured one night as they laid in his bed, fully clothed and just relishing each other’s company. Erwin had stiffened under her, not realizing he was fingering the silver chain he kept hidden around his neck. It took him so long for him to admit to her that part of his life but sure enough Erwin spoke it and Hanji was holding him as he cried in recount of her death._

_The woman had been one he had grown along with in his early youth, she had been a cadet alongside him, yet she had joined the Garrison rather than the Survey Corp. Choosing to protect rather than destroy, she fought hard when the Colossal Titan breached the wall in Trost where she had been stationed. She had perished in the battle, all that remained of her was the chain she had given him years ago when he had only been a lieutenant._

_“That explains why you wanted to return so eagerly,” Hanji hummed as he explained. “Levi told me you looked especially panicked when you came to told him the news of the breach.”_

_“I had hoped that if we arrived in time we would be able to assist them and therefore spare more lives…” Erwin admitted, fist clenching over the trinket in his hand. “But we were too late.”_

_“I’m sure she fought valiantly, Erwin.” Hanji’s voice was laced with a gentle empathy, kissing his lips as tears slowly fell from his eyes to stain the pillows beneath them._

Each night they spent together they spent it in conversation of everything and anything they desired. For months, Erwin listened with apt admiration as the scientist gushed seemingly without end about her theories, burning them to his heart and mind as she spoke rapidly. In return, Hanji offered him a silent acceptance to his burdens, standing by him without question whenever a decision needed to be made for the sake of their people.

When it came to Levi and Mikasa, Hanji was most giddy, easily brushing off Erwin’s concerns for their age difference. _“Come on, Erwin,”_ Hanji rolled her eyes at him. _“You and I both know that Mikasa is the only one who could match Levi in temperament and skill. There couldn’t be a better match for our Captain.”_

_“Besides,” The bespectacled woman sighed with a glowing smile. “He’s already falling in love with her.”_

_“But is she falling in love with him?” The blond man interjected, more concerned that affection for the cadet was Levi’s way of getting over Petra’s death. That had been a particularly dark time for them. Convincing him to eat his meals alone had been nearly brutal after they had returned from the 57 th expedition. He did not want his comrade and friend to enter into a romance that would leave him unsatisfied, or worse – even more broken than he had started. _

_“Of course she is!” Hanji spun over on to her belly, looking at into the Aryan’s blue eyes with an excited grin. “She’s stubborn as a mule, that girl. When we were capturing Annie I saw her pull off one of Levi’s classic moves!”_

_“Hanji,” Erwin groaned. “That hardly counts as proof, besides that happened nearly two years ago.”_

_“Yes but ever since she’s been assigned to Levi’s squad, their whole demeanor has changed. I’m telling you, Erwin. They’re in sync. Ahh! It’s so beautiful! You should see them when they’re fighting!” The red head squealed into a pillow as if she hadn’t aged past sixteen. Erwin sighed, smiling nonetheless. He only hoped that the plan would go accordingly and if this girl was falling in love with their captain… Erwin wished that she would not abandon him. Levi was strong, but the burden on his back as Humanity’s Strongest Soldier was enough to make Atlas fall to his knees._

Hanji had always been there for him when he needed her most, and so he had to be there for her when she needed him.

_She sobbed quietly against his chest as he held her tightly to him. His hand caressed over the fallen locks of her red hair, curling soothingly as she heaved and trembled against him._

_“You’re sure?” Erwin murmured. Hanji nodded shortly against him._

_“I did the tests myself, Erwin,” the woman’s voice blew coldly against his ear, laced with bitterness and sorrow. “I can never have children.”_

_“I never knew you wanted to be a mother,” He said after a long silence and she had calmed in his arms. Her clenched fists had loosened to caress the skin of his chest._

_“It never occurred to me,” Hanji confessed, sniffing. “But there had been a hope that if I survived this… if I met a man whom I could see myself spend the rest of my life with… it made sense to bear him children. To give him a family.”_

_“We can still be a family,” Erwin whispered into her hair. She did not respond, and his heart was pounding hard against his chest, hoping that she wouldn’t reject what he was offering her. Yet his worry fell to the ground when he heard soft snores blow from her nose, she didn’t hear him at all. Erwin knew then that he had been serious, it didn’t really matter to him that she would not be able to bear them children. He just wanted to see her in his arms every morning and every night for the rest of his life._

When all the stakes were set and the battles planned, Erwin gave himself a moment to think about his future. Not just Humanity’s, but his own. Soon, he began planning to propose to her when they defeated their enemy, thinking carefully on how to ask her and making sure it would be something she would never be able to forget. Because in all his life, Hanji had always been unforgettable and so he wanted to make their union unforgettable.

He had the date all figured out on when he would ask her the question. He couldn’t find a ring in time to use for his proposal, and so he settled on giving her the only trinket that meant more to him over the years than anything else. He planned on giving her the necklace of his own beloved, and while it may have been unorthodox, Hanji would understand. Hanji always understood.

Yet, it just so happened that the day before Erwin could do so the mandate had been issued. The details of the mandate making it impossible for him to ever ask her to be his wife.

People thought Erwin was unaffected by this order, as if he were some kind of cold giant that couldn’t feel. But he did feel. In fact, he felt more than most.

And he felt such a terrible pain in his heart when he saw Hanji’s eyes brush over the words of the Mandate, watching as the hopeful light in her eyes, the curiosity, died and faded into the brown of her irises.

That night, Hanji did not come to him, unable to stand sleeping in his bed if it only meant she would watch him give his heart away to another. It had been the coldest night of his life… and each night since had been filled with a heavy despair that only amplified the more he heard the shouts of indignant soldiers and was subject to their scathing remarks.

“Have you filled it out, then?” Hanji’s words brought him back to the present. Blinking, the blond man looked down at the empty glass in her hands and it took him a moment of gaping at her to realize she was talking about the survey. _That damned thing._

“Erwin?” Hanji asked again, peering up at him through her glasses with an odd curiosity. “You still here?”

“Yes,” Erwin replied, the woman’s shoulders stiffened. “Yes, I’m still here.” At that, the scientist relaxed visibly, yet her face remained in its curious look, lips curling in her usual smile.

“You must be more tired than I thought,” Hanji said, leaning forward to get a good look at his face. The proximity made his heart begin to race against his chest, but Erwin maintained his cool. It had been very nearly a month since she had last been this close to him, and he could feel his body reacting to her presence. The ache and longing returned in his fingers and the Commander had to fight the urge to wrap his fingers around hers.

“When was the last time you had a good night’s sleep, Erwin?” Hanji inquired, looking over him worriedly.

“I haven’t slept well since this mandate was issued,” the blond admitted, letting his eyes flutter close and she lifted a hand to press against his forehead. Her touch was warm and gentle, and even though it was still pretty warm, it felt nice.

“You’re a little warm,” Hanji observed, her thumb caressed the edge of his temple and under his eye. Erwin let his eyes open again, feeling his desire for her reach her through the short space. Hanji’s touched slowed to a stop as she met his gaze, uncertainly and with her own mixture of pain and desire. Erwin lifted a hand to press against hers, pushing her palm to craddle his cheek, feeling the short bristles of a growing beard scratch against her calloused hands.

“Erwin,” She whispered, smiling a secret smile at him. “You still haven’t answered the question.”

“What was that?” The Aryan replied, his voice coming out in a low rumble as he pressed his lips against her wrist. He could hear her sharp intake of breath as clear as a breeze and it pleased him to know he could still garner such a response from her.

“Have you filled out your survey?”

The question made him freeze, lips brushing against her rapidly beating pulse. His reaction was enough for her as she pulled her hand away. A pull in his chest yanked at his voice but with a quick clear of his throat, Erwin straightened in his chair, lifting his glass to drink his bitter beverage as a way to clear his mind.

“No,” Erwin replied after a tense silence. Hanji’s eyes crinkled, gazing at him with a familiar sorrow. “I can’t seem to do it.” A short sigh blew from the woman’s plump lips, lifting her glass to make the scotch disappear behind them.

“Levi turned his in earlier,” Erwin announced. Hanji’s brown eyes snapped to him, wide with horrified disbelief.

“You’re joking,” she shook her head, but knew Erwin would not joke when it came to this sort of situation. “And Mikasa?”

“She turned hers in earlier this morning, before Levi,” the Commander replied with a grim tone. “He saw her’s when he came to turn his in. I’ve never seen him look more devastated, Hanji.”

A strong breeze picked up outside the closed windows, rattling their frames for a short while as the trees and brush swung in the dance of the wind. Hanji’s face fell to one of pained acceptance, her eyebrows furrowing with irritation.

“I was afraid this would happen.” Hanji said after taking in a breath, “The two of them are so wretchedly stubborn,” her voice hardened tightly, her grip clenching around her glass of scotch. After another tense silence, Hanji snapped her gaze back to his, searching.

“Erwin,” Hanji urged, slamming her cup on his desk. The Commander nearly jumped, startled. “Is there anything you can do?”

“There isn’t anything I can do,” Erwin denied. The red headed woman bit her lips, letting out an irritated click of her tongue.

“What if we just burn their surveys? No one would know.”

“I’m afraid each survey that is passed out is carefully tracked. Every officer of the corp has been given a specific number, so that losses would be tracked and nothing would go overlooked. If I were to destroy their documents, the courts would find a way to discover it.”

“Yes, but that would at least buy them some time!” Hanji urged, lips brightening in a hopeful smile. “It would give them enough time to run away together!”

Erwin chuckled under his breath before his own small smile fell, “This is Levi and Mikasa we’re talking about, Hanji.” Unscrewing the top of the bottle, Erwin served himself another drink, the amber liquid sloshing against the glass with its sharp scent. “They would never run. It would be against everything they are.”

Hanji’s face darkened, smile fading to a thin line that tightened her lips. A cloud passed overhead, darkening the room for a short moment as they drank a few more glasses of the hard liquor. Hanji said nothing more after that.

* * *

_TBC  
_


	5. Butterscotch and Edelweiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wait for Eren’s fate is over. Meanwhile, pressure for the completion of the surveys is beginning to cloud and confuse soldiers as they try to decide what to do. Yet, how long could one delay the inevitable?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s tracks are: Alpha and Flake, by C418 from the Minecraft Beta Album, as well as City of Rome by Jesper Kyd from the Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood OST. Enjoy!

**-: V :-  
Butterscotch and Edelweiss**

* * *

 

It is midnight when he wakes. Soft green eyes blinked blearily into a moonlit ceiling, body feeling weaker than ever before. Inside his mind is a whirlwind of passing dreams and memories, nightmares and recollections of tragedies that bled rage and violence into his veins. For a moment, the image of his mother’s smiling face soothed him before her features tightened into a fierce desperation as she was ripped into the air. A large smile opening up its jaws to press her broken body against a prodding tongue. The memory spreads a rush of heat over his weak skin, boiling him within his own flesh.

Body convulsing, he lets out a strangled cry – his throat burned with weeks of silence and suddenly he can feel _everything._

_No…_

Every loss, every single bite, every single moment he had lost hope and gave into the rage of a beast whose sole purpose was to destroy _every living thing_.

_No._

Annie’s blue eyes peer at him, staring at him in shock as blood rushes down her lips and against his cheek. Reiner’s body is spinning in the air, Bertholdt was _everywhere_ … Ymir’s fierce gaze looks up at him, titans tearing her limb from limb.

_“You are one of us,”_

_“Eren…”_

There is a promise that peered its little head through the fog of blood and hate, soft like a kiss and gentle like a prayer. Something pushes him down, pressing his limbs to something firm and soft, but Eren can’t help but want to fight. Fight. _Fight. FIGHT._

“ _NO!!_ ” The shout ripped from his chest and into the air, and it reminded him of a time he was free and starving for more than what the world could possibly offer. All he wanted then was to destroy everything. Tear apart the walls, tear apart false promises and the pain of seeing his friends dying left and right.

_Tear them apart._

_Eat them whole._

_Eat. Fight. Eat them. Free them._

“ _Thank you,_ ” the memory bloomed, from out of nowhere, freezing him. She is smiling at him, neck wreathed in red and warmth. _It’s warm… right?  
  
_ “ _Thank you for shrouding me in this scarf…_ ”

“ _No…_ ” The word fell from his lips, body still shaking, the pressure still grasping at him – desperate… so desperate. Why is everyone so desperate?   
  
Steel gray eyes turn and pierce into his mind, his soul… _“I don’t know what option you should choose…_ ”

The force of a stomp shatters the life of a woman Eren had admired… her body contorted in a broken way against a bloodstained tree. He is powerless, he cannot fly fast enough to save the man with the bitten tongue as a kick steals his life without mercy.

_Why am I reliving this…?!_

His eyes are burning, hot tears marking red trails against flesh and he can feel _something_ biting into his arm, sparking pain.

_Fight. Fight._

He could feel it, the surge of electricity within his belly as it began to consume him. He is all too ready to give in, all to ready to sate the desire to destroy, to eat, to _fight_.

_Fight._

“EREN!!”

His body slammed against the sweat soaked sheets of a cot, body twitching and shivering uncontrollably. The memories fade, the hunger curled in his belly as if exhausted. Moonlight glows above him and he doesn’t realize that he has been bracing himself against the bed to stare out the window behind him, head tossed back to stare at the large and pale disk in the dark sky. The large full moon stared right back at him, watching carefully and waiting in silence.

“Eren! Eren!!” He heard and slowly realized that the pressure was not from his own mind but of hands holding him down. Turning his gaze from the moon he is met with the frantic gaze of a woman with glasses and brown eyes.

_Hanji…_

“Eren! Can you hear me? Eren!!” She’s shouting at him, behind him he can see Moblit rushing towards her, holding a syringe in unsteady hands. _What…?_

“Eren! If you can hear me, don’t transform!” Her voice makes him snap his eyes back, blinking back tears and the last of the memories away. “Try to stay with me. Someone go get Commander Erwin! Now! _Eren!!_ ”

A sharp gasp is yanked from his throat, Eren rips his wrist away from the hold of one of the soldiers above him, before throwing his hand out to grab Hanji by her collar. _She needs to know… she needs to know…_

“Ha…n…ji…” Eren wheezed. Hanji’s gaze widens in shock, a torrent of emotions running behind her brown irises. Why did it feel like his body was burning? _Make it stop…_

“He’s attacking her! Moblit, the sedative!” Someone shouted.

“No, wait!” Hanji exclaimed, shoving soldiers off the boy with eager hands. “Eren, can you hear me? Eren?”

“Hanji…” the boy’s hand shakily let go of her collar to grip weakly at her neck. She watched him with rapt attention, her own hands curling around him as he trembles. “It burns… Hanji…”

“What burns, where? Eren…” the woman spoke softer, giving him a faint smile that reminds him far too much of his mother. Something inside him is falling apart, like sand falling through opening fingers. Draining and falling… and falling…

“Han...ji…” he is too tired… so tired and in pain. So much pain…

He can see her lips moving, slowly and comfortingly, the skin of her neck was so warm. _It’s warm… right?_

_Mi… Mikasa…_

Moonlight fades and Eren is drifting deeper and deeper into a black with no memories, no rage… just shadows.

* * *

An apple in the sky…

“I’ve got it!”

Green and ripe, light bouncing off it like a picture only found ten years after being dug from a cold and hard ground. Her hands reach out and catch it as gravity pulls it back down, butterscotch eyes are wide with contentment when the green fruit is successfully saved from a gruesome death.

“Nice catch, Braus!”

“Thanks for the apple, Lieutenant!” Sasha exclaimed, waving her fruit laden hand with a pleased grin. The soldier sitting within the window of the kitchen waved back with a smirk.

“Actually eat it this time, cadet! You eat far too much bread.”

“You can never eat too much bread, or potatoes for that matter!” the redheaded girl shouted back before whirling around and walking down toward the West side of the castle. Gear in place and cleaning supplies wrapped around her hip, Sasha took a generous bite of her apple, moaning appreciatively when the ripe juice burst around her lips to drip down her chin.

It was yet another hot day. Sunlight pressed against her scalp in heated waves and she could feel sweat begin to build around her forehead, neck, and underarms. To most people, this heat was a plague. Not to Sasha. She grew up in a place where being warm was crucial to survival, and so enjoying every bit of natural warmth was accepted with open arms.

This didn’t stop her from unlatching a few buttons of her shirt. Nice enough as the heat was, it did get a bit much from time to time. Yet the juice that dripped down her lips was cool and refreshing, sticking to her fingers and cheeks in a sweet aroma. With an apple filled smile, Sasha rounded a corner and lifted her hand to take another generous bite.

“Oof!” She exclaimed when she collided against another body, her half bitten apple jumping from her grasp to land to the ground, her nose bumped harsh against a firm chest and dress buttons. The smell of apple mixed in her nose with a newer scent, one she had memorized one feverish day on a cold lake.

“Ah!” She heard and rubbing her nose, the redhead blinked up to meet the surprise gaze of Jean. In just a second, all the warmth in her body bled away to leave her frozen, staring up at him in unprepared shock. _Hot lips ran down her chin, trailing ice and fire down her exposed throat as she moaned. Those lips trailed further south, tasting between her breasts as strong hands squeezed her thigh and hips._

Her heart burst into a run, shoving blood to pool around her cheeks and burn bright in her ears. She could see the same occur within his expression, Jean’s cheeks flushed scarlet and the two quickly ripped their gazes away. All too easily, Sasha’s eyes found her apple – now dirtied and ruined on the ground by her feet.

“S-sorry, Jean!” the girl laughed, trying to sound lighthearted but only ending up sounding as if she were in mid-panic. “I should’ve been paying attention…”

“I-it’s fine,” he replied, clearing his throat and shuffling his weight nervously. “I wasn’t watching where I was going…”

A thick and awkward silence paused between them, Sasha wrung her sticky fingers anxiously as she flicked shy glances at the boy she had very nearly seduced but ultimately denied. Heart writhing and squeezing in her chest, Sasha tried to think of something that would get her to leave quickly.

Yet, her mind was drawing all the blanks possible the more she stared at this pale haired boy. No… man. It was easy to still call him a boy. By all means, they had grown up together these past few years. They had fought together, practiced and trained together, so it was difficult to distinguish when exactly he had stopped being the brash and arrogant boy that had sworn to join the Military Police to enter a life of luxury into the man who did whatever he could to save his comrades.

Not true… she could pinpoint it. It was after the battle of Trost. But Sasha didn’t really notice then… everyone had changed drastically then. She had only entered the military because she knew the pay would be enough to help her family, made it a point to join the Garrison if she couldn’t make it into the Military Police. Yet she couldn’t forget the words Eren had spat when they all made their wishes to be safe clear. She wanted to run, that was an instinct that had saved her life countless times.

But something held her to her spot, refused to allow her to move when Commander Erwin demanded for soldiers to stay if they were prepared to fight. The more Sasha tried to figure it out, the more her eyes would fall on Jean. And then, it came.

It came in the memory of seeing him collapse, clutching to the scattered remains of bones and ashes of the soldiers and people they had befriended over the years. He had so bravely announced he was joining the Survey Corp one moment and the next he was sobbing tears of anger and helplessness… it was seeing him in that moment that she was reminded on how she was feeling. She had seen him so openly show what she was too afraid to feel.

An admiration had grown for him, one that pushed her onward into battle because she dared not be left behind. In return, he helped save her life. If not for his actions, then with his words. Sure they may have argued when they were placed within Captain Levi’s squad, Sasha throwing an uninterested shoulder up to ignore Jean’s ranting, jabbing at him for his unrequited crush on Mikasa while he snapped at her in retaliation.

_“Get it together, Potato woman,” Jean hissed, holding onto a wounded side, staring at her with fierce golden eyes and a bloodstained smirk. “The life of comforts and luxury is within the walls, not outside it. So start acting like it.”_

_“Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Jean.” Sasha scoffed, shifting his weight over her shoulders as she helped him up, rain dropped coming around them like all the skies were falling. They stumbled once, falling to their knees and his face falling against her neck._

_“Ow,” He groaned against her, breath making her shiver violently. “Oh, wha… you smell nice.” He hummed before rubbing his nose against her skin, making her yelp and drop him._

_“Ack! ‘The hell, Sasha?” Jean exclaimed as he fell against the ground, rubbing his head and glaring at her._

_“What did you say?” She asked, stunned. The rain soaked boy glanced up at her through sticking pale brown hair, scowling at her with perplexed amber eyes._

_“Kirschstein, Braus!” The two turned their attention quickly, Captain Levi’s hanging body swung down from a tree, staring at them with his usual narrow gaze. “I thought I told the two of you to retreat.”_

_“We’re in the process… Captain.” Sasha piped up, scrambling to pick up the injured boy from the ground._

_“Get going quick, I’ll get rid of whatever Titans try to intercept you. Braus, get Kirschstein to medical, I’m not liking that look on his face.”_

_“What’d you say ‘bout my face?!”_

_“Right, sir! On my way, sir.” Hoisting Jean up, Sasha dragged the two of them towards their horses, heart beating in her chest roughly. It was as if she was all too suddenly aware of the way his body clung to hers, the way his scent played at her nose, and how the light of the fading sunlight bounced off his amber eyes. A blush burned into her cheeks then, but she brushed it off immediately._

It was such a stupid comment he said that made her see him differently. All of a sudden, she couldn’t pull herself to laugh at the faces he made, but could laugh at all the jokes he said. His presence made her self conscious, pooling disappointment in her belly when he commented on how beautiful Mikasa’s hair was yet never made a motion to look at hers.

_“I like your hair, Sasha!” Krista complimented with a meek smile. Sasha looked on with surprise, lifting a hand to curl around the strands she had let fall instead of place in its usual ponytail. “It looks nice down!”_

_“You think so?” Sasha asked, running her fingers through the auburn locks. Krista nodded as she applied more polish on her gear, rubbing the cloth against the shining metal._

_“Hey,” Jean’s voice made her stomach leap and the two girls turned to face him. He was leaning against the threshold, eyeing them with a curious look before turning his eyes to roam over Sasha’s figure. Heart picking up speed, Sasha tried to maintain her cool but nearly stabbed herself with the screwdriver in her hand._

_“Captain Levi wants us in the living room, says he has an announcement.”_

_“Okay, sounds good,” Krista nodded as she rose before pausing and throwing the two others a curious glance before a bright comprehension light up her blue eyes. “Jean, don’t you think Sasha’s hair looks nice?”_

_Sasha nearly squeaked in surprise, face flushing scarlet, “K-Krista!”_

_“Hah?” Jean exclaimed, nose wrinkling in confusion. “What kind of question is that? Let’s go, quit fooling around.” And with that turned and left the room, dousing Sasha in sad disappointment. Krista scowled before offering an apologetic glance at the redhead._

_“Don’t worry,” the blonde said gently. “I’m sure he noticed.”_

_“W-w-why would I care if he noticed?” Sasha huffed, standing up and slapping her polishing rag against the table. “Come on, Krista. Captain’s waiting for us…”_

It was a stubbornness that kept her from admitting her feelings for those first six months of living together. It wasn’t until after Jean had nearly killed himself saving her from the flying body of an aberrant hellbent on eating her that Sasha realized her feelings for him were stronger than just a simple attraction.

_“Oi, Potato woman, stay focused!” Jean shouted as the team flew through the air, Sasha stuck her tongue out at the pale brunet, before shooting off a bit farther. The sound of trees crunching at her side was enough to gather some surprised attention. All Sasha saw was the mouth flying toward her, all her mirth dying and replaced by horrified shock._

_“SASHA!!”_

_Another force struck her from the side, Jean’s bared teeth flashing through her vision as he propelled himself forward and plucked her through the air, his swords steaming with fresh Titan blood._

_“LEVI!!” They both heard before the thunderous crash of the Titan’s corpse slammed against the forest around them. Falling to the ground, the two watched as they landed, seeing Mikasa’s speeding and frantic body careen through the air to land on the ground. She sprinted and threw herself around the necks of Eren and Captain Levi’s tangled bodies._

_Jean let out a startled breath as they watched, unknowingly tightening his grip around Sasha’s waist._

_“Jean,” Sasha breathed, arm wrapped around his chest in what felt to be an intimate embrace. The boy looked at her, as if just realizing he had saved her life. “You’re squeezing me too hard…”_

_He dropped her like a hot potato, cheeks burning as he jerked his swords clean of the steaming blood._

_“S-sorry,” He grumbled, looking rather disappointed. A weight in her chest alerted Sasha then, a sure jealousy toward the girl with black hair and slanted eyes._

_“Don’t apologize, you saved my life.” Sasha chuckled, but the sound didn’t sound right to her. The jealousy was still there, as was the desire to kiss him hard enough to gain more than just his attention, his focus._

Since then, it was nearly impossible to ignore him. And it was both frustrating as it was euphoric, because every smile he tossed her way made her feel lighter than any feather, but every longing glance he had thrown Mikasa sent her stomach crashing to the ground.

So when he had responded to her kiss, chest deep in lake water, Sasha couldn’t help the elation that made her skin glow as if someone had stuffed the sun in her chest. She thought he had finally returned her feelings, yet that all fell apart the moment she demanded an answer and he very honestly negated her, and the light and glow disappeared within the void of his rejection.

Somewhere nearby, a bird let out a call, bringing the senior cadet back to her position in front of the awkward Kirschstein. What could she possibly say right now? Should she leave? Pat him on the shoulder? Hug him? Should she spit out some bullshit excuse and return to the kitchen and hide?

“Uh… Sasha…” Jean spoke suddenly, nearly startling the girl.

“Y-yes?” She winced. That came out way too eager. Thankfully, Jean didn’t seem to notice, his gaze remained on the ground, eyes tracing over the dirtied apple she had dropped in their collision. He didn’t speak for a moment, yet his lips parted and his breath came out short as if he was trying to pull the words together in a struggle. Sasha waited, pressing her lips together in an anticipatory line.

A breeze brushed at their uniforms, making sweat dry and breaths deepen in wait.

“Have you filled out your survey yet?” Jean asked her and the question sent her stomach into a fit of squirming and confusion. The reminder of the survey made her heart drop and all contentment she had felt previous was sucked dry by the ever present leech of disappointment and disdain.

“N-no…” she admitted, fists clenching to avoid the inevitable trembling that wanted to follow.

“I see…”

Another tense silence. Then…

“How about you…?”

“Me?”

“Yeah… have you filled out your survey?”

Jean’s eyes crinkled before falling back down to the ground, “I did.”

The ice returned, gripping her tight around her throat and making it near impossible to breathe. Fists fell limp at her sides and the taste of apple that still clung to her tongue soured. The sting of incoming tears pricked at the back of her eyes, filling her with dread and a violent desire to run away. Sasha let that instinct fill her with adrenaline and she began to move.

“Well, I hope it goes well for you,” The words come out falsely cheerful, her lips pulled into a smile that could only resemble a grimace. Brushing past him, Sasha tried to keep a wide distance from his tall figure, forcing back the tears that threatened to fall. “I’ve got chores to do… so I’ll see you later—”

Before she could say more, a hand grabbed her wrist and spun her around, the choked gasp ending suddenly when she felt his lips press against her mouth. Every thought, every little thing, scattered like cards in the wind around her. Another hand rose to cradle her cheek, Jean’s mouth moving in gentle caresses against her mouth and the taste of apple is licked away by his tongue.

“Sasha,” He murmured against her lips, brushing his forehead on hers and deeply inhaling her startled breath.

“Jean, wait—” Sasha exclaimed, mind spinning with the force of his kiss. She could feel his shirt against her palms, rough and firm on his chest. With a gentle nibble, he began to suck at her lower lip, effectively turning her knees to jelly and eliciting a pleasured moan from her throat. Yet, as quickly as it started, Jean pulled away with a shuddering gasp, their noses brushing as he stared those deep amber eyes within her own.

“I never said I turned it in, Sasha…” He squeezed her wrist gently, brushing his thumb against her cheek as he stepped closer to her. She could swear she could feel his heart beating against her chest, he was so close.

“Wait… so… you…” it was a babbled incoherent confusion that pulled on the hopeful edge, spinning behind her eyes and leaking surprised tears down her face. “But… you said you didn’t…”

“I know what I said…” Jean sighed, eyes glum as he looked to the ground. “And I can’t tell you that I do, even now…”

“I don’t understand…”

He blinked, breathing a sharp breath through his nose before turning those amber eyes fiercely on her, “I can’t deny that I do feel something for you, Sasha.” The declaration stunned her into a shocked silence, her mouth – still tingling from his fervent kiss – flapped open and close, as if trying to speak but unable to form a sentence. His caress on her cheek slowly fell to her neck, feeling the locks of hair that stuck to her skin in the heat.

“I don’t want to turn anything in until I know what it is I feel…”

In the midst of all the chaos of her mind, of all the thoughts and storm of emotions, one question formed through her mind.

“What are you saying, Jean?” It was but a breath of air in the wind, but a small and shy smile crept over his lips as he peered into her leaning gaze.

“Would you… like to go out with me?”

A breeze had given her breath and a breeze took it away. Hope filled her stomach then and unable to hold back the smile that demanded to be shared, Sasha beamed up at him with a nod, her heart soaring in the blue skies and warm sun above them.

“Yes, I would.”

* * *

The fluttering of pages was the only sound in the empty hallway, pale fingers flipped the papers back and forth as blue eyes worried over every word on every pale surface. The signs of anxiety were all there: sweat sliding down to sink into blond eyebrows, a faint tremor in extended digits, foot bobbing against the floor in rapid and rhythmic taps, hair tossed and pressed against the scalp after experiencing its nth time being brushed away from falling in front of those dark blue eyes and bitten lips.

A sharp sigh filtered through teeth bruised lips, Armin Arlert straightened in his seat. His fingers were picking at the sweat curled corners of his survey, a soft exclamation pushing thorugh his mouth when a piece of the paper ripped into his fingers.

“Aw, shit.” He muttered, looking over the page once more and hoping that the rip wouldn’t be too noticeable.

“Lance Corporal Arlert.”

Armin shot from his seat, placing his fist in an automatic salute, “Yes, sir!”

“At ease, Corporal,” Moblit took a few steps toward him with a wry chuckle. “The Commander will see you now.”

“Ah, Major Moblit,” Armin interrupted, dropping his fist back to his side. “Where is Squad Leader Hanji? I thought you were with her.”

The man’s small smile fell at the question, a dark shadow looming over his eyes as he squared his shoulders. “She’s… busy, currently. You’ll understand in a moment, go on in.”

Frowning curiously at the vague reply, Armin gave the officer a short nod before walking passed him and toward the door of the Commander’s office. With a soft rap against the wood, Armin waited until Erwin’s voice gave him permission to enter. The door slid open with a push as the young man squared his shoulders like he had seen Moblit do and walked in, hands clenching the packet against his chest.

“Commander Erwin,” Armin began as soon as the door opened enough to reveal the Commander’s face in its usual place behind his large desk. “I’ve filled out my survey, sir. I’m here to turn it…in…” he trailed off, eyes widening when he saw another pair of light blue eyes and long blonde hair.

“K-Krista?” the name fell without warning from his lips before he scrambled to fix his mistake. “I mean, Historia… what’re you…?”

“Corporal Armin,” Erwin’s voice greeted him as the Commander extended a hand to beckon him further in. “Please, close the door behind you.”

“…Yes, sir.” Armin obliged and the door slid shut with a click. The anxiety of before surged forward in his stomach, making it suddenly too warm inside the room. Glancing back and forth between the Commander and the blonde haired girl, Armin tried to gage the situation. It didn’t take much observation, his eyes had found the completed survey in her arms too soon. The realization punched him in the stomach, making all the air and wind escape his lungs to leave him standing there in surprise.

“I am glad you’re complete with the survey, Corporal.” The blonde, older man smiled tightly. “It is good you are willing to continue down this path to ensure Humanity’s survival.” Armin nodded numbly, his eyes finding their way to meet with Krista’s. The girl’s lips pressed tightly together before she turned away, shying her gaze from his.

“Were you able to complete it without any issues?” Erwin asked as Krista surrendered her own packet and placed it on his desk. With a short bow and salute, Krista bid the Commander farewell and after he nodded, turned and marched passed Armin towards the door.

“Y-yes,” Armin said, feeling the panic of losing her all over again nearly swallow him whole. “It was fairly easy…Ah!” he exclaimed the moment the door shut behind her. Whirling around, Armin quickly made his way to Erwin’s desk and slapped his packet on top of Krista’s, no longer caring for it as he tried to catch up to her.

“Excuse me, sir,” Armin apologized, looking back and forth between the door and the Commander’s surprised expression. “I just… I need to…” he couldn’t possibly finish, she was probably gone.

Spinning back toward the door, Armin speedily escaped the room in a sprint, surprising Moblit as the man walked around the door and nearly forcing him to jump away before being pushed to the ground.

“Corporal, what are you—?!” Moblit shouted after the blond adult.

“Senior Cadet Krista Lenz,” Armin demanded, grabbing Moblit around the shoulders and nearly slamming him against the wall. Shaking his head, Armin swore, “Shit, I mean Historia. Historia Lenz! Where did she go?”

“Uh… down that way, why?” he pointed, eyes wide with affronted confusion. With a quick ‘thank you’ and an apology, Armin sprinted away in the direction the officer had last seen Krista disappear to. Dodging officers and staff, Armin tried to catch the familiar long blonde hair and petite figure amongst the people around.

He rounded one corner to see the girl staring out the window, and with a relieved sigh, called to her, “Historia!” She gave a start, turning large and tear stained eyes to meet his across the hallway. She mumbled something, Armin hoped was his name, before turning away and running in the other direction.

“Historia, wait!” Armin called out, giving chase. He followed her down hallways and round corners, forcing each stride to strengthen in length the closer he felt he got. Years ago, the simplest run would wind him, but after years of training Armin had gotten stronger, faster. He knew his body would comply to his wishes now, but there was an urgency in his bones that pushed him further, as if knowing that if he didn’t catch up to this elusive woman who held his heart in her gaze, he would lose more than just an opportunity.

He would lose the chance to make things right. With a defiant and determined frown, Armin pushed his legs harder after the agile woman. He was not going to let her get away this time.

Not this time.

She turned and he followed, ducking under a large extended tapestry a pair of staff members where carrying down the halls. Hurdling over strewn chairs and dodging people without a problem, he could practically feel her scent in his nose he was so close.

“Historia!”

“Leave me alone, Armin!” Krista shouted, voice sounding wretched with pain and anguish. That only spurned him further and he followed until she made a sudden turn into the gardens. The same gardens he had watched her walk away from. By the time she had made it through a large row of long stalked edelweiss he had caught up to her. His arm shot out and grabbed her around the arm, spinning her toward him mid step.

She let out a cry, tripping from the awkward momentum and a large flower pot holding a large collection of edelweiss as she fell, yanking the blonde man with her.

The two exclaimed as they fell to the ground, Armin’s arm quickly wrapping around her head to protect her from splitting her skull open. Flowers burst around them, petals and dirt and green stalks littered the space where they fell.

Groaning, Armin lifted himself off Krista’s sprawled form, realizing that her hands were clenched around his shirt to brace herself from the fall. The heat of her palms reach through his chest, making his heart skip a beat in surprise.

“Kris—Historia, are you alright?” Armin asked, placing his hands by her neck and shoulders to hover over her. Her eyes, having clenched shut through the fall, blinked open in soft flutters before gliding to meet his. In that instant, Armin’s breath caught in his throat. The sunlight of the day bounced off her golden hair, broken stalks of edelweiss clung to the bright tresses, a small smudge of dirt littered over her smooth and reddened nose, her cheeks flushed pink and stained with tears; she looked nothing short of a goddess beneath him.

“Armin…” She whispered, watching him in surprise. Her light eyebrows furrowed over her forehead and she looked away, lips trembling. “Get off me, Armin.”

“No.”

Her eyes snapped back to him, wide and awed and _blue_. “What did you say?”

“I said, no.” Armin denied again, shaking his head slowly, feeling his hair drape over his shoulder to hang by his face, her hands were still pressed to his chest, clinging instead of pushing him off. “I’m not getting off until I get an answer.”

“What do you mean?” her voice wavered, squirming under his heated gaze.

“Why did you fill out your survey?” the blond asked, shifting slightly to press all his weight on his hands and knees. This seemed to spark a surge of anger inside her, making those blue eyes stare into his with fierce defiance. _Whoa_ …

“Why did you?” Krista retorted, her fists clenching tighter against him. “Answer me that before you make demands!”

“I did it because I thought you didn’t care for me.” He replied honestly, a strangled gasp made its way from her mouth and through his ears. Her blue eyes widened again, staring at him with disbelief and confusion. “You left me here, Krista.” He didn’t bother correcting himself, but then, neither did she. “You walked away from me and I thought that was your response, I thought that maybe I had cared for you too much and that was why you told me to leave you alone.”

Her hands fell from his chest after that, drowning him in the coldness of the lack of her touch. Armin had to physically restrain himself from grabbing her hands to touch him again.

_He blinked sleep away as he realized that he had, in fact, fallen asleep by her side the night before. The soft light of dawn streamed like soothing water through the curtain parted window, casting gentle rays over the soft of her hair, the smooth expanse of her skin and plump perk of pink lips. The more he stared, the more he was lost to the raging river of awe and deep affection for her sleeping face._

_A strange peace filled him then, a knowing that if he could choose how to wake up every morning for the rest of his life it would be to the sight of her sleeping face._

_Yet, the peace gave way to the urge to escape. Would she scream if she found him laying with her on this hospital cot? Would she shove him away? Armin did not want to find out. So, ever so gently and mindful of her injured legs, he began to pull away despite the magnetism surging between their bodies._

_He was half-way free when her hand reached up to tangle itself in his, stopping him short. Armin gasped, startled that she had moved so decisively, yet her eyes did not open to look up at him. Instead a small word fell from her pretty pink lips to solidify the force of his affection._

_“Stay.”_

_Slowly, Armin wrapped his arms around her again and fell back against the pillows. He couldn’t stop the urge to press his lips to her hair, holding her as soft twin streams of tears fell from her closed lids to fall into the yellow and white beneath their heads._

“Your turn,” the Lance Corporal demanded, jerking his chin as he awaited her answer. Krista stared at him, tears beginning to well and turn her blue eyes into glistening pools of pain and despair. She shut her eyes tight, the tears falling like bombs beneath her and she ducked her chin.

“I…I can’t.”

“Krista, please…” Armin pleaded, lifting a hand to brush a single strand of her hair away from where it clung to the corner of her mouth. The soft touch sent a jolt of electric warmth through his skin, and when Krista looked back into his eyes, he knew she had felt it too.

With a light hiccup, she sobbed, “I did it… because… because I thought it was too late to fix things with you. After everything that’s happened… after I lost Ymir… I gave up hope. I wanted to die. I hated everyone, Armin. Every single one. But then you come in and you mess up everything. You make me feel alive again and it frustrated me because I still love Ymir. I can’t stop loving her, Armin… please.”

The declaration did nothing more than confirm his suspicions, tying a knot around his chest and yanking at his heart viciously as she cried beneath him. “But,” she continued and her hands where back against his chest, rising to cradle his face, as if afraid that if she touched him he would shatter. “But then you’re there, every day, watching over me.” Her hands fall to cover her sobbing face, hiding those beautiful blue eyes from his, “You made me fall in love with you and I hate it! I hate how you’ve become so beautiful to me. You’ve made me want to keep fighting after everything ended.”

The yank on his chest disappeared, and as if someone had placed it on a slingshot, his heart shot to the sky taking his thoughts, his breath, _everything_ with it.

“Krista, look at me.” Armin said softly as she wept. She shook her head vigorously beneath him, the edelweiss shaking against her hair, like shooting stars against a golden backdrop. “Krista, please look at me.”

Timid and meek, her slim fingers slid away from her blinking and watery blue eyes as she sniffed and hiccuped. Taking that same hand that had pulled her hair away, Armin gently pushed her hands off her face to cradle her cheek. She inhaled sharply as he slowly let his face fall closer but she made no motion to stop him this time.

And this time, Armin did not hesitate to press his lips against her soft trembling ones.

He could taste the tears, green tea, and just a bit of dirt that had fallen in her mouth from the fall, but in that instant Armin knew he could not choose any other flavor than the one he found against her lips. The kiss is chaste at first, tentative and shy. When he pulled away her hands find his face and pull him back before he could utter her name once more. Her kiss is strong and desperate, filling every fiber of his being with the force of her passion, as if he had broken down the last foundations of a dam within her and was now drowning in her acceptance and desire. The word ‘euphoric’ was not enough to describe the high that took his heart and jettisoned him into the heavens.

When their lips finally did part, they chorus “I’m so sorry,” in unison. Blue eyes blink at each other in surprise. Armin could not stop the chuckle to escape his throat and she followed it in kind, her laugh sounding like a sweet bell and sunrise.

And in the gardens, covered in edelweiss and dirt, Armin pressed his lips hot against hers a second time, moaning softly when she wraps her arms around his neck and lets out a soft sob of relief against his lips. For the first time, in a long time, Armin feels a genuine happiness spread through his body and he could taste it on her tongue and hear it in the way she softly whispered his name.

“Well it’s about damn time.”

They both spring away, scrambling up to their feet in a panic to meet the sly grin of Connie Springer. “Connie, what the—how long were you...” Krista exclaimed, brushing dirt off her shirt and hair. Armin cleared his throat, as he stood by her, their faces burning a bright scarlet.

“Long enough,” Connie shrugged, grinning widely at the two flushing blondes. “I had some pretty important news but figured it was better if I let you two sort out your own stuff first.”

“Oh… uh… thanks,” Armin replied, uncertain how to take the comment. Krista only blushed brighter, resolving to fidget with her shirt, still unaware of the flowers in her hair.

“It’s all good, Armin,” Connie let out an amused snort before his face straightened into a more serious expression. “But, there’s no more time.”

“What’s going on?” the blonde man asked, frowning as he took in the nearly bald man’s expression.

“Hanji needs to talk to you,” Connie replied, amber eyes staring sharply into the blue gaze of the corporal’s. “The Commander told me to bring you two to the infirmary.”

“Why, what’s this about?” Krista asked, her hands falling to her sides.

“It’s about Eren,” the shorter man replied, eyes hardening. Armin tensed, body coiling in anticipation as he awaited the rest of Connie’s announcement. Sure enough, the senior cadet spoke, his words shooting shock into his veins like adrenaline. Before he knew it, Armin is sprinting with all he has with one frantic objective in mind.

_Mikasa._

* * *

One month passed since the Mandate was established. Just one… and already the air in the castle of the Survey Corp was ripe with disaster. There was a spectrum Mikasa had noted upon seeing the first results. On one end, couples who had been matched would find some actual connection to their assigned partner. Tentative smiles and shy gazes were bounced back and forth and a new surge of excitement began to lift the downtrodden spirits of many of the soldiers.

On the other, some matches resulted in nothing short of chaos. Anger, disappointment, even disdain bloomed and rocked against the otherwise brightening atmosphere, making life in the Survey Corp nothing short of an emotional roller coaster.

And in the very center, was the complete uncertainty that trampled through the rest of the soldiers of whom still hadn’t turned their surveys in (delaying the inevitable) or whom still had not heard back and received their match. People caught in that part were soon emotionally tossed onto either side of this emotional spectrum.

Either, they soon became hopeful they’d be paired up to a good man/woman, or they’d dread it completely.

There were those cases of people who had filled out their engagement documents… but they didn’t really count. Not to Mikasa. No… those people were home safe from being thrown into this disgusting emotional circus show, watching on the sidelines with pitying interest. Just seeing them… it filled her with such irritation.

An irritation that called for the brutal slugging of a punching bag with her name on it.

_Punch, kick, punch, jab._

Ignore everything. Ignore how people refuse to look. It’s always been better to just ignore it.

_Punch, punch, jab, kick._

It’s easier that way.

_Kick, uppercut, side hook, jab._

_Kick, kick, punch, punch, roundhouse kick._

"Did you hear that Celia has been paired off with Dieter?" 

_Kick, kick, punch.._.

"No way, really? I thought Dieter was in love with Margo!"

"I honestly don’t know, but they’ve been matched up!"

_Punch, jab, jab, kick_

"Poor Margo, I hope she’s doing okay!"

"She’s not so bad, she’s been paired of with Richter. If anything she was lucky! Richter is so attractive!" 

_Jab, jab, kick, kick, and kick_

"Yeah, but still. To be paired off with someone who isn’t your true love…"

_Punch, punch, spinning kick_

"This isn’t about true love, Risa. It’s about what’s best for humanity."

_Uppercut, elbow jab, kick, kick, kick_

"Yeah but if Dieter and Margo had been smart, they should’ve filled out the engagement document instead of filling out the survey. Then could’ve been together and the military wouldn’t have bothered them." 

_Kick, punch, punch, jab, punch_

"Well they’re not now, and now they’re gonna have to live with what they were given…" 

_Kick, kick, punch, punch, PUNCH_

The last force of the punch sends the punching bag swinging forward before falling back against the bracing figure of the young senior cadet. Sore hands throbbing, Mikasa grabbed the swaying sand filled bag whilst trying to catch her breath and simultaneously trying to ignore the words of the two gossiping women. Sweat dripped down her exercise heated skin, burning down her face, neck and back. Gasping, the young woman waited, leaning heavily against the abused heavy bag as the women walk out the training room. The aimless chatter is soon slammed away by the heavy door and it echoes, through the room and into her chest. The silence is all to consuming as Mikasa realized she is the only one inside, and that alone is enough to make her collapse to her knees.

“Don’t let it get to you…” She murmured to herself, sighing as the words the women had carelessly said pierced her mind. The instant the last word was written on the dreaded survey, Mikasa dropped her dull pencil and headed straight to the Commander’s office, not caring if it was too late (or early) to be out and about. The walk there was uneventful and before her wit escaped her, Mikasa slid the completed packet under the door of the office and walked away. The urge to rid herself of the bane of everyone’s current life was soon replaced by a short-lived relief that had been too easily swallowed by a stabbing regret.

The thought bit into the back of her neck, sucking the earlier determination dry and leaving the young woman weak and exhausted. When Mikasa returned to her room, sunlight was already burning through the glass of her window, exposing early morning skies and the song of birds. She didn’t bother admiring the view, settling instead to collapsing on her bed face first.

“I should’ve burned it…” her voice was drenched in regret and muffled by the softness of her pillow, tears burned out her eyes to stain the cloth under her face. “Why didn’t I just burn it?”

_“You should apologize,” Armin’s voice hit her like a slap. Whirling from the window, Mikasa fixed the boy with an incredulous stare, dumbfounded. He’s not looking at her, instead he’s busy cleaning the swords of his gear, and his expression was innocent. As if he had only commented on the color of the sky. As if his words meant nothing._

_“There is nothing on this planet that would get me to apologize,” Mikasa replied, her voice hard as stone. The blond boy just shrugged, lifting another sword up and wiping at it with the polish drenched rag._

_“It was just a suggestion.”_

_“Next time, keep it to yourself.”_

_Armin sighed, slow and heavy before setting the long ultra-hard steel down next to the others in a uniform pattern. Blinking those piercing blue eyes at her, the young soldier turned to face her, unfazed by her harsh attitude and even harsher tone._

_“Mikasa,” he spoke, slowly. “Do you truly not see the reason why he put Eren under such extreme pressure?”_

_“To manipulate him!” Mikasa snarled, hands swinging at her sides violently._

_“To_ save _him, to save all of us!” Armin stressed, rising from his chair, frowning. A thick scoff fell from her lips as the dark haired woman tore her gaze away, disgusted._

_“I can’t believe what I’m hearing right now,” Mikasa spat in bitter irritation._

_“Well, it’s time you start believing it,” Armin replied, crossing his arms as she turned to pace the room, panting hot angry air. “Because this was not just about Eren, Mikasa. Eren had to realize this as well. With everything that’s happened…he needed the push.”_

_“Well, congratulations, Armin. Eren got the push, and he was pushed so hard that he might not wake up right now!” Mikasa exclaimed, tears pooling angrily in her eyes as she glowered at her friend. The blond young man blinked at her in surprise, mouth falling open in a small ‘o’ as if realizing something new._

_“This… isn’t just about Eren… is it, Mikasa?”_

Mikasa does not move away from the still punching bag, pretending that for a moment the tears falling from her eyes are just the remaining droplets of sweat and exertion. But pretending could only get one so far, and soon her short pants are strangled by sobs and a torrent of broken cries as she curled into the ground, wishing to the sky that none of this had happened. That she should’ve died long before things got so damn complicated.

Time slinks by and her tears and broken sobs dry and fade like the sweat on her skin until she’s sprawled on her back and staring at the ceiling.

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mikasa denied quickly, dropping her gaze and turning away to face the window once more._

_“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”_

_The question pours ice down her chest to spread through her veins, freezing her on the spot. Could she deny it? Should she? The ice does nothing to numb the sudden piercing jab of pain that followed the memory of Levi’s warm gaze on hers._

_“I knew it.” Armin’s voice comes out in a short, amazed laugh, as if he had been completely expecting her to deny it with heated venom instead of her resigned silence. “And still you doubt him?”_

_“He **used** me, Armin.” There’s the venom, curling around the very blade of betrayal stabbing through the words that fell from her lips. “He used me against Eren.” _

_“That may be true, but it wasn’t because he didn’t care!” a series of footsteps were all the warning she got before Armin pressed a hand to her shoulder and spun her around to face him. “He did it_ for _you, he did it for everyone. So that we would all survive this and hopefully make it past the end! If he hadn’t there’s no telling if things would’ve ended how they did.”_

_“And this is just great news to you, isn’t it?” She lashed out, baring her teeth like a savage animal. “We’re all alive at the cost of Eren’s consciousness? We’re all alive because our best friend, Armin, had to surrender himself to an endless sleep?”_

_“Eren wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, Mikasa!” Armin shouted, startling her. “If there was any cost to be paid, Eren would’ve taken this one.” Thoroughly done, Mikasa shoved her way past the blond boy to march to the door, livid._

_“He loves you, too!” It is enough to scald her feet in place, sending wave after wave of hot surprise through her chest and soul. Slowly turning to meet Armin’s pleading and exhausted blue stare, Mikasa could feel the heat of his shout burn the words clean from her throat._

_“He loves you, Mikasa.” Armin repeats softly, as if the words – if not said right – could shatter her. “I know he does… and you should go to him and apologize before it’s too late. You can still make this right.”_

But it is too late.

After realizing what Armin said to be true, the damage to the bridge between her and Levi had already been done. Her words had been the final knives that plunged deep within the heart of an already dying creature; merciless, cruel, and unforgivable. How could she possibly hope to make it right? How could she possibly expect him to forgive her for being so utterly blind and reckless? Had he not warned her one too many times to think before jumping into a perilous fray?

In the end, it was pride that kept her away from doing what needed to be done. It had been pride that forced her gaze to remain anywhere else whenever Levi walked into the room. Pride had gripped her tight when the remorse and the guilt threatened to undo her as she played the memory of their final fight over and over like some sick slide show of images she had seen city people play in the festivals of the capital.

And now, it was pride that had poisoned everything that was good and precious to her, leaving her in a cesspool of tears and longing, when she could be with him now. She could be signing those documents of engagement with him grasping warmly at her hand, that special smile curling at his lips as he would take that same pen and sign his name next to hers, as it should be. As it could’ve been had she not been so unbelievably prideful.

Walking out the door of the training room, body still trembling from sobbing past the point of fatigue, Mikasa moved toward the baths with the drive of a zombie. As expected, soldiers and staff steered clear from her, yet she wasn’t blind. She could see it.

She could see the myriad of emotions on every person’s face as she trudged. Anger, defiance, resentment, betrayal, longing, hope, exhaustion, desire, loathing…

With a heavy sigh, Mikasa turned a corner only to run back behind it, her eyes wide with surprise and curiosity. Peeking over, Mikasa identifies Dieter, standing with his front facing her, his expression wild with disappointment and confrontation, the woman in front of him refused to look at him. At a guess, Mikasa guessed it was Margo, with the way Dieter kept looking at her as if she held all the answers.

“What are you so scared of?” Dieter exclaimed, a blast of air escaping his lips in frustration. The woman in front of him didn’t reply, only flinching at his actions.

“No one will find us, Margo.” Dieter continued, his hands lifting to grab her shoulders and tilting her chin up. “With the Titans gone, we can run away outside the walls. I can build us a home by a river, and we’ll have a happy life living off hunting and what we can grow from the land, yeah?”

“Don’t make it sound so easy!” Margo finally snapped at him, her voice hitting the soldier with shocking force. Mikasa couldn’t hold back the wince that escaped her, this girl was _loud_.

“Keep your voice down, Mar!” Dieter hushed, looking around to see if someone was watching. Mikasa had already ducked behind the wall before he could spot her. The sound of sniffing and hiccuping sobs reached her ears, the feeling of sympathy tugging at her heart and yanking it to her feet.

“I can’t just leave, Dieter…” Margo’s voice shook, wavering as she cried. “I’m in the military because they pay me well, they allow for my family to live better than how we did before. You wouldn’t understand… your family already lives in the middle class and you hate your father… leaving would be just a dream come true for you, but not for me. If I leave now… they could toss my family back on the streets. My grandfather could die! I can’t…”

“Then we’ll take them with us!” Dieter foolishly suggested.

“Don’t be an idiot!” Margo exclaimed and the sound of flesh striking flesh made Mikasa peer in. Dieter was rubbing at his shoulder, wounded at her attack. “There’s little chance we could survive outside this world! Even less if we took my family! God, you just never think these things through do you?!”

“Margo, hold on, let’s just talk about this! Margo!”

“Leave me alone, Dieter! Just fucking run back to Celia and ask her to run away with you! I’m not going anywhere…” Margo hissed, before shoving past the dumbfounded look of Dieter’s face as she ran down the hallway and disappeared. Dieter watched after her, as if he had been struck stupid by her words, yet something seemed to have snapped him into action because he was suddenly running after her, shouting her name over and over until even his footsteps faded into tense silence.

Running away… could it be really that simple?

Mikasa shook her head, a snort of disgust blowing through her nose. Yet… was it really so bad? To run away?

She’d been fighting all her life. Ever since Eren snapped at her to fight and it sparked a surge of power through her limbs. Her entire survival depended only on her ability to fight, and fight she did. But that was when the enemy was tangible, when the strike of swords on flesh would guarantee the success of life, the victory of freedom well earned.

But this enemy had no face. This enemy was wrapped in words and persuasive rhetoric that no amount of sword swinging would be able to silence. In this world, blood would run the streets at the push of ink.

Mikasa could not fight against ink. She didn’t know how, and lately… she was getting real tired of fighting.

Water fell around her head from the showers of the baths, hot and searing kisses of relaxation that never reached her eyes as she let the world collapse around her shoulders in a fit of water drops. A sudden thought occurred to her…

_When was the last time that it rained…?_

Could she remember it? _If it rains again… I hope that Eren will get to see it._ The thought was sudden enough to make the woman nearly collapse to the ground in a fit of tears.

_Eren…_

In short minutes, Mikasa was dried and dressed, ready to take on the assignments of the day. There was a long list of chores that needed doing, and with the thought of Eren’s sleeping figure in her mind, Mikasa readied herself along with the team assigned with her. Sure enough, the duties are passed around and Mikasa is charged with clearing out the stables of the horses, minding and feeding them while the stables are cleaned.

It is there that Armin found her. It is there that he barged through doors, covered in sweat and grime, his eyes bright and shining with a disbelieving joy that legitimately confounded the dark haired soldier. He’s gasping with news, babbling as he explains the reason behind his sudden appearance. It is hard to get a coherent sentence out of him properly, but a single phrase shoots alarm and attentiveness through her skin like a douse of ice cold water.

“What did you say? What was that?” Mikasa exclaimed, grabbing on to Armin’s babbling face with wide and frantic eyes.

With a deep breath, Armin repeated his last sentence, the words bouncing into her and filling her with life unadulterated.

Within seconds, they are sprinting out the stables and towards the infirmary. Eren had woken up.

Eren was awake.

Eren is _alive_.

* * *

TBC


	6. This Web of Folly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations will come at a price for matters of the heart. Decisions will be made and realizations will spark new motives for action. In the end… we are all just pawns in a silly game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s inspired tracks are: Altair and Darim, and Suleiman’s Grief from the Assassin’s Creed Revelation OST, as well as Adagio for Tron by Daft Punk from the Tron: Legacy Soundtrack

**-: VI :-  
This Web of Folly**

* * *

 

Blue eyes peered through the glass separating the infirmary from the small office, watching and studying the lone figures of Eren’s closest friends and comrades. It had only been just an hour or so since the young and recent Lance Corporal Armin had burst from his doors to chase after Historia Reiss. It didn’t take much deduction to understand their situation, nevertheless, seeing the same young blond sitting there faithfully next to the still sleeping form of Eren Jaeger brought yet another grim reminder and tight melancholy to grip guiltily at his chest. Alas, it is not Arlert he is currently sitting in a room full of Hanji’s doctors and team of scientists for. Eyes slid over to the brunet laying unconscious on the hospital cot and with a tight sigh, the Commander turned away to face the various expressions of the men and women around him.

“How is he?”

“His naps are becoming shorter in length, and with each one that passes he is becoming more lucid.” Moblit spoke after a short moment of pensive silence, “His vitals are good, as well, which is shocking considering how he’s been asleep for very nearly three months.”

Erwin nodded, “It doesn’t surprise me. The boy is part Titan after all.” The group around him exchanged a series of uncertain and concerned looks, and under his scrutiny, the exchange did not go by ignored.

“About that, sir…” One of the other scientist, Lt. Alfons was his name or so the Commander believed.

“What is it?”

“Well, actually…” There was another tight pause as they exchanged looks once more. The Lieutenant ran a hand through dirty blond hair before slowly saying, “We’re not exactly sure if he _can_ transform into a titan anymore.”

The news send molten rocks down Erwin’s throat to land like fierce fire into his stomach. “…On what grounds?” The Aryan asked, fists tightening behind his back as he studied the faces of the soldiers in the room.

“It’s… difficult to explain.” Moblit intervened, treading lightly despite the severity of the situation. “We would have to actually test his ability to see if it is still there. However, we have noticed that his previous rapid healing ability has… well, how can I put this… it’s slowed down, sir.”

Erwin’s eyes flashed, “That’s not exactly a basis for making such assumptions, Moblit.”

“Right, we are aware of that, sir.”

“In any case, did he not almost transform when he first woke?”

“…We’re not sure, sir. When he first woke, his temperature had skyrocketed and his body emitted surges of what we call ‘the green lightning’, yet aside from that there were no physical manifestations of the Titan transformation. It’s all in the grey area right now, sir.”

“Well, have you asked him? Would he know?”

“Again, we’re not sure. It wasn’t until just today that we were able to get actual coherent responses from him.”

“Be frank with me, Moblit. Do we know if this is not just a side effect from the coma?”

“…Well…”

The Commander lifted a hand to rub at the bridge of his nose, blue eyes turning to gaze into the infirmary at the young man in question. Despite the soft conversation occurring between his friends, Eren continued to sleep soundly, appearing serene and calm. For a moment, Erwin allowed himself to hope that when the boy woke, he would be able to give them some answers. Although… Erwin knew there would be less than a slight chance of that. Even so, a slight chance was still a chance, and Erwin had bet on less and won much more.

His attention moved from the sleeping titan shifter to the duo waiting patiently at his side. Eyes lingering on the dark head of Mikasa Ackerman, Commander Erwin narrowed his gaze for a short moment – as if he could distinguish anything more from just seeing her sit there, watching over her adoptive brother. He turned away after a short moment of unknown scrutiny before focusing on the matter at hand. For now, romance held no priority over their already strained Freedom.

Hanji stood by the door that led out of the medical office and to the infirmary, her arms were crossed and lips pursed, no doubt musing thousands of theories through her mind all at once.

“Hanji,” Erwin spoke and the red headed woman glanced up at him. “Do you have anything for me?”

The scientist let out a vocal sigh as she straightened from the wall, “I don’t have much to add to what Moblit has already explained, Commander.”

“Well, whatever you do want to add, please enlighten me,” the officer urged with a smooth lift of his chin. Hanji’s lips tightened for a moment as she turned to face the picture of friendship on the other side of the glass.

“Before he went back under, Eren tried to tell me something,” she admitted gravely, “He insisted that something was burning him. While we can conclude that it may have been the effect of his fever, in previous experiments he had shown an extreme tolerance to heat. This was gathered when he demonstrated no burns or marring of any kind when he would emerge from his Titan form…”

There was a short silence that followed as the people in the room awaited more from the suddenly quiet woman. Hanji turned her gaze away to meet Erwin’s evenly, grim and concerned. “The way I see it there are three possible theories to Eren’s current state.”

“Them being?” One of the other officers questioned.

“On one hand, his words could be telling us that he was experiencing a sort of biological change, one that would manifest in the ‘burning’ Eren was feeling. It could be that the burning was his metabolism and his physique cleansing him off the last of the Titan genes. Perhaps, Eren’s ability to transform had been dependent on the existence of the Titans, and now that they are gone, so must this ability follow.” Hanji lifted a hand to adjust her glasses over the bridge of her nose, pausing to take in a short breath.

“On the other hand, it could be like the Commander had said. That this symptom is just a side effect of being kept within a coma. It could have been manifested as a way to break Eren from this slumber in order to help him survive and finally allow him to live properly. If this is the case, then the slowing in Eren’s healing ability – as well as his ability to transform – could just be in a way rebooting and rebuilding itself slowly the more Eren comes to consciousness.”

“…And the third theory?” Erwin asked, shifting as they witnessed Armin stand up to bring a water basin to Mikasa’s beckoning hand.

At this, Hanji grinned widely, “The third theory being that nothing has changed at all and he’s just tired and starving from sleeping too much.”

Some of the officers in the room exchanged unsurprised glances at her final words, yet Erwin’s eyes flashed the more he considered all three of Hanji’s theories. Another tense silence filled the room as all eyes fell upon the Commander’s stoic figure. Soon enough, the tall leader gave a short nod to the men and women around him, his eyes landing on Hanji’s for just a moment longer, “Let me know when we can get more information from this latest development, Hanji. Good work, everyone.”

“Aren’t you going in to see him?” Hanji asked, eyebrows lifting curiously.

“I believe there are two other people who deserve some monopoly of his time,” Erwin replied as he walked toward the door. Quite abruptly, he paused for a moment in silence before asking, “Has he asked for Levi?”

“Yes,” Moblit was the one to answer this time. “We had to calm him down when the Captain still hadn’t shown up to visit him.”

“I’ll take care of Levi,” Hanji said, turning back to look at the trio around the hospital cot. A wry smile lifted her lips as she watched them. It had been four years since they had joined the survey corp. Four years since they had walked in with youthful hatred and undying energy to fight. Yet even after four years, they looked like they had all aged by a decade. Not much in appearance, aside from physically changing into more mature versions of themselves; Mikasa’s hair, while still short, fell around a more angular face, her body taking the curves of a woman rather than a teenager. Armin had only just recently been promoted to Lance Corporal, and his stance demonstrated the weight of a strong and wiry muscled man carrying the responsibility with well trained determination rather than the lanky and fidgeting figure of the fifteen year old with tears in his eyes. Blond hair no longer fell around his face in a gentle bob but sat around his shoulders and tied back in a half ponytail. Even Eren, emaciated by the months in sleep, had still seemed to have stretched another five inches, jaw and shoulders broadening into the body of a good soldier, of a growing man. _They had definitely grown up._

The group stopped in surprise as they saw the young man begin to stir, excitement mounting in a collective gaze of awe when he blinked green eyes open and smiled weakly at the shocked faces of his best friends. Mikasa nearly threw herself around his neck as Armin rushed to his side to grab his hand, tears welling in his eyes as they shared relief and even laughter when Eren awkwardly returned his adoptive sister’s embrace. Hanji grinned at the sight before turning back to look up at Erwin.

“They can take care of themselves now…”

* * *

Summer was dying. Its grasp was slowly fading to the oncoming drench of autumn’s colors. Reds, yellows and browns were peeking within sight, as if checking if the coast was clear and the hold of the hot season was flimsy enough to infiltrate. While the heat was still persistent, wind was beginning to breathe in cool bursts. This change was slowly becoming more and more prominent through the skies. Huge billows of low hanging clouds spread grey and white fingers through the deep blue of the canopy above them, offering soft shade and the promise of inevitable downpours that would drown the land in preparation for a harsher season.

He did not know how long he’d been sitting by the window, steel blue eyes staring vacant at the scenery outside the glass of his room. Clouds bounced rays of light off, spinning different colors as the last of the day’s light faded. By all means, it was a beautiful sight, yet try as he might he just couldn’t feel taken by nature’s painting. The skies were stained orange, indigo and violet when a faint knock rapped on his door. He made no motion to answer, instead choosing to remain in the spot he had been in since noon.

"Levi?" the voice is familiar but by no means welcome. Nevertheless, permission fell from his lips like dead weight and the door swung open gently, letting in a cool draft. There is a silent pause and he could hear her shift her weight on her feet, uncertain. It didn’t take long for her to finally tell him why she’s there.

“Levi, he’s awake.”

“I know.” He can only imagine the surprised and curious look brightening her brown eyes. Another tense silence and a sigh blew past Hanji’s lips as another sound alerted him of her change in stance. It was getting dark enough that he could catch the reflection from the glass window of her leaning frame against the threshold of his door. She didn’t appear to be looking at him, instead her head bowed in a pensive angle.

With a slow intake of breath, he allowed himself to ask, "…Is she still there?" 

The question earned him a surprise lift of the scientist’s head, her arms falling to her sides as she straightened from her position against the door frame. There was no need to know who it was Levi meant.

"No… she left him about ten minutes ago." It was a soft affirmation to part of his suspicions. "I told her and Armin to go and get some food. She had refused to eat nearly all day since she heard Eren woke. I had to kick her out twice."

A snort escaped through his nose, yet he felt more than empty inside. There was an exhaustion in his bones, as if his age had finally decided to catch up to him after years of fighting, bloodshed, and tragedy. He knew that if someone were to have approached him ten years ago and told him he would fall in love, not once but twice, to two beautiful women – one of which had helped quell his rage and taught him beauty, yet would suffer a terrible death, and the other would offer a challenge and an ability to feel more than he had every permitted himself, but would grow to loathe him for a choice he knew he would be unable to deny – well, he would’ve very clearly ripped the messenger’s jaw out and kicked them over the Walls.

 _“This is war, you piteous shit,”_ He would’ve said. _“There is no room for love in war. Besides, I have no intentions to take part in such a childish scheme.”_

In all honesty, the idea of falling in love once was not much of a huge shock. It was part of being human, of course. But twice? And to a woman nearly a decade his younger? A child by all means?

That much alone would’ve garnered the brutal response.

And yet, here he was. A man torn apart not by the war he had trained himself to bear, not even by the title placed on his shoulders and the fate he was tied to ensure humanity… but by the love he had so foolishly permitted himself to fall into. All because she had blinked defiance in his eyes and given him the constant reminder that to fight in this war certain sacrifices meant more than others.

Mikasa had allowed him to open his eyes when he had been blinded by blood and vengeance, and in turn he salvaged her from the savagery that threatened to consume her through the means of the creature that slept within the body of her adoptive brother. It was unbelievable and ironic, really. To think, Humanity’s Strongest would break under the tender mercies of love. Where their skin brushed and their gazes pierced, now remained the imprint of a fallen desire; caved by pride and misunderstanding. He sacrificed the consciousness of a boy for the sake of everyone he had grown to care for, and the price was her trust and love.

Yet now, that same boy was awake. But, Levi knew that even if Eren would return to how he was before so much was lost, it would not return her to him. No, that connection was surely gone.

"Aren’t you going to go see him?” Hanji’s voice offered a gentle suggestion, Levi nearly shrugged. “He’s asked for you several times, when you didn’t show up after a while he nearly panicked thinking you had died and we were just covering up your death…"

For a while, the shorter man said nothing, watching as the last of the sun’s light burned against the ever darkening sky, little dots of stars began to pop into existence, as if timid by the sun’s radiance. Somewhere, within the dark reaches of his mind, a bubble of dark humor brought up a lighter memory; A memory that had happened just weeks ago.

A wry smile pushes at the corner of Levi’s lips, “Let’s get married, Hanji.” 

The woman made no movement, no sound of surprise or of disgust or disappointment. She just stood there, watching him from the door and the fire-lit hallway. Finally, with a sigh, Hanji shook her head, “No, Levi. I don’t want to marry you.” 

"Why not?" The question is rhetorical, but maybe a bit of him needed the banter; needed a reason to lighten up. Hanji would not give him this… not today.

"Because I’m barren," She clicked her tongue. Levi could hear the exasperation and weight of her predicament stain her voice. She wasn’t amused. "And we wouldn’t make a good couple anyway."

"Says who?" 

"Says the fact you’re in love with Mikasa Ackerman."

A hot rush of white noise flooded the inside of his ears just a moment after Hanji finished her (cruel) statement. He could not remember moving but one moment he had been clenching his fists tightly against his knees, the next his hand was curled into a claw around the scientist’s throat as he shoved her viciously against the open door, glowering acid loathing into her eyes.

She did not appear surprised in the slightest, or even alarmed. Instead, she gazed back into his wild gaze with a cool and calm demeanor, unafraid by his dragonesque lashing and the grip that could easily snap her neck. Because she knew this was not a real display of murderous intent. She knew him better than that. Levi knew her better than that.

With a brusque shove against her neck, Levi released her before letting out a long and slow breath. He turned his back on her, boots clacking against the wood and stone of his floor as he headed back to his chair and sat back down.

"So…when are you going to see him?" She asked, nonchalant and unaffected by his previous display of violence. The question did shock a roll of bitter laughter from Levi’s chest, making his shoulders heave as he released emotions in dark mirth. _Where did she get the fucking nerve…?_

"Go fuck yourself, Hanji." Levi spat at her once the laughter died on his tongue. Not long after that, the door slid closed, leaving him in the growing darkness and the remnants of his broken heart and bitter dark amusement.

* * *

"Slower," The reprimand earned the young raven haired girl a disgruntled huff of air from the titan shifter on the bed.

"Le’ me ee’, Mi-aattha." Eren rolled his eyes, mouth full with food. Around him was a series of bowls filled with soup, vegetables, beef and potatoes. After it had been tested that he would be able to accept food without throwing it up, the staff had been quickly sent to bring him a good spread. Armin and Mikasa had shared a laugh when Eren’s mouth watered at the sight of the tray filled with the dishes, ready to be consumed just by him.

"You’re not going to choke on your food while I’m around, Eren. Now, eat slower.” Armin chuckled next to the stern faced Mikasa. Eren sighed through his nose before shrugging and finished chewing properly, earning him a rare and bright smile. It was a huge relief to see him awake, even more so to see him eating. His time asleep had definitely taken its toll on him. While his body had held surprisingly well after being in a coma for nearly three months, the absence of food and sunlight was very prominent. Sure, they had been able to wire nutrients into his body, but his body had thinned out considerably. Where his clothes had once covered his figure evenly, they now hung over jutting bones and fragile looking limbs. He looked far more like the young starving boy of their youth than the man who had nearly single handedly wiped out an entire predatory race.

Within moments, the food had been reduced to piles of plates and utensils. Of course, Eren hadn’t eaten it all himself. Armin had helped himself to a plate of potatoes and strips of beef while Mikasa nibbled on a roll of bread. Sure enough, both boys ended up patting their bellies appreciatively while Mikasa watched them with a happy smile. Within this room… it was as if nothing had changed. There was no mandate, no tension, nor vile memories to bring on self loathing. Just the contentment of being together again, alive and well.

"So… what have I missed?" Eren asked, green eyes wide and eager. Just like that, the contentment flew out the window. Mood souring, Mikasa said nothing as Eren looked at them expectantly. After a moment of thick silence, the green eyed brunet slowly frowned, picking up on the tension that now filled the space between them. “What, you guys mean to tell me that _nothing_ has happened in the past three months? Armin? Mikasa?”

"Well…" Armin muttered, throwing a sideways glance at the withdrawn woman sitting at his side. "Not much… really…" He finished lamely. So it seemed that even he didn’t have the heart to tell him. Mikasa glanced away from Armin’s sullen face to the red scarf wrapped around Eren’s thin neck. If it wasn’t for the uniform, he would’ve looked like the very image of the boy that had saved her from traffickers so many years ago. Only now, he was taller, his face having grown out from the roundness of his early youth to form into the sharp angles of a handsome man. Mikasa could even see the short scruff of a beard poking from the skin around his jawline. Three months and Eren looked so different… yet so very much the same as he had. It was a curious feeling, seeing his eyes looking at them so brightly and lively when last he had gazed at her with an expression of such dead effort and exhausted ambition.

How could she possibly tell him about the mandate? No doubt he was hopeful that Humanity was flourishing and walking on a merry road to freedom and happiness. Could she actually stomach the act of telling him that ever since he helped save them all… he would have to subject the remains of his own liberty to carry yet another burden? He deserved more than that. He deserved to travel this titan-free world and walk without concerns. He deserved it more than anyone here. That much, Mikasa knew as a fact.

When Eren ducked his head down to shovel whatever was left over into his mouth, the young woman threw a fierce stare into Armin’s eyes to which he returned with a short nod. They would keep him oblivious for now, if only to preserve his happiness… just for a while longer.

"Shhe’ioushly?" Eren asked through another mouthful, incredulous. 

"Eren, don’t be so gross." Armin scolded through a wrinkled nose before brightening. “Oh, but there is some news.” Eren peered up at him curiously, obviously not seeing the guarded dark glare piercing through Mikasa’s onyx eyes.

“Well, what is it?” The brunet leaned forward on the bed, thin hands resting on knobby knees.

“I was recently promoted,” Armin announced with a wide grin, it broadened when he saw the surprised expressions on their faces. “That’s right, I am now Lance Corporal Armin Arlert.”

“Armin, that’s great!” Eren exclaimed, food stained mouth parting in an ecstatic smile as he took in his friend’s news.

Mikasa allowed herself to relax, shoulders easing back as she reached over to grab a napkin to wipe Eren’s face, “When did this happen?”

“Just yesterday,” the blond confirmed, chuckling when Eren loudly protested at Mikasa’s hand on his mouth. “Commander Erwin called me in and told me that my work had been enough to warrant a promotion.”

“In any case,” the titan shifter grinned after shoving off Mikasa’s nagging hands. “This demands a celebration! Oi, Moblit! Get us some wine!”

“No way,” was the officer’s stout reply from across the infirmary.

“Aw, come on!”

Armin laughed at Eren’s put out expression and the thin boy grinned at the small smile growing on his sister’s face. For a while, they talked about anything and everything. About how things have changed since the titans were wiped out, on the reconstruction of the cities that had received the most damage in the final conflict, and how some people were beginning to travel passed the walls. The remnants of the Wallists were tearing their hair out of their heads because of that. Both Armin and Mikasa asked Eren’s rapid fire questions with soft smiles, pointedly steering the conversation away from anything that would lead to news about the Mandate and the dreaded survey.

For a moment, life was as it should be. Yet, there were questions that needed answering, and now was a better time than ever to ask them.

“Eren…” Mikasa said softly after they had trailed into a comfortable silence. The two boys glanced at her curiously as she tried to compose her thoughts. It was obvious that there was much that needed to be discussed… it was just a matter of bringing it up. It all came down to a simple question, and that was whether or not Eren was well enough to recall the events that led to his coma. “What do you remember?”

It took a moment for the boy to think on her question. Armin and Mikasa waited in silence as Eren’s vibrant green eyes flicked back and forth, his mind processing what little (or more) he could.

“I remember the conflict…” He muttered, eyebrows furrowing as the air thickened around them. “I remember seeing Reiner and Bertholdt... and Ymir. They all died… didn’t they?”

Armin’s eyes crinkled sadly and he bowed his head, solemn and quiet. Mikasa felt little to no emotion aside from the twinge of sadness for their sacrifice. After they had revealed themselves…Mikasa didn’t care much for them after that. But their words and their ultimate deeds redeemed them, and so Mikasa did feel some gratitude for them, however small it was.

“They helped us survive…” Armin spoke after another soft silence. “We owe their memories a lot.”

“What about Annie?” Eren asked. At the memory of the blonde titan shifter Mikasa scowled, disliking where the conversation was heading.

“We…don’t know,” Armin sighed after Mikasa refused to give an answer. “The Commander had her declared M.I.A and so the Military Police stopped any form of investigation.”

“Why do you ask?” Mikasa asked shortly, not bothering to hide her irritation.

“I only remember her getting injured…” Eren replied, his eyebrows tightening again over his forehead, looking all the more distraught. “I think she may have been protecting me…”

“That’s ridiculous,” the raven haired girl scoffed. “She made her intentions very clear in the end.”

“Maybe,” the brunet sighed and leaning back on the wall behind him turned his gaze to stare out into space, “I guess we’ll never know, huh?”

A sharp stab of annoyance was rendered silent the more Mikasa watched Eren’s expression. Once upon a time, just the mention of Annie in any way would’ve sent strong jolts of irritated jealousy through her core. She knew that the blonde and fierce-faced woman had affected Eren in some kind of emotional way, there was no denying that. Back then, just the thought of how she had not only betrayed them but left Eren at a sharp emotional disadvantage drove her to brutal violence – a violence that she had been more than happy to take out on Levi during their sparring sessions, and soon into the same conversations that lead her to understand her leader and slowly come to terms with his personality and even his influence. While her feelings for Eren had shifted to the affection she held on a level for a sibling, the irritation to the woman who had left him nearly immobile all those years ago had not gone down in the slightest.

The very fact that Eren could still harbor some feelings for the missing titan shifter disturbed her, left her with her fists clenched in her lap and a bitter taste in her mouth.

A soft series of knocks interrupted the conversation from going any further. The trio glanced up to see the smiling face of Hanji. The woman stood by the edge of the door that lead to the office of the infirmary, her smile was content as she gazed at them.

“Alright now,” Hanji began, placing her hands on her hips with a grin. “You two have to let Eren get more rest and get some rest of your own, it’s nearly lights out.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened before glancing over at the curtained window by Eren’s bed. Sure enough there was no more light pulling through the seams of the fabric save the torches lit outside and the torches lit in the room. How easy it was to forget something as time when you’re taking a moment to enjoy the company of good friends.

“Hanji, could I please stay to watch over Eren while he rests?” the question fell from Mikasa’s lips before she could help herself. It was far too early to be leaving him right now. There was an unease in her chest that played chords against her heart strings that made her nearly desperate to stay by her adoptive brother’s side. What if he fell back into a coma while she was off sleeping? Or worse? It was nearly too unbearable to imagine.

“Mikasa,” Eren’s soft voice brought her attention away from the fears currently running rampant in her heart. He met her worried gaze with bright green eyes, comforting and just slightly exasperated, although understanding. “You should go get some sleep. I’ll be fine.”

The young girl tried to protest but was silenced by his grip on her hand, soft and frail but still holding to the reminiscence of a strength that had toppled giants.

“I said, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Eren soothed, and although there was still the worry playing in her eyes, Mikasa knew better than to argue.

“Alright…” She conceded before slowly rising from the stiff chair. Armin followed suit and with a series of hugs and affectionate hair ruffling, the two slowly made their way out the infirmary and left Hanji alone with their best friend. When the door closed behind them, Mikasa let out a long sigh.

“He’s going to be alright, you know.” Armin murmured gently. She nodded numbly, yet her troubled expression did not fade as they walked down the hallways.

“What are we going to tell him, Armin?”

“I don’t know...” was the honest reply.

Another silence slunk between them as they walked, their footsteps echoing in the darkened hallways as they made their way to their rooms.

“I think, for now… we should just not say anything.” Armin announced, his blue eyes looking decidedly at her dark ones. “I’m not sure how his situation is going to get handled now that he’s awake. The Commander can only do so much to protect him from the monarchy… in all honesty, the survey is going to be the least of our worries with Eren.”

Mikasa stopped mid-step, her eyes widening in slight confusion and dread as she considered Armin’s words. “What are you saying? You think something could happen to Eren?”

“As far as we know, the Titans are gone, Mikasa.” The Lance Corporal explained with a grim expression. “Even the Titan shifters are gone. The walls are hollowed out and are breaking down the more people come to the realization of the truth hidden within them. This means he’s the last one, Mikasa. The very last remnant of the Titans left. If the monarchy is planning something for him it cannot mean anything good for his fate.”

Whatever happiness had filled Mikasa before was slowly crushed by the horror and icy dread now filling her stomach and freezing her heart. What Armin had said made perfect, horrible, sense. If the Monarchy found out that Eren was awake… it could very well mean the order for his extermination. How quickly they would cause for Humanity’s Last Hope to now become Humanity’s last threat. It made her sick and faint, first they steal her liberty now they want to steal her only family left?

“Do you think they know?” Mikasa breathed, shallow gasps of air were all that kept her from falling to her knees.

“I’m not sure, but if I was able to figure this much out,” Armin replied, “I am sure the Commander has a plan in mind to counter this—Mikasa? Hey, are you alright?”

Dark eyes clenched shut as she took in slow breaths, Armin’s hands soon gripped at her shoulders as he steadied her. The pain and weight of this new situation was making each breath all the more laborious, yet Mikasa dared not collapse now. She was strong. She was stronger than nearly every soldier in this castle save one, so she inhaled deeply and squeezed one of her friend’s hands in reassurance.

“I’m fine, Armin.” Mikasa said as she allowed her world to solidify beneath her feet. “I was just…slightly overwhelmed.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Armin apologized, looking at her worriedly. The young woman shook her head and offered him a light smile.

“Oi,” the voice sent a bolt of lightning through her soul. She could see Armin’s blue eyes widen as he slowly turned around to face the owner of the call. Standing just a few feet away was the short yet intimidating figure of Captain Levi, dark steel eyes looking at them with a bored curiosity yet the moment they met hers she could _feel_ it. The way the air crackled like electricity between them and setting everything on fire under her skin. “What’s going on, Arlert?”

“Ah…I…” Armin stammered, knowing full well he was caught within the crossfire of emotional tension and unspoken words. He looked back at Mikasa with a frown before a stark realization filtered through his expression like he had been doused with cold water. In his there was a simple question, _you haven’t talked to him?_

Mikasa tore her gaze away, unable to respond as she could feel the air begin to choke her once more. Instantly she could feel a thrill shoot through her nerves, making her unbelievably anxious and hyper aware of _his_ gaze on her skin.

“Mikasa was just feeling a bit…lightheaded, sir.” Armin replied finally, his hands falling from her shoulders to face the superior officer directly. A flash of undeniable concern burned through Levi’s eyes for a moment before falling back into his poker face of bored disinterest.

“Go get her some water, Corporal.” Levi ordered. “I’ll see to it she gets back to her room.”

“Ah, sir, I’m not sure that’s—”

“That was a direct order, Corporal.” His voice came out hard as he turned those sharp grey stones he had for eyes directly on the blond soldier. Armin wilted immediately under the command before nodding dutifully. With a final glance of encouragement to Mikasa, Armin took off (Mikasa nearly thew an arm out to snatch his sleeve) dodging the Captain’s form before disappearing behind a corner.

His echoing footsteps accentuated the ramming beating of Mikasa’s heart, her hands and toes suddenly feeling cold while the rest of her flushed with nervous anticipation. All the while, Levi did not remove his sharp and unreadable gaze from her – and it filled her to the brim with uncertain worry.

The tension was still sharp and suffocating long after Armin’s footsteps disappeared. Mikasa realized that this was the first proper time they have faced each other since the incident in Hanji’s office nearly two months ago, and that this would be the first time they would be speaking to one another since she had confronted him after the trial nearly eight months earlier.

Good Sina… had it really been almost eight months?

“I take it you’ve been watching over Eren,” Levi’s voice, while no louder than an even observation, hit her with the force of a slap. Jarred and shaking, Mikasa tried to scramble her emotions into a single container in the back of her mind. But Armin’s theory was still fresh in the back of her throat and so left her completely unarmed against this encounter.

“Yes…I have.” She replied as evenly as possible, yet there was a faint tremor in her voice that escaped and it left her biting down on the inside of her cheek harshly.

“…How is he?” the question is not unusual, but the way he voiced it nearly made her physically falter. It had been soft, and in Levi’s world that was the equivalent to actual concern. It made her nearly reel on her heels.

“He’s… alright. Fine.” _Get it together_. Clenching her fists, Mikasa cleared her throat and tried to breathe a little deeper through her nose. Her heart was still pounding in her ears and her legs felt like jelly. _Please just go away._

“Does he remember anything?” Levi asked, looking as if this entire encounter was no more special than a simple chit chat with another soldier. It sent hot flashes of irritation into the boiling ocean of nerves that was once her stomach.

“Why don’t you just ask him yourself?” Mikasa replied before inwardly kicking herself. Her response had been too harsh, too acidic. The guilt that had built itself over the months suddenly came back with a vengeance, stabbing her when his gaze tightened over hers.

“Levi, I…”

He gave her no opportunity, instead he turned his face to look at one of the coat of arms that hung on the nearest wall before grunting, “Let’s go. You’re not feeling well and I’ve already told Arlert that I’m walking you to your room.”

“I…” the word jumped from her throat before clamping her jaw shut. In that moment, while the words refused to show, Mikasa allowed herself a moment to plead him with her eyes. Desperately, she begged him silently to look back at her, to look and see how much she was sorry and how much she wished for things to change from this nightmare that continuously kept them apart at arms distance. _I’m sorry, please. Just look at me, I’m so sorry. Levi._ Yet, Levi kept his gaze hidden behind dark bangs and a resolute turn of the head. After another tense moment, Mikasa finally let her gaze fall, much like how her heart fell to her feet.

“That’s not necessary,” She muttered, feeling the ocean in her stomach churn and roll angrily at her own indecision. At her own cowardice.

“Suit yourself,” Levi shrugged, yet there were knives in his voice and she could feel her heart begin to bleed. He moved suddenly, footsteps echoing loudly in her ears like mocking laughter before stopping right next to her. In that moment, Mikasa could feel it. Like two charged magnets just struggling to collide together, they stood in the tightest silence. Neither dared to speak, to breathe or even move. She did not need to see him, she could feel him so clearly at her side, facing behind her as she tried to contain the urge to whirl around and crush him in a pleading embrace. Yet fear kept her at bay, the stubbornness of her own insecurities wrapped its fingers like silk through her lungs and trapping her in their webs.

After what felt like an eternity, Levi’s form shifted and she very nearly broke down and tossed her body over his, yet the words that followed slammed whatever air was in her lungs out.

“Go to bed, Ackerman.” He said and it threw her back to that night, where she had felt the fire in his palms and the desire in his gaze and then burned in the scorn of his rejection, the pain of having something she had desperately needed ripped from her grasp as if she were no more than a child. Those words…those same words…

_Go to bed, Ackerman._

The sound of his footsteps as he walked away left her aching, burning for another chance and her heart was screaming. Screaming for her to turn around and to reach out and stop him and end this cruel game with a simple seal of her lips over his. Yet by the time she finally gathered the nerve to turn around to catch him, he had already disappeared.

Mikasa was left in the press of silence and the violent desolation from his presence. Not even tears would be able to save her from the pain that held her heart captive in its jaws.

* * *

A deep sigh filtered its way through pale lips as Armin pressed his head to the wall behind him. While it was morally wrong to eavesdrop on a conversation that had nothing to do with him, Armin could not help but stay back and see how the whole moment went down. Needless to say, it did not end well and now he wasn’t sure if he should turn the corner and comfort the frozen figure of his childhood friend or just leave her alone.

“That was rough.” The voice beside him nearly spooked a shout from the Lance Corporal. Armin whirled to see not just one but three people standing just behind him.

“Connie? Jean? Krista?” Armin babbled, lowering his voice to a softer timbre after the trio did violent shushing motions with their hands. This did not end his inquiries, however. “When did you—what are you guys doing here?”

“We were on our way to go visit Eren,” Krista whispered, smiling shyly as she tugged a stray lock of corn yellow hair behind her ear. “Connie told us he was finally awake after Hanji told him it was okay we could go see him.”

“Then we saw you just standing there and then overheard some of the conversation…” Jean replied, looking embarassed, tugging his hands in his pockets.

Connie shrugged, rubbing at the back of his fuzzy head with a sheepish grin, “We didn’t want to interrupt or even stop what was going on, so…”

“So you guys heard everything?” Armin sighed, he had hoped no one else would get involved.

“I’ve known something was going on for a while…” Krista murmured, her delicate eyebrows furrowing sadly over her forehead. “I never realized it was this bad, though.”

“What about you guys?” Armin asked, resting his hands over his hips as he turned his gaze sharply over Connie and Jean.

The two soldiers exchanged a glance before shrugging simultaneously as Jean confessed, “I only know that there was something going on between them. I’ve known since nearly a year ago…”

“I’m just in the dark as they are.” The shorter man expressed, “You wanna tell us what’s going on, Armin?”

The blond shook his head, bangs tickling the hollow of his throat in the motion, “I’m not at liberty to say,” he replied before turning to peek his head over the corner, lips tightening when he noticed Mikasa had still yet to move from her spot. “I think we should just leave it alone for now.”

“What about Eren?” Jean asked, tilting his chin forward. “We’ve still yet to see him.”

Armin sighed again as he pulled away from the wall, flinching when he felt Krista’s soft hand curl around his fingers in a comforting hold. He looked down to see her peering up at him with a gentle yet shy smile of consolation. Smiling back, Armin squeezed her hand gently, feeling the same bubble of elation at being accepted fill his heart and pour from his eyes into hers.

Connie let out a huff of air before nodding, “Well, he’ll still be there tomorrow, right?”

“Right,” Armin nodded back, gripping to Krista’s hand and letting her fingers intertwine with his own.

“Tomorrow it is, then. Come on, Jean.” The short soldier turned, grabbing on to the taller male’s jacket sleeve before tugging him away. Jean let out a short noise of confused irritation, throwing a narrow eyed glance at the blonde couple behind him before sighing loudly and following his comrade down the hallway. Armin watched them leave, his lips quirking upwards once before looking down, glum.

A gentle tug on his hand drew his attention to the woman at his side, her soft blue eyes blinking up at him with a look of pure empathy, “You should go help her.”

“But…” Armin began to protest, uncertainty staining his usual determination grey.

“She’s your friend, right?” Krista asked, cocking her head to the side as she smiled lightly. “She needs you right now, Armin.”

It was enough to take him aback, watching this girl with wide eyes as if she had just given him the map to the Holy Grail or something equivalent to it. Another thought hit him then, enough to surprise himself. Even after all these years, Armin had continously considered his efforts for his friends as meaningless, and while time and time again they had proven his worth and value with their appreciation, there was still that twinge of self doubt. Yet right now, this one girl looked up at him not unlike how they did when they needed his help. She trusted him enough to know what to do and more importantly, enough to do the right thing.

Lifting a soft hand to cradle her rosy cheek, Armin smiled softly, grateful he had been blessed with having such a wonderful woman choose to be with him. Before he could help himself, the young soldier leaned down and pressed his lips against hers in a sweet kiss.

“Thank you… Historia.” He said softly as he pulled away, the sound of their lips parting sent warm tingles down his spine and leaving him in a state of contented euphoria. She blushed furiously under his warm gaze, mumbling cutely under her breath.

With a final and affectionate press of their foreheads, Armin pulled away and with the courage that her kiss and words had filled him, the Lance Corporal walked around the corner and headed to the still stoic figure of his childhood friend.

“Mikasa,” He murmured gently when he approached behind her. She flinched hard at his voice, spinning around to look at him with wide and tear stained eyes.

“Armin,” the girl muttered weakly. Armin had never seen her so demure in his entire life. “I couldn’t do it, Armin… I couldn’t say it.”

“It’s going to be okay,” He whispered and nearly jumped out of his own skin when the usually strong woman ducked her chin and pressed her forehead against his chest. In short moments, she was sniffling against him, the heat of her tears pooled on his shirt as she wept. He could hear his own heart breaking as he allowed himself to pull her close.

“I couldn’t do it…” She muttered against his shirt, sounding completely and utterly broken.

“Come on,” Armin urged quietly, pulling her around and walking her down the hallway. “It’s going to be alright, Mikasa. You’ll see, I promise.”

And as their footsteps echoed down the stone, Armin gave a silent prayer to whatever deity was watching over them. While he uttered words of comfort and promise for better days, Armin hoped strongly that they would come true, because even as he said them – he couldn’t be certain that things would get better. But he would be damned before he allowed his hope to die.

Because it’s Hope that’s what has kept them all alive for this long.

* * *

Long after Mikasa and Armin’s footsteps echoed into the night, a lone figure stood in silent contemplation against a wall by the infirmary’s door. Shrouded in shadow, there would’ve been no way anyone could’ve spotted the silent witness to the most recent encounter between the Captain and the woman who held his heart in her hands. He had been standing there for some time, watching quietly and studying the movements of the two forlorn soldiers as they interacted after so long.

It was in the dark that he had thrown a wish to the stars when Levi had moved to brush past Mikasa, and it was in the dark that he had very nearly seen that wish come true before him when the short man stopped just inches away from emotional rapture. And it was in the dark… that Erwin saw his comrade and brother in arms utter words that would once against send them further down this emotional spiral that everyone seemed to have become enslaved to.

With a deep and inaudible sigh, the Commander of the Survey Corp watched as the dark haired man walked away and turned to the infirmary and it was there that he watched in silence when Levi had stopped just in front of the door. Torch light illuminated the inverted hallway that led to Eren and Hanji, casting the Captain in dancing shadows and a stoic silhouette while he quietly tried to handle the emotions that no doubt ran rampant after such a terrible encounter.

In this position, Erwin could clearly see the still figured of Levi and Mikasa. Both of them frozen, as if waiting for the other to come running after, as if hoping that they would be able to gather enough strength and courage to do just that. It was rare and cruelly ironic, really.

Humanity’s strongest soldiers stood just feet away from him. The man who had slain Titans with the ease of someone at play, and the woman who had tamed the beast within her brother and had salvaged the lives of thousands with her skill alone – and neither had the strength enough to follow the silent pleadings of their hearts.

Yet, in truth, who _was_ strong enough to obey the desires of the heart?

Give them swords to shed blood and they would answer, they would move with impossible speed and kill with impossible strength… but give them the chance to find happiness and they would collapse under the guilt and the insecurities of their own inner darkness. He knew this, because he knew even he could offer nothing to prove this wrong. He would stand by and let the woman he loved walk away from him because he could see no possible outcome that it would succeed lest he toss all their efforts to the fire.

Erwin had sacrificed his humanity, and he would sacrifice more for the sake of the happiness of others and that was because those were his choices to make. Did he, of all people, have the right to ask these two – who had given so much already – to destroy the remains of their own happiness?

In that instant, Erwin knew that if he continued to permit this… he would be no worse than the Titans that preyed on them without mercy.

Footsteps alerted his attention and the Aryan Commander turned to see Lance Corporal Arlert appear, speaking in hushed and soothing tones to the still shocked Mikasa. The young woman let out a small gasp that echoed through the halls and shook the still standing figure of Captain Levi.

“I couldn’t do it, Armin…” She wept and Erwin saw Levi nearly crumble under the weight of her words. The man’s head fell to his chest, fists clenching tightly at his sides as she continued to cry. The blond soldier gently lead the sobbing woman down the hallway and Erwin could feel his own heart break for the couple before him. Even more so when he witnessed Levi fall against the nearest wall, face covered by a tight hand and break down in his own silent misery.

The shock of seeing the man who had shouldered more than any human possibly could and survive suddenly break… it shook Erwin to the core and kindled a fierce spark of anger that made his blood boil.

In the dark, Erwin spun on his heels and silently walked away to give his friend much needed space and time. In the dark, Erwin walked with resolute purpose and a desire to try to change things. While the goal in mind was probably completely impossible to attain, he did not let it deter him.

He had bet on less and won with more… and this time, Erwin hoped that this streak of luck would surface with a favorable result.

In the dark, Erwin marched to his office. He had a letter to write.

* * *

TBC


	7. Karmic Distribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is some relief in the wind. Take a deep breath. It’ll be alright…right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s inspired tracks are: ‘Sweden’ by C418 from the Minecraft Volume Alpha album, ‘Unlabeled Record’ by Eric “Jit” Scheele, and ‘I am Lady’ from the Hana Kimi (Hanazakari no Kimitachi e) Japanese drama OST.

**-: VII :-  
Karmic Distribution**

* * *

 

_To whom it may concern:_

_Gentlemen of the State and Monarch, I write you with the hope that on this occasion you may spare my words with little more than silent and doubtful consideration. Rest assured, this is not another letter of dispute. I am merely placing an opinion that I believe should be taken into notice upon the decision for the matching of two of my comrades. It has been made incessantly clear that there is nothing I could personally say to save this fate from my other subordinates, and despite the many letters that, of no doubt, you have received disputing this mandate, you have all made the choice for the good of our humanity and salvation._

_The purpose for this letter, gentlemen, is not for the sake of all of the men and women of whom have served valiantly for the noble cause you are so easily deciding for. The purpose of this letter is for the sake of making a suggestion, not a demand, as you have ignored every other pleading against this given circumstance. While it is logical to make such decisions for soldiers who have done nothing more than to give up their rights for the sake of this cause, it is not ethical. I digress, you already know of my stance on this order and from what I have gathered, the repeal trial has given us no new changes._

_While I have no say or matter in decision making with the matches you gentlemen are preparing, I retain the right to make a casual observation and suggestion concerning just one specific case._

_As I am certain, you are all aware of the efforts and deeds done by our own Captain Levi; the man renown as Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. Of course, you must also be well aware of a senior cadet, Mikasa Ackerman – of whose process for promotion is_ still _pending – and the skill she has used to earn her repute as the Woman worth one hundred Soldiers. As you have previously stated in the trials in decision with this Mandate, the sole purpose for this rule is to ensure the ultimate survival and prosperity of the coming generations. I will leave this implication completely in your hands and trust to hear in response concerning the decision of their matches – if they have not already been decided thereupon._

_My Regards,_

_Commander Erwin Smith  
Leader of the Survey Corp_

* * *

Connie was irritated. No really, he was. He could feel it in the way his eyebrow kept twitching at the nauseating sight before him. If anything, it left him emotionally reeling. One moment, everyone is moping and glum and depressed and (literally) the next they’re all over each other like sap on a tree. Sitting on his adjacent left were Armin and Krista, curled together side by side and staring deeply into each other’s eyes as if they had found the answer to everything from just looking into each other’s soul, whispering soft words to each other and caressing their cheeks with tentative fingers. That alone was enough to send whatever appetite Connie had out the window. Oh look, now they’re kissing. Again.

Wrinkling his nose with disgust, the lone and short cadet turned his attention on the couple to his right. And instantly wished he hadn’t.

Jean and Sasha were probably the most awkward people he had ever seen interact now that they were (kind of) dating. Had they even gone out yet? Last thing Connie got from Jean, the idiot had finally managed to get his shit together and asked Sasha out.

“Hold on, but didn’t you finish your survey already?” Connie had asked him, leaning over the rail over Jean’s shoulder while the taller brunet cleaned his gear. Jean let out a grunt of exasperation but made no move to hit Connie over the head, much to the shorter soldier’s relief.

“Yeah, but I’m not turning it in yet.” Jean replied, reaching over to grab the cloth on the end of the table.

“…You do know there is a deadline, right?” the reminder earned him a sharp glare but nothing physical.

“Yes, I know there is a deadline, Connie.”

“…So what are you going to do? I mean, you’ve got two options. You either turn in your shit and hope to god Sasha is paired off with you—sorry, three options, because you probably won’t so you might as well break up with her now.” This earned him a sloppy swing to the shoulder that Connie managed to dodge fluidly. “Or you figure out how you feel for her and the two of you fill out the engagement form…thing.”

Jean had remained silent after Connie finished his rant, laying his palms flat against the oil stained table as he stared off into the distance, no doubt torn by his own train of thought. The shorter male sighed, feeling slightly guilty for laying such hard words on the stressed out soldier before him. While it had been rather blunt, it was nonetheless the truth and needed to be said.

After another tense moment, Jean slowly returned to cleaning his gear, “Why don’t you just worry about your own damn business and leave it alone, eh?”

That hadn’t surprise the buzz cut in the slightest, but Connie knew his limits so he left it alone. He knew that this was the current problem Jean was facing. The tall boy was sitting board stiff and cheeks flushed, shoulder to shoulder to the same bumbling girl. They would exchange nervously shy glances, speaking abruptly to each other – it was like looking at two prepubescent kids trying to handle their first crush/relationship.

It was damn near exhausting just watching them ask the other to pass the salt and then explode into violent blushes when their hands would brush.

 _Shit,_ Connie thought incredulously, _are they even trying right now?_ In all truth and from gathered expectation, the whole of Connie’s surprise was not in their actions but in how exactly ironic this whole thing was. Armin and Krista were obviously the shyest and most withdrawn people in their circle, not to mention the most socially inept. Sasha and Jean had exchanged sharp jabs and boisterous – even borderline obnoxious – attitudes towards each other in the past. While dealing with their own issues, they were way more socially confident than the blonde couple. So seeing them behave as expected of their counterpart left the lone soldier scratching at his fuzzy head furiously.

He had expected Jean and Sasha to be all over each other’s face and Krista and Armin to sit awkwardly. But no. How about that?

Of course, it only took so much before Connie snapped, and that moment came when Krista let out a keen moan of pleasure when Armin had moved to kiss her neck. Cheeks flushing a violent red, Connie dropped his fork on his full plate, absolutely done.

“Could you guys just… _not_?!” The lone cadet grunted, glaring at the blond couple as they ripped themselves apart. Clearing their throats sheepishly and cheeks glowing pink, the duo returned to eating their (already cold) breakfast.

“Sorry, Connie,” Armin chuckled, sending Krista a saucy wink that made her drop her fork in a blushing fit. “What were you saying…?”

Connie stared flatly at the all too innocent look the blond Lance Corporal was giving him, _sly little bastard._ “I was saying,” he drawled, “if you two had decided on filling out the engagement thing.”

Whatever they had been expecting it was obviously not that because the two had complete frozen at Connie’s words. A long and awkward pause filled the already bizarre atmosphere, and the more Connie watched them the more he could feel the incredulity in his stomach spur him to hysterics.

“You’re kidding me…” he scoffed, amber eyes widening. “Don’t tell me you two completely forgot about the whole thing…”

“We didn’t…” Krista squeaked, turning wide blue eyes into Armin’s similar stunned expression before ducking her chin and hiding her face behind corn yellow bangs. “I mean… it’s a bit early for that kind of decision, r-right?”

“R-right,” Armin agreed, lifting a hand to tug on his collar and swallowing thickly. “We’ve only just admitted our feelings to one another.” Krista nodded vigorously at that, hair bouncing against her shoulders, practically frantic.

Connie rose a brow, watching them with that still flat expression, as if picking up that they had missed a very crucial detail.

“Yeah, but didn’t you guys already turn in your surveys?" He pointed out. Both of their eyes widened to the size of horrified saucers, as if their bodies had turned to stone and their hearts had stopped beating. Yep. There it was. Connie let his own amber eyes close as he breathed out a loud sigh. “Yeah, you forgot.”

“The surveys…” Armin breathed and Krista paled, shooting a hand to cover her mouth.

“You don’t think…?” The petite girl muttered before Armin shot out from his seat, nearly banging his knee against the table and sending their food trays bouncing from the force. Reaching over to grab the girl’s trembling hand, Armin made no move to care about the disturbed table and ignored the surprised stares jumping over to him.

“One way to find out, let’s just hope we can catch the Commander in time.” The Lance Corporal announced before tugging the girl along. Without so much another word, the two were sprinting out the double doors that lead to the main hallway, Connie shook his head as he watched them go as he lifted his bread to his mouth.

Chewing, the unamused soldier turned back to look at the other couple, their eyes wide as they watched the blond duo run off.

“What about you two?” Sasha gave a little jump at Connie’s sudden question, cheeks flushing pink as well.

“W-well, we… uh… well… _I_ …” she stammered pitifully, glancing back and forth between the two men at her sides. Biting her lips, Sasha turned back to her meal before wolfing down large morsels of her eggs and sausages. Connie rolled his eyes before looking back at Jean, who gave a short groan of irritation at the opposing boy’s pointed stare.

“You know what, I’ll just go.” Connie sighed, tossing whatever remained of his meal on his plate and shoving it toward Sasha’s tray. “Good luck figuring out… whatever this is…”

“Ah, Connie!” Sasha exclaimed after swallowing an impossibly huge bite of her breakfast, the sight nearly made him flinch in a mixture of amazement and disgust. “You’re not eating your breakfast?”

“Suddenly, I’m not hungry at all,” The boy replied dryly, “help yourself.” Standing up, he gave them no further attention as he walked off in the direction Krista and Armin had previously escaped through. Across the full mess hall the sound of flesh striking flesh alerted wide eyes and nearly the attention of everyone within. It was Celia, angry tears coursing down her cheeks as she shoved her way past Dieter, who was cradling his bright red cheek with a look of guilt and shame. The girl marched off, sobbing as she ran out another door followed by two other women that had thrown nasty looks at the silent soldier.

Connie felt whatever good mood he had woken with disappear completely then and was glad he was already leaving the mess hall. He didn’t want to listen to any gossip the scene would cause, and it was in no mood to entertain any more drama.

 _Damn stupid Mandate_. He thought before shoving his hands in his pockets and taking his leave in a grudging silence.

* * *

For the space of a few hours, Connie went about his business as usual. He took care of his assignments during the day, trained as was part of his unit and handled chores all the while pointedly avoiding any more interactions with his circle of friends. It was not that he had grown distasteful of them, he just needed some time to breathe without the constant reminder of the mandate breathing down their necks.

Seeing them having to make such speedy decisions on their relationships because of the whole Order was complete shit. He couldn’t promise that had everything gone by as it should’ve that he would’ve reacted with any less distaste at his friends’ awkward public displays of affection (or even lack thereof) because it would at least go on naturally and without the constant gunpoint pressure of getting from point A to point B in their personal lives.

He knew he couldn’t dump the blame of his irritation on his friends. That would be unfair. The true culprit was off in the Capital, probably patting themselves in the back and snootily ignoring the indignant cries for justice whilst sipping wine out of a golden cup. Just the thought of that was enough to curdle Connie’s blood and send the acid churn in his stomach.

Hands clenching to a soaking mop, Connie turned down a corner to peer out over the open windows of the second story hallway. Right below, he saw a couple standing about a yard away from each other, speaking to each other inaudibly. Letting the mop rest against the ledge of the window, Connie placed his elbows on the stone sill and let his cheek rest against a moist palm. He couldn’t hear much of what they were saying but judging by their nervous glances and unfamiliar gestures, he guessed they had been paired up by the government’s survey system.

After a moment, the dark haired male approached the pale haired young woman with an extended hand. She gave a short start before shyly lifting her hand to accept his grip and shook their hands awkwardly. After a moment of staring into each others eyes, they let their palms drop before the guy rubbed at the back of his head with a nervous laugh, she fidgeted with her uniform and nodded at something he said. Connie watched as the male stepped a bit closer and offered her an elbow, to which she took hesitantly and they began to walk off out of sight.

“Romantic, don’t you think?”

Connie let out a soft gasp, startled as he turned to meet a pair of bright green eyes, dark auburn hair and a softly freckled face. The young woman smiled warmly at him, latching her hands behind her back.

“Sorry!” She apologized, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“…It’s fine.” Connie grunted, not entirely too glad that he had allowed himself to get sneaked up on. He frowned before straightening up. He was pleased, at least, to note that he was just a bit taller than her. “What did you say just now?”

“I asked if you thought it was romantic,” She specified, smiling up at him again. “About what happened down there…?”

The suggestion sent a sharp jab of irritation through his stomach, “You think that was romantic?” he asked.

She shrugged, “Well, yeah. It’s not often you see a matched pair take to each other so quickly. I thought it was cute.”

“Yes, forcing two people into a relationship and having them attempt to grow a relationship by pain of law is definitely under my definition of ‘adorable’.” Connie scoffed, rolling his eyes sarcastically as he turned back to pick up his mop.

“You don’t have to be so astringent about it.” She quipped with a pout.

“I don’t have to be… _what_?” He asked, confused.

“Astringent,” the girl repeated, lifting her chin up at him. “Bitter, cutting, harsh. Take your pick.”

Connie blinked rapidly, letting out a snort, he gave her a quick nod and said, “Yeah, whatever. Have a nice day.” And with that snatched his mop and swung it over his shoulder, droplets of dirty water hitting his neck in cold splatters.

“Aren’t you going to ask me for my name?” She huffed, placing her hands on her hips before intercepting him.

“No,” Connie grunted and attempted to sidestep out of the way. She threw no bones and took another confrontational step in front of him, taking him by complete surprise.

“You’re rather rude,” Connie scowled at her comment, not in the mood to deal with this random display of conflict. “But you didn’t really answer my question.”

“You, honestly, didn’t get it?” the taller soldier grunted in disbelief.

She crossed her arms, “I don’t respond well to sarcasm.”

“Well then you’re in for a great surprise,” Connie tried to sidestep out of the way again. “Do you mind? I have chores to take care of.”

“Not until you answer my question.”

Taking a deep and slow breath, Connie tried not to throttle this random girl, “I have nothing to say. Now, go away. I’m busy.” Bright green eyes bore into his with bored disinterest, yet there was a spark of amusement playing in her irises and pulling at the corners of her lips. Connie wanted nothing more than to leave her to her own devices. _Irritating brat_.

“I doubt you have no opinion on this whole situation,” She sighed flippantly, “A second ago you nearly bit my head off because I called it romantic. So, obviously you’re affected by it too. Let me guess, your girl got paired off with some other guy?”

Connie’s jaw nearly unhinged from his head, stunned at her brazenness. _Where did she get off?_ “Wow, do you have no respect for personal boundaries or is this a mental problem?”

A bright smile lit her face up, and if Connie didn’t think he would be more surprised, he was easily proven wrong then and there. “My friends say I have a problem. Well, they would if I had any friends. I’m Doris, nice to meet you.” She threw a pale hand out, expecting him to shake it.

“Your name is _Doris_?” Connie rose an eyebrow.

She chuckled, “Nah, but I got you going, didn’t I?”

Connie let out another huff of air before taking a sharp step forward and pushing past her. “Look, I’ve got chores to do, and I’m sure you can find someone else to annoy with your antics…or whatever it is you do.”

“Not true,” She chided but made no more moves to get in his way, much to his relief. “My world is completely dependent on you now!”

“Have a nice day, Doris.” Connie called as he went on his way. That was… weird. Honestly, where did that even come from? Was she serious or just liked to mess with people? A little ways down the hallway, Connie looked over his shoulder, feeling his stomach jump when he realize she was still there and watching him as he left. She grinned a cheeky smile before waving the hand she had extended to him. Whirling back around, Connie let out an irritated sigh, hoping that this would be the last he would see of this strange ‘Doris’ girl.

* * *

There was a strange smell in the air. Like static smoke and burnt cinnamon, but it was hardly there, as if hidden in the back of his nostrils and pressing to his eyes strangely. While it was not something Connie noticed consciously the moment he was walked into the infirmary, it slowly came to bother him. It was strange, because it looked like no one was bothered at all by it, as if they couldn’t smell it. So, Connie didn’t bother mentioning it.

Instead, he settled on standing over the sleeping figure of his green eyed friend while he tried to think up of something to say to him when the titan shifter woke. While the silence was a much welcome change from the awkward and sappy tension that the buzz cut just barely escaped, it was still pressing and somewhat nerve-wracking.

To be honest, Connie had no idea what to tell the boy (if he were to wake right now) and the smell in the air was doing him no favors in coming up with a topic for conversation.

Turning to face the office, the young senior cadet watched the activity happening between poorly closed curtains. Hanji and her team were moving about, as if excited. In quick movements, Connie noticed the worried expressions intermingle with grim and wary ones on the faces of each soldier and scientist. It didn’t take much brains to figure out their reason behind their rapid exchange.

With a short sigh, amber eyes returned to look over Eren’s snoring face. He couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy that furrowed his brows and with a soft grunt, Connie grabbed the nearest chair by the bed and sunk unto its wooden seat.

“Hey, Eren…” he spoke after another short pause. Shoulders slumping, Connie inwardly groaned. “I don’t think you realize just how lucky you are right now…” there was a gentle breeze that blew into the room from the slightly open window by the bed, playing with the lapels of his jacket and making the thin emerald curtains sway in gentle flutters. “If I could, I’d sleep all these problems away too.”

Lifting a hand to rub at his face, the shorter man leaned his elbows to rest on his knees. “I don’t know what Mikasa and Armin already told you… but this whole thing sucks, man. I mean, some people are doing okay. Getting along well with their matches and whatever. Everyone else...The whole castle is in chaos. Honestly, I’d hate to be in the Commander’s shoes right now, considering how there’s been so many people who are against this whole thing…”

Leaning back on his chair, Connie let out another deep sigh and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t blame them… all those people who are angry. I’m pretty ticked off myself. I wish I could have a say on who I can marry and when… but… since when has this world ever been fair, right, Eren?”

Looking back down, Connie was unsurprised to see the brunet still deep in sleep. The door to the small office creaked as it swung open, gathering a curious gaze from the short senior cadet. Moblit walked in, boots striking the stone in soft stomps as he reviewed information on a clipboard. When the superior officer glanced up he gave a small start upon seeing Connie still sitting by Eren’s side.

“Ah, cadet Springer,” Moblit mused, pausing to appraise the silent duo. “I didn’t see you walk in.”

“Sorry,” the teen said, rising from his chair. “Am I not allowed to…?”

Moblit motioned for the boy to sit back down with a wry smile, “At ease, cadet. You’re fine where you are. We’re just going to be monitoring his vitals while he sleeps but you can stay if you want.”

He didn’t know if it was the fact that he had been seen watching over his friend while he slept or the fact that he was given the permission to stay, but a strange bubble of embarrassment filled the young man’s stomach, burning his cheeks. “N-nah, it’s okay. I wasn’t planning on staying long anyway. I’ll come back later once he wakes up, if that’s all right with you guys.”

“Suit yourself,” Moblit shrugged as Connie stood from the chair and began to head out towards the door.

“You guys take good care of Eren,” Connie said with his usual cheeky grin. “That’s my friend you’ve got there.”

Moblit let out a chuckle and gave the passing boy a pat on the shoulder, “You got it, kid.”

It wasn’t until the door closed and Moblit had shuffled back into the office that a pair of green eyes slid open, staring out into space and contemplating the words Connie had spoken mindlessly.

* * *

The day was turning out to be a regular sunny afternoon. Clouds drifted in brilliant white puffs over deep blue sky, warm breezes (definitely cooler from their weak and blistering midsummer counterparts) ruffled through trees and lifted birds to the blue canopy in sweet drafts. It became easier for the soldiers of the Castle to wear their full uniforms without the present danger of heat stroke, and so deeds were done at lighthearted paces rather than begrudgingly.

A deafening crash echoed through the sixth floor, alerting the attention of anyone and everyone nearby. People glanced at one another curiously before beginning to head toward the source of the sound, only pausing when an even louder and infinitely more deafening shout broke through the stunned atmosphere.

“God _DAMMIT_ , BRAUS!”

Instantly, much of the curiosity that had spread over the area faded to shaking heads and wry sighing. While most soldiers just returned to their duties, one of them could not deny the curiosity of finding out what happened.

“I swear to God,” a grumble escaped Jean’s lips, obviously being that one soldier who pursued his own curiosity and even light dread, “That girl is a menace to humanity.”

“Oi, Jean! You gonna go find out what happened to your girlfriend?” Someone shouted mockingly.

“Hahaha, you’re a fucking riot, Franz.” Jean shot back, rolling his eyes as he jogged by, cheeks burning red. It was with much social agony that Jean had discovered that when he had stumbled into Sasha and proceeded to kiss her with mindless self abandon, they were truly _not alone_. In fact, a good portion of the soldiers working nearby had purposefully hidden to watch the drama unfold between him and the redheaded girl, going so far as to breaking into riotous cheers when she had agreed to go out with him.

The following catcalls and shouts of encouragement had only served to humiliate the two of them, even though most of the cries had been along the lines of, “Well done, Kirschstein!” and “You finally got your shit together, huh, Jean?!”

It was in that moment that Jean knew there was no chance they would ever get any sense of peace from the men and women who witnessed them in a passionate hold. Even so, it wasn’t so bad. At least people weren’t attempting to discourage him from pursuing a relationship with the bumbling girl. Probably because, the way some people saw it, the whole situation was kind of a way of flipping the bird to the government and their survey.

Or maybe they were just excited that they managed to walk in on Jean being a positive sap to a girl who wasn’t Mikasa Ackerman.

Whatever it was, Jean was more than happy to ignore people’s constant shouts of ‘encouragement’.

“Go save your girl, Jean!”

“Kirchstein to the rescue!”

“Will you people just knock it OFF?!”

Well, maybe not so happy.

By the time Jean had made it to the sixth floor hallway, he could not help but slap a hand to his face in absolute dread. There had been a very large Trophy Case that had stood proudly by the edge of the staircase, filled to the brim with artifacts and gains of worth that the Survey Corp had gathered over the years. Much of it was priceless artifacts that soldiers would often admire as it gave them ideas of what life might’ve been like outside the walls before the Titans appeared.

Only now, the tall case was now on its side, glass littered the stone and carpet _everywhere_. Jean only had to look over the chaos once before resting his gaze on the woman being berated by the red faced officer, on her hips rested the ever familiar boxes of the maneuver gear. Sliding his palm roughly over his face and stretching it over his cheeks, Jean let out a groan.

 _Sasha, what did you **do**?_ Jean proceeded to move forward, fully intending to figure out exactly what had happened.

“…Do you realize what you have done, Braus?! These items were the pride of the Corp and your mindless actions now left us with that much less in our hands! Do you know what I could have you put through for this act of sheer idiocy?!” The officer shouted, Jean recognized his screaming face as one of the senior officers. Major Freidhelm, of course.

“But sir!” Sasha protested, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “I was just trying to—“

“Did I ask the cadet if I gave a rat’s ass over what you were trying to do?!”

“But—“

“Shut up!!” The major bellowed, before lifting a hand to backhand the young woman angrily. A sudden and fierce violent desire to defend Sasha made Jean move with a speed that would rival that of Captain Levi’s, arriving just in time to step in the way of the blow and take the full brunt of it on his face. The force of the strike whipped his face to the side, straining his neck with whiplash and exploding stars in his vision.

The slap echoed through the suddenly quiet hallway as people gave shocked glances over the scene before them.

“J-Jean!” Sasha exclaimed behind him.

“Senior Cadet Kirschstein!” Major Freidhelm growled, dark eyes flashing venomously. “Stand down and remove yourself from my presence! This situation had nothing to do with you!”

“I understand completely, sir!” Jean exclaimed in reply, face throbbing something vicious yet he kept his fists clenched at his sides. “However, while I know that Cadet Braus is clearly at fault, I take full responsibility of her actions!”

“This is not a chance for you to sweep in to save your girlfriend, Kirschstein!” Freidhelm scorned through gritted teeth. “Now stand down before I am forced to take necessary disciplinary action toward the both of you!”

Jean was resolute and met the Major’s gaze fiercely, “I accept it willingly, sir. Please, just let me carry the full punishment. All I ask is if Sasha receives no more than a warning. I am sure she did not intend to cause this catastrophe.”

“Jean!” Sasha gasped.

The Major’s face darkened with a fierce anger, “I do not _care_ if it was an accident, Kirschstein!”

“Frederick.”

The entire hallway glanced up in time to see Commander Erwin standing by the fallen shelf, eyes peering calmly at the disaster. After the shock passed everyone nearby scrambled into a series of strong salutes and straightforward gazes. The only people that did not do so were Jean, Sasha and the Major.

“Ah, Commander.” Freidhelm cleared his throat, puffing his chest out in an obvious smug display of authority. “I am glad you are here. I have two cadets who are demonstrating a clear example of insubordination and have been attempting to set them straight.”

“What exactly happened here, Major?” Erwin asked, glancing back and forth from the fallen case and the cadets. His eyes lingered for a moment over the growing bruise on Jean’s face before looking back at Freidhelm.

“It was Senior Cadet Braus, sir.” The balding officer replied, throwing the girl a hard sideways glance. “She was engaging in ungodly conduct with her 3DMG and in an act of stupidity, ended up topping over this case here and destroying these artifacts.”

“I see,” Erwin replied.

“Wait, sir!” Sasha exclaimed, earning her a glare from the Major and a firm shake of the head from Jean. She did not back down however, despite the quivering in her shoulder. “Please, I would like to elaborate on what really happened.”

“Speak, cadet.” Erwin nodded.

“Well…I was actually busy cleaning the windows on the outside sir. One of the other cadet’s, uh, Cadet Gert, sir… well his gear malfunctioned. He started falling from the eighth story sir and so I had to find a way to help him. I was able to grab his hand and then toss him onto the fifth floor, but I ended up shooting my hooks into this floor. I didn’t realize they had caught on the case, sir! Anyway, by the time I got up inside, I saw the crash and that’s when the Major walked in…I tried explaining what happened but he wouldn’t listen to me.”

Another tense silence followed as Erwin considered the story, “Someone fetch Cadet Gert, I would like this story confirmed before we consider anything else. Is there anyone here who could confirm this witness?”

Another cadet, a young woman with platinum braided hair stepped forward as someone ran off to the fifth floor. “Sir, I can confirm the honesty of Cadet Braus’. I saw the whole thing happen.”

Erwin’s eyebrows rose, “Why did you not speak up when the Major was berating the cadet?”

“It was like Sasha explained, sir,” the young woman replied. “The Major was not intent on listening to any explanations.”

Erwin’s lips tightened for a moment as he looked at Freidhelm. Not long after group of cadets were up and around the staircase, holding onto the still shaking and pale figure of a young blond soldier.

“Are you Cadet Gert?” Erwin asked and the boy gave them all a swift nod, despite his nervous appearance.

“Cadet Braus explains that your gear malfunctioned during cleaning duty, and that you fell from the eighth floor before landing into the fifth, this was due to the cadet’s assistance in saving you?”

“Yes, sir.” The blond nodded, wincing when he placed his whole weight on his right leg to step closer. “I’m afraid that if not for Cadet Braus I would’ve ended up worse than having a sprained ankle.”

Erwin gave a swift nod in acceptance before turning to face the rest of the people around, “It would appear that this story is, in fact, true. For that, I commend the Cadet, Sasha Braus, for her quick thinking in saving her fellow soldier from a fall that could’ve left him fatally injured. As for the case of the destroyed artifacts, while it is disappointing there had been made a loss, these artifacts are no more valuable than the life of one of our soldiers.”

With a firm stare, the Commander turned back toward Freidhelm, “Major, I urge you to seek truth first before laying down punishments. That is all. You are all dismissed. Get this young man to the infirmary to get that leg looked at. Cadet Braus, Cadet Kirschstein, stay for a moment.”

Jean took a moment to shoot a curious glance at Sasha, she returned it with a guilty expression, her eyes falling to the bruise forming on the side of his face. She let out a little squeak of nervousness when she was subject to a dirty look by the Major. The two walked closer at the motion of the Commander, both remaining silent even after they were left completely alone with their blond leader.

“Cadet Kirschstein,” Erwin spoke after a moment of gazing at the mess, pursing his lips in quiet musing. Jean straightened and kept his gaze fixed on the Commander’s face. “You intercepted an attack by the Major for the sake of protecting Braus.” It was not a question, but it did leave a wary note playing in the spiky haired male.

“Uh, yes, sir.”

“Why?”

This time a pure confusion rippled through Jean, taking a short grunt of surprise from his throat when the Commander turned stern blue eyes on him directly. For a moment, Jean was about to reveal his affection for the girl, certain that the inquiry was made for the sake of receiving an honest answer. Yet, the more Erwin gazed into his eyes the more Jean realized there was no desire for the truth, but a warning. Jean realized then that if he did reveal his affections for Sasha, and ultimately expose their relationship to the Commander, the only possible option that Erwin would have to give them would be to take immediate action toward the engagement form. _Are you ready to do just that?_

“…I did it because she’s my comrade, sir.” Jean slowly replied, as if unsure how to really respond.

Blue eyes flashed, “Just because she’s your comrade?”

“I…” Jean nearly choked and he could practically feel the hurt glance that Sasha was boring into his skull. “She’s…very dear to me. I wasn’t thinking…sorry.”

“And yet you made it very clear to the Major that you would take whatever responsibility for her sake, or did I not hear correctly?”

Jean felt his jaw tighten which sent a jolt of pain through the side of his face, “Like I said, Commander, Sasha is very dear to me…”

A tense silence followed shortly and every second that passed under the scrutiny of the tall blond man sent nervous bolts through his skin, making Jean feel anxious. It was nearly overwhelming; the piercing stare of the man who stood as leader of the Survey Corp. Even so, Jean couldn’t find it in him to look away, as if trapped by the blue fire in the man’s gaze and his own desire to make it clear that he would not back down.

It appeared that this satisfied the Commander (Jean couldn’t possibly figure out why) and the man gave them both a short smile. “Very well,” Erwin said, motioning to the mess around them. “If that is the case, then I will have you clean this mess up, Cadet.”

“Sir!” Sasha protested, voice cracking with surprise, “I can’t—!”

“This is not up for negotiation, Cadet Braus,” Erwin swiftly interrupted. “You will not intervene while Kirschstein cleans this mess up. What I will allow is for you to supervise him while this is being cleaned up. Understood, Cadet?” Sasha stared at the tall and intimidating man, dumbfounded. With a strained sound ripping from her chest, she nodded and pressed her fist on her chest in a salute.

“Yes, sir…” it was a silent subjugation, drowned in guilt and shame. Erwin spared them no more words, nodding once before spinning on his heels and leaving them on their own.

Neither of them moved for a while, standing there and marinating in their own thoughts and replays of the incident. After a short moment, Jean let out a short sigh but lifted his head when he heard her boots step over shards of broken glass. In all the years of his life, Jean had never seen Sasha look so positively _livid_.

“You idiot,” She hissed, tears welling in her eyes as her face grew red with anger. “Why did you have to get involved?”

“I…” the word came out like a gasp as the tall brunet watched the woman in front of him tremble with fury. Frowning, he turned to properly face her, “I couldn’t just stand by and watch the Major hit you, Sasha.”

“I would’ve been fine!” She barked, clenching her fists at her sides. “Now you have to clean up _my_ mess when I am perfectly capable of doing it for myself! Why couldn’t you have just stuffed your idiot testosterone down for five freaking seconds, Jean?! I don’t always need saving!”

“Hold on, are you mad because I took a slap to the face for you?” Jean exclaimed, feeling his own incredulity spark defiance in his chest. “Sasha, I would take so much more for you, or is it that easy for you to forget what we are?”

“I don’t even know what we are, Jean!” She shouted, biting her lips tightly as she tried to contain herself as she turned dark butterscotch eyes to burn against his. “One moment you’re asking me out, the next you’re saying we’re only comrades! But since you made it very clear to the Commander that we’re nothing more, I guess I should just walk myself out!”

A surge of panic spun a web of frantic anxiety through his stomach the moment Sasha turned around and began to march away. Moving fast, Jean shot out a hand to grab her around her wrist before whirling her around, tears were already falling like bombs down her furious eyes.

“Sasha,” Jean pleaded, “Just hear me out, okay?”

She shook her head at him, auburn hair swinging against her moist cheeks rapidly as she tried to yank her wrist from his hold, “Let me go, Jean.”

“Not until you hear me out.”

“Just stop it! You’re pissing me off!”

“And you’re pissing _me_ off!”

“Well, if I piss you off so badly, why don’t you just let me freaking go so you can clean up the mess that you obviously seem to think I can’t pick up myself?”

Jean let out a sharp groan of irritation, “Because I don’t want you to go! What do you want from me, huh? All I did was try to help you!”

Sasha let out a sharp hiccup, tears streamed down her face like painful rivers. Jean could feel his anger dissipate when she tore her gaze away and ducked her chin from his amber stare. “Well, look where that got you, Jean,” She hissed. “You got hurt because of me and I never wanted that.”

The confession sent a sharp jolt of shock through Jean’s chest, rendering him mute as he watched her cry in front of him. “You probably don’t feel the same…” She continued, slowly lifting her chin to look back into his eyes. “But I love you, Jean. I have for a while. And I can’t stand it when the people I love get hurt…even less when they get hurt because of me.”

It was as if someone had stuffed cotton down his throat. To say he had not been prepared for her statement was an obvious understatement. Jean knew that Sasha liked him, hell, he could tell she probably liked him a lot. But to love him? He hadn’t done anything to merit such deep affections. If anything, he had done enough to gain him just the opposite. But here she was, bearing her heart to him and all because he couldn’t contain himself for a few seconds. It sent him for a spin and he honestly wasn’t sure what to say to that.

So, he didn’t. Instead, he tugged her forward and threw his hands to grip her tightly against him, cradling her head against his shoulder while she sobbed in his arms.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered when she tried to struggle. The apology stopped her, freezing her in his embrace as he pressed his lips to her ear. “I didn’t step in because I thought you couldn’t handle it. I stepped in because I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

She pulled away to look in his eyes after a while of muffled weeping, guilty and broken. “Why do you have to be so stupid, Jean?”

“Who knows?” He whispered, smiling softly. She frowned at him before slipping a hand through his arms to gently touch at the bruise on the side of his face. Her caress, while gentle, sent sharp tingles of pain through his cheek and he let out a tight wince. Instantly, her hand pulled away as her eyebrows knitted together in secondhand agony.

“Freaking retard.” She grumbled, sniffing sharply. Jean chuckled and tucked his chin over her crown, pressing her once more in his embrace. After a while, Sasha punched him lightly in the gut and when Jean let out a short exclamation she simply said, “That’s what you get,” before grabbing him around his collar and pressing a kiss against his lips.

“So…” He said, blinking lazily after she pulled away. “Does this mean I can call you my girlfriend?”

“You haven’t even taken me out, yet. Stupid.”

“…Is that a yes?—Ow. Okay, okay. Noted.”

Lucky for him, that didn’t stop Sasha from kissing him again.

* * *

The sun had long sunk from it’s zenith to dip into the West. The late afternoon air brought a series of gusts from the North, coming in strange dips of temperature that would be cleansed by the still persistent heat of summer’s end. It was at a quarter to five that Mikasa marched toward Hanji’s office, where she had been told Eren had been transferred for the time being.

Boots clacking against the stone and carpet beneath, she moved with calculated purpose and refused to show the exhaustion that the previous night of crying had disposed her within. The entire day, the raven haired soldier had fulfilled her given duties and practiced her drills with stone cold efficiency. Pushing aside the turmoil for the killer mindset that had sliced through 15 meter titans like sticks of butter had been a surprisingly easy feat. It was a skill she had built for many years.

Yet, the turmoil remained; churning in silence and wait for the next weakness in her armor clad mentality.

Knocking on the door, Mikasa took a moment to straighten her jacket and frowned when her hand had risen to tug on the red scarf, fingers grasping only air and bare flesh. With a dejected sigh, she waited for the command to enter and opened the door when Hanji’s voice echoed behind the wooden door.

When she opened the door, she was pleased to see Eren standing but confused to see him half naked. The sight nearly made her wince. Where he had once been built with strong muscle, his body now looked lanky. She hadn’t realized it before but there were dark circles under his eyes and a distinct pallor to his once tanned skin. Even so, he looked up at her with bright eyes, yet for some reason he did not smile when she entered.

“Ah, I didn’t realized I was interrupting…” Mikasa began to apologize, looking away to meet Hanji’s curious stare.

“No, no,” Hanji chuckled, waving a hand in beckoning. “It’s alright, I was just giving Eren a physical. He’s gained six pounds since yesterday!”

“Hanji…” Eren sighed, resting thin hands on protruding hip bones. “I told you to stop that.”

The scientist beamed up at him with a wide grin, “I can’t help but exclaim that you’re doing well, Eren. Better than the stick figure you were two days ago. Really, Mikasa, that was not a pretty sight, let me tell you.”

The young senior cadet allowed a small smile to push at her lips, “I’m glad there is improvement. Thank you, Hanji.”

The woman grinned in response as she ran her fingers over Eren’s extended arm, “Go on and take a seat, Mikasa. I won’t be much longer.”

Shuffling over to the nearest stool, Mikasa waited as Hanji continued to check Eren’s reflexes and jotting down notes on a clipboard quickly, all the while Eren would sent strange glances over to the waiting girl. It was after a tense glance that Mikasa could feel like there was something he needed to say, but what? She had an inkling that he would reveal that once Hanji had left.

Sure enough, Hanji stood from her chair with a satisfied nod. “Alright, well done, Eren. So far it seems like you’re quickly heading back to your prime.”

“What does that mean?” Mikasa asked.

“Well, we haven’t really conducted any proper experiment to test it,” Hanji elaborated as she tugged her clipboard under her arm. “But it would seem that Eren’s ability to heal hasn’t been hampered by the coma. Still, it is a bit early to tell. So, we’ll just have to keep monitoring.”

A bright smile spread on Mikasa’s face, happy at least that Eren’s health was improving. Eren sat back down on the cot, remaining strangely silent despite the scientist’s bright news. The tension of his previous glances slowly rose from beneath the silence, making the smile on the young Oriental’s face falter. Hanji, thankfully, didn’t seem to notice and if she did, the woman didn’t bother pointing it out. With an affectionate ruffle of Eren’s chocolate tresses, Hanji bade them farewell and promptly left the room, shutting the door behind her with a soft _click_.

“Eren,” Mikasa spoke, frowning when he refused to look at her. “What’s going on? Did something happen? Did one of Hanji’s people hurt you?”

For a moment, the young man said nothing and she watched as his eyes flicked back and forth, her surprise mounting when she saw a rising anger burn behind his green irises.

“Eren?”

He cut her off, “Why didn’t you guys tell me?”

Reeling, Mikasa cocked her head, confused and feeling the turmoil hidden in her chest begin to scratch at a chip in her armor. “What do you mean, tell you what?”

A slow breath huffed out through his nose, the sunlight peeking in from the window of the Hanji’s study bounced off his skin and coursed through his eyes, making his slow anger seem stronger. The young woman waited for a moment and nearly jumped when he stood up suddenly. He stomped his way to Hanji’s desk and snatched up the discarded shirt strewn over its surface. He continued to simmer in anger before yanking the shirt on, back facing her.

“Eren, what is it?” the scratching intensified the longer he stayed quiet, making her heart pound in her ears.

“I thought you and Armin trusted me,” He said suddenly and Mikasa shot up from her seat, shocked.

Taking a few steps forward, Mikasa tried to understand where this was coming from, “What are you saying? Of course we trust you!”

Green eyes bore into her gaze sharply as he whirled around, lips pressed into a thin line as he spat, “Alright, if you trust me so much why don’t you really tell me what’s been going on these past three months, eh, Mikasa? Why don’t we start with that?”

 _He knows._ The scratching had morphed into sharp hammerings, echoing the brutal gallop of her heart. Very nearly panicking, Mikasa tried to scramble her thoughts for an excuse, anything that would keep him from figuring it out. But a part of her already realized that that would be in vain. _He knows._

That didn’t stop her from trying, however. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Oh my _God_!” Eren barked out a sharp laugh that hit her like a punch in the gut, she winced. “Is that really what you’re going to say to me?”

“Eren, please…”

“I’m giving you one more chance, Mikasa,” Eren growled, burning those scorching green eyes on hers like a terrible branding. “I’m done with people trying to manipulate me, and I will not have that even from you. So spit it out or I’ll throw you out.”

The turmoil was breaking through her defenses, she could _feel_ it. It was his words that had shocked out a thin gasp from her and a blow of guilt nearly left her standing there frozen. Yet his gaze was refusing to back down until she gave him an answer and so with a shuddering breath, Mikasa began to speak.

For ten full minutes, Mikasa told him nearly everything. She told him about the mandate and how people were forced to fill out a survey that would essentially tell them who they were allowed to marry. Everyone was forced to take part. She didn’t tell him about Levi, choosing to keep that a secret for now. She didn’t want any more burdens on his back, the last thing she wanted was to have him think that his admired idol was the source of Mikasa’s emotional agony.

“I didn’t want to tell you,” She murmured after a long and heavy silence. “How did you…?”

“Connie,” Eren replied stiffly, his gaze had long ago fallen to the ground in a sharp scowl. “And then Moblit. Connie came to visit me while I was sleeping and I overheard him talking about it, I asked Moblit about it later but he didn’t tell me much. Said that it was better that I heard it from you and Armin.” At that, he lifted his angry gaze with a look of sad betrayal before whispering, “Why would you lie to me, Mikasa?”

She moved quickly, placing firm hands to grip onto his limp digits, squeezing desperately. “Eren, I did what I had to… to protect you. I didn’t want you to wake up and find out that after all you’ve done for humanity the very liberty you’ve been fighting for would be taken from you in this way. It isn’t fair for anyone, and it certainly isn’t fair for you.”

“When will you realize that I’m not a child anymore?” Eren snapped, ripping his hands away as he stood before her. “I don’t need protecting and I don’t need you treating me like I can’t handle this situation. Hiding the truth is not the same as getting rid of the problem, Mikasa! All that does is turn people into cowards and liars.”

The words sent a sharp knife in her heart, the last blow against her defenses that sent the tumult in her chest spiraling freely through her body. Tears slowly began to build in her eyes, stinging and stabbing without mercy. Blinking them back as much as possible, Mikasa tried to contain the pain from breaking free, only managing to croak out a soft, “Eren…”

“I’m done with this,” he growled, turning around and yanking a jacket from the nearest coat hanger, not caring who it belonged to. “Just leave me alone, Mikasa,” and with that he marched out of the room, slamming the door behind him with a bang that sent her leaping to her feet only to fall on her knees.

“Why…” she squeaked as tears fell from her already aching eyes. Heaving, Mikasa allowed the torrent of pain out her body, not bothering to hold anything back as all the pain and the waiting and the guilt for Eren, Levi, Armin… everyone consume her.

It just wasn’t fair.

_But when has this world ever been fair?_

* * *

TBC


	8. Overcast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acceptance does not come in gentle sways but like a sedative. Numbing and forcing darkness over eyes that desperately reach for whatever light can be found until not even the strongest will can overcome it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s inspired tracks are: Omake – Pfadlib, Track 5 (CDII) and the Reluctant Heroes (piano ver.) of the Attack on Titan OST (CD I and II)

**-: VIII :-  
Overcast**

* * *

_Wind whipped strong against pale cheeks. The thunder of horse hooves roared in their ears. Air huffed out in strong exhales from large nostrils as large tongues attempt to curl against saliva slicked bits, efforts gone in vain the harder the reigns round their necks snap._

Night was softly beginning to dominate the light of day, running gentle fingers of dark azure and white dots among its reach while the sunlight cooled into the horizon. Yet the release of the bright day did nothing to soothe a certain panic that stuffed a silence between the couple sitting by the Commander’s office in wait.

_Blue eyes stare ahead, unable to offer the animals beneath them any respite._

Hands clenched tightly against each other, moist and clammy with nervous tension.

_There was little time left._

“Please, isn’t there a way we can just see Commander Erwin?”

“The Commander is busy,” an officer replied, passing documents to one of Hanji’s people with a flippant wave. “You either sit down and wait or come back later.”

“This is urgent!” the cry only fell on deaf ears, the only response was a simple point to the chairs by the wall.

And so, with a disgruntled sigh, Armin led Krista to the chairs and sat by her side. The grip of their hands had been gentle and calming when they had first arrived, but as time wore on and the Commander had not shown up to his office their hands slowly tightened their hold as if reaching a lifeline.

“Armin, what are we going to do?”

“It’s going to be alright, Krista.”

“But what if he sent out our surveys? What if there isn’t anything left to be done?”

“We’ll figure something out. I promise, we’ll figure something out.”

No words were exchanged past Armin’s initial words of reassurance, looking into each other’s eyes without really knowing what they were going to do. So, they settled in tight wait with Krista’s head on the corporal’s shoulder while he bobbed his leg in silent impatience.

It wasn’t until the hallway torches were lit that finally – _finally_ – after what felt like millennia, the familiar footsteps of Erwin’s boots hitting stone sent the two blonds jumping to their feet and slamming salutes to their chests. Erwin spared them a tired glance at their frantic expressions before sighing and wordlessly beckoning them to walk with him. They followed without question into his office.

“Commander,” Armin began but fell silent after Erwin shook his head once and moved to turn on the lamps in his office. Hands reaching for the other’s as the tall blond male moved behind his desk and sat down on the heavy chair.

“Alright, Corporal, what’s the emergency?” Erwin sighed as he settled himself down. Armin could feel the exhaustion radiating off the Commander in waves and for a moment, hesitated to speak. Yet, after a short squeeze from Krista’s grip, Armin found his breath and moved forwards.

“Sir, I need to know— _we_ need to know…if…” Armin trailed off, feeling the nerves and the way Erwin’s blue eyes pierced through his. “Did you send out our surveys that we turned in…? Yesterday…?”

_Had it really been only twenty four hours?_

“Why is it exactly you need to know, Corporal?” Erwin asked softly, his hands curling over the wooden surface to intertwine together. The grip on Armin’s hand tightened to that of a vice, trembling with fierce emotion. He felt a strange numbness fill his chest, yet his mind whirled like a leaf caught in a violent storm as thousands of scenarios ran across his mind and left him trying to grapple something coherent within his head.

He knew the situation. He knew that in an ideal situation, he would’ve had more time. Time to get to know Krista better, to experience the warmth that would lead to the discovery of a desire to do so much more with her. Would it have bloomed in his chest in that ideal life? Or would it be subtle, like waking up to sun-soaked sheets after a cold night? Armin probably would never know, because he was faced with a situation that was less than ideal but nonetheless was completely real. That warmth coursed through his veins like flames caused by a snake bite; abrupt, mind-blowing and making his body writhe and jerk as it tried to decide whether to fight back or accept its fate.

He knew how he felt, and he knew how Krista felt and it was enough to lift his heart when there were others who didn’t have that luxury… or resisted it.

Still, the pressure was overwhelming.

Whereas he would’ve been able to take time to plan out their lives, the time was gone. The decision was here and now. And while Armin wasn’t entirely certain that he wanted to jump into this fray so soon… he would be damned before he would let them take her away from him and force her into a relationship that didn’t include him.

Squeezing back, Armin could hear Krista’s tiny gasps of air, trying to keep control when she, too, was being swept away by this raging storm that left them with so little options. But a choice needed to be made and Armin felt the fear of losing her snap him to quick attention. Turning his face to look into her blue eyes, he gave her a soft smile and felt the affection and love for her surge from his soul to soothe her frantic gaze.

She blinked back in surprise, as if picking up on where he would be taking them, but she made no move to run away nor to deny him. Instead, she tightened her lips and gave him a nod in response, a single lock of hair falling over her face with the jerky movement. Armin faced the Commander once more, feeling his uncertainty fall apart when he realized that it was now or never.

“Because I’m in love with her,” Armin spoke finally. “And I want to spend the rest of my life together with her.”

Erwin’s blue eyes widened just a fraction, impressed by the Corporal’s frank and straightforward reply. After a moment, he blinked and flicked his gaze toward Krista. The girl gave an almost unnoticeable jump at the sudden attention.

“And what about you, Historia?” the question was gentle, yet there was no ease in the piercing stare Erwin placed on the petite blonde.

The girl swallowed thickly, before stammering out a small, “I… well…” She only needed the soft brush of Armin’s thumb over her hand to help her relax. With a deep breath and a set to her jaw, the young woman met the Commander’s gaze with the same conviction Armin had given.

“I love him, Commander.” She said and her words alone were enough to banish the doubts and worries that had run rampant through Armin’s chest, igniting the warmth that had once been uncertain into a surge of hot water, coursing down his body like a refreshing douse of happiness. “And I want to be with him.”

Erwin said nothing for a moment as he let his eyes jump back and forth over the resolute couple and after a musing silence, he let out a soft chuckle. “Well, I was about to ask the two of you if there was no chance at all that you were only doing this to get out of the survey, but judging by your obvious conviction, you have saved me the trouble of further interrogating you.”

A bubble of hope rose from deep within their chests, pushing them to take a step forward, lips lifting to excited smiles, “So you haven’t sent out our surveys?” Armin gushed.

At this, Erwin’s smile fell, “I’m sorry to say this, Corporal, but they have just been sent.” A wall of shock struck them both in their chests as the happiness and hope fell to the ground, crashing and burning to ashes. Krista let out a tight sound of disbelief and the grip on Armin’s hand suddenly went cold and still.

“It can’t be…” Armin whispered. _They had been so close…_

“I’m afraid so, Corporal.” Erwin sighed, reaching into his drawer to pull out a long folded paper. They watched, dumbstruck as the Aryan leader unfolded the paper and pressed it on the surface of the desk, just close enough to them that they could see the familiar scribbles of a map. “In fact, I believe they have taken the main road up to the city northeast of here and should be there before midnight. I believe this is the spot where the caravan usually stops to rest as well as send out a total number of correspondence via Falcon.”

Armin’s eyebrows furrowed, confused at the sudden information Erwin was giving him. Exchanging perplexed glances, the two blondes turned their attention back to the Commander, watching silently as he pulled out a packet from another drawer before setting it decidedly over the map.

“Now, once the message with the amount of correspondence has been sent there is very little to be done. Of course, incidents have occurred where the numbers have been…wrong.” Armin’s eyes trailed over the map before falling on the packet Erwin set down before widening in shock.

The two young lovers chorused a gasp upon reading the top of the packet before looking back into Erwin’s eyes. They twinkled slyly at them as a short smile played with his pale lips, “I believe there was a mistake with the correspondence, Corporal.”

And from the ashes rose a new hope, pushing relieved smiles of awe through their lips and tears of joy down their cheeks.

“I believe there are two packets that should not be on that caravan,” the Commander said as he lifted a sleek pen towards the still shocked forms of the soldiers standing before him. “And I believe there is one missing from the rest… a simple problem with a simple enough solution.”

“Sir…?” Krista breathed.

“I’d get a move on, if I were you.”

_Is he…?_

Erwin’s smile broadened, “That is, if you move fast enough.”

* * *

That same smile did not falter as a pair of horses burst from the stables to gallop into the darkening distance. Under torchlight, bright golden tresses flew around dark green hoods, their figures hunched over the reigns as the great beasts bolted off. Even at this distance he could tell easily who was who. Armin was on the horse further ahead, holding a bright lamp up to brighten their way through the dark. It would be a while before moonlight would be strong enough to let them travel under cover of shadow.

_Good luck, you two._

It was wishful thinking, that they would make it in time. Yet, Erwin had seen the effects and the undying determination of love when it has been given hope. So while there was a margin for failure, there was no denying the determination and the _fire_ within their gazes when he had made his inquiry. If they were anyone else, Erwin probably wouldn’t have bothered, but there was something that settled a warmth in his chest at the sight of their linked hands. Their affection, while young and recent, was one that was made stronger with time and careful nurturing. They would not fail. He knew that the moment when they signed their names and took off, smiles wide and gazes grateful. It was the least he could do. He had bet with less and won with more… and he would bet on their determination no matter the odds against them.

A soft rap on his door drew his attention away from the fading figures and toward his newest visitor. Erwin let out a short sigh before moving back toward his desk, “Come in.”

It was Keiji, in his arms he carried an all too familiar bag, burdened with the obvious press of files. The insignia on the bag alone was enough to send a stone of dismay down the Commander’s chest and the previous feeling of victory he had felt at the sight of seeing Armin and Historia running off to change their fate was gone. Now it was replaced by the fleeting wish that he could do the same for all his soldiers and subordinates.

“Sir,” Keiji spoke, his voice grim and gaze reflecting the same sorrow Erwin felt. “I’ve brought the latest matches from the caravan…”

“Set them on my desk, Lieutenant,” Erwin ordered. The bag fell on the surface of his desk with a resounding _thump_. Moments later, the Commander was left alone with the invading stack of files. Reaching through the material of the bag, Erwin felt around for a random file before his battle worn hands grasped the sleek surface of one of the folders.

Pulling it out, blue eyes trailed over the top of the white folder, glaring fruitlessly at the bright red and gold insignia. Dejected, Erwin propped the file open with pale fingers and saw a single cover letter with a single name.

With brutal speed, Erwin slammed the file back down before frantically searching through the bag. The sound of rustling papers and the curling groans of the material rose in discord the more The Commander let his eyes fall over the files, praying in silence as he hoped there would be a name missing.

It wasn’t.

It fell against the file he had pressed on his desk. Two insignias stared back at him, within their folds holding a secret that certainly could not bring the news he had hoped for.

He had been too late.

_Too late._

* * *

A sharp gasp is ripped from pink lips, amber eyes widening in shock as pain spread from his spine to shove all air from the lungs. Curling on a side, the young soldier let out a series of sharp coughs and shuddering intakes of breath, attempting to recover from the sharp fall.

“Get up,” The command is met with a struggling gaze, looking up into the narrow eyes of the man many soldiers silently call The Dragon. It was an in joke mostly, but right at this moment…the title couldn’t be more perfect. Steel blue eyes stared without mercy at the fallen soldier below, appearing disinterested and vaguely impatient the more he had to wait. The faint light of dawn bounced off the narrow orbs, making them glow something inhuman.

“C-captain,” the soldier gasped after another series of coughing. “Can we please just…take a break—?”

“Dieter,” the Dragon hissed, taking a step closer to loom over the still wheezing body of the still shocked blond soldier. There was no emotion in his eyes, staring in piercing points directly in Dieter’s fuzzy gaze. “As I am sure you are aware, you made it specifically clear to me that you wanted hand to hand training.”

With a swift kick, Dieter’s stomach clenched in agony, forcing another sharp grunt of pain from the man’s throat. “I am not one to hold back when training. And so, to ask me to take a break… now, after you are at _my_ mercy… it is nothing short of an insult.”

Another kick and the soldier curled into a tight ball, shuddering in pain and lack of oxygen. Thankfully, dirt crunched under the boots of the Captain as he stepped away. After a short moment, Dieter managed to pull himself to his knees, coughing up phlegm and speckles of blood. Glancing back up, he met the bored gaze of Captain Levi with determination as he shakily lifted himself to his feet.

“Again,” the Captain ordered, lifting strong and bare arms into a fighting stance, narrow eyes flashing darkly like a predator honing in on its prey. Under the pale light, he didn’t look human. It was enough to send trepidation’s hand to curl hesitantly over the soldier’s heart. “And don’t fight like a dog, Lieutenant. Fight like a man.”

Dieter gave a short nod and rose his hands up high, _He’s fast. Unbelievably fast._

“Begin!” Levi barked. Dieter inhaled sharply, body still aching but ready to react, before jumping into action. With a strong cry, the blond soldier flew at the still form of the short captain, fists flying. As expected, the short raven haired man dodged. Left, right, left, right… duck…

Dieter sent a fierce forward kick with a vicious grunt, ready to catch the shorter man by surprise. It didn’t. “Don’t,” Levi jumped, landing on Dieter’s extended leg and using the force of the kick to yank the soldier forward. “Attack…” Spinning with unholy speed, Levi extended a leg and the blow to the tripping soldier’s head sent him flying to the side. “Like a _fucking_ ,” It was more than enough to flip the man in the air before landing on his opposite side and send him skidding roughly against the gravel, “moron.”

Dieter wheezed painfully, pushing himself up on his bleeding arms to face the still unscathed Captain. Soaked in sweat and blood, the soldier threw himself upwards, using whatever adrenaline he had to attempt another attack. Levi’s eyebrow twitched, irritated at the taller man’s mindless charge.

With a hard punch, Dieter aimed for Levi’s left shoulder yet stumbled when the Captain swerved in the same direction, spinning around to land a hard blow against the still moving soldier’s back. It was not enough to cause pain but strong enough to piss the blond off. Whirling around, Dieter attacked once more, this time aiming for the shorter man’s stomach with a direct upper cut. As expected, the Captain deflected the blow, pressing a wrist under the swiftly rising fist to direct the force further upward and force the soldier to spin. Dieter was not falling for it again, and with a resolute grunt, allowed the spin to give him enough power to attempt a backhanded punch to the Captain’s head.

With a rapid duck, Levi fell to a crouch. _Too…_ Dieter let out another sharp cry of surprise when he felt the Captain land a spinning kick to the back of his knees, and with him already whirling around the force of the Dragon’s previous attack, Dieter was thrown off balance. _Fast…!_

Once again, air ripped from his lungs as he landed on his back, heaving broken breaths through exhausted windpipes.

“Amazing…” The tall soldier groaned, spread eagled on the ground and aching everywhere. _How could he move so fast? He doesn’t even have his gear…_

“Tch,” Levi snorted, placing his hands on narrow hips to glare down over the gasping soldier before pressing a hard boot over his chest. “Is this, honestly, the best you can do?” The soldier hissed out in pain as the pressure on his chest mounted, the narrow steel eyes of the Dragon stared down at him, as if ready to devour him.

“Or are you one of the lucky ones, who survives because of the efforts and battles of others? Tell me, Dieter, are you one of those people that let things happen without so much of a fight because it’s convenient for you?”

This seemed to have sparked a blaze of anger through the dirty blond’s chest, his battle scathed hands reaching up to grip to the Captain’s ankle, “F-f-fuck… y-you…” Dieter spat.

“Oh?” The sound came out almost like a chuckle, mocking and biting all at once. “Is that all?” Wincing, Dieter blinked up, trying to shove the boot off his chest and failing. The Captain leaned forward, his face a perfect slate of disinterest and violence. How was that even possible? “After all we’ve gone through, after the shit we have had to put up with… all you can offer is a simple insult? You’re weak, Dieter. You can’t even get the strength to find the woman you love and make her yours. Instead, you bow down when you should be _fighting_.” The soldier let out a sharp cry of agony when his ribs gave a nasty snap under Levi’s boot. Gritting teeth, stars exploding behind already fading vision, Dieter tried to stare into the Dragon’s face without fear but was surprised to see a flash of disappointment and shame in his eyes. It was as if, in just a fraction of a moment, he saw the raging ocean of emotion tearing the intimidating man apart. Just a glimpse of the storm that drove him to vicious strikes and even harder words.

Nevertheless, he was right. And it sent a different kind of pain through his chest.

“You make me sick,” Levi grunted before sending another fierce kick into Dieter’s side. The soldier only had enough time to brace himself against the blow, biting down on his cheek when agony bloomed on his side and threw red in his mouth to drip down his chin.

“H-hey…” Dieter gasped, when the force on his chest lifted and footsteps began to crunch away. “I’m…I’m not done w-with you…!”

“Go to the infirmary, Dieter,” Levi’s voice called over his shoulder. “Get those ribs looked at.”

A pair of light brown eyes watched from a large wooden beam. There were no words exchanged between the trudging Dragon and the Scientist as he walked away from Dieter’s writhing body. He refused to meet her gaze despite the knowing of her presence. She knew that he was aware, she could tell in the way his muscles tightened just a hint as he neared the entrance to the baths and changing stations. Her eyes glimpsed from the stoic fold of his eyes to the man laying just yards away on the ground, groaning and moaning in pain from the blows he had been given just moments prior.

“Had your fill?” Hanji asked lightheartedly as Levi moved passed her. She didn’t have to turn around to catch him mid-step, judging by how his footsteps had stopped. “You seem to be a little angrier than usual…”

“Interesting thing to tell Dieter…” she sighed, “I didn’t realize you cared so much for your subordinates personal lives.”

“Tell me, Hanji,” the Dragon didn’t breathe fire… he spat ice. “Has Erwin received a match yet, or is he trying to put it off for your sake?”

Was it necessary? No. But her silence and lack of meddling was all he wanted at this point. And he had long gotten tired of trying to appease others at the cost of his own sanity. He knew he had hurt her, enough that she would leave him alone. For how long, however, Levi wasn’t certain. But he knew she would at least back off.

Dirt crunched beneath boots the further Levi walked away, echoing in their ears like unnecessary enunciations of the words he had so easily shoved into her stomach like knives. The truth was never meant to be soft.

Within the course of hot water and the ever constant hiss of the boilers, Levi found a moment of solitude that would not have come anywhere else. It was interesting, really. Finding such solace under a shower and within the confines of hot bathwater in a generally public place. Here, people didn’t approach him. Didn’t look at him with scrutinizing eyes and bated breath. Here, Levi was alone to wrestle his own demons at his own pace… here, he could hate himself as openly as he wanted and no one would try to tell him to stop.

Water fell around him like liberation, curling against his skin and dripping through his hair like the caresses of a mother. He had forgotten that sensation of comfort. It had been so many years since he could allow himself to recall the memory of a woman who had raised him.

But that memory was too dangerous, lead him down a path of blood and tears and hoarse screaming that had rendered him mute for the years of his life until he was discovered by Farlan and Isabel. But they were gone too. So many people were gone. So many smiles and laughs had been taken in the events that lead to their freedom. But that freedom was only a face.

The caress did nothing to protect him from the reality of pain. Still, it was a relief…to drown under such apathy when the only other option was to succumb to the self-loathing that brought extra power to the blows he had delivered to an innocent soldier.

Skin tingled where he scrubbed. Blood and sweat and grime and death… they had no power against soap. And if that was a lie, he would gladly swallow it up.

The dials let out high pitched squeaks when his hands gave sharp turns and the gentle caresses of hot apathy slowed down from their rivers to lone drips. Lifting his chin, he inhaled as steam surrounded him. Engulfed him. Embraced him.

With a turn, Levi tugged at a pristine white towel and proceeded to dry himself. Within moments he was out, dressed and shoed, tugging familiar belts around his body (even if the gear was no longer necessary for battle) before marching out the steam clogged baths.

When he did emerge, sunlight was new and bright. The new day was marked in bright colors and warm breezes and had everything been different it might’ve been enough to lift his spirits. It didn’t matter.

“Captain Levi!” Someone called and he turned to meet the hesitant gaze of a young, freckled cadet. “G…Good morning, sir.”

Levi met the greeting with a grunt, “What do you want.”

“Ah, yes… sir.” The Cadet fidgeted, “Commander Erwin sent me to come get you. He said it was important.”

“Tell the Commander I’m busy. I’ll meet him for lunch, if it’s so urgent.” Spinning on his heels, the Captain began to walk away.

“He said you’d say that,” The cadet piped up. “He told me to tell you that it’s very important. High Priority.”

A short breath of hot air blew in a silent stream out his nostrils before Levi turned back around to meet the Cadet’s timid expression. It must’ve been a terrible sight because the young soldier let out a tiny squeak of fright at the Captain’s fierce attention. “At ease,” Levi grunted before marching past the frozen and frightened mouse of a soldier. “You can tell the Commander that I’ll be on my way presently.”

“So…you’re not going right now?” The cadet stammered.

“It’s my breakfast hour, brat.” Levi called out as he stomped further away before repeating, “I’ll be there presently.”

* * *

 

She couldn’t be angry. Of all the emotions that she had felt in the past; anger was not the one ruling the steps she took toward the familiar door of Erwin’s office. Haunted, she moved with silent and vacant expression, a picture of composure and flat emotion. She moved with the efficiency of a shadow. She was ignored mostly, as her steps lead her further and further down the halls and toward a destination she was not quite sure she was ready to venture within so soon. It had been a deal that was struck some time ago.

 _“I can’t bear to see you…after all this.”_ That had been unspoken.

“I believe it is best if we maintain our distance…” _I don’t want to. You can’t make me._ “It will make it easier… on both of us.” What a foolhardy, selfish thing to say. But she didn’t argue. She never did. All she had done was nod and support him because it was what he needed. Because it had been a simple enough affair to endure.

Because through all the years of working, fighting, together - She had grown to love him more than she thought was possible. There was a thought, much like the many that had kept her dutifully silent and unquestioning. The thought being that the world needed him more than it needed her. It needed him more than she did… _right?_

There it was.

 _Tell me, Hanji._ Fists clenched tight at her sides and a sudden fear pinched into her stomach. _Had Erwin received a match yet, or is he trying to put it off for your sake?_ He couldn’t have been putting it off. But what did it matter? Why should she try to find out? He had made it clear. They had agreed. They could no longer maintain a distance that would endanger them.

She knew the sacrifices he had to make and if humanity needed him to lead at the cost of their personal happiness then they would do it. That is what they essentially signed up for when they had agreed to join the military. _We must sacrifice our humanity for the sake of it._

She didn’t bother knocking. She knew by the careful avoidance and casual ignorance of Keiji and Moblit when she approached the door. Such great and caring men. Hanji was grateful for their devotion and loyalty.

The door swung open to reveal the room empty, save for the man that held her heart in his hands. He was standing in silence by the window, posture perfect and stoic. When she glanced down to the hands clenched behind his back, she saw it immediately. The silver chain that carried memories precious and priceless. A memory she probably didn’t have the hope of competing against.

He didn’t turn to look at her, keeping his eyes on the early morning view out his window. No words were spoken, and they didn’t need to be.

Slowly closing the door behind her, Hanji adjusted her glasses over the bridge of her nose, nervously. Where the sudden anxiety came, the red head wasn’t entire certain but she didn’t let it deter her. Levi had been cruel in his words, (but then, when had he ever been gentle and soft spoken?) but they rang with a fierce desire and question that needed to breathe air.

“Erwin…”

He didn’t move. He stood tall and brave, like a statue one would see standing erect and fearsome within the Military Court’s halls.

“Erwin…I must speak with you.”

“We had reached an agreement, Hanji. Did we not?” she almost recoiled at the numb timbre of his voice, whatever words she had been ready to speak fell with a strangled sigh. Silence curled between them for a thin moment, emotions slowly stirring at the command of their words; as if their voices had splashed against the surface of a lake that had been preserved perfectly still and must remain so.

Anger churned in her chest, “No, Erwin.” She spoke, resolute. “We did not.”

He finally turned. Blue eyes burning holes into her own chocolate irises, but Hanji had faced death and despair more times than she had to in her life. His gaze did nothing to her.

“If my memory serves correct,” Erwin said slowly. “I made a proposition. You agreed.”

“My silence was not an agreement, Erwin.” Hanji returned, tipping her chin with a display of thinly veiled defiance.

“But you did not disagree,” was his retort.

“Nuance, Erwin. I must speak with you, and I will not have you silence me. Not now, not ever.”

There was a flicker of familiar awe in his azure eyes, sparking a warmth and courage that came whenever he gazed at her like that. But the flicker passed, yet the warmth and courage remained. She had her fuel, she would not let him take it from her.

“I have one question.”

“What is it?”

“I will not leave without an answer.” She concluded, brown eyes hardening into stones. Erwin did not speak, rather he only tilted his chin forward to urge her. She did not take his bait, only taking to crossing her arms in wait for his compliance. A small battle surged between them, his eyes sparked a sharp electric blue while hers remained defiant and unblinking.

It did not take long, thankfully, before he gave her a quick nod of relent. At his agreement she felt the previous anxiety return and so, with a deep breath, Hanji braced herself.

“Have you been matched yet?”

Blond eyebrows furrowed over a strong forehead, obviously perplexed and even taken aback. He said nothing, blue eyes switching between hers as he tried to discern her reason behind her question.

His silence only made the anxiety churn dark nausea in her stomach, making her palms burst with nervous sweat, “Answer the question, Erwin.”

He opened his mouth to speak before hesitating, and it nearly sent the woman down a spiral of frustration. If this were any other situation, it would’ve almost been comical. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been so internally frustrated. Confused? Yes. Shocked? Definitely. Even angry. But this level of frustration was not something she was entirely used to, and for a moment she was worried he could see it in her eyes.

That was, until he finally spoke, “…No.”

A breath she had not realized she had been holding escaped in a smooth stream of air through her lips, visibly deflating her. Yet, before she could feel the relief take hold, another dark question wedged itself between her and emotional closure. Did she dare ask?

“Have you turned in your survey?” the question burst from her before she could think to hold it back. Surprise exposed the fullness of his blue gaze at her, parting his lips and dropping his arms to his side. He couldn’t even joke or tease her that this was not part of their deal. It wouldn’t have made the situation better, even if he had.

“Hanji…”

“You don’t need to say anything,” she broke in, gripping on to her arms as she tried to smile, nonchalant. “Just nod. Really, all you need to do is nod. Just nod and I’ll leave. You don’t even have to try to explain either, Erwin. I know just as well that walking into this was subjecting ourselves for the good of everyone. I know it may have been stupid to ask, because surely you must have turned it in already… You lead by example… so you must have. Forget it… you don’t have to nod, I’ll just go.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until her voice broke, tears falling down her tan cheeks while she still tried to keep up her smile. She had to smile. She had always smiled for him, hoping that that alone would bring him some comfort when she was so obviously falling apart.

He could only stare at her, eyes wide and mouth parted in a silent gasp as she tried to keep it together. However his silence did nothing to stitch her denial and agony into two coherent parts of herself. She had to leave. She had to leave now.

Ducking her head, Hanji lifted a shaking hand to rub viciously at the only break in her composure before giving him another bright smile. “Well now, that wasn’t part of our agreement. Worry not, Erwin. That was all that needed to be known…” footsteps echoed in her ears, she thought for a moment he was getting ready to lead her out. “On that note, Eren is doing well… in fact I can probably say my theory was – mm!”

A pair of warm lips crashed against hers in a frenzy of desperate longing so strong it ripped the air from her lungs to burn through his lips. She could feel the ragged texture of his palms brush away the stray locks of her hair to clench the skin of her neck and cradle a tear stained cheek. It was an instantaneous explosion of driven need to feel him against her skin that tugged her fingers through his carefully combed blond hair and press her body firm against his.

It was in that moment that Hanji could taste the fury and the wishes he had cast every night when they had once shared a bed. Each tasting sweet and bitter and sour against her mouth. She could not repay him with a promise for better things to come. They had desired and had been forced to sacrifice. It was a fact that had ruled their days and stained their nights with hints of dark gray when colors should have been present.

Strong arms pulled her hard against his firm chest so tightly, Hanji nearly forgot how to breathe and after he had pressed his tongue deep through her lips to caress lovingly against hers, she very nearly forgot her own name. Before she knew it, she was being pressed against the uneven surface of his library, books fell forward and backwards on the shelves as he roughly lifted her up. Legs wrapped around strong hips as he drifted his lips over the hot and trembling flesh of her neck and throat.

Their breathing had shortened into desperate pants, “Erwin…”

“Hanji.”

Lips molded against lips like puzzle pieces that demanded to be fitted together and their motions slowly caved to an instinct that roared under the skin and boiled their blood. There was nothing more she wanted than to feel his skin against hers once more. But through the wanton cloud of need and desire, there was a bell that rung through their minds and calmed the fire writhing between them. Pulling away, Erwin pressed his forehead against the crook of her shoulder, sliding his hands over clothed skin in motions that sent shivers up her spine.

Within their embrace, Hanji found air pull through her lungs and still the erratic beat of her heart. Her hands had found the hot skin of his neck and with gentle rubs, memorized the feel of his scalp and golden locks against the press of flesh. For a moment, she inhaled the masculine lure of his scent and musk and let her mind drift to happier memories where they would lie in each other’s embrace and gaze at the stars out his window as they shared every intimate thought and fear.

“I turned it in.”

The words sent a jolt of ice through her soul, halting her soft movements and musings as she registered the words and desperately wished she had imagined them. But the reality was as real as the breath against her nape and the shudder of his hold. Eyes tightening shut, Hanji let her head fall against his, lips trembling as she tried to remain strong for him. She had to.

“…When?” she hated herself for asking.

“Last week… the result should arrive next week.”

The result. Not the match. Not the promise of a union with another woman. He said it like he was expecting the result of a sickness. A disease.

Gently recoiling, Erwin turned those deep eyes on hers, agonized and apologetic. “If I could have you…” Hanji didn’t dare let him finish, pressing slim fingers against his lips to silence him.

“Don’t,” she begged, shaking her head as tears fell down her cheeks once more. She moved her hand to gently caress the rough skin of his jaw, “Please, Erwin.”

Blue eyes slid closed as she ran a thumb over the tender skin of his bruised lower lip before leaning to press his forehead against hers. His hands rose to tenderly press against the sides of her neck before sliding to the back. Something clicked behind her head as she felt the feather soft brush of something slide against her skin. His hands pulled away to grip at the chain and he straightened against her. Confused, Hanji glanced down from his soft gaze to his hands just inches from her throat just as a gasp lodged itself in her throat.

“Before all this…” Erwin whispered and a fierce tremble shook from her core to spread to her fingers and legs, now back on solid ground. “I had wanted to ask you,”

“Erwin…”

“If you wanted to spend the rest of your years with me.”

_Please don’t. Not now. Please._

He gazed at her, fingers gently caressing the chain around her neck warmly before sliding to the charm at its end, a green gem surrounded in silver strands to press into outstretched wings. “If you would be happy if I asked you to be my wife…”

How is it that such a heartfelt proposal would make her heart soar only to crash and burn? “Erwin,” she breathed, weeping in silence as she wrapped her hand around the hold he had on the charm now attached to her neck. But in the end… she could not utter anymore, for fear that if she did tell him how much his words meant to her… it would all be for nothing.

Because right now. It was too late.

“I know…” Erwin murmured before he pulled her in to his arms and let her weep against him. And in his hold, he could not hold back the tear that fell down his cheek to hide in her hair. No matter how hard he held her to him, she would always be far away from him. Yet, despite the knowledge that he would one day have to surrender his hand and name to another woman, he could not bring himself to push her away. At least, not yet. “I know…” Because right now, she was his and he was completely hers.

A knock on the door alerted the couple pressed against fallen books and silent shelves.

“Commander Erwin, there is a Cadet Celia Dietrich here to speak with you.”

Blue eyes blinked back into the watery brown ahead of his, the glasses on the bridge of her nose rested on a skewed angle. A light smile lifted her bruised lips and she shook her head once, sliding her hand away.

_No. Not yet._

With a swift move he caught her slipping hold before lifting her limp hand to press tight kiss against her knuckles, his heart ramming against his ears. Brown eyes widened as she watched the sudden fierce flame burning his blue eyes like brilliant stars before her.

“Commander?”

“Keiji,” Erwin called. There was no tremor, no hesitation. Just a straightforward act of defiance scorching behind the determination to make this moment last. “Give my apologies to the cadet. I have a more pressing matter to attend to. See to it that I am not interrupted for the next hour or so…”

“…Yes, sir.”

At this, there was a sudden strength in her hold, a sudden rise in the hope within her chocolate gaze, “Erwin…”

“I am yours for the next hour, Hanji…” he whispered, letting his lips brush over her knuckles reverently. “Truly and completely yours.”

She needed no further urging after that. Lips collided in a frantic kiss as she whispered his name over and over, hands squeezing and clinging to clothing that were suddenly too encompassing. In moments, her hands had found the buttons of his shirt, slipping them through the slits as he ran his calloused palms down the sides of her shirt to grasp at the clips and belts that bit against her clothes. With a quick bounce and a jerk, Erwin’s jacket and shirt slid off in one tug, releasing the heat and flesh of skin that ached for her soft touch.

Together, they slowly fell to the ground. Hands grappling against clothes and skin, trying and failing to bite back moans of pleasure and necessity. Slowly, Erwin peeled the last of her clothes to pool beneath them, gazing at her through gentle kisses as he trailed his lips down the vast expanse of her tanned skin. Gently, yet with urgent pace, they sealed their lips with fervent desire just as he positioned himself above her.

“Erwin…” she murmured against his lips, trembling.

He gave those lips a loving nip, “Hanji…”

In one swift and slick movement, they discarded their own personal fears for the sake of keeping this moment pure and real between them. The rhythm between them had never been lost, only set aside for the sake of so many others that caked their names with responsibility.

Soon her gasps became keen moans and whispers as he united them in sweet and blissful self-abandon, scorching lips branded with the names and cries of each other’s souls, tears and sweat drenching them in liberation as he brought her closer to a peak, pushing and pulling against her and swallowing her gasps and frantic tugs on his hair to dig against the back of his neck and shoulder blades. Without holding back, he gave himself completely as she arched and writhed beneath him, foreheads pressed together (her glasses had long been placed aside long ago) and the chain round her neck kissed gentle butterfly touches over the heat of her chest and throat.

Together they had risen, and together they would fall.

Yet even this euphoria and ecstasy would not last long, they both knew this, and while their bodies rejoiced in their connection, their hearts bled with the knowledge that this would be their last time. That in one week’s time, Erwin would be reading the name of a woman who the government felt would be able to breed them the next generation,

It would not be Hanji Zoe.

And, while the government commanded it, shall never change to Hanji Smith.

\--

Footsteps moved in rhythmic passes down stone halls and carpet floors. Short dark hair fell against sharp brows and a narrow gaze, tickling the skin as he moved.

_“Erwin…”_

_“Hm.”_

In the breeze, he lifted a hand to adjust the flowing cravat tied round his neck. Lips tightening into a disinterested line the closer he got to his destination.

_“What if we run away?”_

_“…We can’t. Hanji…”_

Three weeks. Only three since he had turned in his survey. Somehow, Captain Levi knew that it would come down to that.

“ _I know…but if we could…”_

This was it. Time was up. There would be no other reason why Erwin would call him now. And yet, despite the march to know the woman who would be called his future wife… he felt nothing. No anger, no violent desire to strap on his gear and go on a hunt in the capital… not even the hatred that had fueled him in his training earlier. As if every drop of water that had struck his head had washed it all away…

_“Where would you want to go?”_

Yet something caught his attention from the corner of his eye, a flash of red among all the dull earthy colors that made his surroundings.

 _“With you…?_ ”

And when he turned, a tight squeeze of warmth surrounded the ice in his heart. Just feet away, she was standing there, her back facing him as she watched the scenery ahead. A warm breeze pulled at her dark raven hair, ruffling the red scarf wreathing her neck. She was a vision. For a moment, his footsteps ceased in their trek, taking a moment to take in this sight because he knew it would be the last he would be able to witness as a free man.

_“Yes. With me.”_

For a moment, it was as if no time had passed at all since he had last shared in calm conversation with her. As if the stone walls around them had always been made of wood and the sight before her was of a forest that lead to a familiar mountain range, rather than the dense woods that surrounded the castle. For a moment, he felt as if he could reach out and call her name and she would turn and smile at him, ready to take on the day’s work side by side as they had grown accustomed in doing so for eighteen months.

_“I guess… it doesn’t matter where we would go.”_

“Mikasa!”

She turned, eyes wide as she met Armin’s bright blue gaze. The moment was gone. In one simple turn, reality crashed back around him and Levi was reminded of the words spoken between them and the opportunities lost forever. So he turned back around and continued his silent journey down the vacant hallways, eyes no longer glancing back. Only forward.

_“…How come?”_

Footsteps faded as Levi walked away. He was ready… to let her go. To let all of this go. Yet…

_“Because so long as you’re with me… I’ll be home no matter where we are.”_

He would never know that as he walked away, she turned around. Onyx eyes drawn without explanation to the last place he had stood, yet see nothing but vacant space. Not even a footprint to connect that his presence had ever been there in the first place.

_“This world is cruel.”_

_“Yeah… it is.”_

* * *

TBC


	9. Fool's Deliverance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone can have a happy ending. Not everyone will have the chance. Yet in the face of absolution, there can't be any more time wasted. The truth cannot be hidden any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's inspired tracks are: Siren by Emancipator, Third – by Hiatus (for Eren), Near Light by Olafur Arnalds  
> warning: sexual content ahead

* * *

**-: IX :-**

****Fool's Deliverance****

* * *

 

_To the Honorable Commander of the 13th_ _Division of the Survey Corp_

__Erwin Smith,__

_It is with great respect and gratitude that we received your letter and, respectfully, send our reply of which, there is no doubt, you are expecting. While your hopes and efforts have been admirable in our fight against the Titans, and it is thanks to the leadership of not only yourself but the men and women you have inspired, we continue to encourage such actions to continue onward. That is not to say, we do not value your opinion – that would be farthest from the truth. We are glad to receive your counsel and are always humbled to have such wisdom in our courts and in our government. Your deeds have secured our future. Now it is time, we believe, that you continue to assist us in this matter of maintaining order. We assure you, we have the finest minds placed to the task of securing the best matches for our coming generations and we would continue to seek your counsel in matters of war, respectively._

_Your suggestion, while well placed and taken with more than a grain of salt, is unnecessary. Highly respected, yet unnecessary nonetheless. Rest assured that we have found the appropriate matches for the Captain and the Cadet. (On the subject of her promotion, we ask for your patience.)_

_It has been sensed that there is some anxiety on your part, and while you have more grounds than most, we can easily say that your concerns are of trivial matters. We have all made sacrifices for the good of our people and for their prosperity, please take care in remembering that._

_Respectively,_

_Councilman Gottlieb Ulf_ __  
_Marquis Elias Randolf_  
 _Of His Majesty's Court Council_

* * *

 

_Skriiii…shh…skrii…skrii...shh…_

There was something comforting about the sound of straw sliding and scratching against stone. Something in the way the stiff and dry stalks whispered and sighed as she swung the broom this way and that. There was a small and contented smile pressing on the lips of the young woman as she swept islands of dirt and filth from the stable grounds. In her opinion, sweeping the stables wasn't necessary. Whenever a breeze blew more dirt and more dead stalks of nearby bushes would fly into the area she had just swept, but orders were orders. Normally, her groans of complaint at such a superfluous task would overwhelm the sounds of sweeping and the chatter of soldiers around her. Normally…they would be joining in and the topic of conversation would drift toward the short Captain people liked to dub the Dragon when he was near, and the Captain Cleanly when he wasn't.

However, today was different. Where Sasha would be the first to complain, today she was strangely quiet. A large smile and soft blush dusted her cheeks as she stared off into space, unaware she was sweeping at a spot that was currently spotless. Of course, this would be noticed. And the whispers she thought were from the broom were actually from the soldiers that watched her with bemused and curious glances.

Today, it was the attention of a few manure-cleaning Cadets that sparked the conversation of the redhead's unusual silence. "What's with her today?" One of them mused out loud as he rested his wrists over the top of his pitchfork, thin and black eyebrows furrowing under a perfect black bowl cut and resting over slanted blue eyes. Crouched and at his left was a taller and spiky haired brunet with a sneaky grin, pitchfork strewn at his side as he rested a sore back.

Sure enough, the brunet was nudging a pointed elbow on the black haired soldier's knee, sly grin pulling back over sharp canines, making him look wolfish. "Think she stole some of today's pork?"

"I doubt it." The darker haired male replied, "If she did, she'd be giggling and drooling all over herself."

"You guys are such idiots." A scowl dropped the wolf-like grin from the crouching soldier as he quickly straightened up to turn on the owner of the voice. Of course, both knew who the owner was. She stood just an inch short of the brunet, thick dark auburn hair and large green eyes. According to the brunet, she would be more attractive if she didn't open her mouth as much as she did. Her height towered over the darker haired male, not making it easy to pick on her by any means. Not that he wanted to anyway. Although, it didn't stop the brunet from trying.

Leaning back on the wooden rail of the stables, the tallest soldier let out a wry snort, "Oh… hey Dorkinski, we were wondering when you'd show up to work."

It had the desired effect. Pursing pink lips in an irritated point, she narrowed those green eyes at him in a sharp glare, "Fitz, if you call me Dorkinski one more time—"

The bowl cut interjected, not in the mood to deal through another pointless banter between the two taller cadets. "Any reason behind today's insult, Dorinski?"

The irritation set aside momentarily, she turned toward him with a bright grin and she set down her work shovel, "Let me give you a lesson in the wiles of femininity," she began before Fitz let out a loud snort of amusement.

"I'd probably take you seriously if you knew what femininity was…OW!" He recoiled, dropping his pitchfork to nurse his bruised shoulder, glaring at the girl standing behind the rail. She blinked smugly at him before retracting her fist to rest her arm on the smooth wooden banister.

"As I was saying," She continued, jerking her chin in the direction of the spaced off Sasha, "look at that smile. The far off glaze in her eyes, the blush on her cheeks –"

Fitz rolled pale amber irises, "We have  _eyes_ , Dorkinski—OW! Stop  _smacking_  me, already, woman!"

"Get to the point, Dorinski." The raven haired cadet sighed, leaning against the rail in an attempt to see the picture the green eyed woman was attempting to paint elaborately.

Dorinski let out a loud scoff of exasperation. "Do you guys want to learn this shit or not? Yes?" after a short silence, the male duo nodded, "Okay, now shut up. Where was I—Oh yeah, the blush on her cheeks. Notice how she sways side to side, like she's dancing…? Fitz—Fitz, FITZ. Stop staring at her ass, you're not fooling anyone. Anyway, like I was saying, when a woman gets  _that_  look in her eye she's not thinking of food, my friend. Even if it is Sasha Braus. No, no. That look is the surefire proof that she's head over heels, completely broke.  _Twitter-pated_."

The two men exchanged looks. Fitz appeared impressed while his black haired counterpart rose a dubious brow, "You want to speak plainly, Dorinski?"

Dorinski sighed, before looking back at the oblivious redhead, "She's in love, Alex. Try to catch up here. And better yet…" A smug smirk lifted the corners of the green eyed cadet, "She probably went on a date with said romantic interest."

The two boys followed her line of gaze curiously, interest piqued. Alex narrowed his eyes, trying to see it while Fitz whistled, wondering. "…Really? How can you be so—"

"Yep, last night." Dorinski cut in, crossing her arms with a satisfied nod. Jaws fell as they looked back and forth between the two women.

"…Last night?! You got that from just one look?" Fitz exclaimed, staring at the dark haired girl with shock. The woman grinned, obviously pleased with the attention she was receiving until a new voice interrupted their conversation.

"Save it, Riza." The trio turned to meet the flat gaze of a woman carrying a bale of hay with her bare hands. She looked like the spitting image of Dorinski, although she was shorter and freckles lightly dusted her cheeks. Even so, her appearance made the two boys straighten from their laid back stances into arrow straight postures, a light blush brightened over Fitz's cheeks.

"L-Li!" Fitz exclaimed, far too loudly to be casual. Pointedly ignoring the hidden smile from Alex and the predatory grin on Riza's face, he cleared his throat and attempted to sound casual, "…What's up?" Riza didn't bother giving him much chance before she whirled on the shorter woman.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't my nemesis!" She exclaimed, haughty and grinning.

The shorter woman painstakingly rolled her eyes. "Riza, we've been through this—"

"—It's been a while since I last laid eyes on you, Hanna Li! Sister dearest!" Riza took a step forward, darkly pleased to tower over the uncaring senior cadet.

The shorter woman blinked once at her sister's smug face before easily disregarding her, "…Yeah. Just ignore her," She said, despite Riza's indignant shout. "She saw Sasha go on a date with Kirschstein last night."

"Oh come on!" Riza cried in dismay, blushing when the two boys whirled affronted gazes on her. Well, Fitz did. Alex looked like he was torn between expected disappointment and irritation.

"—I knew there weren't any wiles…" He groaned, narrowing grey eyes.

"—what the hell, Dorkinski?" Fitz growled, more irritated that he had been fooled for as long as he had.

"Oh  _shut up_ , Fitz." Riza retorted, exchanging sharp glares with the tall brunet.

Hanni Li quickly tossed the bale of hay within an opened horse stall, "Alright, guys, back to work." She ordered, turning flat green eyes on the trio, "I just saw the Dragon come out of the Commander's lair and he is not looking happy…is anyone going to actually tell Braus that she's been sweeping the same spot since she got here?"

At the opportunity, Fitz tore his glare away from the taller sister to give the older and senior cadet his attention, "I-I can do it, Li!"

Li gave him a curt nod, "Get to it, Fitz. Alex, go get Barlow, if you guys are done scooping up horse crap, then go help Cera's team with bringing in the rest of the hay. Riza, go bring the horses back in."

With an obedient nod and final glare at Riza, Alex turned and snatched up his pitchfork. Riza watched the two boys amble off before turning a curious gaze on her sister, "What about you?"

Li smiled traitorously, "I am on break. People who actually do their work are allowed breaks, little sister. Food for thought."

"—Wha? No fair! Help me out! I can't bring them in alone!"

"Good luck, twerp." Li waved before walking away from the stables, throwing one final glance at Sasha. The girl was now talking amicably with Fitz, laughing and blushing with embarrassment at being caught off guard. It wasn't just Riza who had stumbled into the sight of her and Jean Kirschstein.

_It was after she was done turning in her team's reports. She had been taking a quiet stroll down the open air hallways, silently cursing the mandate and everything about it, when she noticed how a particular part of the outside was darker than usual. Curiously, Li had made her way toward that are when she peered around and saw the couple laying on a blanket just a ways on the grass, conversing quietly while they stared up at the stars._

_There was no one else around save her and the two of them. Embarrassed that she had stumbled into something so intimate, Li tried to sneak away quietly when she overheard something that piqued her interest._

" _I'm going to wait until the last minute…" it was Kirschstein._

" _Huh? How come?" Sasha's voice replied, sounding confused._

" _I don't want to turn it in yet." He replied, and at that moment Li knew what they were talking about. She could not move away, wondering what Kirschstein was thinking about not turning it in. Certainly he didn't expect to rebel and not be made an example of. Lucky for her, Kirschstein elaborated. "I know that there're no other options… You either turn in your survey or you turn in an engagement document. I can't opt out of either…but I can decide how long I take on it. Call it crazy… but it's my only chance at feeling like I do have a choice in it."_

What was that idiot going on about now?  _Li thought, eyebrows furrowing over her eyes._

" _Besides," He continued and he pulled himself up on his elbows to meet Sasha's gaze evenly. "Whatever chance, whatever time I have left… I want to be able to take full advantage of it. Getting to know you. If it works out… if we work out…" He trailed off, reaching over to grasp her hand over the blanket. "I want to be able to have the other option ready and available."_

" _And if we don't…?" She murmured. Li almost had to strain her ears to listen._

" _Like I said," Kirschstein sounded less enthusiastic then, his voice taking on a grim edge. "I want to have those options available…"_

How…unromantic. _Sasha gave him a soft nod before turning her head back to gaze at the stars. In the darkness, Li couldn't tell her expression and felt that now was as good a time as any to leave them alone._

" _But…" Jean spoke up again, gaining Sasha's (and Li's) attention. "I might just want to toss that survey away…especially after today."_

_Before she could help it, Li groaned – who knew Kirschstein was such a sap? – But slapped her hand to her mouth, hoping they didn't hear her. They didn't._

" _Do…you mean that?" Sasha asked softly. Jean didn't reply, instead he leaned his head in to place his lips against hers in a soft kiss. Li leaned forward, unable to tear her eyes away from the kissing couple sitting just yards away._

" _I want to know you, Sasha. That's what I want right now." He said against her lips. Sasha's only response was to let out a soft moan before wrapping her arms around Jean's neck as his hands trailed down to her hips and tugged her over his lap. It was enough to send a hot blush burning down Li's face and snap her out of her ogle. Statically, Li turned away, lips quivering with embarrassment and eyes wide. It just so happened that when she did, she spotted Riza standing on the opposite side of darkened area. To her complete and utter dread, the taller girl was staring shamelessly, an excited grin spread over pink lips and flushed cheeks. As if by some cruel trick, fate would have it, that Riza happened to glance across the space to meet her sister's horrified gaze. Surprise flashed through her face for a moment before grinning a lewd grin, winking and pointing at the oblivious couple ahead. Cheeks burning ever darker, Li tried to glare her harshest glare at her sister._

'What the HELL are you doing?!'  _Motioning angrily to leave them alone, her efforts where in vain when Riza shrugged and turned back to stare at the scene before them._

_Sasha let out an audible gasp, sending a jolt of surprise through Li's stomach. Against her better judgment, her eyes jumped from her sister back to the busy duo. Jean's hands were gripping on to Sasha's waist, lips trailing down her neck while the girl let out little sounds of pleasure. Sasha's hands were gently tugging at his jacket and managed to tug the cloth off just as his lifted his chin to hungrily meet her bruised lips in a deep kiss._

'O-okay, time to go.'

_Swallowing thickly, Li turned and readied herself to march off only to stop completely, frozen. Paling, Li tried to think up of anything, her mouth flapping open and closed. Right in front of her stood the Dragon, aka Captain Levi, arms crossed and watching her with a bored stare. He blinked before glancing to the sight of the couple just ahead before looking back at her with a raised brow._

" _I…they…it's not what it looks like…" Li stammered. The Captain only cocked his head to the side, staring without any hint of amusement. Ducking her head, Li quickly made her escape, narrowly dodging the silent short man before running off, glad at least that Riza was too busy peeping on the kissing couple to notice her older sister's embarrassing run in with the Dragon._

Humiliating as it was, the experience did allow her to think over Kirschstein's words and drift her thoughts to her own survey. She had already turned it in a while ago, doing it in a fit of apathy while everyone was still wallowing in the chaos of anger and juvenile hope. As time passed, the idea of getting a match didn't so much scare her as it did leave her nervous. It was something she didn't care much about. Love, romance… partners… why was that such a big deal?

If there was anything that interested her, it was messing with people. Playing with their reactions and the like. Much like that kid with the buzz cut she met in the hallway just the day before. She had seen him around several times already, but never enough to really merit an introduction. To be honest, Li wasn't quite sure why she approached him. He had never been a source of interest for her. Call it a spur in the moment, boredom, whatever… Li had headed over and peeked over his shoulder to see him staring at a couple who had obviously just been matched together.

In that moment, she delved into the idea of playing a different person and so…unable to help herself, created a name— _Doris_ —and jumped into a different skin. Pressing that kid's buttons had been the most fun she had in a while… it was weird… but not altogether a bad experience. In the end he never did give her his name.

Caught in the pool of her own musings, Li didn't realize she had wandered into another open aired hallway. Her green eyes trailed over the vacant area before falling to the only person leaning against the nearest window sill. It was déjà vu. Only this time, he seemed to have sensed her presence and glanced up before his face fell. She had to fight the urge to grin widely at his expense. She almost did anyway, getting ready to jump back into the skin of the girl called 'Doris'.

"You again," He observed, raising a brow at her. She hadn't expected seeing him so soon.

"You're manners are still impeccable, I see," Li snickered, caking the sarcasm thick on her voice while she gave him a smile. The buzz cut rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the scenery ahead of him. It was as if someone had replaced her with Riza – she was the more devious of the two – because she was stepping close enough to stand by his side. In any other situation, Hanna Li would have just ignored the slightly taller soldier and gone on with her day. But there was something about the whole situation, his character, and the fact that everything was going to shit that made her take those extra steps, replace her usual flat look with one of mischievousness and push this kid's buttons.

"Enjoying the scenery?"

"I was," he grunted but made no move to leave or walk away. It was at that point that Hanna Li would leave him to his own devices, yet Doris was the kind who pressed boundaries and poked fun. At this moment, Hanna Li was not the girl in charge.

"Are you still mad because I called it romantic?" Li asked, leaning to rest her elbows on the stone next to him. At this his eyebrows furrowed but he said nothing in return. "Tell me, was I right?"

"About what?"

"About you having a girl and she got paired off with someone else."

Amber eyes blinked before flicking over to her in a flat expression, Li snorted with amusement, "So I was wrong, then."

"Very," He replied before falling silent once more, expression souring the more they stood in silence. She wondered for a moment that it may have been due to her unexpected company. They were strangers. Not yet acquaintances, definitely not friends. Yet, in this moment, Li wondered if they were really from different walks of life. She recognized that angry haze in his eyes easily, because it was the same anger she had felt when she had first been handed her survey…and it was the same anger she felt whenever she saw Riza staring at Fitz with nothing short of pained longing.

Of course, the tall brunet was an idiot. Li was no fool, she knew Fitz had his eyes set on her instead of her younger sister. But it had been a hope that, maybe one day, he would realize the extent of her disinterest and recognize the affection Riza secretly had for him and maybe even come to accept it and then reciprocate it. Yet, this whole thing... It pissed her off. With a wave of a finger, the government took that time – that precious and beautiful time – away from them to sate its own mad dash for control now that the titans were gone.

The soldiers who had fought and died for freedom were now enslaved because of it.

How disgusting.

"I hate this." Li nearly jumped at his sudden confession. She hadn't expected him to speak to her, much less admit to anything. The surprise rendered the dark haired girl mute, and if that confused him, he didn't show it. Instead, he elaborated. "I hate not being able to have a say. It's bullshit."

Doris was gone. Hanna Li remained, staring in surprise at this boy who had very clearly expressed everything she was feeling in just three sentences. Amazing…

"Oh come on," she scoffed, trying to bring back her alias through empty words. "It's not that bad…I mean. For one, you won't have to worry about the confusion of trying to find someone to fall in love with. It'll be done for you… don't you think that's a bit better in the end, for everyone?"

He said nothing, only turned to look at her with something akin to disbelief. He continued to stare at her, as if she had grown another head and that head had grown two arms and a third eye. Yet, something happened within her that left her reeling. Truly reeling backwards at realizing that his gaze… unnerved her. She had no problem meeting the gaze of the Commander, or even the Dragon's gaze, without feeling like she would break. Yet, with one piercing and searching stare… this guy absolutely made her feel  _itchy_. Like something was off, and it sent a thrill through her stomach and a fluttering in her fingertips.

He blinked and it was as if someone placed a film over her eyes, where he was the focus of all her attention. Every detail became inescapable. The way his amber eyes watched her curiously, nostrils flaring up with every breath, lips parting and then touching over and over as if he were muttering something tiny to himself, even the way he swallowed – his throat bobbing and the thrum of his heart pulsed against the vulnerable flesh of his neck.

_What the…?_

Then he spoke, "Is that what people say? Or is this your opinion?"

"Why wouldn't it be my opinion?" She retorted, feeling a strange anxiety pool under her collarbone the more he watched her.

"I don't buy it," He replied, amber gaze hardening like topaz. It was weird but something was setting off alarm bells in the back of her head. His lips pulled up, dry and pale but even, "You sound like you're repeating that off some kind of pamphlet."

A sudden surge of anger, irritation and  _fear_  destroyed the last remains of Doris and exposed Hanna Li in the eyes of this stranger. In moments –  _moments_  – he had seen through her. Something  _no one_ , not even Riza, had been able to do and in the amount of time they had been conversing. There were only a few times that Li had ever felt fear – when she had fought against a Titan for the first time, and when she saw Riza get snatched up by a Titan and was nearly taken from her until Fitz sliced off that hand and saved her – she just never thought she would feel it under this man's gaze.

_What is this?_

Who was this guy?

Suddenly, Li didn't want to be near him anymore. She needed to run. Escape.

"What does it matter?" She heard herself speak, the anger and irritation keeping her firmly pressed on the ground, tightening her fists against her sides. Still, there was a hint of cheekiness in her voice when she replied, meeting his gaze as evenly as she could without showing him what she was feeling.

"Don't give me that," He replied, straightening to press his hands against his hips. In the action, the insignia on his breast jumped out into her line of focus – the wings of liberty flashing silver and blue within sight. "Don't try to make me believe that you are okay with this whole survey shit. No one is. So don't try to pass off this attitude that this is the next best thing that's happening to humanity…unless…" He paused and turned completely to face her, her anxiety skyrocketed.

"You're really just as angry as everyone else. You're just trying to save face…right?"

_Who is this guy?_

For a moment, green eyes stared in genuine surprise at the pair of hardened amber eyes just feet away. While frozen, her mind ran at a million miles an hour yet stayed perfectly still whilst transfixed on the no nonsense stare he drove into her. Somewhere, from the dark expanse of her shocked mind, a peel of amusement curled like a ribbon around her chest before rising like water.

"Tch," A snort escaped her nose and she felt her chin fall as she felt the water overwhelm her, and before she could help it the hysteria began to shake her shoulders and tremble its way out her lips in a growing surge of belly shaking laughter.

Green eyes squeezed shut as she doubled over, clutching on to her stomach as she laughed before taking in a deep breath and straightening.

"You're really something," Li managed after a moment of trying to contain her chuckles, grinning when she saw him lean away from her, as if she had really grown an extra head and it was making faces at him.

"What…" He muttered after she turned back over to the window sill, "Is with you…?"

"I have to say," She said after another tense moment of silence. "You really hit the nail on the head."

Blinking away tears, Hanna Li faced the buzz cut boy with the piercing amber eyes and smirked at him without holding back. "Well, I better be off. Thanks for the…interesting conversation."

"You call that a conversation?" He asked, dubious and disbelieving. Li shrugged before brushing past him, footsteps padding gently on the stone.

"See you around, buzz cut." She called over her shoulder.

"Hold on," He called back and she paused to peek over her shoulder. He had his arms crossed, expression completely flat and eyebrow raised, "Is your name really Doris?"

Li grinned, "I'll tell you my name if you tell me yours."

He frowned, pursing his lips at her as if contemplating before letting out a huff through his nose, "Connie." He said. "Connie Springer."

"Really?" Li asked, mimicking his previous stance and placed her hands on her hips. "Isn't that a girl's name?"

"Oi, I'm not the one named Doris," He grunted, wiggling his pointer finger at her condescendingly. Li couldn't help but roll her eyes, the motion was small yet enough to catch his attention. For a moment, she wondered whether or not to keep her end of the deal and just walk away, yet she had a feeling that if she did it would make this game a little harder on him.  _I keep my promises_. Didn't she say that once?

"Li," She relented. Connie's amber eyes blinked, perplexed and not quite expecting her to humor him. "Hanna Li Dorinski."

"Huh." He mused, cocking his head to the side, no doubt mulling her name over in his mind. After a moment, Li felt like there was nothing left to be said and with a short nod she spun on her heels and began to walk off once more. Her footsteps echoed the strange beating of her heart, the uneasy feeling of his gaze never leaving and when she was attempting to decide whether she could hate or handle it, she heard his voice softly say through the space and silence;

"See you around… Li."

And she found that she rather liked the way her name fell from his lips. Even if she wasn't sure why.

* * *

 

Pale hands clenched in his lap, grasping on to the coarse material of pale trousers. Each finger, each digit, each wrinkle and bend and curve of his hands… looked new. There were no scars, no callouses, no sign that they had seen war. He was nineteen years old now. He was no longer a child, but a war hero. The Hope for Humanity covered in the skin of a newborn and the heart of a hardened veteran.

Three months…  _I've been asleep for three months… or was it four?_

Green eyes blinked from his limbs to peer up over the vast space ahead of him. The sky was slowly being dominated with a thin blanket of white and gray, making the already bright canopy above feel like someone was pressing a cover over his head. It was a gentle overcast, enough to bring relief from the harsh rays of the sun.

Yet while the sight before him was sweet; free lands of green trees, ponds and meadows kissed by the horizon and framed by impressive mountain ranges, there was a bitterness in his stomach that took from the enjoyment of really seeing the land he helped cleanse of the Titans.

The overcast didn't bring relief when it should have. It only helped the feeling of being caged intensify, squandering the happiness he had expected to feel when everything was said and done. It was as if the anger that he had been so accustomed to using as fuel was now turning into poison in his veins, draining him and leaving him feeling like a shadow.

He had fought and risked so much, lost so many people and friends…

A strong breeze made the clothes that hung to his body whip around hard against his skin, yanking the chocolate brown tresses around his eyes. While it was a warm wind, there was a brush of chill hidden beneath it, making a shiver spread goose bumps over his flesh. He didn't bother with it much, choosing to ignore the slight briskness of the wind and letting his green eyes slide close.

The stone beneath him was still warm, after so many hours of baking under the sun. With a deep breath, Eren let his legs swing gently over the precipice of the castle's roof. Blinking his eyes open, the titan shifter turned his attention to the scene below. Stories down, soldiers and staff people walked here and there in the courtyard, no doubt following orders and keeping up with the assignments of the day.

He missed that. He missed having things to do while he waited for news, no matter what kind. The routine and discipline of being a soldier was not the kind one would easily drop at the flip of a hat. That was the sort of thing that was etched into your genes, drilled into your skull until it was all that drove you even after your mind was broken.

Yet, ever since he woke, it had been nothing but tests, and rest, more tests, more rest. He knew his physical state would not be able to handle doing strenuous work in the meantime. That was another thing. The fact that his body felt different. Hanji told him it was just a matter of his body getting back to its original state. That the final battle had been so taxing that it was no wonder it was taking so long to get it together.

Whatever it was, Eren didn't like it. He wanted to be moving, to stretch and run and fly using his gear. Yet, climbing up all the stairs that had taken him here alone had been enough to wind him, make him feel an exhaustion he had never felt before in his life. It didn't help that the only thing that helped him climb so many stairs was the adrenaline and anger at Mikasa, at Armin, at this whole  _goddamn_ situation. But that had been a while ago…

He came here to find peace… but all he had found was overcast skies and a bitter taste in the back of his mouth. Guilt played dark chords in his chest now, reminding him of the words he had snapped so harshly and without thinking at his only family. Eren knew Mikasa had only been trying to look out for him, trying to keep her promise to his mother's memory and keep him safe. While that had once brought him infinite frustration, he had grown to accept the dark haired girl's constant presence as she was literally the only thing that reminded him of life before the fall out. Of happier yet naïve times where they would play as children and run home to a smile and pinching cheeks.

_I have to apologize…_

What was worse… was the fact that he could plainly see it now. See how they were all suffering, hiding their turmoil for his sake when he had woken up. At first, he had believed that it was just their worry for his wellbeing, the exhaustion of hoping he would finally wake up. But now, he could see it. They were forced to deal with an all-new enemy, an all-new cage. They were forced to give up more freedom for Humanity's sake. How much more can the government ask of them?

"Selfish bastards." The curse was hollow behind his tongue before falling to the ground stories beneath him.

If only he could fight right now…

" _It isn't fair for anyone, and it certainly isn't fair for you."_

The memory hit him with the dawn of a new realization and his hands were clenching around sunbaked stone, soft palms scratched by the rough stone. Yet it felt like nothing in comparison to the weight in his chest.

Mikasa and Armin… they didn't want him to know because it was a hard situation. It was because it would be the last thing being taken from  _him_  as well. He would be forced into marriage before he could even have the chance to discover that for himself. He would not be able to find a woman to fall in love with because they would find one for him. What if the person they do find for him… what if she ends up loathing him? Or vice versa?

He felt like cattle. Like a dog being thrown to a kennel to breed for the sake of bringing forth new litters for selfish children that would never understand their value. A breeze hit him from behind, ruffling his clothes and hair around him as he bit his lip in vicious anger.

_Blue eyes blinked up at him flatly from an aquiline profile. Blonde hair glistened in the light, falling in short waves against a pale face and pale lips._

" _You're important, Eren. That is what matters…"_

" _But what am I to you, Annie?"_

_She blinked at him, piercing azure looking into emerald green without fear or emotion. She had never bothered to give him a response, choosing instead to trace a single digit over his lower lip and watching how the sharp intake of breath her touch caused dried the moist skin under her finger._

" _It doesn't need saying."_

She was gone.

Would anything have been different if she was sitting by his side right now? Would she meet his gaze as he clenched his teeth and reached for her stoic palm, or would she return the embrace he would need without voicing it?

It didn't matter now.

She was gone, and all Eren could feel was a bitter taste in his mouth and a weight in his chest. Because she was gone.

* * *

 

Dark, onyx eyes trailed over the blank ceiling above, picturing figures and shapes over the vast and pale expanse of white. The trail of bright sunlight had long ago faded to the pale light of the afternoon, brushing gray rays over the air and highlighting the floating moats around her.

How long had she been in bed?

Hours, certainly. It must be mid-afternoon already. Even so, despite the many hours she had refused to move, there was still an exhaustion clinging webs over her eyes and making her bones feel brittle. There was a tax on her emotions, and the cost was a deep and unrelenting fatigue that refused to leave despite taking the day off.

When she had finally managed to drag herself from Hanji's office, Mikasa skipped dinner and headed straight to her room where she had holed herself up within for the night and for most of the following day, leaving only to go to breakfast and take a short stroll through the open aired hallways.

She had stopped for a moment, caught on a particular sight of the scenery ahead. The sunlight had filtered through the clouds above, tossing a pillar of bright rays over several trees and over a clearing. It was beautiful, and there was something about it that lifted the darkness in her chest, if only slightly.

The moment was broken when she heard her name being called out to her. Startled, Mikasa had turned to see the beaming face of her blond friend, Armin. His smile was wide and pure, throwing her for a spin as he quickly began to tell her how he had fantastic news.

Before she could react, though, she felt a strange sensation in the back of her head. Yet when she had turned there was no one there, but a hollow feeling slowly filled her chest without explanation. After a short moment of appraisal, Mikasa turned her attention back to Armin and had to tell him to slow down due to the fact he was talking a million miles a minute.

"Armin," Mikasa lifted her hands in a slowing gesture, "Take a breath."

"Sorry," He chuckled, taking a laughing breath before brightening up like the sun itself. "Actually, I have a better idea. This is the sort of announcement that's best shared as a group," the blond explained. Mikasa could only frown at him in confusion.

"How about we eat dinner with Eren tonight?" He suggested. Mikasa stiffened, teeth clenching at the abrupt reminder of her argument with her brother. As expected, Armin noticed her sudden tension and darkened gaze. "Or… not? What's wrong?"

The memory came unbidden in a moment of weakness. Eren's angry gaze flashed in her mind, causing her chest to clench uncomfortably. She wasn't sure what to say at this point, and if there was anything she couldn't handle was having Armin get upset upon discovering that she had told Eren everything. So, she shook her head and smiled faintly at the lance corporal, "Nothing…"

The unease didn't rest even after her friend nodded silently in response, choosing only to give her a soft smile. "If you want, Mikasa, we can talk later."

The young soldier shook her head, dark locks brushing against her cheeks at the motion, "It's alright. Let's have dinner tonight with Eren. I think some conversation would do us some good…"  _I hope._

Armin nodded once, lips tightening in an uncertain expression before he let it drop and bade her goodbye to fulfill his duties for the day. With a strained sigh, the young woman turned and headed back to her room. She had collapsed on her bed the moment she arrived…and had not moved since.

For hours, Mikasa remained on top of her covers, feeling very much like the hollow shell of the woman she had once been. Yet, for all the pain and ache she felt press her will to the floor, her eyes remained dry albeit sore from the previous day's sobbing frenzy.

What had happened to her to leave her so internally ruined? When had she become such an emotional wreck? The whole thing was pathetic, really. For years, she had been revered as one of humanity's strongest weapons against the Titans. The woman worth one hundred soldiers. Was she really so weak that she would let one man single-handedly tear her apart? She had always figured that she would be rendered weak by fighting, by the war. That one day she would be unable to fight any longer because, while as strong as she is, she is still human and therefore still breakable.

Yet it was not the war that broke her.

It was a pair of steel blue eyes and a voice that would sent shudders down her spine and the slightest brush of skin over her hand that left her shaken and useless.

"I can't keep doing this…" She whispered to the air, shattering the silence that had pressed against her as she watched the sunlight slide over her walls and ceiling. And it was true.

If she kept this up… there would be no telling what state she would end up in.

No doubt by now he had probably had better chance forgetting about her and all the things she had said and pulled him through. No doubt about it. He had made it so clear on that night she had seen him in the hallway. The look of warmth he had once given her had been replaced completely by the flat stare he had addressed her with when they had first met.

It was so long. So long that she had been wallowing in the grief of her actions and the pain of being separated from him that she had truly forgotten how it was like to feel anything other than pain and anguish.  _How pathetic._

Rising from the wrinkled sheets, Mikasa Ackerman turned a hardened stare out her window to stare at the overcast sky with a deep and undeniable defiance.

No more. She would long for him no more. She couldn't keep doing this to herself. She just couldn't.

At a quarter to five, Mikasa was up and dressed in a fresh uniform, the scarf Eren had left behind in Hanji's office was wrapped once more around her neck when she left her room. There was no more time to be wasted in pining. She needed to be strong again. If not for herself, then for everyone that she cared about.

Levi would no longer be in that list of people.

Because she just couldn't anymore. She had screwed up so long ago. It was already a given that it was too late to make amends… and so, she had to move on. It was the best logical thing to do at this point…  _right?_

The walk to the infirmary was silent and mercifully uneventful. It was uncertain whether or not the Titan shifter would be there, but Mikasa had a small inkling that he might be. As she walked through the long hallways, she tried to think of something to say to Armin and Eren collectively. It wouldn't surprise her if Armin was already there waiting along with Eren. The boy had a tendency to showing up early in order to make a good impression. It would certainly prove why he deserved the promotion he received, he had always been such an obedient officer.

What would she say, though? Would he understand that it had not been her fault that Eren found out? It didn't seem like Armin would be too put off by it, but these past few months had been taxing on the boy as well. Who knew how he would react in this situation…

Breathing slowly through her nose, Mikasa stepped down the small inverted hallway that lead to the infirmary, taking gentle and even breaths to keep from panicking or feeling the anxiety now building in her chest from making her do something reckless. The handle was cold under her touch when she pulled the door open.

Dark onyx eyes were met by the surprised glance of not just Armin and Eren, but of Krista and Sasha, Jean and Connie. While no longer bed ridden, Eren was pressed to a more comfortable chair at the end of a table filled with food and drink. At her appearance, the group let out a collective breath of contentment and welcome. Armin waved her over with a blinding grin, holding a glass of what looked like wine in his hand.

"Mikasa!" He exclaimed, blue eyes twinkling, "Come over! Take a seat, we're just getting started!"

"Everyone…" Mikasa muttered in surprise before ambling over awkwardly, nodding gratefully when Krista pulled out a chair nearest Eren for her. To her dismay, the green eyed soldier did not meet her gaze evenly, refusing to look her directly in the eye even though he looked shamed. Mikasa knew better than to prod for any words from him at this point, and so she kept to herself.

"Hey, are you guys sure it's okay to be eating here?" Jean asked, glancing around with an uncertain purse of his lips. "It is an infirmary after all, not a party room."

"Lighten up, Jean," Eren rolled his eyes. "I asked Hanji if it was okay and she said it was cool."

"Even so," the taller male continued but was silenced by a warm touch to the shoulder from Sasha. The exchanged was not missed at all by the titan shifter, yet before he could open his mouth to comment on it Armin had beat him to the punch.

"Thanks for joining us, everyone," the blond soldier announced, grinning widely at each person before taking Krista's hand in his. "The reason why I wanted us to get together for dinner is for a specific reason. These past few months have been hard on all of us. With everything going on, and all the things we've had to endure…waiting on Eren to finally wake up among the reasons," Connie nudged said male with his elbow and the group shared in a chuckle at Eren's sheepish shrug. Armin continued, "Especially with the mandate. We, like everyone else, have been forced to take part of it. I know this is not something we like to talk about…it's not much for good conversation. But in a way, some good has come from it."

A stone of bitter irritation fell in Mikasa's stomach, shooting an ache in her bones that she knew had not been intentionally caused. Even so, she dared not show her annoyance at the boy's statement, knowing full well there was a point he was getting to.

Armin smiled again, his expression had taken a solemn expression during his previous words before receiving an encouraging nudge by the petite woman at his side. "In a way, if it wasn't for this whole thing… I would've never realized the feelings that would take me closer to Krista. I probably would've refused to acknowledge them for fear of being rejected. But this whole survey… it helped remind me that even if we don't have all the time in the world, things that are precious and beautiful will always hold a high value in our lives. And that if we don't stand up and take action… they could be taken from us before we have a chance to stake our desire."

It was as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water down her throat, burning and freezing her all at once and filling her with an emotion of deep longing. It worsened when she saw the adoring glances that both Armin and Krista exchanged in the short moment of silence. Her previous defiance was now snuffed out, leaving her to struggle against the guilt that came with every memory of steel blue eyes and a low voice.

"And so," Armin's voice sounded like a bright bell, "While we do know that it is rather soon to make such a decision, I can easily say that I feel it is the best choice. It is with much joy that Krista and I announce to you all our engagement."

"Whoa!" Eren exclaimed, green eyes growing wide with awe. "Armin, seriously?"

"Is this for real?" Sasha piped in, wiping her mouth of crumbs from sneakily taken bites of the spread before them.

Krista nodded with a shy smile, her cheeks glowing bright with contentment. "Yes, it is. We filled in the engagement document just last night."

"We're getting married," Armin concluded, beaming so wide it nearly took them all aback. The entire group save Mikasa exploded into excited calls and congratulations. Connie took a moment to reach over and clap the boy in the shoulder, Jean extended an arm for a high five while Eren tossed an arm over Armin's shoulder to bring him in an ecstatic embrace. As the shock faded and the atmosphere continued to brighten up, it finally reached the silent girl and soon she was smiling along with everyone else and offered her own words of enthusiasm for the blond couple's successful engagement.

In that time, it felt like everything that was dark and depressing was set aside for the celebration. Talk brightened and the group exchanged stories and pieces of recollections of a time when they had all lived under a smaller wooden roof. For the most part, the reminiscing remained in safer topics, yet when the conversation steered in the direction of the Captain, Armin would casually change the subject and steer the conversation away. It took only a quick smile from Mikasa to demonstrate her gratitude and in response the corporal lifted his cup of wine to her.

As they dug in to the extravagant meal of meats, rice, vegetables, breads, cheeses and sweets, little by little the tension of the day gave in to the sway of warm wine and laughing company. Before long, Mikasa was sharing in the brighter smiles and even chuckling when Sasha and Connie tried to beat each other in a quick drinking match.

Laughter echoed through the room, brightening their faces and making it seem as if the sun was not going down at all. Save a few details and missing company, the evening was close to perfect.

Of course… Mikasa knew it wouldn't last long. So it was no surprise to her when a knock sounded on the door, interrupting their festivities for the moment.

"Yeah, come in!" Eren called. The door slid open to reveal Hanji, her face grim and tight lipped. It was as if someone had blown a fierce yet quick exhale of air over the bright atmosphere, blowing it out like candle light.

"Uh, hey, Hanji," the titan shifter greeted when everyone slowly quieted down at the scientist's expression and uncharacteristic silence. "What's up?"

Hanji shook her head with a tense jerk before turning her brown gaze to meet Mikasa's dark eyes head on, the light of the nearest torch bounced off one of her spectacles and effectively sent a sharp jab of apprehension through the Oriental's heart.

"Mikasa," the redhead sighed heavily, all manner of laughter was dead. "Commander Erwin needs to see you in his office…right now."

No amount of warm wine would be enough to yank her from the fear that now swallowed her fully. In the spur of the moment, Mikasa whirled around to meet Armin's wide blue eyes only to meet the same dread in his gaze that she felt churning in her stomach. Eren's eyes narrowed in confusion for a moment, as if not understanding what exactly was going on while everyone else let their gazes fall in silent sympathy.

A fierce tremble began in her fingers, working its way through her limbs to shake her bones and tighten her throat almost painfully. With a reluctant nod, Mikasa tried to swallow as she stood. Locking her knees, she tried to speak, to say something that would put the confusion in her brother's eyes at ease and soothe the pained gleam in Armin's blues.

Unable to do any such thing, Mikasa walked away, setting her jaw tightly as she left the room without a word or glance to Hanji's sympathetic stare. There was no denying it at this point. No amount of empty comforts and vain words of reassurance would be able to change exactly what this meant. Every step that took her farther from her friends and closer to Erwin's study was like a knife in her chest. Every breath of air sliced its way down her throat, scratching violently at her throat and making the trembling in her hands worse. All she could do was tighten her hands into painful fists, digging her nails against her palms to keep her from breaking down in the middle of the stone hallways.

For a moment, Mikasa considered stopping. Wondering if it was too late to turn around and ignore the Commander's summons and return to the laughing and cheering of the group she had grown to call a family. Or maybe to run back into her room and hide under the covers until the moon fell from the sky and a new day began.

For a moment – one treacherous moment – Mikasa considered dropping everything and sprint off toward Levi's room, toss herself on her knees and beg him to forgive her pride and cowardice. Wondering and wishing that if she did he would take her in his arms and offer her an escape outside the walls, the military, the stupid mandate and take her to live somewhere near the place Armin had called 'the ocean'.

But that was all it was. Wishful thinking that only made each knife, each step, all the more painful and despairing.

Yet despite all this, there was an anger that kept her eyes dry and her shoulders squared with every step she took. Because if there was one thing she had learned and  _he_  had expressed admiration for, was her stubborn refusal to lay down and give in to the emotions that had played a cruel game of jump rope with her heart. And so, Mikasa found it. After so many months of pain and anguish, she found that same stubbornness in this final moment. And she would be damned before she allowed herself to cave in now.

A fierce gale blew suddenly against the gently opened windows in the upper hallways, window panes shaking at the force, the wind letting out a keen wail and blowing at her hair and scarf. Mikasa did not yield, choosing to ignore the burst of air and focusing on every step that took her closer to her destination.

At last, she had turned down a familiar corner to stare at the door of the Commander's office, staring it down with a fierce glare and pointedly ignoring the curious glances Keiji threw at her as she walked past the desk outside the room. He made no move to stop her when she lifted a hand, even though a part of her (while tiny and withdrawn) screamed for him to do just that.

White knuckles struck the wood of the large door in a quick succession of raps, it was after she dropped her hand that she could feel her heart in her mouth, pounding at her ears incessantly. Another wish hit her; that Erwin would really be gone and she would be able to have more time, probably to run away and find Levi… but his voice soon boomed from the other side and whatever minuscule hope that lived in her stomach died a brutal death.

"Come in," his voice beckoned. Even from behind the wooden door, Mikasa could hear the lack of joy in the leader's tone. Her hand clenched around the knob and turned before making her way inside. As expected, Erwin was sitting behind his desk, his hands lifted to intertwine just an inch from his lips, obscuring half his face from her sight.

"Miss Ackerman," Erwin greeted, blue eyes watching her with a pained expression that very nearly made her want to punch him. "You know why I've called you here." In the past, Mikasa had admired the Aryan's straight forward tactic, never being one to beat around the bush and fret with idel chit chat that would lighten the mood for whatever reason. She had always found that sort of approach frivolous and so she was able to take the Commander seriously and hold him in a higher respect for it. Now…? Now she wanted to kick him for it.

For a moment, there is silence and it took her a moment to realize he was expecting some kind of reply from her. Unable to trust her voice, or even her body's frail resolve to keep from snapping, Mikasa settled for a tight nod. It is enough for Erwin to move onwards.

"I must apologize," He sighed after another pause, another gale ripped through the air outside making the wind sound with hollow whistles. It nearly sent her spiraling. "I am painfully aware on how frustrating waiting for this news can be, especially over something this severe."

She dared not move, choosing to stare blankly into Erwin's piercing stare. He remained quiet for a moment, as if silently contemplating the situation for both their sakes. Without any other words, the Aryan leader dropped his hands to reach over to the drawer on his right. Wood slid against wood as he pulled out the drawer and soon exposed a single white file with a bright insignia over its surface. A fierce wave of nausea nearly buckled her knees out from under her, Mikasa struggled to stay strong.

Erwin's voice was grave when he spoke again, blue eyes darkening as he focused his attention over that hateful symbol on that hateful file on his desk. "In this file…I hold the information of the man whom the government has deemed compatible enough to be your partner." If she wasn't so focused in keeping it together, Mikasa would've taken a moment to approve of the broad man's obvious bitter tone.

"No one; not I nor anyone has seen the contents of this file thus far," He proceeded. "And so, I cannot tell you my thoughts or my opinion of the information in any way. I know as much as you do on who was chosen to be your match."

For an unknown reason, his revelation had let drip a strange relief through her chest. Even if it didn't make the weight in her stomach fade, or soften the ever quickening pace of her heart beat.

"It had only arrived just last night, but I feel you should know now that it is, in fact, here." He stopped to take in a short breath. Before gazing at her with a strange new gaze. A thin, humorless smile, lifted his lips, "Miss Ackerman, I think it would be best that you take the rest of the evening off and rest well this night. We will not be finding out who your match is right now."

It was if the very blood in her veins froze within her skin as she stared at Erwin with growing shock and confusion. Her eyebrows furrowed over her eyes, wrinkling the fair skin, gazing at the man as if she did not hear him correctly. Yet, Erwin's words rung like clear bells in her mind, echoing in harmony to the muddle that was running amok.  _What…?_

"…Sir?" the word fell from her lips in a shocked mumble. Suddenly, she felt lightheaded, like she had inhaled too much oxygen or had held her breath for too long.

"I am perfectly serious, Miss Ackerman." Erwin confirmed, leaning back on his chair and letting his hands rest on the surface of his desk. "I want you to take the rest of the day off. Go outside and look at the stars. Take a stroll. Find a way to clear your head of this entire nonsense…then I want you to return to your room and sleep as well as you can tonight. I am certain this information can wait until tomorrow."

_What?_

Dark eyes blinked rapidly, reeling in shock as she tried to make sense of what he was doing. "But… sir!"

"That is an order, Ackerman." He insisted before grabbing the file and placing it back within the drawer. She had no choice but to watch him do so, stunned. Over the course of several dumbstruck minutes, Mikasa tried desperately to formulate a coherent sentence, anything. It appeared that finally Erwin knew that all manner of eloquence was lost and with a simple nod and a wave of his hand, silently dismissed the gaping senior cadet. When the realization of being sent off registered, Mikasa's body gave a start, as if finally jerking herself into reality and consciousness. Fumbling a loose salute and a murmured attempt at a farewell, the raven haired woman numbly turned and exited the commander's office.

What…just happened?

Was he being serious? Obviously so, because her feet were moving her away from the office. Where she was walking, she didn't know. The destination didn't seem to matter so much when there were broken eggshells and whirlpools within her mind and heart. She didn't understand. Was this some kind of mercy Erwin was trying go grace her? Did he truly believe that keeping her in the dark for a night longer would actually give her some peace of mind?

This was not a mercy. It was cruel.

Yet there was a part of her that felt as if her lungs had been released from a terrible vice, letting real air course through her veins where the shock had frozen her still. She felt like for the first time, her hopes and wishes and prayers for more time had been answered in this strange moment of emotional rapture. Now faced with this new decision...what  _should_  she do?

Erwin had offered some definite activities that anyone else would probably take. She could actually return to the party between her friends and let loose, drink some more warm wine and pretend that those next few hours were being spent in real freedom.

Or…

A previous wish flipped to the front of her thoughts, yanking at her stomach like a chord and making her heart begin to wobble in uncertain desire. Didn't she beg for time to find  _him_? To reach him and beg forgiveness, for understanding…for closure. Isn't that she wanted? Or was it a simple and empty good intention looked upon when she had felt there was no hope left?

A sudden twitch flashed through her legs, nearly making her fall as the thought of actually turning and running into the direction of his room spun like a clear wind in her mind. Could she do it? Was she strong enough?

_Go to sleep, Ackerman._

Stomach clamping, Mikasa bit her lips and attempted to swallow but her mouth had become so painfully dry it felt like she had attempted to swallow sandpaper.  _I can't do it._

A dark door stood just inches away from her, an all too familiar knob glistening under the firelight of the hallway torches. This was her door.  _When did she…?_

For a few minutes she just stood there, inhaling and exhaling shuddered breaths as she tried to recall when she had walked the entire distance from Erwin's office to her room. Pressing her palm against the cool metal of her doorknob, Mikasa gave a twist and soft push, listening to the door creak as the wood swung inward into her darkened room. Pale blue/silver moonlight filtered in from her exposed window caressing the floor, a soothing contrast from the warm light of the torches. Her eyes remained on the ground ahead of her, mind still lost in vacant thought as she decided that all she could do was succumb to the comfort of her covers and silent room.

_One, two…_

She counted the steps that took her within her chambers as she turned to shut the door behind her. For a moment, Mikasa sighed and clenched her eyes close hoping to do nothing but sleep the rest of the hours Erwin had given her away… yet something was off. A strange feeling filtered around her skin and it took her a moment to realize that something in her space was not as it should've been.

Adrenaline began to rush life within her limbs as she delivered a brutal mental kick to herself when realizing that someone was very much indeed in her room. A violent surge to obliterate her intruder swallowed her chest whole, more out of anger at herself for having grown so soft over the past few months. She was a warrior, a destroyer of titans. She had been able to detect the presence of the slightest disturbance in a space that detecting someone should've been the very first alarm to go off the second she had stepped a foot near her door.

For a moment, she refused to move, her muscles stiffening and coiling in preparation for an attack. Yet none came, making her eyebrows furrow over her eyes and a strange worry to grow in her stomach. Fine. If they would not make first strike, she would.

With a deep breath, Mikasa prepared a palm to thrust forward in a frontal attack.  _Now._

With an easy step, she spun around, onyx eyes wide and prepared in the dim lighting to face her opponent only to stop violently short, the wind in her lungs bursting out as if someone had punched her in the gut. She felt her blood rush like lightning from her skin, freezing her completely stiff mid step only to have her hands fall uselessly at her sides.

There… standing at the front of her window and drenched in silver moonlight was the very man that held the strings of her life in his hands.

_Levi…_

He made no move to acknowledge her, standing oh so perfectly still, he may as well have been a statue placed in front of her window. In the still silence she could hear his slow breaths, saw with wide eyes the way his back expanded almost unnoticeable with every gentle intake and exhale. Despite the obvious sight of his presence, the feel of his company in the room a part of her wondered if this was it. If she had finally snapped under all this pressure and stress and she was visualizing him so perfectly  _there_ …as a way for her mind to cope with her cowardice and her fervent desire to see him one last time.

Because in this very moment, he looked so unbelievably ethereal. Dark hair caressed by a halo of moonlight, silver bouncing off his shoulders like cool water over the simple white shirt to cascade over his arms, to bend over the wrinkled material of his sleeves – rolled up to his elbows – over the pale surface of his glowing skin to finally wrap over his trousers to pool beneath his boots.

Had this been another life, Mikasa wondered if she could've been an artist. Maybe a really good one. Because the sight before her was so tragically beautiful it demanded to be painted. Would she be able to capture it? The way his shoulders held strong despite the unimaginable weight resting on them, or the way he seemed to be gazing so deeply into an unknown she could not comprehend,

_Could this be a dream?_

That idea flickered away, like a candle being blown to darkness the moment she heard him inhale sharply and the sound of his voice reached her like an indescribable truth.

"Erwin called you as well, I take it?"

For a moment, Mikasa was unsure how to respond, still firmly entrapped by his sudden visionary appearance within her room. His face turned to the side suddenly, as if expecting a reply but when none came, his hands clenched at his sides once before falling limp once more. Finally, he turned, slowly, as if any sharp movements would spook her into running away. When his body had positioned itself to the side, she could see the moonlight bathe over his skin, drape over the exposed collarbone of the casually unbuttoned collar, to settle within his eyes. In that precise angle, the light curved within his irises, making the normally sharp gray appear like gleaming sapphires drenched in platinum.

He was breathtaking. Like an angel, broken and torn from his wings and cast down into the pains and harsh realities of the world…

"Tomorrow we find out who your partner is," He revealed so softly it may have been a thought in the winds of her mind. Yet the words hit her like a wall over her face, throwing her back against the severity of her current reality. It was enough to make her physically wince under his solemn gaze.

A question finds its way through her stunned silence, working its way through her chest to bubble and fester. Should she voice it? What should she say to him? How laughable, all the words she had been dying to tell him for so long didn't seem to be coming to her save this one inquiry that may bring to pass an answer that could very well finish her. But she knew what her silence would do…it would continue to push him away and so, with a shuddering breath, Mikasa allowed the words to curl past her throat and around her tongue.

"What about you?" a whisper. It was all she could manage.

"What about me?" He asked, blue eyes flashing as he focused their full intensity over her face. She had to remind herself to breathe.

"Do…" the word comes out hoarse from a tight throat. Swallowing thickly, Mikasa tried to summon her previous confidence back, yet ended up with lungs a little too full with air, "Do you know who your partner is…?"

She was almost certain he would be able to hear the sound of her heart ramming against her chest in the thin silence. Even if she wanted, Mikasa knew she couldn't tear her gaze away and so she was able to see the motion of his Adam's apple bob up and down, his hands twitching at his sides once.

Finally, he spoke, "No."

Air blew past her lips in a breath she had not realized she had been holding. Another silence spread between them. Mikasa felt at a loss for words, struggling to gather the scrambled ends of her mind. Since when had his presence affected her so intimately? Even in their time together, she had never felt this frayed and weak beneath his gaze. It was unnerving.

"Ah…" it was all she could muster before she let her gaze fall. So many questions to ask him, so many things and emotions to comb through like a tangled web of desperate pains and open ended roads. Slowly breathing, Mikasa reached through the muddled soup of her mind to find anything concrete and solid to say, fear and anxiety beginning to spur her forward yet spun her mind. She knew that if she didn't say anything… he would leave. Surely, he would leave. Right?

Do something.  _Move._

"But," his voice is like a bell, gentle and sweetly clear, resonating with her soul like nothing else, "I do know who I am supposed to be with." It was as if someone had replaced her throat with flypaper, making the air stick to her throat and gently still the force of her heart against her chest. Dark eyes rose to meet silver blue and in the space of a second, enraptured within the color and the pure sincerity behind them.

"I've known that for almost a two years now," the revelation is soft like everything else in his eyes and he is moving closer like a dream in the middle of falling asleep. "I knew it that night I told you that we couldn't," –the memory brought in a flash of pain that disappeared just as quickly. His eyes tightened in response to the clench in her soul, yet it does not stop his advance, – "Shouldn't be together."

It is when he is only a couple of feet away that it felt like someone was pushing open a dam within her chest, "Then why…?" It is a supplication wrapped in grieving remorse for all that time lost in stubborn pride.

Breaths burned through her nostrils in shallow gulps, scorching the back of her eyes with tears she had thought had been completely dried out. Onyx orbs frantically cling to the nearing azure, trying to find answers like constellations on the dark night within that gaze.

"You could have died," Mikasa saw the fear flash in those orb, a terrible dread that now so clearly enslaved him.  _Him._ Humanity's Strongest. Yet his revelation seemed to have opened the gates and his words began to flood over her, " _I_ could have died. I could've left you here alone in sadness and agony while I watched you from death. That, to me, is more terrifying than one million colossal titans. I couldn't do that to you…" voice breaking, he trailed off.

The threads holding her together were snapping. Each yank rippling through her like the slam of each wave of his emotion, she could not hold back the whimper that escaped her aching chest. Biting down on her lips, she blinked rapidly, trying ever harder to be strong.

"But now…"  _It's too late._ She couldn't even finish it, voice nearly shattering from holding back so much. Her strength is not enough to stop the surge of agony. Tears stream down her cheeks in scorching rivers, taking the last defenses with them. A shadow loomed over her, bringing her eyes back up despite the heat pouring through them. He stood just a foot away, eyes boring into her own without shame or remorse even though she could taste both clearly on her tongue.

"But now we are here," He murmured and in a single breath he was pressing a promise in her eyes so powerfully pure it sent a fierce trembling through her soul. "Now we have this one night, before we know tomorrow and there is nothing else to be done."

"We can run away," the suggestion escaped past her lips before she could stop it. A sharp yet gentle exhale blew through his nose and a sad smile pulled at his lips before he shook his head once.

"Would you truly be able to live with yourself if we did?"  _Damn it all._ He is right. Of course he is right. There was too much here for them to abandon. The smiling faces of all those she cared about faded to the front of her mind. Eren, Armin…everyone. She couldn't run away and leave them to face this enemy alone. It went against everything she knew and was, everything she had become under the careful ministrations and words of the man standing before her. Just like that, Levi had exposed the only flaw in that plan.

Even after being apart for so long… he still knew her so intimately…so precisely well.

"We have this chance," there is a sudden power in his voice, jolting her gaze back against his and ripping a soft gasp from her throat when she saw a new gleam in those moonlit orbs – anger, defiance…desire…hope.  _Forgiveness._ "One chance to make everything right, to cleanse away all this regret. One more night to make right the time we could've had…and I would rather spend every moment of it with you than with all the stars in the sky."

Her hands clench tight against her sides, squeezing in a vain attempt to hold back from running away. Could she believe him? Searching, she tries to find a hint – just a sliver of wrong – in his gaze that would give her any logical reason to push him away. He had pushed her away so long ago, and for too much time she had been convinced he had used her affections to manipulate the events that lead them to this point. And yet, even after she had realized how wrong she had been…

But there is nothing in his eyes that reveals even a hint of insincerity. Just the present truth of his words pouring through the windows of his soul without holding back. She might as well have been drowning, because caught in the storm and thrill of his gaze, Mikasa Ackerman could not breathe…nor did she ever want to again if it meant being apart from him.

" _Mikasa_ …" her name on his lips is nothing short of sweet and perfect liberation. The threads were all gone, the chains of emotions unleashed, and everything she could possibly hope to relay burst from her lips like the last of the waters she had attempted to tame in vain.

"Oh,  _Levi,_ " she sobbed, gushing out apologies like blood from a festered wound, "I'm so sorry." His eyes widen under her tear blurred gaze and – oh so suddenly – he is  _lightning_.

Moving to match his desperate speed, her hands shot out to grab the collar of his shirt, while his hands flew to grasp at the skin of her tear soaked cheeks and neck. In a moment of sweet liberation, their lips crashed together for the very first time.

Desperation and rapture filled them both as they took in the taste of each other's lips. Cold and warm, soft and rough all at once, they hold nothing back as they are given the freedom they had craved since their hands brushed so long ago. Mikasa gasped as their mouths part for a moment, yet he is crushing her against him, as if afraid that if he were to give her an inch she would fly away without a second thought. Lips meet once more and the sensation is just as invigorating as the last, and their hands are feeling curves and exploring the dips of each other's bodies – like starving beggars finally given a meal when they had touched the precipice of oblivion.  
  
A moan broke from Levi's throat – sending her heart pounding – the instant her hands ran through the silk of his hair, gripped in needy handfuls and pushing him deeper against her lips. In response, his hands tug at the fabric on her back, yanking before falling to glide over the firmness of her hips and driving them against his. Mikasa let out a keen gasp the second he did that, hoarsely whimpering his name as his lips trailed fire over her jawline to taste the tears on her neck.

Her legs buckled the moment he found a sweet spot on the sensitive skin of her throat and they nearly collapse to the ground if not for his swift grip on her waist. Arms tightened over his neck, Mikasa groaned when the motion had made their bodies rub deliciously. For a moment he tore his lips away, searing heated eyes over hers in a silent question.

Her body ached – burned – for every ounce of him, wanting nothing more than to end the torment that was their separation. With a nod and a kiss to his lips, Mikasa let him lead her to her bed. His eyes are soft when her back met the covers, gazing at her from above like a man who had been given redemption when he had done so little to deserve it.

Levi leveraged himself over her, elbows pressed at her sides as he silently revered and memorized every detail of her skin. A hot flush strengthened over her chest to pool in her cheeks and send jolts of thrill and hope through her spine. With gentle hands, he wiped the last of her tears to press soft kisses over her forehead and jawline. Eager, Mikasa dipped her chin to try to catch his lips when he got close. A warm chuckle rippled from his chest to echo in hers. It was so surreal.

Levi continued the slow progression of gentle kisses and light touched over her skin, insistent in making this moment between them last. Making it immortal. Mikasa could feel the love from his very being nearly overwhelm her, escaping in soft sighs and tiny hiccups that marked the end of her anguish. Long and slender fingers finally lift from the gentle patterns he had traced on her skin to tug at the buttons of her shirt. Ever so lightly, the buttons become undone with the slow accuracy and devotion of one worshiping on a shrine. Soon the fabric is brushed aside to reveal hot and trembling flesh.

The air is cool against the heat of her skin, making her shiver yet even more so when those beautiful eyes of his trailed from hers to gaze reverently. There is wonder in her heart when he made no move to further undress her. Sure enough, her hands lift from her sides to tug at the bindings on her chest and she could  _feel_  the way his breath hitched in his throat upon witnessing her willingness.

It is when the last of the bindings fell that she saw his eyes widen, star struck and awed. For a moment there is a shyness that made her hands flutter nervously, yet the fluttering was silenced when he reached a war-calloused hand to tenderly wrap over her palm. Steel blue eyes bore a deep profound affection into her still moist coal stained ones, causing the flush in her cheeks to spread everywhere.

"You are everything and more," Levi breathed, before he ducked his chin to caress his lips over hers once more. She inhaled, taking in the fullness of his scent in as her hands rose to glide over clothed muscle and taut skin. Lifting themselves up, they continue to exchange relief filled kisses as her fingers find the buttons of his shirt before gently tugging it off the smooth expanse of his skin. Within moments, her hands move to grasp the thin material of his undershirt. Eyes gazed deeply into each other as she lifted the material up, watching with unfathomable understanding as she slid the last of his shirt over his head. Exposed skin is kissed by moonlight, she knew there would be no creature more beautiful than Levi, in this moment.

Surging forward, Mikasa leaned forward, lips pressing over Levi's chest, his navel, and his throat. His body gave a rolling shudder as she gently nibbled on the skin of his neck. " _Mikasa_ …" his voice resonated from his chest and tickled her lips pleasantly. She bit back a moan when his hand slid from her back to rub circles on her hip and she took in a deep breath. His scent was intoxicating. His being the musk of burning firewood, thyme and mint, of black tea and detergent and of  _him_ … a blend of scents so unique, so his that Mikasa wanted nothing else than to breathe it in always, constantly and without end.

There is an urgency now that had been felt before but only just fully encompassed them, making skin tremble and breaths come out in shuddered gasps and needy moans. Where his hands had once tentatively brushed, now they gripped and pressed, pulling her hard against his skin and making stars explode behind her closed lids. The last of their clothes are quickly kicked away, his lips pressing the branding of her name against her pulse while her hands memorized every contour and curve of the chiseled muscles on his back. They breathed out names in frenzied supplications, and one simple graze of hips against hips ripped a sigh from Mikasa's lips just as he sealed his taste over them.

Levi pulled away for one moment, moonlight draped over his skin like a lover's hold, gasping and swallowing hard above her as she trembled.

"Mikasa…" he murmured her name, offering her one last chance to run away, to escape and never look back. But she had been running away for too long. For far too long. Even now he waited, prepared to release her the instant she felt overly pressured and it warmed her heart to see him so willing to respect every wish she may have. Her hand, having curled against his nape, tugged him close to press her forehead against his. With a final and slow kiss, deep enough to make her toes curl, Mikasa nodded with loving consent.

One push and the sensation is enough to yank her back upward, and while he was gentle and she was ready, there was a discomfort that made her bit down on her lip harshly. Yet, surrounding the sensation was something altogether new and wonderful and  _oh…_

Levi shivered violently against her, breathing in slow hard gasps as her hands gripped to his skin, "Are you… alright?"

"Yes…" Mikasa responded. He shifted and it was the most amazing thing she had ever experienced in her entire life. "Yes…" she extended her chin to capture his lips in a passionate kiss.

" _Yes…_ Levi…" At the sound of his name he let loose a low growl, heightening the ecstasy she could feel budding between them. Powerfully, he retracted once before slamming back against her and Mikasa could not hold back the cry of completion that exploded from within. It is in this embrace that she could feel every moment that had been missed between them, the rhythm of perfect synchronization and resonance. Each sound that burst from one pair of lips would be swallowed up by the other, pushed and pulled in unmatched harmony.

Every kiss that followed was deliberate and needed. Every call and plea answered by a promise and seal of love. In their dance, something beautiful began to expand between them, rising in sensitivity with every caress and press of flesh against flesh. A feeling Mikasa had never experienced before suddenly spread like a burning in the soles of her feet to every muscle, tightening as if someone had tied her to a rod in the middle of a lightning storm and let her get yanked in its connection. Levi let out a low growl, so husky and rich, it made every touch feel stronger than the last. Violent shivers coursed through their tangled limbs, shaking and demanding for more to be given and more to be accepted. Teeth grazed, lips suckled, eyes gazed into each other with sorrow and rapture. The sensation mounted, lifting and pulling at her core as it continued to intensify until she could do no more than succumb to every explosion ripping through her nerves in beautiful euphoria. Soon the pleas turned into repetitions of names, fingers tightening and digging against flesh, frantic for release yet memorizing every physical perfection and imperfection.

It all finally seemed to reach its ultimate peak, drowning the two lovers under the explosion of perfect unity. Mikasa threw her head back in a silent scream, shaking with emotion that Levi thrust against her before he finally shuddered so powerfully she could feel every ounce of love and longing and time in his skin. She could taste it, breathe it in. He had been just as broken as she had been from their separation. How could they have allowed so much precious time escape them?  _Saints weep over squandered time._ Never before had she felt so undeniably happy and shattered at once. Life was so cruel.

The wave of ecstasy soon rolled in final touches through tender skin, broken gasps mixing with the stir of names and broken wishes. Tears escape blissfully closed lids, only this time, they were tears of joy and release, of forgiveness and happy completion…and of pain and profound sadness, because despite the fact that they had finally reconciled with blessed love – this would be their first and only night as freed souls. This would be their only night before Erwin spoke the names of the people they would be tied to, and it would not be each other.

In the lull of winding down and melting against one another, Levi slowly lifted himself off her, gazing at her with an expression so serene she dared not blink away, if only to sear the vision of the moonlight gently brightening the look of adoration of his face into her mind. He pressed his lips over hers once more, slow and savoring tongues caressing, certainly sated while still pressed firm on each other. The sound of their lips pulling away sent warm tingles in her chest, yet the lazy smile that spread over her bruised lips faded when she saw the profound remorse pool behind his blue grey eyes, he took in one short breath before uttering four words that shattered her heart.

"Please forgive me…Mikasa." It is a whisper drowned in sorrow and bearing the weight of dreams cast on cold stars that would never value them. The tears return as she gripped onto his warm skin.

Choking back on the stone of her heavy heart, Mikasa tried to smile but could only caress his face with shaking fingers, "I already have."

Strong arms pull her closer, relishing the touch of skin as she sobbed against his neck, his lips pressed to a spot over her temple in a comforting gesture. Their bodies swayed soothingly as air hitched and burst from her throat, she repeated, "It's okay. I already have." Whispering she continued to confirm her forgiveness and in the midst of her words she could feel the hot burning his tears falling over her hair to pool over the crevice of her trembling shoulders.

The remainder of the night is spent in each other's arms, talking at last and breaking down walls and misunderstandings that had held them apart for the past few months. Without fear, Mikasa expressed more to him than she ever had with anyone else. In return, Levi recounted the events of his life to her, telling her about Farlan and Isabel and how they had become his family in their years under the capital, of Gunther and Erd, Auruo and finally Petra, all while she gently caressed soft nails against the sensitive skin of his forearm to slide over his palm. For a while they brought up old memories and old fears, expressing more to each other than they had dared with themselves. With a quip about needing a bath, Mikasa laughed, recounting when they had once battled to clean Eren's room only to accidentally destroy it. At this Levi didn't hold back and joined her with a soft yet building chuckle. Soon, their laughter lightened the air around them, shortly then laced with tears and broken sobs that would then be muffled by gasps, moans and cries of ecstasy as they completed each other three more times. Each time more deep and filled with appreciation for this moment, love and a spiritual connection that drove them to a happiness they knew they would never enjoy again without the other.

Yet, the toll of emotions unleashed brought on a new exhaustion and with a final kiss and promise, Levi and Mikasa curled close to each other before succumbing to sleep and the night and the dawn of a new day.

* * *

_TBC_


	10. Thunder Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sky weeps and there is a rumble in the distance. Summer is dead in a flash and with wind and rain comes the change and revelation. Yet in the midst of the storm, there is a ray of light, powerful and undisturbed by the chaos surrounding them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s inspired tracks are: Beyond this moment - Patrick o’hearn, Coto – Kashiwa Daisuke and Hægt, kemur Ljósið - Olafur Arnalds

**-: X :-**

**Thunder Clouds**

* * *

Eyes blinked open in the soft cyan haze of first light, staring out into the unfamiliar room and the curvature of pale colors around him. The sensation, he realized, to waking up in his current position could be comparable to taking in a sip of a drink almost too hot to handle; the precipice of scalding one’s tongue and enjoying a warmth that had been vacant for too long. It is sharp yet satisfying.

His muscles ached with the memory of throes of passion, sorrow, and swift deliverance. Those same eyes stung from having openly wept the night before and there was a strange pull in the back of his throat, yet the taste in his mouth is weirdly sweet and the pressure of her body wrapped so tightly against his could only add on to the precarious emotion.

With a deep inhale, he closed narrow steel eyes and a small, and very rare, smile curled over his lips when her arms and legs squeezed against him while her naked chest stuck to his with the moist reminiscence of their unity. For a moment, he allowed himself to melt deep within her softening hold to lift a calloused hand and caress the smooth expanse of her bare back.

 _I could never get used to this_ … he thought with an amused perk of his lip. His mind drifted, taking him to a future where she would sleep at his side every night, and wake curled and knotted against him each morning after. Would he get used to it? Would he be able to fathom nights where they would lay comfortably against the other and rest like pieces of air finally joined after so much space apart?

Levi gently turned his cheek to better see the serene face of the woman in his arms. Black hair dipped in midnight curled like ink around her forehead to fall from around her face to drape in enchanting patterns on the white pillows beneath them. Long lashes rested evenly on pale yet vibrant cheeks, still partially rosy from the heat between them, the color melting to a sharp and bruised pink within the plump of her softly parted lips. Her hand, slender and lovely rested against his bare chest, fingers just grazing the tender pink of her mouth as she inhaled and exhaled, deep in safe sleep. Her shoulder curved up before swooping back down to a beautiful curve of a waist he had spent most of the night memorizing and bruising with needy fingers, yet all those marks were hidden beneath the thin white sheet that covered them. He didn’t need to see more. He could feel the rest of her pressed tight against him like his own skin.

In that moment, he felt himself truly rest in a field of rare happiness. Short-lived as it was… it was true and real. That was what mattered. Because in his arms was the sole reason why his lungs felt cleaner, his heart thrummed lighter and his blood felt like a rush of euphoria beneath flesh and muscle. Mikasa let out a soft groan, fingers flexing over his skin and sending warm tingles through his body to build like a flame in his core. Levi knew that there was nowhere else he would rather be, and so he tightened his hold on her just slightly, relishing in how her skin shifted perfectly above his. She lifted her chin to better lay her head against his collarbone, warm breath making his skin feel like it had been touched by the sun.

He couldn’t help himself any longer. With a gentle nuzzle, he dipped his chin to press a sloppy kiss against her parted mouth, then again, and again. She let out a soft sigh, content and blissful as she shifted her hips further over his before settling. His chest felt swollen and Levi couldn’t help but marvel at how such a beautiful creature would ever come to love someone as wretched as he.

All too quickly, the sensation became bitter – as if his tongue had finally registered that the heat was far too much and was now curdling in pain. In his haste, he had taken in a gulp what he should’ve sipped at over time and now… now, like a starving man, it was burning him. He knew that this would be his only time to enjoy this moment with her, yet he underestimated the sheer perfection of their union, the way he had become completely sealed to her spirit as well as her body in their throes of lovemaking.

Yet despite the pain now washing over him, the bitterness that made his hold all the more vainly possessive – he could never regret it. Years could pass and he would probably be gazing into the gaze of someone else in his bed and he would never forget this night, nor could ever hope to replicate it. The thought of pressing skin against skin to someone who was _not_ Mikasa Ackerman made his stomach clench and roll in a horrid wave of revulsion. It took a moment of deep inhaling and pressing her harder against him to calm the sudden wave of sickness that nearly overwhelmed him, yet despite the heightened pressure of his hold, Mikasa seemed to understand – even when in deep sleep – his need for proximity and only nuzzled her nose against his neck and wrapped her arm around his chest to curl over his shoulder.

_I can’t… I can’t lose you._

Birdsong rose like a breeze outside her window, the gray light brightened in increments the more he stole her time and kept her glued at his side. Levi was adamant. While he knew that he could not keep her forever… he would be damned before he allowed himself to let go right now. No. She was _his_ in this moment. No one else’s. _His._

Slow and rapid all at once, Levi could hear the distant bell tower announce the time to rise and the bustle of life in the castle. Footsteps began to pass outside doors and windows in confident steps rather than whisper thin glides of night time awareness. Broken fragments of conversation began to bleed through the crevices of their tight world, giving the Captain enough information to hear that according to everyone…the day was quite beautiful. Yet that information was a simple redundancy that was quickly tossed over an uncaring shoulder. He didn’t need to peek through her slightly parted curtains to know it was a beautiful day. Because he was staring at the very reason it was, and she was still lost in sleep in his arms, rolling in the cobwebs of dreams. Right where she should be.

Lifting a careful hand, Levi gently tugged the ink of black hair from her face, awed by the transformation the sunlight burned over the tresses of her scalp before softly thumbing the thin scar under her right eye. The warmth of sunlight slowly brought a rise of heat that the previous hours had been lacking and he could feel a growing slickness on their skin that normally would send him scurrying off for a shower. Yet, he knew better than to wake her. It would only mean their time was truly and thoroughly spent.

No. He would enjoy this as much as he could.

That was… until there was a knock on her door.

_Knock, knock-knock…_

Levi’s body tensed, inwardly swearing at everything and hoping that whoever it was knocking would just walk away. For a moment, there was nothing from anyone on either side of the door. Levi waited with bated breath, glaring vicious daggers at the door and wishing Mikasa would continue sleeping. Instead, the knock persisted to be followed by a soft voice that belonged to no one else but Lance Corporal Armin Arlert, fuck-up extraordinaire.

“Mikasa? Are you awake yet?” 

Levi had half a mind to open his mouth and call out, _“No. Now go away, brat.”_ However, he kept his mouth shut, knowing full well that if he were to expose himself to be in Mikasa’s room right now it would be a matter of time before everyone in the castle knew they had spent the night in a passionate embrace – even if it was Armin on the other side of the door. Another short pause before the knocks proceeded, only Levi let out a soft groan and more heated swearing in his mind when Mikasa began to stir against him.

All too suddenly, Levi heard the sound of the doorknob rattling. Steel eyes widened at the way the metal turned easily, all the blood in his body draining away. Loudly swearing in his mind, the Survey Corp Captain mentally kicked himself upon realizing that in the midst of their emotional reconciliation, the two lovers had forgotten to lock the damn door. Hinges squeaked softly as the door pushed inward and Levi let his eyes narrow into a venomous stare in its direction, darkening when he saw the blond hair peek through the thin crevice.

"Mikasa?" Armin’s voice was clearer, no longer muffled by closed wood. It was only a matter of time until his big blue eyes went from the ground (eyebrows furrowing when seeing the scattered clothing and abandoned red scarf) to climb up toward the bed before meeting Levi’s seething glower.

“Guh…” Armin oh so eloquently exclaimed, air heaved from his mouth like he had been sucker punched in the gut while blood drained from his face making his widening blue eyes seem all the more like sharp saucers.

Unfortunately for Levi, Mikasa seemed to have finally woken enough to shift around. Onyx eyes blinked blearily from Levi’s neck to turn over toward Armin’s stone-still shock. Whatever sleep that clung to her lashes was ripped away as her eyes widened the moment she realized _exactly_ what Armin had just witnessed. Her hands yanked themselves away from Levi’s skin, much to his chagrin, to grasp at the thin sheet and tugged it high to her chin.

“Armin?!” She exclaimed, blushing furiously when she realized that in her frantic hurry to cover up, she had exposed a pale breast to her friend’s blinking blue eyes. As expected, the blond corporal’s eyes instantly shot to the momentary flash of pink on fair skin, his face burning a bright scarlet when Levi’s hand had flung itself out to help the girl continue to cover herself. The Captain’s face tightened into a feral snarl, frightening the kid to tear his gaze away.

“Shit—Sorry! I’m so sorry—I didn’t…I mean… _Shit—Sorry!_ ” Armin yelped, slapping a hand to half cover his eyes as he gripped the doorknob and tried to escape quickly. In his hurry, the blond ended up hitting himself against the doorframe, his head striking the wood fiercely before slipping away and slamming the door shut.

Scrambling up, Mikasa tore herself away, swearing to herself under her breath, eyes blinking in frantic progression of attempted thoughts. Levi let out a loud groan to sit up at her side, skin tingling where she was now thoroughly removed.

“He saw us,” She muttered, hands shaking as she gripped the sheet over her flushed chest.

Groaning, Levi nudged himself closer to her, knowing full well there was nothing else to be done, “So, what?” He grunted, pressing his lips to the delectable skin of her bare shoulder. Mikasa’s wide eyes turned on him, scandalized. In any other circumstance, Levi would probably smirk to himself at her reaction, yet the moment of her against his skin was gone and it was enough to repel any smiling from his part. Still, she wasn’t pulling away from the kisses he was pressing against her shoulder blade… so that was a plus.

“Don’t you understand?” She hissed, turning more to face him, “He  _saw_  us, Levi. It’s only a matter of time before Commander Erwin finds out about us…”

With a grip on her waist, Levi slowly draped himself against her, “He already knows, Mikasa.” The panic slowly melted away from her face to expose a confusion under her still wide gray eyes. Sunlight bounced off those charcoal irises, filling his stomach with both awe and bitterness.

Fingers played gentle patterns on the smooth curves of her waist. Levi gently inhaled the scent of their mixed essence on her skin, enjoying the way it curled up his nostrils like smoke or steam and settling a calm he knew he could get nowhere else. With a reluctant sigh, it was only a matter of time until she knew… “Erwin called me in yesterday morning…”

Instantly, her body went rigid under his lips and fingertips, “He informed me of the arrival of your match… as well as mine.” For a moment, Levi blinked and let his eyes roam the way the light turned her pale skin and milky white with its radiance, trying to drink up as much as he could from her while he still had her. She didn’t seem to be breathing but he knew her attention was fully and completely on him. When his steel blue eyes blinked up to hers, her gaze was firmly set on his mouth and he would’ve pressed her against the bed once more if not for the way her skin was slowly trembling as he indulged her.

“What…did he say?” She whispered so lightly it may have been a passing thought on her lips, yet their proximity was so thin he could easily hear how her heart was pulsing against her throat, if he really cared to listen.

“He offered me time…” Levi revealed and her gaze flickered back toward him, shy yet curious and sad and wondering all at once. It nearly sent his very mind aflame, how could he have forgotten eyes so expressive? How could he possibly hope to survive not seeing them every morning? Clearing his throat, Levi felt his lips tighten, “Time enough to set things right with you…”

He could feel her fingers brush a tentative caress over his lips and cheek, trailing fire and ice under her touch and making him ache for her again. Yet the news did nothing to increase a desire from her part, and he wondered—no, _feared_ —if she would demand for him to leave now after such a revelation. Yet to his relief, she did not. Instead, she leaned toward him and pressed her forehead against his collarbone, fingers falling from his face to trace memories and starlight over the paleness of his chest.

“…I don’t want to go.” She whispered. Levi gave her a short and silently grim nod before he lifted a hand to shut the remaining space of curtains over her window. They collapse back against the bed, neither wanting to separate and too sore (both physically and emotionally) to instigate more physical intimacy. Short words are passed between them, remnants of conversation from when night reigned supreme over the sky. In a way, it was their way of delaying the inevitable. Staying close and breathing each other in, memorizing curves in flesh and angles of colors within irises completely enraptured in gazing deeply and expressing so much more without need for word.

Yet, they are betrayed by their own bodies’ necessity for food, having already spent enough time exhausted and spent from so much activity. With gentle smiles, they pretend that when they lift themselves up from the bed (eyes drinking each other in) they could continue with their daily routine as if the results of the rest of their lives were still an enigma rather than splayed within white folders kissed with red insignias.

In a final display of tenderness, they dress each other (despite Levi’s background desire to bathe), pressing and sliding cloth over skin. It would’ve been almost a sensual ordeal if not for the weight in their chests and the bitterness behind their eyes. She slips his shirt on, buttoning each plastic circle through thin slits as he adjusts the belts around her waist.

When he reaches for his boots, she stops him. “Let me…” Mikasa murmured, and he sat at the foot of her bed. She reached over and grabbed a sock, oh so gently pressing it to slide over the smoothness of his left foot, pressing a kiss to an ankle before slipping it snugly over it. Levi dared not blink, watching with reverent silence as she then lifted his boot and slowly pressed his extended leg through it. His heel slipped within the sole and her hand trailed from his ankle as she lifted the zipper. She worked in silence as she repeated the exact same thing with his right foot, finishing with her hands pressed against the side of his knee.

When she looked up at him, it almost completely shook him. A need to take her hand and escape out her window and run into the forest is almost inescapable, yet there is a cold grip over his bones that ceased him from reaching and pulling. With a smile, Mikasa lifted a slender hand to adjust the pale cravat around his neck. In return, Levi lifted a hand to caress the red fabric wreathed around her neck, mirroring her and letting his fingers rest against the steady pulsing of her heartbeat under her jaw.

Together, they rise. Thumbs caressed skin and slowly tears welled up within the obsidian of her eyes, sending shards of agony through his heart and making him feel completely useless. It was a sensation he never thought he would feel and for the first time he wondered what it would be like if they never fell in love to begin with. If Eren had simply returned her feelings so long ago and Levi had been able to completely shrug off his initial impression for her zeal and tenacity. Would they have been able to walk pass each other in the halls with simple glances? Would her hand be gripped by Eren’s? Her name not staining the cover of a Survey rather of an Engagement document to the chocolate haired, green eyed, titan shifter Levi had grown to call a comrade, a brother?

So many what-ifs and would-be’s… so many how-so’s and perhaps-when’s rushed over them like clouds, untouching and fleeting like memories and feverish kisses pressed under moonlight.

In the end, none of those things mattered.

“Thank you…” She whispered, warm breath caressing the palm of his hand over her cheek.

“For what?”

Then, she gave him the most beautiful smile to the most beautiful goodbye, “It doesn’t need saying.”

Levi’s lips curled with a wry smirk, and with the way her tears were now falling over her cheeks, he leaned in one last time. Their lips moved together in gentle suckles and desperate caresses, tongues tasting and feeling the only flavor that really mattered. It is gentle, it is unrushed and cherished in every ribbon of longing passed between them. When they part, they pressed foreheads for one silent intake of breath, one final moment of absolution. Her fingers are trembling against his cravat, pressing the cloth against his chest in a futile attempt to brush away wrinkles. For a moment he lets her until his hand falls from her face to end the tugs of her fingers – signaling the end.

Time was up.

With a nod, she took in a sharp breath before thoroughly ripping herself off him, footsteps sending explosions of pain the more she moved away, taking all the color in the world with her, and yanked the door open. With a firm click, the door shut, and Levi was alone. So utterly and piss poor alone. And for some cruel reason, his mind brought back the time when she had rushed to him and accused him – only then, he had walked away.

Only then, he had left her… and if this was the feeling he had left her with then he deserved the entire weight of this anguish.

* * *

Amber eyes stared blankly into blinking, curious butterscotch orbs. It took only a short breath and some quick bites of eggs (as in real eggs. Not the weird mulch they had once fed them and called ‘eggs’) and toast. There was a pensive silence that was unusual from Jean’s part, chewing the morsels of his breakfast more than needed – perhaps done in a display of attempted intellectual appearance. It only dawned on his counterpart’s expression that the taller soldier was really just dawdling for the sake of some amusement. This alone was enough to send a wave of exasperation to curl over an eyebrow and the tension over the muscle pulsed a physical twitch over the section of skin. It wasn’t to say Connie disliked Jean. On the contrary, the two had formed a strong bond of camaraderie and friendship that was only enforced by the deep sense of brotherly loyalty that had kept both of them alive in battle.

But with familiarity, there was also the breeding of slight contempt – the kind one would harbor to a sibling who took a bit too much joy in teasing and harmless jabs. While Connie looked up and admired much of Jean’s tenacity and strong will, there was also a lot about the tall and spiky haired moron that drove nasty twitches over Connie’s brows. To expect anything less would be foolish and idiotic. Jean did not disappoint.

After moments of obnoxious chewing (something Connie couldn’t help but feel a slight envy toward and yet another wave of irritation struck him. Of course Jean would silently tease Connie in this manner. How many times had the buzz cut complained over tightening jaw muscles that made chewing a chore, he had lost count. Apparently, Jean hadn’t. Dick.) Jean finally swallowed and took a deep swig of drink, obviously playing with the shorter man’s patience until finally…

“…But isn’t Li a boy’s name?”

 _Really_ … _? Ugh._ Almost instantly, Connie’s face fell and in a dramatic display of exasperation wiped a hand down his eyes, dragging the skin to expose a face that was clearly done with Jean’s antics. As expected, the taller man blinked with feigned innocence, yet the minute quirk of his lips was enough to expose the hidden amusement at Connie’s slow and long sigh.

“You are the paragon of society’s enlightened people, Jean. You really, fucking, are.”

At this Jean gave a snort, taking Connie’s obvious mocking words as a compliment, if just to further the teasing game. “Why, thank you, Con-man. I’m glad some of us recognize my potential as an upper-class citizen.”

“No, but, really,” Connie griped, swiping his mug to lift the beverage to his lips in an attempt to hide the obviously irritated curl of his upper mouth. “I tell you an entire story about a girl who is obviously off her rocker and you only focus on whether or not her name is supposed to be for a guy? I’m really hoping that’s not all you’re bringing to the conversation, Horse-face.”

The older male shrugged, taking another scoop of eggs into his mouth, not bothering to cover it as he spoke. “What do you want me to say, Connie?” Jean asked before chomping down on a piece of buttered toast. Ah. Butter. Real butter… but that’s beside the point. “That this girl is your one and only and only now she has been revealed to you?”

Connie’s gaze sharpened into an unamused glare, “That’s not funny, Jean.”

“I’m not joking, Connie.” He countered, meeting glare for glare, butterscotch amber gaze flashing seriously. “She obviously left an impression.”

“Doesn’t make it a good one,” _why was he getting so defensive?_ Connie swallowed down the rest of his drink, wincing when he had taken almost too much at once and his throat clenched uncomfortably as the cool liquid ran down. “She’s just…weird… that’s all.”

The sound of metal on porcelain slowed to a stop as Connie let his hands spin a square of toast over his own plate, Jean’s no nonsense stare slowly gave to one of curious appraisal, why? Connie had no clue and it was beginning to irk him more than his companion’s previous antics.

“…Is she pretty?” the question was enough to make Connie’s extended hand slip forward, palm smearing with precious butter and the loose crumbs of his toast. With a grunt, Connie glared at Jean once more before wiping his hand over the man’s sleeve, earning him a shout of annoyance.

“Why does that even matter?” Connie asked, deftly dodging Jean’s stabbing fork.

“Just answer the question,” the spiky brunet huffed, grabbing at his napkin to try to wipe off the stain the butter left on his sleeve. “Is she pretty?”

Amber eyes narrowed as Connie thought back to Hanna Li. Was she pretty? He guessed. Probably. She had dark auburn hair, like Sasha or Hanji’s… but deeper. Like a dark red autumn leaf… at first, her eyes had reminded him too much of Eren’s, bright and alert and carrying a hidden rage that escaped with pointed words and strange ideas. But the more he thought on it, the more he realized that her eyes were not like Eren’s at all. Eren’s eyes were teal, like a deep mixture of sky and leaves and a whirlwind of determination that threatened to destroy anyone who got in his way. Li’s, on the other hand.

They had stared up at him, defiant and pulling. Deep emeralds flecked with slivers of gold and brown framed by deep black lashes that brushed gently freckled cheeks that sided a button nose and pink lips, of which the lower swelled in a plump beneath the thinner top lip.

In a way…she was pretty. He had been too confused by her words and irritated by her strange jabbing that it had taken from the visage that was her heart shaped face.

There was no way in any hell or earth or sky above that Connie would admit that much to Jean. That jerk would use this information to tease him for eternity to come.

“She’s…whatever. She’s a girl.” Connie replied and took a large bite of toast and eggs before Jean could question him further. Yet it was not the act of wolfing down food that ended Jean’s interrogation, much to Connie’s chagrin.

“Cadet Springer.”

The two boys glanced up, blinking curiously at the stern look of one of the older soldiers. “Ah, hey, Keiji. Why the long face? Don’t you know we already have this guy for the resident horse face?” Connie greeted, jerking a thumb at the taller boy sitting across from him.

“Oi, screw you, Connie!” Jean snapped.

“I’m not here to chat, boys.” Keiji replied, lips tightening as he fixed a stern gaze on Connie. “You’re match arrived, Springer. Come with me.”

The tension that filled the space seemed to have filled the rest of the mess hall. Suddenly, the buttered toast in his mouth felt more like dry rocks than the tasty breakfast Connie had been eating. Swallowing down hard, Connie nodded stiffly ignoring the shocked and even insulted look on Jean’s face. _Ah…that’s right. I forgot to tell him I turned in my survey._ It doesn’t matter now.

“Alright then,” Connie announced, trying his hardest to force on a devil may care attitude and his usual cheeky grin. “Let’s get this over with.”

Standing, Connie followed Keiji out the door, pointedly ignoring the way Jean’s chair scraped harshly against the stone floor and his helpless and confused call, “O-oi, Connie!”

With a nonchalant wave, Connie didn’t bother turning that same grin on the shocked soldier behind him. More because he didn’t think he’d be able to stand how Jean’s eyes would crinkle when he saw through his façade and understood the way his heart was punching him in the throat. The walk to the Commander’s office was brisk and fast. It was expected, Connie had been trained to make his strides full with purpose and firm posture. Yet, for once, the short soldier wished that maybe they didn’t have to walk So mechanically and probably take slower steps, give him enough time to admire the way the leaves hung on the trees and slowly dropped to the ground with each gust of wind.

Faces passed by in blurs and lines of soldiers jogged passed them as they finished practice drills and exercise routines. All the while, Connie kept his fists tight at his sides, feeling more nervous than apprehensive, more anxious than angry. This was it, basically.

He was going to be matched to a complete stranger and told to take it with honor.

What a pain.

As they rounded a corner, Connie’s mind drifted to an unexpected image of green eyes and auburn hair. She had stared at him as if he was the first thing she had been able to truly see in this cruel world. At the time it had filled him with confusion and even a recoiling distrust, but for some strange reason he wondered exactly why she was so…different. He let his mind trail to a more absurd journey, of them holding hands and exchanging laughter. But that was stupid. She was no friend of his. He was no friend of hers. No use wasting time on clouds when there were only horizons to march toward.

Finally, it seemed the journey had ended. Just feet away, loomed the dark and strong door of Commander Erwin’s office. Keiji turned and with a parting salute that Connie mimicked, left the boy to walk into the office.

The door swung open to reveal the expectant gaze of Commander Erwin’s blue eyes. The room was vacant save the two of them but it had never felt so suffocating…

“Cadet Connie Springer,” the Commander greeted, lips pulling up with cordial kindness as his hands folded over the top of two white folders stained with a familiar red insignia. Connie quickly shut the door before slapping his heels together as he pressed a fist against his chest.

“Commander Erwin, sir.” The buzz cut called out, nearly kicking himself when his voice gave a wobble at the end. If the commander noticed it he didn’t bother mention it, thankfully.

With a short sigh, the Aryan motioned him closer to a chair by the desk. “Heard the news, then? Please take a seat.”

Shaking his head, Connie declined, “With all due respect, sir, I would much rather stand.”

“Very good, soldier.” Erwin nodded, his smile expanding over his face with an impressed gleam. “Choosing to stand to face a trial is always an admirable feat when so many would rather fall. That is a quality rare in people nowadays, it seems.”

“…Thank you…sir.” Connie nodded.

“At ease,” and the young man’s arms dropped to curl into fists at his side, his legs parting to allow his stand a more neutral posture. There was a tremble in his arms and legs that made him bite his lip, yet he dared not blink under the Commander’s scrutiny, forcing his knees to lock when so much threatened to push him over.

“Cadet, I am certain Keiji informed you as to why you are here.” The smile was gone, replaced by an all too serious expression that made Connie feel he was receiving news to a death rather than his own marriage proposal. How laughable. Not bothering to delve more into unnecessary words, Connie nodded.

“Then, I shall not waste your time further.” Erwin’s hands fell to the folders, forcing the air to stick to Connie’s throat as he waited in tense silence. “As I read this to you, I feel you should know that I already looked over the information of your match.” He did _what?_ Blue eyes flashed to meet frozen topaz eyes, steady and hard like stones. Like cold gems.

“I also took the liberty of calling this soldier in, as I feel the news should be shared. You stated in your survey this would not be a problem, is this still your opinion?” Connie felt the air completely get sucked from his lungs, eyes widening in pained shock. He wrote that? He didn’t remember, it may have been only three weeks since he turned in his survey but the memory of it seemed all muddled, like a stirred soup of monotonous colors and gray that offered no clarity to his mind.

What could he say? That the very thought of meeting the woman they chose for him made him nearly physically sick? Especially now?

“…It’s fine.” The words fell like anvils at his feet. Was it? The commander have him a short nod. Too late now.

“Very well then,” Erwin spoke before opening the folder that no doubt held his name and his fate within its fine print. “Cadet Connie Springer,” the commander’s low voice hit him with the force of a frozen breeze, and Connie closed his eyes. It was unintentional, but the words the leader spoke didn’t seem to matter to Connie, falling mute on ears that didn’t seem very eager to continue despite the firm poise of his muscles and erect tightness of his legs and fists.

“…You are hereby chosen to be partnered to your most suited companion based on the questions you have answered, we extend word of gratitude in your ongoing service to the crown and to humanity and like to announce that you have been partnered with—”

A sudden knock on the door alerted the two men, cutting off the Commander’s spiel short when the door knob curved and the door pushed open. Connie turned around, amber eyes wide as the door slid inward.

Amber eyes widened further, blinking in shock when meeting all too familiar green eyes, dark auburn hair and freckled cheeks. _Li…? What is she…?_

“Ah,” she spoke, green eyes flicking between him and the blond man behind him, oblivious to the revelation her appearance had thrown the slightly taller soldier into, reality crashed around him like someone had dumped a bucket of water over his head. “Sorry, did I interrupt?”

Erwin’s voice only sunk the truth further in the disbelief now running coherent thoughts out of Connie’s head. “Cadet Dorinski, impeccable timing. Come in.” Suddenly, Connie realized why Erwin had offered him a seat in the first place, he wasn’t sure he could handle this level of surprise all at once.

She took a couple of steps forward, one eyebrow arching at Connie’s gawking stare.

Erwin’s voice continued onward, his words, no longer skirted around his ears, were now transformed into arrows Connie could not escape. “Cadet Springer, meet Cadet Hanna Li Dorinski.”

Those same green eyes of her blinked up at him, flat and oblivious to why his gape persisted. Of course that didn’t last long. No sooner did she look back to the commander and the folders resting under his broad grip that slowly her gaze widened with comprehension, lips parting as a sharp intake of breath shattered the remains of Connie’s incoherency. In one fell swoop, her eyes jumped back to his and before either could help themselves, they both released an incredulous breath in unison.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me.”

* * *

A thin white line over tan flesh burst through like a shooting star before fading to red and the skin – now severed – parted to make way for the drip of hot crimson. Green eyes narrowed in a wince as he watched the blood roll down his arm before sponging within the white cloth held by Hanji’s steady hands.

“How does it hurt?” the scientist asked, gently yet not without the distant curiosity that still perplexed him even after years of knowing her. Eren tightened his lips as he tried to come up with the words to describe the pain in his arm.

Slowly, he dictated, eyes flashing over to Moblit as the man waited patiently with paper and pencil. “Sharp from where you cut me…uh…” what else could be said? Moblit began to scribble down, Hanji’s bespectacled gaze eyeing him with bright expectancy. It really made him nervous, but tests were tests.

“Then it just… I don’t know… faded to a dull throbbing. It kind of stings when you do that…” he added when Hanji took a cotton swab over the still oozing wound. Hanji nodded as she placed the ensanguined cotton swap over on the metal tray resting by the desk to his left. The older woman hummed brightly in response before grabbing a thermometer and lifting it to his lips. Eren parted his lips dutifully as she tugged the glass under his tongue.

There was another moment of silence that followed while Moblit continued to scribble all observations in the notepad. Hanji quickly announced some numbers in measurements Eren didn’t understand before she fixed him a bright smile.

“Well done, Eren.” She praised before wiping the injury with a sanitized towel that made the cut sting like a bitch. Eren bit down on his lips, holding back the hiss that wanted to break past gritted teeth. Fortunately, the stinging went down to a light tingle as she placed gauze over the wound and wrapped his arm up in linen bandages. “We got some great data because of you. You can go ahead and put your shirt back on, now.”

Eren nodded before reaching his uninjured arm to grasp at the green sleeved shirt at his side before tugging it over his head. Chocolate hair dangled over his eyes in long bangs, not for the first time did Eren blow a sharp gust to move the invading tresses from his sight.

“I need a haircut,” he grumbled more to himself than anything. Yet his comment was caught by Hanji, who chuckled with amusement.

“Why ever for?” she winked, grinning a sly smile after the young titan shifter tugged the cloth over a slowly thickening belly. “I hear girls these days like guys with longer hair. Why, if I were a few years younger, I’d be all over you like honey on a tree.”

“H-Hanji…!” Eren exclaimed, cheeks flushing scarlet at the crazy woman’s suggestive comment. It probably wouldn’t help to mention that he had once harbored a tiny crush for her, but that was a passing phase that had gone with the shifting attention to a pair of blue eyes that continued to haunt his dreams. Still, minor affection gone by or no, he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed as Hanji roared with laughter at the expression on Eren’s face.

“Major Hanji…” Moblit groaned, shaking his head with roll of his eyes. The woman shrugged as her giggles simmered down. Eren gave a short sigh as he readied himself to stand, when something caught his attention from behind the curtain of his small infirmary space.

“You’re a lot more wired up than usual, shitty glasses.”

Green eyes widened in shock when a familiar undercut and pair of narrow steel blue eyes appeared around the corner, meeting his gaze with something akin to slight indifference. But after years of fighting side by side, of hours spent in each other’s confidence and mutual understanding and shared rage toward the titans, Eren was able to see through the classic bored appearance of Captain Levi’s surface and caught the light twinkle of warmth lurking beneath the wry smirk and light rise of an eyebrow.

“Levi!” Eren breathed out, feeling like he had been given a wonderful gift and fantastic news in one.

The Captain tilted a sharp chin in a pointed glare, “Eren. Don’t be so familiar with your superior officers.” Yet the comment was met with a grin and a swift series of steps that sent Eren’s arms to crush around the shorter man’s shoulders before pulling him in into a tight embrace. One that had been clearly unexpected by any party and made the officer stiffen in the boys hold.

“It’s wonderful to see you, Captain.” Eren laughed, slapping a jovial hand over Levi’s shoulder.

The display of affection, while not expected, was not entirely unforeseen. Hanji smiled warmly when seeing the suddenly sour expression over Levi’s face, even if there was a hint of relaxation from the Captain’s posture within the shifter’s embrace.

“Oi,” Levi grunted, struggling not to show the fluster of being so warmly welcomed. “Eren, get off me. You reek of shit and piss.”

The brunet acquiesced and released the shorter man with a bright chuckle, “Great to see nothing’s changed.” Yet there was a strange tightness in Levi’s eyes at the comment, as if there was a flash of a secret hidden from plain sight but still bearing a harsh burden within the Captain’s gaze. For a moment, Eren wondered if it was due to the Mandate, but there was something further off about the soldier that he couldn’t pin point.

Shaking his head from such musings, Eren brought to light a question that had been plaguing him since he woke. “Captain, how come you haven’t stopped by to visit? Did no one tell you I woke up until recently?”

Levi’s shoulder’s tensed for a fraction of a second under Eren’s lightly wounded question. Hanji suddenly gave a sharp intake of breath, catching the taller man’s attention and causing brown brows to furrow in confusion,

“If you’ve been well informed,” Levi spoke before Eren could direct his attention to Hanji, eyes narrowing darkly. “Then you know of our most recent…incident.”

Eren’s lips tightened with distinct disdain as his green eyes fell to land on Levi’s boots, eyes staring at the oddly tied strings of the top of the leather. Somewhere in his mind one of the knots tickled a memory, but that’s not important right now, “You mean the Mandate…” he slowly affirmed.

It was as if the very title of the Order alone was enough to darken the spirits of everyone in the room, making whatever lightness there was in the gently sunlit room feel forced, like the sun was trying to compensate for the darkness now burning holes in their chests. Trying… and failing.

“It was because of that that I have been… indisposed.” Levi continued, shifting his weight from one leg to another, undoubtedly infuriated by the whole ordeal. “That was one of the reasons why I hadn’t come around.”

“Just one?” Eren asked, tearing his green gaze from the familiar knots on the Captain’s knees to meet his narrow gaze curiously. Levi fixed him with a flat stare, arms crossing over his chest in a loose and disinterested grip. If Eren didn’t know any better he would’ve figured it was more out of defense than anything else.

“Just because you _helped_ save humanity doesn’t make you the most important shit for brains in the world, Eren.” Levi remarked, eyes like daggers despite the soft quirk of his lips. It was a tiny microscopic movement that spoke volumes, and it made Eren do his best to hold back from grinning widely in response.

“Besides, Eren,” Hanji piped in, handing the cotton swabs and bloodstained equipment over to Moblit. “There are a lot of better things to be concerned about. Like trying to keep the girls off you for one.”

“Major,” Moblit sighed, rolling his eyes. Eren let a soft smile lift at his lips but the dark weight of the mandate remained.

“That would be a nice notion, Hanji.” The titan shifter sighed, lifting a hand to run fingers through dense brown locks out of his face and scratch at where the longer ends tickled the back of his neck. “But…it’s not like I have a choice.”

The redheaded woman tilted her head curiously, “Oh? How so? Already got a girl in mind?”

Eren frowned, his hand dropping to rub at the latest cut on his arm as he blinked away unwanted memories of blonde hair and blue eyes. “No,” he said, looking at Hanji strangely. “…Because of the Mandate. Everyone has to take part, right? I’m probably going to have to fill out one of the surveys soon…”

Hanji’s face looked tight all too abruptly, her brown eyes darting over to Levi before meeting Moblit’s surprised expression. Eren’s eyebrows knitted over his forehead as he tried to catch the secret behind Hanji’s gaze yet when he looked back at the raven haired Captain, he looked just as perplexed as Eren felt.

“Right…see, about that…” Hanji began before trailing off, struggling to gather her thoughts in a coherent sentence.

It seemed Levi was less patient than Eren, his own eyebrows casting shadows over the cobalt of his stare, “Spit it out, Hanji.”

Hanji inhaled deeply, looking into Eren’s face as if she were unsure how he would take her announcement, yet the boy gave her no reason to hold back, only gazing at her expectantly to elaborate. Exhaling, Hanji slowly explained, "The thing is, Eren… the mandate was designed to ensure the survival of humanity.”

Eren’s chin dipped forward, trying to decipher the obvious announcement the way she apparently saw it. “…Yeah, and…?”

Her hands clenched and unclenched for a moment before falling limp at her sides, “ _Humanity_ , Eren.” It was when he noticed the dismayed gleam in her eyes that suddenly something clicked in his mind.

… _No…_

“What…are you saying, Hanji?” Eren asked, yet his hands were clenching tight against his legs, shaking with force and feeling a strange warmth pool over the injury on his arm. For a moment he wondered if the bleeding had started up again but shook the thought off as he focused his attention on the scientist ahead of him.

“Your tests…” Hanji began before she let out another sigh. “Eren, your tests have given us reason to believe that you still carry your Titan shifting ability. While nothing is set in stone and we still have much more to test in the next few weeks, like whether or not you can still transform…the government wants no chance that any of your genes get passed down. To ensure Humanity’s survival from the Titans.”

_To ensure Humanity’s survival._

It was like a vicious blow to his stomach that sent whatever air he had in his chest out with one hollow exhale. Head spinning, Eren felt his feet hit something ( _when had he been moving?)_ before his knees gave and he landed on the hard surface of the closest chair. Mouth dry and body feeling as if it had been stretched past the point of breaking, the young soldier tried to make sense of Hanji’s words.

“I…don’t understand…” Eren mumbled. “The Titans are gone, they’re all gone. We made sure of that. _I_ made sure of that.”

_I cannot be allowed to have children…_

Hanji’s eyes slid close for a moment before she took a cautious step forward. Eren flinched visibly, fists tightening into harsh claws around his knees, the strange warmth on his arm intensifying. With a calming raise of her hands, Hanji made soothing sounds, taking another step toward the boy while Moblit took several steps back and Levi’s feet slowly spread out, his hand reaching for the bloodied scalpel on the metal tray by the end of the desk.

… _for fear the Titans will rise again._

“Eren, take a deep breath,” Hanji spoke gently, taking another step closer.

Moblit let out a gasp, “Major, I wouldn’t,”—

Hanji ignored him, taking another step closer and placing tan hands over the sharp clenching of his fingers on his legs, “Eren, it’s alright… you’re going to be fine.”

“ _Don’t_ bullshit me, Hanji.” Eren hissed through clenched teeth, eyes snapping up at the sound of metal clattering on metal. He met her saddened brown gaze with a torrent of powerful emotions, before gasping, “Just don’t.”

Hanji’s lips tightened into a thin white line before she nodded. “According to the government, you are the only thing standing between extinction and Humanity’s survival…because you are the Last known Titan.”

_I am the last… Titan?_

It couldn’t be. It was impossible. He was human. He was born of a human mother, sired by a human father. He had fought for humanity. He had sacrificed nearly everything for the sake of being free from oppression. He was not a monster and yet he had become one to save them all. To regain lands and take back what was theirs… he had given so much.

_“You are the only one that matters, Eren.” Do you understand, now?_

“That can’t be…Hanji,” it was the remnant of a plea, the very scrap of a cry that had been shouted long ago and now fluttered against chain link desperation and rage. “I’m not… I’m a human. Certainly,” he snapped wide and pale green eyes directly on her deep brown irises. At the sight of his desperation, she gave a soft start, warm palm flinching over the white knuckles of his clenched hand. “Certainly, we can prove it to them. I can prove that I’m still human, I just have to find out”—

“—Eren…” She yelped when his other hand shot out to grip at her wrist, his hold tight.

“—how to prove it to them. I mean, we don’t even know if I can transform, right?”

Hanji winced, and the warmth continued to spread. “Eren…”

“—and if I can’t transform… then it proves…” the warmth suddenly intensified, scorching through the linen and scalding through skin. “It proves I’m not a Titan, right? _Right_ , Hanji?!” He exclaimed only to feel something sharp press against his throat, green eyes turned to stare in shock at the cold and narrow gaze of Levi’s sharp cobalt calm.

Time froze in that moment as Eren tried to search within the eyes of his Captain for an answer, for salvation. His grip on the scientist’s arm tightened with the shock, feeling the thin blade of the scalpel press dangerously close to the hot skin of his neck.

_“What will you do when this is all over?” He had asked, flexing cramping fingers on the ground and sighing when his knuckles popped pleasantly. Blue eyes blinked before sliding toward his, a single ray of sunlight struck the side of her pale face bouncing off the deepness of her windows and making the blue seem iridescent. It was enough to make the air in his lungs catch in his throat and make his head feel overly light._

_“I don’t know…” She replied honestly, not bothering to drop her gaze when it was so busy piercing him. Eren cleared his throat, fingers curling around long stalks of green grass – preoccupied… certainly not nervous._

_“Isn’t there something you want out of all of this?”_

_Then she let out a small huff of air, the burst making the silver-like threads of her corn yellow hair jump from flushed cheeks and plump lips but it was not the sight of her hair swinging in the light that made his heart jump to his throat… rather it was realizing how her eyes fell from his to land directly on his mouth, lingering for a moment too long, a second too much and Eren could feel his body slowly lean closer to where she sat just inches away._

_“Annie…?”_

“Eren…” It was the small voice of Hanji that broke the spell and took him back to the present. _Why was he remembering her now?_ Eren blinked away from the sharp and dangerous gleam hidden within the Levi’s steel glower to look over to Hanji, the blade of the scalpel did not ease from his flesh at all.

Hanji’s face, while struggling to appear gentle, clenched with distress as she looked down to the injury of his arm. “Look, Eren.”

And look he did, only to feel any and all fight drain from him at the sight of the very hot and very real steam wafting from the linen bandages Hanji had only tied moments prior. His grip falling and the scalpel slowly retracting, Eren witnessed as the tanned hand of the scientist reached up to tug off the pale cloth to reveal a perfectly healed wound. _There isn’t even a scar. Not a single sign._

“Eren…”

_Not one._

There was a fierce tremble that shoved its way through his bones, rattling him and making him feel like the small space in the infirmary was much too small and was only further tightening around him. Lips tucked themselves between sharp teeth as Eren tried to remain calm, to take all this and not let it affect him. All too abruptly it felt like everyone’s gaze had turned on him, turned to look at the monster who no longer had a place in the world.

_I am the last Titan._

Stay calm.

_I am human._

“Eren?”

_I’m a threat. Is that it? I fought all this time only to become the final scapegoat?_

_This world. This beautiful and hateful world… it is so cruel._

He is on his feet before he could register the surprised gazes of those around him, hands shaking and the burning on his arm spreading over his body like flames eating at dry stalks of the green grass he had spent sweet moments of silence with _her_.

“I-I need to breathe. Air,” Eren stammered, swallowing thickly as he marched past the dumbfounded stares he received. “I need air.”

Hanji quickly moved to follow him, her eyes widened behind the glasses over her nose, “Wait, Eren!” She called, trying to catch up to his speedily moving figure, “What if you transform?” Yet her calls ended with a simple lift of Levi’s hand. The shorter man watched the boy go, arm extended to block Hanji from chasing after him any further. The redhead paused, groaning softly when she looked down to see the stern look over the face of her comrade.

“Leave him be,” Levi ordered, scowling when Hanji opened her mouth to protest. Mute and held back, the woman let out a long and arduous sigh, grimacing when the door to the infirmary slammed shut a second later. While the logical side of her told her that it was unwise to leave Eren alone right now when he was so emotionally unstable, she knew better than to go against Levi’s commands. Eren had mastered the ability to maintain the Titan within him tame, proving himself over the years as not just a weapon but a worthy adversary. Even so, would he be able to maintain control if he did transform? Had his abilities truly returned?

So many questions lay unanswered for the moment. But, despite how all the percentages of outcomes and circumstances raged within her mind, Hanji knew better than to doubt the boy. Lives had been lost that way.

With a step, Levi deposited the bloodied scalpel back on its tray before reaching into his pocket for a handkerchief. Silence passed between the three soldiers as the Captain wiped off the stains of Eren’s blood from his skin, a familiar twitch of irritation wrinkling his nose when noting some of the blood had stuck under his nails.

He sighed, “How filthy.”

“Levi,” she called, rubbing over the spot where Eren had gripped her tightly. Dark steel eyes blinked up at her, bored and seemingly unaffected by the drama that had just unfolded. “Are you…alright?”

There a short pause, Hanji’s eyes maintaining a simple guard as Levi’s narrowed darkly. “Moblit,” Levi addressed the other soldier in the room. “Go take a shit.” The officer gave the Captain an incredulous glance before leaving, muttering to himself as he obeyed and left the two alone.

At the sound of the door shutting once more, a bitter smile rose over Levi’s face, making him appear older and hateful. “Erwin told you, then.” It was in no way a question. However, Hanji had prepared herself for an accusation, even a scoff and having him storm off. Yet his observation was her result and in the end she could only continue with what her gut was asking her to do.

Cobalt eyes flashed, “When?”

Hanji sighed before moving back to take a seat on the cot, the springs of the bed squeaking under her weight before falling silent. “He asked me to see him the moment he saw your files,” She revealed, lacing her fingers together as she rested her elbows on her knees. A shadow flashed over them, as if a bird had flown by outside the window for a split second. It alone made the switch from the darker atmosphere to darken still. Even if there were no clouds in the sky… it certainly felt like thunderheads loomed over them, threatening to douse them with rain and lightening.

How long have they been needing a good rain shower? Hanji guessed they were clearly overdue.

“To be honest,” She released, glancing up at his flat expression with creased eyebrows, “He had no idea what to do with them. He didn’t know whether or not to call you in one by one or reveal it to you both at once.” Hanji trailed off, rapping the tips of her fingers against each other. Levi said nothing.

A wry smile curled at her lips, “I never did thank you, did I?”

Levi scoffed, “Why would you ever have reason to thank me?”

“If not for your comment I would’ve never gone to speak to Erwin. We would’ve never reached a resolution…found a closure that had been necessary for our sakes.” She admitted, lifting a hand to flick at a stray lock of red hair from her forehead. Levi’s hands clenched at his sides, the handkerchief – now sullied with blood – quickly being stuffed back inside a pocket before his arms crossed over his chest. “In a way… I felt that deserved a favor in return.”

Steel blue eyes blinked, perplexed, “You… told Erwin to give us time?”

“It was what you both needed,” Hanji nodded.

“What gave you the right to assume what we needed?” He asked, yet while the question had enough negative connotation, his voice remained bored, monotonous.

“Do you regret it, Levi?”

Whatever words he had left in his arsenal died on his tongue, reserving instead to look away and stare in the direction of the door. Hanji watched him, intent and prepared for anything. For a shout, for a curse…anything. Yet the level of her preparation had fallen short when Levi looked back at her, looking more like a man broken by fate’s hand and his own pride than Humanity’s Strongest, and she didn’t know whether or not it frightened her enough to stand up and approach him.

“No.” He whispered. It hit her like a kick to the stomach, hands falling limp by her knees as she stared at him, wide eyed and mouth falling open just slightly. “All I regret…” He trailed off, eyes falling from her eyes to rest on the bloodied tray at his side. Whatever remained in her lungs refused to escape her, Hanji waited. Seconds passed, slowly ticking away like heartbeats bleeding into muffled air and an overcast of emotion too greyed out to decipher individual feelings.

“All you regret…is…?” She urged slowly, not realizing she was leaning forward and eager for an answer. Because how often does one see such a vicious soldier allow himself to display such vulnerability? If it wasn’t for the ache in her forearm, Hanji would’ve been half convinced she was imagining the whole thing. Yet, in her eagerness, Hanji did not understand how her words only succeeded in helping him find another wall to hide behind. It only hit her when his eyes blinked back up to meet hers, wiped clean of all torn emotion and perfectly constructed in a steel wall of blue disinterest.

“I’m leaving,” He announced, nearly giving the scientist whiplash when she stood in disbelief. Nodding curtly, Levi turned on his heels and began to walk out the infirmary.

“Ah! Wai—Levi!” Hanji exclaimed, still reeling with the way he had snapped back so quickly into the machine she had fought alongside with from the man that had stood before her, breathing and bleeding from within.

“I’m going for a quick horse ride,” He called over his shoulder, voice a careful print of monotony. Hanji let out a sputtered exhale of breath, trying to think of something—anything—to keep him from leaving now when he had been so _close_ — Suddenly, he paused, before turning to fix Hanji with a final gaze.

“I need to clear my head.”

Just like that, the door opened and closed a third and final time, drowning Hanji in shocked and disappointed silence.

* * *

There is a very prominent ache and soreness in her muscles. Fierce and tight without mercy. In a way, she didn’t expect anything less of a bodily reaction. It wasn’t the kind of soreness she had thought she could’ve handled. Where other pains had been from pushing her body to its limit and ripping muscle strands in the process, this soreness was concentrated in her pelvic region and on her legs. It was in the middle of her walk to the mess hall for breakfast that Mikasa registered the discomfort between her legs and the strange _stretched_ feeling that made her steps feel like she was limping.

 _Ah… that explains it._ She thought upon remembering seeing women walking in the fashion she found herself in, realizing that their strange struts and glowing expressions were from indulging in the activity that had kept her up for most of last night. It was still so fresh on her skin. Every graze and touch and kiss had felt like nirvana, every push of his hips against hers feeling like nothing else could ever compare. At remembering, Mikasa felt her body flush and her stomach dipped to pool heat at the top of her legs and sending pleasurable jolts through her muscles—almost making her wobble and fall to her knees. _She could still smell him on her skin._

Shaking her head of the clouding thoughts of passion and lovemaking that fogged up her mind, Mikasa clenched her fists once before forcing her legs to straighten and take her down the corridors with long and even strides. While her body protested, Mikasa dared not hint more than people were able to tell at a moment’s glance.

Yet, despite her perfectly flat expression and carefully firm gait, the young dark haired woman was very quickly receiving curious stares and even surprised glances. Whispers erupted behind her as she moved, silenced only by a simple turn of her eyes when they fell upon perpetrators. To be completely honest with herself, Mikasa didn’t care if people noticed she walked funny or smelled different. She had never particularly been affected by the gossip of her fellow soldiers, choosing to turn an indifferent shoulder rather than lift indignant fists of retribution.

It only occurred to her barely that maybe people didn’t approach her with rumors was because of her reputation. Even now, while she walked through doors and grabbed a food tray, people gave her her space. Although, even if they did point and openly commented on her slightly disheveled appearance and the fact she was wearing yesterday’s uniform, none of it would’ve mattered. None of their words or jabs or chortles of biting amusement would equal the sorrow that spread through her chest like flame-eaten paper. The sorrow that after last night, all she would have would be the memory of his skin rather than his skin alone. It was the knowing that it was over. Mikasa had been able to relish all she could of Levi, and despite the fact that he had filled her to the point of bursting with his words and thoughts and laughter and kiss and touch… one night wasn’t enough.

One night with him would never be enough.

She had been starving and only allowed one tantalizing bite of a meal that had been served fresh for her… only to have it quickly ripped from her.

Sated, she may feel now physically. Emotionally, however… Logically speaking last night should have never happened. But it did, and every breath she took was lighter because of it.

Is it so strange to feel like regretting something yet not having the ability to carry on with it? Regret was such a heavy feeling. She had been burdened by it for so long… after last night, she could easily say that most of it had been washed clean with tears and the gentle press of his fingers on her flesh. Levi had been her first in so many senses. First kiss, first lover, first (honest to God) man to make her feel more beautiful than any string of words would possibly ever compare to.

No… she could never regret that and she knew she would never be able to give so much of herself to anyone else. Because she loved him.

Hands laden with a full food tray, Mikasa let her eyes sweep over the mess hall, pointedly ignoring the curious glances of soldiers as she unconsciously tried to find a familiar face. When she did, it was with a smile that she met Armin’s blue eyes over the expanse of the filled room. His eyes widened, nodding a silent question that she answered with her own dip of her chin. Armin’s lips pressed and broadened into a pleased and even sympathetic smile before he looked away to continue conversation with the beautiful blonde girl at his right. Krista didn’t seemed to have caught the exchange between the childhood friends, lifting her hands animatedly as she talked about one thing or the other.

With a final lingering smile, Mikasa walked down the loud mess hall towards the doors. People stepped aside as she moved with purpose, her pace taking her to one of the nearest indoor clearings to eat her last breakfast as a free woman alone. To her luck, she had found a single patch of green grass by a lone sapling, its flowers now wrinkled and messy with the incoming of autumn.

Food was taken in slow bites, careful and perfectly placed to be enjoyed. A warm breeze tickled the black strands of her hair over her cheeks and Mikasa let her eyes roam over the bright blue sky above her. Clouds shifted in large groups, spreading over the deep azure and casting a myriad of shadows that looked beautiful no doubt.

Eggs gone, toast eaten, apple half bitten… Mikasa reached for a napkin to wipe off butter from her lip, obsidian eyes trailing from the sky to fall over stone and a pair of wide green eyes.

She froze, jaw dropping upon realizing that Eren was very much standing on the opposite side of the clearing.

“Eren?” She called, more out of surprise than actual desire to call him over. She wasn’t certain if she could handle being in his presence now. All their conversation as of late had ended in harsh terms. He moved, taking several steps forward to stand above her and it was upon closer inspection that she caught the devastated gleam in his eyes. Alarmed, Mikasa slowly placed her tray on the ground not knowing if it was alright to near him now or to give him his space.

“Mikasa,” He spoke and there was a very noticeable waver in his voice, a hitch in his throat that reminded her of the boy who had recently lost a mother.

“What is it, Eren? What’s wrong?” She asked, pushing herself to her feet. He looked away, letting his eyes fall over to the tray she had left on the ground, lids clenching once before opening and peering up at her once more. All the while, Mikasa tried to steady herself, hoping that nothing terrible had happened. “You can tell me, Eren,” she soothed.

“Can I… show you something?” He asked her suddenly. It wasn’t what she had been expecting, but there was no animosity, no hatred, not even rage in his eyes. Nodding, Mikasa acquiesced, eyebrows furrowing when he offered her no other words aside from taking her hand in his and tugging her away, neither of them caring for the plates she left behind.

For several minutes they walked in silence. Footsteps echoed around them and people jogged past, busy with their own business that no one batted an eyelash at seeing Eren’s hand grasped firmly around Mikasa’s. She did not question him more than she already had, wondering curiously when he took her down a corridor she was not familiar with. Soon people became scarce and their walk lead them to a spiraling staircase within one of the Castle’s towers. Even then, Mikasa did not question him, choosing to let him reveal their destination when he was ready. As they climbed, she noticed how his breath seemed short, coming out in tired exhales as they continued to venture upwards. She squeezed his hand, offering her silent support. His only response was to straighten and push forward. It was just like him to do that.

Sure enough, they reached the top and he was opening a door that lead to the Castle’s rooftop. A powerful breeze blew in when Eren slid the wooden door inward, blasting back at their hair and clothes as they took a step outside. The bright sunlight made stars burst behind her eyes when she looked about, blinking rapidly to get used to the radiant light.

“Eren,” Mikasa spoke, eyes widened with wonder when she realized the view their location graced them. All around she could see the vast landscape that surrounded the Survey Corps Castle. Trees and foliage spread out in beautiful arrangements of shades of green as sunlight broke through clouds and cascaded like golden water over clearings, fields and meadows.

His grip on her hand slowly let her go as she took several steps forward, her eyes drinking in all she saw, not knowing the pained look he gave her. When she did turn around he gave her a small smile, tugging his arms in his pockets.

“This is incredible,” She breathed, “When did you find this place?”

He shrugged, “It was a while ago… I never bothered telling anyone about it because things were so insane back then. Still…” He sighed, blinking green eyes toward the horizon, dark grey clouds looming over the distance. “It’s quite something, huh.” Mikasa nodded, taking a moment to breathe in the crisp air now that they were both higher up.

For a moment they watched the view in silence, the wind whipping at their hair, making the red scarf around her neck flutter like silk. Mikasa exhaled, turning coal eyes to smile at her adoptive brother, only it fell when it caught the dark look of defeat over his usually expressive gaze.

“Eren…?”

“Mikasa,” his head slowly hung toward his chest, pointedly staring at the ground. “I’m… I’m sorry.” She blinked in surprise yet said nothing, wondering where this was coming from and if this was real. “I didn’t realize how terrible the situation was and I took it out on you. I didn’t listen, didn’t bother to understand why it was you and Armin tried to protect me. Tried to keep me ignorant of the situation. I don’t agree with it, and had hoped you had been honest with me from the beginning”—

“—Eren, please, we didn’t mean,” he fixed her a sharp stare, effectively shutting her up.

“—but it doesn’t change the fact that I over reacted, Mikasa.” Eren conceded, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did. Even now that things have gotten worse…”

The statement made her chest squeeze, worry spilling hyperawareness over her bones like adrenaline. “What do you mean? Eren?” He only shook his head, lips quirking in a familiar smile that obviously urged her not to push it. With a gentle lift of his hand, he gripped the red fabric that danced around her neck, fingering the old cloth with an odd warmth in his eyes.

“It’s warm…right?” He asked, throwing her back to that day he had wrapped the scarf round her neck for the first time. Mikasa gave a start, watching him intently to see what had gotten over him, but when his smile broadened she could not help but lift her own hand to wrap around the one grasping at the cloth.

“Yes,” She replied, squeezing the soft of his fingers, marveling at their smoothness in contrast to her calloused ones. “It’s warm.”

For a moment they stood, silent and supporting of each other. Neither wanting to disclose the darkness of their secrets for the sake of keeping this moment as pure and as sweet as possible.

“I forgive you, Eren.”

But all sweet moments must come to an end.

Soon her footsteps echoed in her ears, single couplets of boots hitting stone in a repetitive rhythm that would’ve been comforting if not for her destination. For an hour or so she had sat at his side, feet hanging off the ledge of the roof as they spoke, like old friends finally catching up and making amends. It had been a great source of relief to her to have Eren speak to her so openly, mentioning tales of when they had been separated before the final conflict.

For a moment, he let down a wall and he told her of Annie, but refrained from anything more than a simple recount of an event. Yet, she could see the way his fingers clutched to the edge, his eyes darkening with sorrow when her name slipped past his lips. In that same aspect, Mikasa indulged him with a memory of her speaking with Levi – a conversation that had changed most of her views on her supposed love for Eren and had slowly sparked an interest into the mind of the war-hardened soldier. Yet, she could not tell him how they had fallen in love. How, just hours ago, they had tossed and turned on her bed, writhing and calling each other’s name in ecstasy, gently promising to each other to love no one else but one another.

With time, she had revealed how she had already filled out her survey, and how Erwin was probably waiting for her to meet with him to find out who her match was. Eren had punched the stone then, fingers bruising without care as he expressed his rage over the whole issue. It took most of ten minutes to calm him down.

“It’s alright,” She had said softly, nodding with acceptance when he turned saddened green eyes on her. “I’ll be fine. It’s for the best.”

“No,” Eren replied. “It’s not.”

It was not long after that Mikasa had stood and with a final caress to her brother’s face, turned and left him on the roof.

The journey, it seemed, was stripped of all color. The sun’s radiance seemed to pale the closer she got to Erwin’s office. People passed her by like ghosts and while they smiled and greeted each other, the thought of ripping their happiness away blew away like smoke as she passed by a familiar set of double doors. Mikasa realized that it seemed she had gone through the final stage of her grief. Apathy numbed down most of what she felt, made the soreness between her legs feel no more than a tingle of memory – possibly a reassurance that she had not dreamed her whole time with Levi.

Watercolors of emotions ran through her without much effect, but a single thought stood out that made her fingers tremble.

_I wish it would rain._

She wished that the blue of the sky could be ripped off like paper to expose the raw and stark grey of its insides and weep along with those who were expected to smile when they should be crying. Turning down the final hallway, Mikasa stopped by the nearest window, sunlight cascading over her body and warming her despite the cold in her stomach. Onyx eyes blinked before turning to gaze out the glass and window pane, studying the careful tug of grey clouds as they slowly invaded the rest of the sky. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe it was a tender mercy, bestowed upon her to make her feel like she wasn’t bearing the weight of such pain alone—that the sky was willing to share her agony and let it drip freely over everything because she couldn’t do it herself. _Not now_.

 _Please let it rain._ Just the thought of feeling cold drops fall over her cheeks, dribbling and soaking her clothes gave her little comfort. Before any other emotion dared grip her heart, Mikasa ripped herself away, taking those last few steps towards the desk where Keiji sat, watching her with carefully blank eyes.

“The Commander is already waiting for you, Ackerman,” The soldier announced. Mikasa swallowed thickly, nodding once before making her way toward the door and to the name that would be of her assigned husband’s.

With steady knocking, Mikasa made it clear to the Aryan leader on the other side that she had arrived. “Come in,” he called and she pushed the door open. The office was as immaculate as it had been the evening previous. Books were arranged in their shelves, the couch and love-seat perfectly framing a coffee table that carried fine china. On the mantlepiece rested several pictures and letters of achievement, framed and dusted side by side to a crystal bottle of what she could only figure was liquor. The desk itself was perfectly organized, papers strewn in careful angles where a nearby lamp hung in silent patience for when the day darkened. At his place, Erwin sat behind the immense oak desk. Blond hair combed back in a slick style, chin was perfectly clean shaven and his shoulders and broad torso covered perfectly with uniform and badges of power. Her heart was in her throat now, pulsing painfully and making it almost impossible to speak a greeting to the blue eyed blond, looking at her with a knowing that nearly pinched her into crying.

No idle words could be spoken, no salute was necessary. In this moment, they were equals as they both shared an equal dread for the news to come. “Are you ready?” Erwin asked, lips tightening sadly as he swooped fingers to pull on the white folder on the side of his desk. Mikasa let her eyes fall over the red insignia, letting her gaze run over its curves and sharp edges and wondering if it would be the same color that would stain ground beneath the bastard who concocted this entire charade.

Eyelids fell close and Mikasa Ackerman nodded once, letting her arms cross behind her back as she awaited the news that would end her. In the distance, Mikasa swore she heard the rumble of thunder, but that would’ve been too nice a happenstance. So she settled, letting the beating of her heart slow and calm, taking all the heat in her body and compressing it for a more convenient time.

There was a soft sound, the _swoosh_ of hardy paper stock followed by its more flimsy sounding counterpart. Erwin cleared his throat once and Mikasa tightened cold fingers behind her, tongue curling in her mouth as she braced herself and all she was.

“Congratulations, Senior Cadet Mikasa Ackerman,” Erwin spoke, voice falling dead despite the glad words. _Tch. Glad words._ “We extend a hand of gratitude for the duties you have completed for your people, government and King. With much expressed admiration, we would like to also thank you for giving such skill over to the Military, specifically the Survey Corp. Without your efforts, many lives would have been lost and we further extend gratitude for your ongoing loyalty to the Crown in participating in this mandate.” He paused, as the windows shook as a strong wind blew over the Castle.

Mikasa felt her lips tighten once before allowing herself to wait. _Just get it over with._

A sigh escaped through her leader’s lips before he proceeded, “You are hereby chosen to be partnered to your most suited companion based on the questions you have answered and would like to announce that you have been paired with…” He trailed off, and the silence nearly deafened her completely. Something soft began to strike against the windows with erratic patters. _Rain…?_

“…Who is it?” Mikasa heard more than felt the words escape her, tightening her fists firmly behind her.

“The renowned veteran of the Survey Corps and proclaimed Humanity’s Strongest Soldier,” Mikasa’s eyes shot open, her heart jumping to punch at her teeth as she met Erwin’s shocked blue gaze.

“Captain Levi…” He finished.

The pitter-patter of rain continued to fall against the glass to her far left, echoing in her ears and freezing her to her spot. _Was it possible? Could it truly be…?_ Mouth falling, Mikasa tried to form a coherent thought as her chest and mind began to spin as Erwin read and reread the document in his hands, a slow and spreading grin brightening his face as if he were no more than a happy child at Christmas.

“Cadet Ackerman, you have been paired and matched with Captain Levi,” He repeated, grinning stupendously at her, taking in her shocked expression with a small exhale of amusement.

Mikasa blinked, trying to wade through the dumbfounded muddle that was her thoughts. “Commander, if this is a joke…” She breathed, almost wheezing with the weight and fireworks going off in her chest.

“I assure you, Mikasa,” Erwin chuckled, bright contentment making his blue eyes twinkle, “This is no joke. Congratulations.”

It was as if someone had ripped off the darkness from her chest and had catapulted her into the sky. Air rushed into her lungs anew and suddenly she could smell the faint cologne of Erwin’s musk, the scent of paper and hint of alcohol and ink. Blood rushed over every inch of her body, making her feel lighter than she had ever had in all her life and for a moment Mikasa wondered that if she moved she would be flying.

“Go to him,” Erwin said, nodding at her once and giving her all the permission and blessing she could ever hope to get. Slowly, her own lips rose, exposing pearly white teeth in a beautiful and dazed grin. Without another word, Mikasa whirled around, gripped the cool metal of the doorknob and charged through the door.

No amount of pain, or discomfort made its way through her then. With rapid footfalls and the sound of boots echoing off the stone, Mikasa sprinted with all her might down the hallway. She had become the wind, flying with all she had, the symbol on her back felt more like wings than ever before and they were beating and pushing her forward.

With a smile on her face, Mikasa burst through hallways and down corridors, dodging through people and almost knocking objects over as she rounded corners and climbed stairs without a care for the shouts of indignation or confusion. A single door appeared before her eyes as she ran toward it, it opened to reveal Jean and Sasha, hand in hand and smiling. They let out a cry when she nearly barreled through them.

“Mikasa, wha?” Sasha exclaimed as Jean caught her from falling over. Mikasa didn’t bother apologizing, her eyes frantically roaming over the startled faces in the infirmary before finding Hanji’s startled gaze.

“Hanji!” Mikasa cried and the woman nearly jumped a foot in the air. “Where’s Levi?” she gasped.

The scientist fumbled for an answer, obviously alarmed, “What—?”

“I know he came in here to see you,” Mikasa heaved, “Just tell me where he went! Tell me!”

“Oh!” Hanji stammered, blinking rapidly under the younger woman’s intense stare and rapt attention. “H-he went out for a ride a while ago. He must be in the stables by now, said something about clearing his hea—where are you going?? What’s going on?!” she cried but Mikasa was already spinning on her heel and running in the opposite direction, blowing past Jean and Sasha’s surprised expressions.

“What’s gotten into her?” Jean asked before Mikasa took a fierce turn down another staircase. The sound of thunder rumbled in the distance, much clearer than before and as she ran down the halls she could plainly see how rain was now pelting the glass in thicker drops. Just the sight alone made a grin pull at her lips and she silently hoped Eren had already gone inside instead of sitting out in the rain. She ducked and hurtled, running past the familiar pair of blonds who were gazing out a large window at the rain, fingers intertwined. She was already a blur and gust of wind by the time Armin and Krista turned to see what had happened.

Faster she ran, nearly running straight into Connie. The boy let out a loud cry before deftly dodging the speeding woman, exclaiming something she didn’t catch when a girl with auburn hair and green eyes appeared at his side with crossed arms and pouted lips.

Gasping in breaths and heaving out, Mikasa could feel her muscles begin to slowly protest against her reckless moving, warning her to slow down lest she kill herself. But none of it mattered. All that mattered was finding Levi. Thunder rolled again, growling in the sky above them as she found her way to the familiar entrance that lead her to the stables.

People were already rushing in, covering their heads with green cloaks to protect against the deluge. Mikasa did not slow only letting out a quick bark of warning, and sure enough, people were jumping out of the way to let her through. The instant her feet met with the wet dirt, rain slapped against her face and body. Curtains of icy water hit every inch of exposed skin, pressing dark hair into inky curls over her face and neck. She was still running, gasping and tasting rainwater in her mouth as her eyes sought out the stables. In the midst of people rushing to get horses back in, Mikasa tried to find a familiar face and she slowed to a stop when her eyes found her nothing.

 _Where is he?_ She thought desperately, whipping her face this way and that to try to find him. Slowly, the crowd dispered, horses tugged back into their stalls and soldiers ran for cover the more the rain soaked and seeped into the warm earth. Yet her eyes continued to search for a sign of him… anywhere.

Suddenly, just yards away, people moved away to expose one lone figure standing in the rain, face upturned to feel raindrops splash against cheeks and closed lids. In that moment, her breath caught, staring in awe as the rain doused a halo over his dark hair, drenching his deep green cloak and pressing it tight against his skin. And it was if all the color came back rushing into her world in that single moment.

_Levi…_

Mikasa knew it was him the second she saw him. Knew it when she saw that stupid white cravat clinging to his clothes, when she saw how through the falling heavens he did not shy away, accepting the cold and the cleansing of the storm and thunder clouds above. Her legs surged forward, heat spreading like love through her chest despite the ice running its fingers through her skin and hair, making her lashes waterlogged and blurring her vision. She had to get to him.

She had to.

“LEVI!!” Mikasa shouted, gasping in moist air as she continued to sprint toward him. His eyes opened, head whirling around toward the sound of her voice and those gray eyes of his appeared so blue even from the distance. Surprise bled through his expression, making those beautiful eyes of his widen the faster she splashed through growing puddles and hurtling over a rail that separated the slow incline of the hill that lead toward the gate.

Mikasa let out a soft yelp when she nearly stumbled to her knees, yet continued to run despite her momentary lapse. His body turned toward her, astounded by her rapidly moving figure. “Mikasa?” the moment she heard his voice reach her, Mikasa leapt forward, arms extending to crash against him.

With a spin, he caught her, alarmed and shocked. The two nearly fell over from the force of her tackle yet she was clutching him with all the power and strength her body could muster in the cold. In that moment, she dug her nose within the crook of his neck, breathing in the deep mixture of petrichor and the musk of his skin. Arms tight around his neck, Mikasa let out a shuddered sob, suddenly remembering a time when they had been this close in the rain.

_“You can glare at me all you want,” Levi had grunted. “I’m not putting you down.”_

_“I’m fine, Captain.” Mikasa hissed under gritted teeth, wanting nothing more than to sock him in the jaw. Yet under the rain it was hard to even want to move, even if it was within his arms. Cheeks flushing with humiliation, Mikasa vaguely hoped he would trip, if just to give her an excuse to fall from the grip he held her in. She had only ever seen brides being carried this way, and the fact she was being carried by such a short man was only further adding salt to the wound. “It’s just a sprain.”_

_“You got tossed off your horse,” He snorted, jostling her a bit to adjust her weight over his arms, rainwater falling down his nose and clinging to his eyelashes. “Just a sprain, my ass. Deal with it.”_

_“…Dick.” She grumbled, sour and soaked to the bone._

_“I heard that, Ackerman.”_

_“Congratulations, Captain.”_

That had happened nearly three whole years ago, and if someone would’ve told her then that she would be wrapped in his arms with her heart in her hands, she probably would’ve killed the messenger. But now…now she had never felt such happiness give her life.

Levi’s hands gripped to her back, grasping on to her shoulder blades and pressed against her cold waist, “Mikasa? What is it? What’s happened?” he asked, tone urgent and worried before trying to see her face, yet she refused to tear herself from where she could feel him, breathe in his scent. Overflowing with emotion, the young woman lifted her lips to press at his ear, breathing out a laughing exhale.

“It’s you,” She gushed between pants, letting her hand reach to grasp at his nape and cling to his soaking, dark hair. Tears of joy mingled with the cold of the rain, falling from her cheeks to disappear into the dripping green cloak of his back. “It’s you, it’s you.” He froze.

“You are mine and I am yours,” Mikasa couldn’t help but sob, body shuddering deeply with the cold and the feeling of bursting in her chest. “It’s you.”

It was then that his arms were suddenly crushing her tight to him, molding her chest firmly against his in almost a bear crushing embrace before he turned his face to dig through her sopping scarf and nuzzle her skin. Levi let out a shaky exhale, as if he couldn’t quite gather his thoughts quickly enough as they held each other in the rain.

Finally, he raised his lips against her ear, “Are you sure of this?” his voice was like music and the rain her orchestra. Slowly, she pulled away to stare into his wide and searching gaze, a happy sob bursting from her lips as she nodded fervently. The transformation on his face stole her breath away. A happiness, an incandescent joy pulled from his deep gray blue eyes to brighten the rest of his face, pulling his lips upward into a genuine smile of relief and delight, beaming with so much radiance the sun would’ve shied away to make way for the joy in his eyes. Mikasa’s heart skipped a beat when it fully dawned on her, now that they were fully and truly together. _You are mine_ …

In a swift movement, she felt his rain soaked hands—wet and freezing against her cheeks—cradle her face before pulling her forward, crushing her lips against hers in a desperate and joyful kiss. Lightning flashed somewhere before the clap of thunder exploded nearby, but neither made a movement to jump apart feeling as it it was the sky’s way of applauding their union.

For what felt like hours, Levi and Mikasa kissed under the rain, hands gripping and tightening over wet clothing, grasping to soaking hair and cold skin, drunk with delirious happiness. Suddenly, his arms wrap around her waist before heaving her up and spinning her around – Mikasa let out a gleeful laugh as she clutched to his shoulders, noses resting against each other and kissing through grins and smiles. When air was found wanting, they both pulled away, gazing into each other’s eyes with awe and profound emotion. Gently, Levi pressed his forehead against hers, breathing her and as they slowly swayed together under the deluge. After a moment, they both peeked up, realizing there was another sound in the background that slowly came to focus from the sound of rain striking earth and flesh.

When they turned, Mikasa grinned upon realizing that all the nearest windows were filled with soldiers, cheering and hollering at the sight of them in each other’s arms. If it was possible to be anymore happy, Mikasa wasn’t sure she could without the man in her arms.

“Nosy little shits,” Levi snorted, yet the grin on his lips did not falter as she giggled. When Mikasa looked back at Levi, he was gazing at her with nothing short of loving tenderness – an expression she had thought she would never see again after last night, save it was wiped clean of all sorrow and regret, making way for the bright gleam of happiness still bright behind his eyes.

“Marry me, Mikasa.” He stated, making his voice take on the authoritative tone she had once thought she hated but now thought completely endearing. She had been wrong. It was possible to reach a higher happiness.

“Yes, Levi.” She replied and he quickly pressed his lips firmly against hers once more. Doing so again after they parted and walked hand in hand toward the still cheering hallways of soldiers and friends (Armin cheered while Krista bounced in happy jumps beside him, Jean clapping as Sasha hollered excited congratulations, and even Connie was there to cheer them on, although Eren was nowhere to be seen) and again after Levi commanded everyone to take off and to mind their own business, even though everyone laughed rather than sprint away. And again as he yanked her forward and they were sprinting down the corridors and heading up to his room – as it was closer.

And again as he pressed her firmly against the wood of his door, clothes landing in rain soaked puddles on the ground and raindrops flicking from eyelashes as he pinned her tightly between wood and skin, scarf and cravat being tossed over the nearest chair. And again when they stumbled toward the perfectly made bed, the covers and sheets taking in their heat and moisture as they were united once more, together and totally, utterly complete in each other.

Only this time… neither was letting the other go ever again.

* * *

_Fin_


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired track for this chapter is – Slow Dance, by Suneohair. (It’s perfect. Don’t fight me on this.)

“Alright,” Hanji chuckled, leaning back on the wooden rail, smiling from the second floor as soldiers and staff people cheered beneath her feet. Yards away from the high windows, Hanji’s smile grew wider as she saw Levi lift Mikasa in the air and spun her around before they kissed for what must’ve been a millionth time. It was a relief it was raining, she wasn’t sure if she would’ve been able to hold back the playful gag if she had been able to see them kiss through clear windows rather than the waterlogged glass. Turning away from the happy sight, the scientist turned a sly grin on the tall blond man standing at her side, his own face lit up with contentment at seeing his long time friend experience genuine happiness for the first time since Petra.

Hanji placed slender hands on her hips, grinning, “How did you do it?”

“If you’re inferring that I had something to do with the match,” Erwin replied, closing his eyes and that smile turned secretive, “I didn’t. They were matched up according to their surveys.”

“Uh-huh,” the woman voiced, lifting a hand to cradle her chin as she eyed him curiously. The cheering and clapping slowly began to die down as soldiers slowly headed away to give the couple their space, but that all stopped the moment Connie’s voice rose from the crowd, “Well it’s about damn time!” Laughter and further cheering exploded, even Hanji and Erwin exchanged light chuckles at the shout.

The couple continued to sway in the rain, faces close and hands refusing to let go despite the torrent of water soaking them to the bone. For a moment, a twinge of longing made their smiles falter and when Hanji turned back to lean on the rail she could feel him move a bit closer.

“So you did absolutely nothing?” Hanji asked, her voice taking on a familiar mischievousness that felt needed. When she looked back at him, his smile had spread into a smirk and she had to restrain herself from kissing it away.

“Well, I might have sent a letter of recommendation to the Court’s Deliberator’s concerning Levi and Mikasa. I only implied their union would achieve stronger generations concerning their stats. Of course, whether or not my letter had anything to do with it,” Erwin trailed off as he leaned on the rail at her side, the two chuckling when the swaying couple nearly stumbled in the rain but held each other despite the minor fault. “Who’ll ever know?”

“I’m happy for them,” Hanji mused after a moment. Erwin blinked blue eyes before turning to face her properly. He didn’t have to look too deep, the gaze of longing for something similar was in her eyes regardless of the please smile pushed over her lips. “It’s good to see this work out for them…”

“…Not just for them,” He spoke suddenly and all too quickly, Hanji was fixing him with wide brown eyes, her glasses shimmering with rain broken light. There was a moment between them, her eyes peered into his questioning and not understanding his words. Did he even understand his? Maybe it was just the rush of joy he felt for his compatriot and longtime friend, maybe it was a sudden urge to indulge in the same mercy he had allowed Levi and Mikasa to share before finding out the match. Whatever it was, all Erwin Smith knew was that looking into Hanji’s eyes… he wasn’t ready to let go just yet.

“I have about a week’s time before I am forced to find out who they have arranged me with,” Erwin began, persevering despite the shadow that fell behind the woman’s glasses. “That’s six… maybe seven nights, Hanji.”

“What are you saying, Erwin?” it was a breath that gave him enough to reach and pull her hand in his. He was glad they were alone up here, otherwise he probably would’ve never gathered the courage to even think of these next few words.

“Spend them with me, Hanji.”

She inhaled sharply, fingers twitching in his hold as she looked at him with wide brown eyes. Oh, how he loved those brown eyes of hers. For a moment she said nothing, and he could see the thoughts flickering back and forth behind the frames of her glasses, the emotions spinning and blowing as quickly as the winds gaining outside the further the storm came in.

“Erwin, are you sure…?” She asked and he could feel a spark—a zap—of something pull her to take a few steps nearer to him and he brought her hand close to his chest to let her feel the pulsing of his heart through the insignia on his chest.

“As sure as I know I love you, Hanji Zoe.” Was it cruel to admit to something they both knew? Especially now? Perhaps. But it would be crueler if this truth was, at least, hidden from a sight they so clearly saw. His revelation pulled at her lips in a tight smile and she was suddenly pressing her forehead against his shoulder, nodding in silence as she accepted.

“And I love you, Erwin Smith.” The speed in which Erwin allowed himself to kiss her was unprecedented, and sharp and hard as it was to feel on their lips, it coursed a warmth through their veins so wonderful they allowed themselves to forget the doom that came with this new arrangement. Thunder clapped outside after a flash of bright lightning, and with a soft chuckle they parted to gaze back out the waterlogged windows to see Levi tug his beloved back toward the main building.

Silently, the two watched as the Levi and Mikasa stepped through the threshold of the main doors, chuckling once more when Levi shot everyone a pointed glare before barking, “Alright, get your nosy asses back to work. This isn’t a fucking show.”

Instead of running off, everyone burst into jovial laughter and even cheering and their calls only brightened in excitement when Levi rolled his eyes and tugged Mikasa close before pressing a loving kiss to her mouth, at that point the clapping had gotten to a deafening point.

“I’m happy for them…” Hanji said again, as she watched Mikasa return the kiss with fervor, her eyes twinkling with warm content. It was undeniable, seeing the brilliant adoration burn through Levi’s eyes when she pulled away and he blinked lazily into her gaze.

“Uh…Hanji?”

Both Erwin and Hanji turned, blinking with surprise when they saw Eren’s surprised and confused face, green eyes blinking wide as he tried to register the sight of Mikasa in Levi’s embrace as she pressed her lips to his once more, much to the crowd’s delight.

“…Why is Captain Levi kissing my sister?”

The two superior officers exchanged a startled glance, before Hanji let out a quick bark of laughter. In a second, the Captain in question snatched Mikasa’s hand and the two took off running in the direction of the nearest stairs (no doubt to Levi’s room), the crowds parted to allow them through with more cheers and happy cries.

Erwin turned and with a smile walked away from the rail to clap a warm hand over Eren’s frozen shoulder, “Good to have you awake, Eren.”

Eren nodded, dumbfounded and mouth flapping open and closed like a fished trout. “I…uh…yes, sir…Thank you? Sir? Ah…” His words fell apart when the Commander marched off. Eren turned searching green eyes back over to Hanji, looking as if he was seriously out of the biggest loop of his life. _He wouldn’t be wrong._

“Hanji?” the scientist chuckled as she ambled over to him before ruffling his hair with an affectionate hand.

“You know, Eren,” Hanji sighed loudly as she walked passed him to follow Erwin. “For Humanity’s Last Hope, you’re rather dense.”

She was almost completely out of earshot before she heard the titan-shifter sigh and huff, exclaiming, “Is _no one_ going to tell me what I’ve missed these past few months?”

Hanji laughed.

* * *

_Preview_

**Nimbus** _  
_ _“I’m sorry…”  
_ _It was an expedition that threw a monkey-wrench into their happiness. A nightmare that nearly left him torn to pieces, nearly killed him and made her question whether or not she could keep doing this…now that everything was changing…everything._  
“But I have to do this.”  
Loyalties are questioned, faithfulness is doubted and moments of happiness are ripped apart by the gales of this oncoming hurricane of change. A change that could very well end what is left of Humanity.  
“Please, forgive me…”  
People said that it only gets brighter after it rains…but this was a storm with no end.

 


End file.
